u/IntelligentSchool953

The job itself is fine, it’s the people I can’t deal with. I can’t stop making a fool out of myself in front of my coworkers. They used to be accommodating when it seemed like I was just the new guy that needed to adjust. But now I think they’ve realized I’m probably the weirdest person they’ve ever met. Plus I panic around people. I could do my job just fine by myself but with other people there I short circuit and make stupid common sense mistakes. I’m sure I seem like a moron to them at this point. They are all clearly uncomfortable around me.

Before that he was very nice to me. The way you would be to a kid. He’s an older Latino. He would refer to me as muchacho which means young guy pretty much. He asked me how old I was. I said 28. He said “28? Really?” Then he got quiet. He was weird with me from then on. Even my supervisor was surprised to find out we were the same age. He also treated me like a child. Surprise! I’m not 15 actually. I’m just an undeveloped 28 year old.

Before that he was very nice to me. The way you would be to a kid. He’s an older Latino. He would refer to me as muchacho which means young guy pretty much. He asked me how old I was. I said 28. He said “28? Really?” Then he got quiet. He was weird with me from then on. Even my supervisor was surprised to find out we were the same age. He also treated me like a child. Surprise! I’m not 15 actually. I’m just an undeveloped 28 year old.

Before that he was very nice to me. The way you would be to a kid. He’s an older Latino. He would refer to me as muchacho which means young guy pretty much. He asked me how old I was. I said 28. He said “28? Really?” Then he got quiet. He was weird with me from then on. Even my supervisor was surprised to find out we were the same age. He also treated me like a child. Surprise! I’m not 15 actually. I’m just a retarded 28 year old.

I can’t imagine being promoted at work. I don’t come off as responsible or intelligent at all.

I know I need time and space to calm my nervous system and develop my identity but I’ve never had it.

Maybe if I could relax enough to be confident I wouldn‘t come across as so nervous and air-headed. Unfortunately I’m basically in constant dysregulation at work. Put me in there alone with a set of instructions and I could teach myself the whole job. Put me in there in a social environment and suddenly I’m a headless chicken.

I should’ve gone to college…

When I say withdrawal I mean that I’m a straight up neet. Compete failure to launch. Normally I would tell you the reason is social anxiety. But on a deeper level I think the real reason is I don’t really have a center. I’m not centered within myself. I seem unable to believe in myself or care for myself. I’ve spent my whole adulthood skittering around like an abused puppy. It‘s not like I didn’t have good social skills or I wasn’t a good student or I wasn’t driven and responsible. I was all of those things once. But my own mind self-sabotaged. I burned out, tortured myself, hid, ran away, gave up. No one ever taught me to just take care of myself and take it day by day, step by step. Not to mention various family difficulties at the same time. I simply shut down from the stress.

I’m sitting here as a 28 year old neet wondering what the hell happened to me. A lot of neets here seem to have conviction in the path they’ve taken. I fell into mine. I haven’t taken action, I’ve simply reacted to my own stress and anxiety these past 10 years. I avoided my life because it was too stressful to face. Now I’m sitting here at 28 years old wondering how did I even get here and how could I do this to myself…

endless humiliation for shit pay. why did my parents have to raise me to self-sabotage? fuck this shit

I have no space to settle in and feel myself out. I’m just bouncing around my life an anxious wreck with no identity. And I wasn’t always like this! I used to have a good personality. People liked me. but I’ve literally just gotten worse and worse over time. I was adult-like as a teen and now I’m a childlike adult. Very embarassing to be in my late twenties seeming like an awkward middle schooler.

I’m over it. I’m out of goodwill. I can’t afford to care anymore.

In their eyes I’m just weak, stupid, or immature. There’s no other alternative. Not to mention they are the source of my trauma! The act like the abuse and neglect just didn’t happen. I have all the agency but they get no responsibility? Their actions don’t matter but mine do? Can’t they see it‘s their cruelty that made me like this in the first place? I feel like I’m going crazy. Who are they to tell me who I am my whole life?

also humiliated myself because of my social anxiety. panicked and said really stupid shit when introducing myself to a manager. like you’re retarded and have no common sense level shit

I’m shy and awkward like an anxious teenager. I wasn’t even like that as an actual teenager. I was more competent then a lot of adults at 16 and now at 28 I’m less competent than a lot of teenagers. It’s very embarrassing.