u/InternalSchedule2861

I was raised in a way that if I ever talked back to my dad or pointed him out, I would be yelled at ferociously.

I was always beaten ferociously if I laid a hand on my sister if we got into a fight even if it was just a light push.

I once pushed her lightly when fighting for the bathroom. She did not fall over or get hurt but she cried loudly on purpose and my father hit me very hard on the arm with the heel end of my mother's high heel shoe.

My father says I have no confidence in standing up to those who mistreat me and calls me a coward for it.

He says I can only act tough in front of my sisters who are weaker than me but do not do the same in front of my classmates.

But I think he is the one that raised me up to be a coward because he would always use yelling and threats of physical punishment if I ever showed him anything that indicated anger.

Basically, he broke my wings so that I could be easy to control and now blames me for not being able to fly.

And by the way, my sisters get to verbally mistreat me, and if I complain to my dad, he gets angry at me for not being tolerant.

If I did the same, I could get an endless scolding.

They are his two princesses but I am a slave.

I told my dad I was going to buy a video game for 60 dollars.

He said it was too expensive and that I should borrow it from my friend.

I told him, I do not want to do that because it would make me look really cheap to my friend. We are not poor and 60 dollars is not costly for us.

Then he said if I would not ask my friend then he would ask him for me.

So I had to come up with another reason for my dad not to do that so I said that my friend was busy at work.

Then my dad scolded me and said that was a lame excuse because I could have just waited until he got back home from work to ask him.

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So my first reason was my real and best reason, but my dad rejected it. Because he rejected it, I had to come up with a lousier reason and then I got scolded by him for giving him a bad reason.

He rejected my best reason and then blamed me for giving him a lousy reason.

Don't you hate my father too?

I often hear pastors and preachers on saying that you do not have to have sinless perfection, but you must be willing to change your mind from loving sin to hating it which eventually causes a change in your action.

The reason why I sin is because I love it, and telling me that I do not have to have perfect actions but I must be willing to hate the sin I love feels like a work to me because I have to actively mentally let go of something I love.

They also say, God will help you change, but only if you let Him.

But I feel that that is also a work because I have to first be willing to be delivered out of my sins that I do not want to be delivered out of in the first place.

So to me, being willing to repent or turn from your sin is just salvation by works and I never thought the gospel was good news at all.

I have always felt miserable and hopeless every time I read the Bible, listening to Paul Washer, John MacArthur, Ray Comfort, or my own pastors preach about the topic of repentance of sin.

My father is an immigrant from Hong Kong and my mother is an immigrant from Singapore and I was born and raised in California.

When my grandmother and a relative from Singapore came to visit California and referred to a boat as a "sampan" to my grandmother which means boat in Malay and Chinese, my father insisted that it should be called a boat and not a sampan.

I used to go with my mother to Singapore to visit my grandparents as a child, but after my passport expired, my father refused to renew my passport or let my mother go.

His reasoning was that my mother was his wife and that I was his son and that we belong to him and not to my mother's side of the family.

He would also use the reason that my grades were not good to refuse me from going to Singapore because he said that I would not study well if I spent too much time there, even a mere 3 weeks.

Yet, during all my years of childhood and as a teenager in America, I was only ever sent to summer school twice.

I hated studying and could not sit down and pay attention and my father always blamed my mother for not forcing me to study.

If you asked me to study for the SAT, midterms, or final exams today as a 33 year old, I still would not be able to do it.

I cannot speak Chinese well but I learned a little, so I tried to set my GPS audio to Cantonese to see how much I could understand, but when my father heard it, he said, "This is not Hong Kong".

He has always been a staunch supporter of the Republican Party and especially Donald Trump, but from what I have seen here, narcissists exist on both sides of politics in America.

I did not like Trump or the Democrats, so I never voted, but he told me that I should support Trump because Trump is for America and because Chinese people from China would not treat Chinese Americans like me well anyway.

I get that Chinese Americans are probably going to be treated as outsiders by Chinese people especially because we cannot speak the language fluently and even if we did, we would obviously sound American.

But wouldn't this be the problem of my father prohibiting me from speaking and being spoken to in Chinese as a child and preventing me from having enough exposure to my relatives from my mother's side?

1. IF I PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED MY SISTERS:

When I was a child, if I ever physically assaulted my younger sisters, even if it was just a nudge, and they started crying, I would get an immediate and violent beating with whatever object my father could find.

He would always beat me on the buttocks with plastic rods multiple times with far more force than I could ever have done to my sisters.

He did beat my sisters very rarely out of a fit of anger, but it was always very light, only with his hands, only once and on their hands or wrists, not their hind ends.

Once I was hit with the blunt end of my mom's high heel shoe when I nudged my sister for not letting me use the bathroom first.

She started crying loudly on purpose even though she never fell over or got hurt.

My father took the end of my mom's high heel and hit me on the arm and when he realized it did not hit hard enough, he hit it hard enough a second time.

That second time was so painful, it left a bruise and it felt numb afterward.

2. IF I VERBALLY TEASED MY SISTERS:

If I ever verbally abused my sisters, I would get an intense and long scolding from my father.

3. IF MY SISTERS TEASED ME:

When I was a teenager, I attempted to be respectful to others.

However, despite all the respect I showed my sisters, they teamed up with a schoolmate of mine to make fun of me.

So when I reported to my dad that my two sisters were verbally bullying me, he got angry at me and said I should be living in harmony with them.

In other words, if I said or did anything to my sisters, I would get immediate and intense punishment.

If they said anything bad about me, I was expected to take it in and make no complaints.

My dad gave my sisters the total immunity to mistreat me however they wanted and to protect them from being mistreated by me.

When I was in high school, I would get angry at my sisters and sometimes assault them when they treated me very snobbishly.

My dad once called me fool and coward for not doing the same to my high school peers.

Yet I was raised by the biggest coward in my family, MY DAD.

If I talked back to him as a child, I would be yelled at ferociously, beaten, or threatened with beatings.

He would yell at me or my mother whenever he was angry about something, which happened every day after coming home from work because he was stressed from work.

Yet, he would never yell at his clients, coworkers, or bosses at work because it would get him fired.

So he used my mother and me as easy targets for him.

I cannot think of a bigger coward than my own dad, who I most likely learned to be a coward from.

Throughout the Bible, nakedness and the sexual areas of the body are considered to represent the shame of sin as well as death and poverty.

The only exception is within the privacy of earthly marriage.

Men and women do not marry or remain married to each other in heaven and our bodies will not have sexual desires and reproductive abilities like how the angels of heaven do not marry or reproduce.

We will be married to Jesus in heaven and have no sinful nature but our nakedness will still be considered shameful and Jesus will give us white linen to cover our shame to represent His righteousness.

And for a good reason too, because I would not want to be naked in front of Jesus, my church friends, or to see them naked.

Are our attractions to the nakedness and sexual areas of the opposite sex a temporary necessary evil God had to allow for married couples for the earthly role of reproduction?

I also heard a pastor mention that marriage is supposed to be so intimate that a husband and wife are able to uncover the shameful parts of their bodies each other without any feelings of shame.

Would that mean God used the parts of our bodies He considers bad to signify how intimate marriage should be in order to illustrate how intimate we will be with Him in heaven?

In the Old Testament, a husband and wife were considered unclean after having sexual intercourse and God also told men not to have sexual intercourse with their wives while He was on Mount Sinai so it seems that God really does not like that stuff even within marriage.

Interestingly, Adam and Eve only started have sexual intercourse when they got kicked out of Eden after sin nature entered into them.

The fruit allowed them to understand that their nakedness was something bad which they were previous unable to understand which means that because God sees everything, He would also see that it was bad.

I am a 33-year old man and have never been in a relationship but am currently praying that I find a believing woman to marry.

However, I am reconsidering that because the thought of sexual intercourse within marriage reminds me of the shame of nakedness and the sexual areas of the body.

I do not mind marrying a woman who also wants to have a platonic marriage since the Bible does not seem to say that not having sexual intercourse is a sin.

I think a platonic marriage would do a far better job at illustrating our intimacy with Jesus and other believers in heaven.

I used to be on a carnivore diet and my LDL and uric acid went up despite doing everything correctly, such as not eating any carbs.

I can no longer find the video but I once watched a video of Shawn Baker where he answered a mother's question about her overweight son not wanting to eat anything except cereal and processed food.

He said that the mother should not be a weak parent and that no child gets to choose what to eat and that the child should be fed steak and eggs.

Can you imagine having parents like Shawn Baker?

As a child, you are force-fed a diet of fatty meats and eggs until your cholesterol goes up to 300+mg/dL but your parent tell you that "cHoLeStErOl DoEsN'T mAtTeR".

Then when you get your first cholesterol test in your 20s, your real doctor prescribes you statins but you refuse to take them because "sTaTiNs CaUsE dEmEnTiA".

So you go into your 30s and start developing chest pain and that's when your doctor does a CT scan on you and tells you that you have blocked coronary arteries.

This diet could have killed me and it is a good thing I found out about the dangers of it because of a cholesterol test after a few years.

The carnivore crowd says, "I had a high LDL for a few years on this diet and my CT scan showed no plaque, so high LDL is safe as long as you don't eat carbs".

That is like saying, "I smoked for a few years and I don't have lung cancer, so smoking is safe".

Yes, give it 20 more years and see what happens.

People born with familial hypercholesterolaemia have an increased risk of having a heart attack at a young age whereas people born with genetically low cholesterol have a decreased risk.

I don't know about you, but I think cholesterol seems like the likely culprit here.

Shawn Baker also posted another video of his son playing the piano and said that he directed his son play the piano and although his son did not like it at first, he eventually became good at it.

He said that it was better than allowing children to play video games and that.

His followers all said that they wished their parents had been harder on them.

Maybe their meat diet is an extension of their macho ego.

Hong Kong and Taiwanese people do not like identifying as Chinese, but I feel that they are more Chinese than they are Western.

For example, if you want to get ahead, you must have the right connections. Studying is important, but you also need the right guanxi.

If you are a man without a high-salaried white-collared job such as a lawyer, doctor, or engineer, good luck persuading a woman's parents to let her marry you if the woman is even willing to marry you in the first place.

Revelations says that every tribe, nation, and tongue will be in heaven.

I am Chinese but grew up in America so I speak perfect English but my Chinese has an English accent.

My mother is an immigrant so she speaks Chinese without an accent but speaks English with a Chinese accent.

When we are both in heaven, will we continue to speak with accents or will we both speak perfect English and Chinese to each other?