u/Inevitable-Quiet-485

My in laws took us out for my birthday dinner to a nice restaurant. We were deciding what to order and my MIL kept suggesting to my husband to have a steak plate. He ended up choosing a prime rib baguette. She said are you sure??? He said yes mom it took me a long time to come to this decision and this is what I want. She started sighing like she was disappointed in him.

It pissed me off so much because my husband can’t make a decision to save his life and she’s the reason why. She questions every decision he makes. He’s a 45 year old man, he can decide what he wants to eat!! He ended up not ordering that and getting something else. I changed my order to the prime rib baguette out of spite.

She questions every decision that we make. We’re expecting a baby soon and she wants to be super involved but this is making me want to stay away from her. I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones but everything she does lately annoys me.

A few weeks ago MIL was criticizing my sister because her 3 year old child was having a temper tantrum. She said “my children NEVER did that, they were so well behaved”. I said “they must have repressed it and saved it for adulthood”. I guess that hit a nerve with her. She knows my husband has poor anger management and explodes sometimes. As a child his mom would beat him into submission. Maybe if he was allowed to have tantrums as a child he wouldn’t have them now.

I never usually talk back to her so I think with was pretty shocked. She has been standoffish with me since then. This is the first year she didn’t buy me a birthday gift. It’s also the first year I can remember that my husband actually bought me gifts. I think only because I’m pregnant.

Last night she kept talking about how it’s the role of grandmothers to hold and wear the baby too. I just know this is going to be her idea of “helping” and she won’t help with anything we will actually need, like cooking or cleaning. I really don’t want her to take my baby from me during our bonding time.

I’m 6 months pregnant and my MIL asks me every time I see her how much weight I’ve gained. She asked me again yesterday and I told her the same thing I tell her everytime - the truth that I don’t know, and I’m not weighing myself during pregnancy. I don’t want to know and I don’t want to think about it.

Every time she then goes on and on about her own pregnancies and how she was worried about eating enough, so she ate a lot, but then gained too much weight. She tells me every time that she started at 85 lbs and was 120 lbs at the end. I Googled and it’s within the recommended amount. I told her this is a normal amount and she says no some women only gain 25 lbs! But she was underweight so it’s recommended she gain more. It’s kind of annoying that I told her I don’t want to think about weight during pregnancy and she responds by going on about hers.

I didn’t tell her this but I have a history of having an ED and it’s better for me to not know or think about it. I suspect she has one too. She also has no concept how much height impacts weight. I’m much taller than her and hearing her talk about 120 lb as if it’s fat when it’s like my lowest weight is very triggering for me.

I was very clear with her this last time that I don’t want to talk about it anymore, and I talked to my husband about it. If she asks me again, would it be rude of me to be more direct and straight up tell her it’s intrusive to ask about people’s weight? She asks about people’s weight all the time, this isn’t just a pregnancy thing. I’m friends with her nieces and they have complained to me about the same thing.

She doesn’t take criticism well and I’m scared to upset her. I told her and my SIL about my husband hitting me before. I don’t think she would tell him, but it feels like she has something in me.

My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. For most of that there was no violence. Then we got married. Suddenly he became a different person. For one year he terrorized me. He punched me, slapped me, and shoved me multiple times. The worst was when he threw something at me and injured me when I was pregnant and I ended up losing the baby days later (baby’s death wasn’t his fault). We separated for 4 months and I thought about leaving him permanently.

We got back together and things have been good since then. But I constantly think about what he did to me. I obsess over it. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to hurt me again. But at the same time it seems like he has genuinely changed. I don’t really think he will hurt me again. But even if he doesn’t it seems like it permanently changed something in me and in our relationship. I’m not as carefree and happy as I used to be. I look at him differently and I have lost respect for him. My friends and family who know will never fully accept him. Whenever he gets angry or depressed I go into hyper vigilance.

I love him a lot and I really want things to work out between us. I have gone to therapy but she’s not really helping me with this. I wanted EMDR to get over the trauma so we can move forward but she doesn’t want to help me with that. She also said couple’s therapy isn’t recommended.

We’re expecting a child and I want to have a healthy and normal relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. I love him and don’t want to leave. It has been over a year since he hurt me and I really think the abuse was a weird phase and in the past.

How can I get someone to help me with this? Do I have to find a new therapist and lie that we’re not together or something? I have spent months on EMDR therapy and it’s all been preparation sessions and I finally got to the actual EMDR but she won’t help me with this.

I would like to hear from men what they think about this. I’ve talked to women and they all say the same thing. I feel like nobody understands me. I hope someone can help me figure out how to move forward. I’m tired of living like this.

My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. For most of that there was no violence. Then we got married. Suddenly he became a different person. For one year he terrorized me. He punched me, slapped me, and shoved me multiple times. We separated for 4 months and I thought about leaving him permanently.

We got back together and things have been good since then. But I constantly think about what he did to me. I obsess over it. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to hurt me again. But at the same time it seems like he has genuinely changed. I don’t really think he will hurt me again. But even if he doesn’t it seems like it permanently changed something in me and in our relationship. I’m not as carefree and happy as I used to be. I look at him differently and I have lost respect for him. My friends and family who know will never fully accept him. Whenever he gets angry or depressed I go into hyper vigilance.

I love him a lot and I really want things to work out between us. I have gone to therapy but she’s not really helping me with this. I wanted EMDR to get over the trauma so we can move forward but she doesn’t want to help me with that. She also said couple’s therapy isn’t recommended.

We’re expecting a child and I want to have a healthy and normal relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. I love him and don’t want to leave. It has been over a year since he hurt me and I really think the abuse was a weird phase and in the past.

I feel like nobody understands me. I hope someone can help me figure out how to move forward. I’m tired of living like this.

My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. For most of that there was no violence. Then we got married. Suddenly he became a different person. For one year he terrorized me. He punched me, slapped me, and shoved me multiple times. He put his hands around my neck and threatened to strangle me with a cable. We separated for 4 months and I thought about leaving him permanently.

We got back together and things have been good since then. But I constantly think about what he did to me. I obsess over it. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to hurt me again. But at the same time it seems like he has genuinely changed. I don’t really think he will hurt me again. But even if he doesn’t it seems like it permanently changed something in me and in our relationship. I’m not as carefree and happy as I used to be. I look at him differently and I have lost respect for him. My friends and family who know will never fully accept him. Whenever he gets angry or depressed I go into hyper vigilance.

I love him a lot and I really want things to work out between us. I have gone to therapy but she’s not really helping me with this. I wanted EMDR to get over the trauma so we can move forward but she doesn’t want to help me with that. She also said couple’s therapy isn’t recommended.

We’re expecting a child and I want to have a healthy and normal relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. I love him and don’t want to leave. It has been over a year since he hurt me and I really think the abuse was a weird phase and in the past.

My husband has a very close relationship with his mom. They text each other all day and he tells her everything we do. She’s very involved and wants to know everything. She’s always giving her unsolicited advice and has to give her opinion on everything.

Last night my husband blindfolded me and had me taste test a couple different things. It was fun and romantic. Then I look over and see him texting his mom to tell her what we did.

A couple days ago we were shopping for baby clothes (I’m 4 months pregnant) and we found some cute clothes we want to buy. He told her about it and she told him to wait. Now he’s telling me not to buy anything yet.

He sometimes texts her when he can’t decide what to buy or what to wear to ask her opinion. I can’t imagine ever doing that, this is really weird to me.

I can’t tell if this is normal since I don’t have the best relationship with my mom. We talk on the phone max once a month and she shows zero interest in my life. She raised me and my siblings to be completely independent and wasn’t involved in our lives. His mom was the opposite.

I’m also trying to figure out what kind of mom I’m going to be and these are the only real examples I have.

Is this controlling or abusive? I’m 3 months pregnant and ever since I got pregnant my husband doesn’t want me to travel. My extended family goes camping every summer and this year he doesn’t want me to go. It’s not even far away. I asked him if he wants to go on a babymoon vacation and he says no, pregnant woman shouldn’t travel. My aunt also invited me to her cottage this summer and he doesn’t want me to go.

He isn’t forbidding me from going but he says he would prefer if I didn’t, pregnant woman should be home and resting and comfortable. And that I should have all of my home comforts. I know if I went against his wishes he would get angry about it.

He has been abusive in the past but I thought things were getting better. I’m wondering if this is a red flag.