u/Interesting_Ideal765

I have decided to update the pendant lights in my kitchen. The lights are just standard pendants. I will be using an electrician to swap these over - but is there anything tricky about this. For example, do I need to know what the wiring is before I buy something or are they all interchangable.

Thanks

I’ve got a bit of time on my hands, three years of experience painting and a folder of art pieces I could sell or sell prints.

I’ve also been trying bookmarks and cards.

My art teacher made about $600 over the year selling his work and I’m no where near his skill - but I’m not too bad either.

I have no idea what’s popular to market people. If anyone has walked this path before and has any tips, insights etc.

Thank you 🙏

I’ve never felt so burnt out and tired of fighting for myself to get well.

I’ve done everything I can possibly do to reduce dependency on people.

I have a robot vacuum, a washer and dryer (I didn’t have a dryer before and it helps immensely when I’m too tired to hang clothes out on the line). I’ve got a subscription to get groceries delivered within an hour of placing the order (a godsend in my mind). I’ve got a man who does my yard every now and then who is reliable. I’ve paid off debt, I’ve got home tools for helping my poor old nervous system like I have my watercolour art that I can sit and do a few times a week. I have been able to work freelance from home over the years - unfortunately that works has dried up since AI came in. Not sure if there a coincidence. I’ve got my whole house sorted and organised, to reduce clutter and stress. I can order just about anything I need online for delivery like cat food and furniture etc. I have done everything to make my house and life as low dependency on the government or the medical system.

However I’ve reached a level where I don’t feel like I can keep doing this alone. I’ve done it for years alone and it’s given me a sense of control while simultaneously burning me out.

I hate needing help. It’s always cost me in the long run. Either I trust family and they end up blaming and shaming me when I inevitably become too sick or I don’t behave like the normal person I used to be.

I’ve been deeply hurt by almost all medical systems. Just the last month my therapist forgot me and was quite harmful when I was honest about her response to me being honest.

I was gaslit by my doctor this week. She won’t sign a form to get government funding so I can get off the welfare system and into a more long term system for chronic illness. She told me that she sent me to a fatigue clinic and I never went to one.

She didn’t believe me so she made me sign a waiver so she could contact that clinic because she is convinced I must be lying. I never went because she moved surgeries right at the time I was meant to start investigating my fatigue - and it took me ages to track what clinic she moved to.

Then there is the way society treats people like me. Who look ok on the outside but who’s bodies are in a chronic state of hyper vigilance, trauma, stress and illness

I called and spoke to a disability advocacy service today. The first time I decided I need more support. They were able to send me some forms but nothing else.

I’ve tried everything. Doctors, psychologists, supplements, art therapy, pacing and it’s not enough. Sure I’ve reduced some of the outside pressure by learning to set boundaries with family and pace in my life. It’s been hard but it’s been worth it. But at the end of the day, I live alone, I feel deeply unsupported and misunderstood. I can only fight for myself for so long. And now I need someone to care about me. I need some kindness and some ongoing long term reliable support. I can’t figure out how I’m meant to find that?

The family I have have caused me more harm than good. They might have good intentions but I’ve been bullied by my brother in the past who made me doubt my own illness because he kept telling me I was lazy. I was not lazy I was sick.

I blocked him because I can’t deal with anymore of his attitude or the way he pities me. He doesn’t care about me.

I’ve recently reconnected with my parents but I keep reminding myself that no matter how nice and caring they are, the love is conditional and they have shown me who they are when they can’t cope with me. They leave. They lash out. They punish. It’s not good enough. I deserve better.

I’m close to going inpatient at a psychiatric hospital if I can’t get a break. It’s not just for my mood disorder it’s for rest. But I can’t leave my cat. She’s old and needs me.

Basically I feel like every time I decide to reach out for help. I’m just left to drown. I don’t know what it is about this situation. But I can’t win. I feel hopeless.

I need to vent, I felt like giving up today and for some stupid reason i keep fighting and i don't know why.

So today was my doctors appointment. I usually have telehealth because in australia it's free for pension holders and it saves me the effort of driving and doing it in person.

Unfortunately, there is a limit to how long you can go between face to face appointments. So after rescheduling the appointment 2 times, I finally felt like i could get myself there.

This is issue 1. Why do doctors assume when you are sick you can get to the clinic. In this day we can order just about anything to our homes, except a doctor. And i don't mean a doctor who can come for minor issues - not your regular. Am i being difficult for pointing out this issue? You have to get yourself to the doctor when you are ill.

1. I got myself to the doctor today, and today was the day that I wanted to proceed with a disibilaty pension claim. I had already done the first part (psychiatrist) and this was the second part (physical). According to the disability pension support groups, I needed to get 20 pts of combined health issues in order to be successful in this claim. The support groups have a letter template you can give your doctor, and this outlines what you are doing and what needs to be included. I came prepared with a printed out and highlighted booklet, along with this letter. It was my understanding that the doctor would fill out this letter as per the psychiatrist. I would then ask for both letters and submit them to the claim. (this is all new to me).
2. THe doctor said there was a specific form that needed to be done. I was confused as online there is a portal through the government which WE fill out. It then asks at the end to upload the evidence (letters). But my doctor felt the form was what needed to be filled in. I could see she was dreading doing this multi page form, so i said not to worry - i just need a medical exemption form to submt so i can extend the current government payment for another 12 weeks while we do this.
3. She then started pushing back saying that she sent me to the fatigue clinic and I never went! She mentioned to me a year or two ago that was the plan, but when i booked in for my ECG (the first part of the process) the receptionist told me she had left the clinic. It then took months to find her again, and from that point onwards i was mostly asking for support with my mental health as i had no idea what she was doing.
4. this felt like a really shameful thing to experience. A doctor not belieiving me. I even said 'do you believe me' and she sort of paused and then kept saying she was certain she had sent me to this clinic. I would remember going to the hospital! I told her again, that i never got past the ECG. I felt like i was once again a crazy woman who was being gaslit. She then started the process to do this fatigue investigation. I'm happy to do this, because she said the governement will want evidience of tests and scans to support this claim.
5. This is fine - but once again, it highlights to me how people give up! If i can't access money for living, while all of this testing is done, then what happens? So i left the consult with more tests to do, and no medical exemption to cover me while this is going on. The government will now throw me back into the job seeking arena, of which i cannot do. And once again i'll be stressed and sick because now i dont have money! I can't fking win!!
6. after we left the consult, she said she wanted to get all my past medical records from past doctors. She then said i needed to fill out more forms to do this. I was just about to pass out from how weak and sick i felt, when i remembered i had already done this!!! a year ago i filled out release forms for 8 different specialists and doctors. The doctor just stared at me when i said this. Then the kind receptionist noted yes, i had already done this and that none of the medical centres that were sent this releaase form bothered to do it! AGAIN I CAN'T WIN!. So the doctor just said 'well we need more recent places'. The receptionist gave me more forms to fill out by which time i had to sit down because i felt so weak.
7. this is when i paid and left and sat in the car wondering why i keep going. I trusted my doctor to care and i feel more ashamed and confused than ever. I feel misled by the online groups and the process it takes to apply for this pension. I feel let down that most of my history was never sent back to the doctor after all the trouble i went to sign all the forms last year. i feel hurt that she doubted my word regarding the hospital testing. I feel angry that i never got the medical certificate and have to see her again in a week to get it. and most of all i wonder how anyone is supposed to live like this?
8. This is why i hate depnding on anyone! i hate being in any systems that i have to depend on to survive. In every other area i have taken the control back. If i need food -i get my groceries delivered. If i need supplies, meds, clothes - anything else - i get it online and delivered. if i need my yard done, - i have someone to do it. if i need anything, i just get it sorted out because i am resilient AND organised!! but when it comes to the governement and medical system, i feel like a little girl. who is desperate and being constantly judged, doubted and let down. I am in survival mode and no one seems to care. Not even the doctor.
9. This is why people give up, because at their most tired, desparing time, everyone has let them slip through the cracks. Family, friends, doctors - even my therapist forgot about my appointment a few weeks ago. This is why i am so hurt. Because if i give up, and stop advocating and fighting for myself, i end up back in the care of my parents. people who have hurt me and let me down and who i don't feel love me unconditionally. But going out and fighting for support in the world means I am always fighting. I'm so tired. I don't care anymore. i jsut don't care. I wish so much that i didn't exist. This has been the most humiliating and brutal condition to live with. I don't know what else to do.

If you ask your doctor for sleeping tablets what do they prescribe? Is there anything that has low side effects?

I took aspirin as per my doctor and it’s still there. It’s still banging in my skull.

I also have zero appetite. The thought of eating makes me want to throw up.

I don’t know why but pmdd for me is now not just emotional it’s physical. And I’m sick of these headaches. Whyyyyyy!!!!??

I was diagnosed last year with bipolar 2 and borderline personality disorder. I've not disclosed any of this to my parents or siblings or anyone in my family. I have told a friend I trust and my doctor is obviously aware.

I don't work due to another chronic health issue, and I have never been in any illegal or troubling circumstances. i'm 'high functioning' so I own my home, I have a tidy, clean organised house, I don't drink or do any drugs, I don't have any past legal issues or anything that would make me look like i'm a risky or dangerous person.

I'm just a quiet woman who likes to keep to herself.

I am in a position now where i am looking to apply for my TPD via super, and also getting some support via Centerlink. In order to do these applications i have to disclose the above. I am worried that despite everyone being 'mental health matters' - there is still plenty of stigma and discrimination and I worry this will affect me down the line.

Specifically i'm worried that if i ever have some kind of issue that requires legal help, my mental health will be weaponised and dug up even if it has no relevance.

I'm not really sure of any other specific circumstances to list here - but i'm basically asking what should i be aware of. I've heard some people over in America have been treated terribly in hospital because the staff somehow could access their history. I've heard they didn't get treatment for physical health issues because it was 'all in their head'.

I don't have 'My health record' connected.

If anyone can provide some insight into the risks i run by declaring these conditions on the Centerlink forms or just having any record on my file i would appreciate it.

Today is the first day I feel like the volume and brightness in my body and mind has turned down. It’s remarkable how quiet and calm I am.

I look back at what has been a very stressful time and I can’t decide which was the cause of it. Did the bipolar overwhelm me? Or did the stress overwhelm me?

This is what I noticed

I feel like I’m always rushing

I feel a building up of anger and energy

I rarely feel calm. I feel like I’m strapped to a rocket and I can’t stop it so I have to use it to my advantage and try to fix or fight for myself and what I deserve

My circadian rhythm feels off. I rarely feel like I’m waking up in sync with daylight.

I can’t sleep

I don’t feel in control of my personality. I feel angry; anxious, depressed

I need to have control and strive for perfection or order

When my energy is elevated it feels restless, frustrated, anxious and forceful

Was that a mixed episode? It was not fun

Hey. So my therapist and I have had a few sessions together. It started of positively until she forgot my appointment when I was in desperate need for help.

After that happened I reached out to express my concerns about trust and how it had impacted me and I asked her if she was willing to work on repairing it with me. She didn’t seem invested in me after I was honest about my hurt and my concerns.

She even made a comment about my parents relationship with me suggesting it was my fault. Then came the slow and inconsistent communication and delaying my appointments.

I wrote this email tonight and I’m not sure if I will send it or if I just needed to process it. For anyone who is interested

Dear name.

I am writing to let you know that I have decided not to continue counselling.
I appreciate that you could accommodate phone appointments given my health and I was hopeful that our sessions could provide the support I had been looking for.

Unfortunately, when I reached out during a difficult time and found my appointment had been forgotten, it affected me more than I anticipated.

I understand that you were unwell, and that is why I was open to rebuilding that trust. I tried to address this honestly, hoping we could repair things together, but instead I felt as though it was left entirely with me.

Above all else, what I needed in that moment was to feel valued and to know that I mattered.

I was also hurt by a comment made in our session that suggested what had happened between us mirrored that of my relationship with my parents. We had not yet discussed this in any depth and it felt unfair to draw any connections between the two.

Since then I have felt more uncertain than reassured, and I feel I have enough information to recognise that this isn’t the right fit for me.

Thank you for your time and support.

I broke the trauma bond with my mother and now my therapist is starting to look like another version of her. I don’t know what to do.

I’m just in the process of understanding trauma bonds. I went low contact with my mum about a year ago and since then I’ve felt like I’m actually healing. I don’t feel crazy anymore. I don’t doubt myself constantly. My nervous system isn’t in a state of permanent fear and confusion.

I’m not dependent on her anymore and I’ve grown a lot as a person. I’ve worked so hard to stay away from that relationship despite everything being stacked against me. No one in my family believes me or my experience. I’m the black sheep.

I’m also someone who trusts their gut. It has saved me so many times. When you’ve been gaslit and hurt for long enough you can’t trust your mind anymore, so I learned to lean on my instincts instead. It’s been a wise guide.

Last year I was finally diagnosed with a couple of mental health conditions I didn’t understand. I felt so grateful to finally have answers for why I am the way I am. I did a DBT course, learned to set boundaries and started becoming financially independent. I learned how to live alone. I am a survivor of emotional neglect and a very damaging trauma bond with my mother.

The final step was therapy. I was ready. I wanted it. I needed it. My psychiatrist recommended a social worker with a mental health degree. Psychologists had been useless to me before because I didn’t have my diagnoses and wasn’t in a place to do the work. Now I am.

I started seeing this woman and we’ve had three sessions. The problem is there have been a number of small red flags. Things that make me feel the same way I did with my mum. Things that have slowly undone my self trust. I feel like she’s disturbing a lot of repressed feelings I thought I had dealt with.

This is where I get stuck. I’m so tired of starting over with therapists. When she’s present in a session she’s warm and human and not clinical at all. I feel genuinely seen. But outside of sessions her communication makes me feel abandoned, confused and hurt.

To give you an example. I politely reached out via email asking for an urgent appointment. I was desperate for support. I didn’t demand anything, I just asked. She said she was unwell and would contact me the next day to make an appointment. I waited. She never contacted me. She forgot about me.

I was already in a bad place. Having my therapist not show up, not even send a quick message to say she was still unwell, really messed with me.

When she finally contacted me a day later I used my DBT skills to honestly and politely express how hurt I was. I told her I was doubting whether to continue but that I thought it could be an opportunity to work on something important together. I asked her what she thought.

Her response was something like “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. Only you can decide. I think you know what I think.” There was no “I want to work on repairing this with you.” She said she had lobbed the ball back into my court. Then she said something like “maybe your parents feel this way too, like they just can’t get anything right with you.” She was the one who forgot my appointment and somehow it ended up back on me.

After that she offered me an appointment on the one day I had told her from the very beginning I couldn’t do. It’s the day I keep for something important for my health and wellbeing. When I asked if there was another day available she didn’t reply for days and then said the appointment could easily be changed without actually offering me anything else.

I waited a week and politely asked about another time. She told me she was away that whole week. Eventually we settled on an appointment almost a month away, which was exhausting to organise and still didn’t properly acknowledge the day I’d said I couldn’t do.

So she has forgotten me, put the responsibility of repairing the rupture entirely on me, forgotten the day I can’t attend, and is now making me wait a very long time to see her. And every time I try to address something I end up feeling like I’m the difficult one.

My instincts are telling me this isn’t safe. But I trusted her. I let her in. I thought she was someone I could rely on without the same confusion I’ve felt in other relationships. And now I’m becoming trauma bonded to her the same way I did with my mum, where I hate it and need it at the same time and I don’t know which way is up.

I’m so tired of trying to heal. I’m so sad that if I leave I have to start over again. I really needed her to be a solid, safe person who could show up for me. Instead she’s triggered me over and over and brought all the old pain back up without the support to process it safely.

I don’t know how to move forward from here.

I was diagnosed with bpd and bipolar 2.

I’m currently experiencing a stable period after a very long period of stress.

When I was feeling stressed my hypomania seemed to come out. I became increasingly focused and productive in order to kind of “prepare” for anything. It was an anxiety mixed with an unstoppable energy.

But at other times if I felt like nothing was ever going to change, I’d get depressed and a stuck and loose all of my energy.

I think my moods are tightly linked to stress. I’m wondering if that sounds like bipolar disorder because some people cycle just because. Not from any external environmental factors.