u/International-Tax709

There’s a guy in my gym social circle. We’re part of the same friend group — regular group dinners, hangouts, that kind of thing. For months there’s been an obvious dynamic between us that even our mutual friends keep pointing out loudly and repeatedly.

Here’s what’s confusing me:

The warm signals are real — he gives me full hugs, told me he missed me when I came back after time away, said he was praying I’d come back. When I’m not planning to come to a group dinner or I’m running late, he’ll tell mutual friends to text me saying he misses me and wants me there — but he won’t text me himself. He noticed small things like when I got my eyebrows done when nobody else did, noticed I was wearing a tinted lip balm and asked why I was wearing it, gave me food off his plate without me asking, came after me when I was leaving, insisted on attending my going away dinner before a two month trip. When I came back from my two month trip he was all smiley and visibly happy to see me and immediately asked if I got married or met anyone while I was away — I said no.

At a recent birthday dinner he was watching me closely all night, got caught staring multiple times, and the whole table called us out twice saying we should “just do something already.” When someone asked if our gym has showers a mutual friend said “he’ll gladly give you a shower” — so even people adjacent to the group are reading the same energy.

Since that birthday dinner something has shifted. He’s been acting differently — less witty and bantery than usual, almost softer and sweeter. Like the armor is slightly down. It’s subtle but noticeable because his default is always humor and deflection.

But he never actually does anything. He communicates through mutual friends instead of texting me directly. He deflects everything genuine with crude humor. He showed me texts from women wanting to sleep with him. He told me two girls offered sex on his birthday. He iced out a girl from our group who asked him out after months of a flirty dynamic — stopped talking to her completely. And as far as I know he’s never been in a serious relationship — just casual flings.

I’m religious and he’s not, and I don’t believe in sex before marriage — which is a fundamental incompatibility. He’s said he’s not looking for anyone right now and wants to be financially stable first despite doing well financially — it’s more about his internal timeline.

I stopped chasing a long time ago — no texting first, no inviting him to things one on one. I recently told him I don’t make the first move and that the man should pursue. He seemed genuinely bewildered like nobody had ever said that to him before, which probably tracks given that women tend to come to him easily. Honestly my stance on this also comes from personal experience — in the past whenever I’ve told a guy I liked him or made the first move it always backfired and never worked out. So I’ve learned to just not go there.

The chemistry is real, the incompatibilities are real, and he’s clearly emotionally avoidant. My question is — are the comments people keep making based purely on what they observe between us, or do you think he’s said something to them privately? And is this worth holding any space for or should I fully redirect my energy elsewhere?

There’s a guy in my gym social circle. We’re part of the same friend group — regular group dinners, hangouts, that kind of thing. For months there’s been an obvious dynamic between us that even our mutual friends keep pointing out loudly and repeatedly.

Here’s what’s confusing me:

The warm signals are real — he gives me full hugs, told me he missed me when I came back after time away, said he was praying I’d come back. When I’m not planning to come to a group dinner or I’m running late, he’ll tell mutual friends to text me saying he misses me and wants me there — but he won’t text me himself. He noticed small things like when I got my eyebrows done when nobody else did, noticed I was wearing a tinted lip balm and asked why I was wearing it, gave me food off his plate without me asking, came after me when I was leaving, insisted on attending my going away dinner before a two month trip. When I came back from my two month trip he was all smiley and visibly happy to see me and immediately asked if I got married or met anyone while I was away — I said no.

At a recent birthday dinner he was watching me closely all night, got caught staring multiple times, and the whole table called us out twice saying we should “just do something already.” When someone asked if our gym has showers a mutual friend said “he’ll gladly give you a shower” — so even people adjacent to the group are reading the same energy.

Since that birthday dinner something has shifted. He’s been acting differently — less witty and bantery than usual, almost softer and sweeter. Like the armor is slightly down. It’s subtle but noticeable because his default is always humor and deflection.

But he never actually does anything. He communicates through mutual friends instead of texting me directly. He deflects everything genuine with crude humor. He showed me texts from women wanting to sleep with him. He told me two girls offered sex on his birthday. He iced out a girl from our group who asked him out after months of a flirty dynamic — stopped talking to her completely. And as far as I know he’s never been in a serious relationship — just casual flings.

I’m religious and he’s not, and I don’t believe in sex before marriage — which is a fundamental incompatibility. He’s said he’s not looking for anyone right now and wants to be financially stable first despite doing well financially — it’s more about his internal timeline.

I stopped chasing a long time ago — no texting first, no inviting him to things one on one. I recently told him I don’t make the first move and that the man should pursue. He seemed genuinely bewildered like nobody had ever said that to him before, which probably tracks given that women tend to come to him easily. Honestly my stance on this also comes from personal experience — in the past whenever I’ve told a guy I liked him or made the first move it always backfired and never worked out. So I’ve learned to just not go there.

The chemistry is real, the incompatibilities are real, and he’s clearly emotionally avoidant. My question is — are the comments people keep making based purely on what they observe between us, or do you think he’s said something to them privately? And is this worth holding any space for or should I fully redirect my energy elsewhere?

AITAH for ending a friendship after finding out I likely won’t be invited to her wedding?

I (late 20s F) had a close-ish friend who recently got into a serious relationship very quickly. Within a few months she started talking about engagement, moving countries, wedding plans, etc. I’ll admit this triggered some insecurities in me because I’ve struggled with dating/commitment myself.

For context, earlier in the friendship there were a couple situations that made her uncomfortable. One involved me sharing information I knew about her current fiancé because I know and am friends with some of his friend group. The things I shared weren’t scandalous drama or gossip, more like factual/background information that I genuinely thought was helpful or relevant for her to know. Another situation involved drama between her brother and his girlfriend — the girlfriend is my friend and had confided in me, and I ended up discussing some of that situation too. I never intended harm and never bad mouthed anyone, but she felt I crossed boundaries and I apologized for it. Recently, when we hung out, I actually made an effort not to ask questions or bring up her fiancé because she had previously said she didn’t feel comfortable discussing him with me.

Then recently I asked casually if I’d even be told/invited regarding the wedding stuff, and she basically explained that while she thinks I’m a good person with many positive qualities, she doesn’t fully feel comfortable having me around her fiancé/family because of those past situations. She said she doesn’t think I’m malicious, but that it created discomfort for her and her loved ones and she doesn’t want that around such an important event.

She sent a very kind message saying she admires me, thinks I’m thoughtful/funny/adventurous/motivated, etc., and emphasized she doesn’t think I’m a bad person. She also acknowledged that I had improved recently and respected her boundary last time we hung out.

But honestly, after hearing all that, I realized I couldn’t continue the friendship. To me it felt like: “I like you, but I don’t fully trust you in the parts of my life that matter most.” I told her I respect her choice, but I can’t continue a friendship where there’s that level of discomfort/lack of trust around major life events because that’s not how I emotionally viewed our friendship.

Some of my friends think she’s fake and that a real friend wouldn’t exclude me like that. Others think she’s entitled to her boundaries and that I’m overreacting by ending the friendship.

AITAH?

There’s a guy at my gym who works there, and he’s known for being very flirty with basically everyone, including me. But lately it feels like we’ve gotten noticeably closer, and I can’t tell whether he genuinely likes me or just enjoys attention/flirting in general.

He’ll spend entire gym sessions chatting with me, follow me around, randomly come lie/stretch near me “like a cat” lol, show me random things like his sleep stats on his watch, etc. One time I was trying to work on my laptop before class started and he kept talking to me so much that I literally had to tell him, “I actually need to work for a bit” so he’d stop distracting me.

There have also been moments that felt a little more personal/intimate. One time he was eating cake and I jokingly asked for a bite, and he literally picked up the remaining piece with the knife and was about to feed it to me himself. I awkwardly ruined the moment by asking if he’d already licked the knife because I hate sharing utensils 😭 and he immediately stopped.

Another thing: there was another guy at the gym I used to flirt with/had a crush on, and my friend would noticeably act weird whenever he saw us talking. He’d suddenly look away, stare at his phone, avoid looking at us, etc. He even once told me, “Why are you going after him? He’s not even the same religion as you. You should date someone from your own religion.”

The ironic part is that he technically comes from the same religion/culture as me, but he doesn’t practice it at all and openly dislikes it. I’m religious and don’t believe in sex before marriage, which he constantly teases me about and says is “weird.” Meanwhile, he openly talks/acts like someone who just hooks up casually and avoids serious relationships.

Lately, whenever the gym group wants to hang out, he makes sure I’m coming and gets visibly annoyed if I don’t show up. At a group dinner recently, one of our mutual friends asked him when he wants to get married. Before answering, he looked directly at me and held eye contact, then said he wants to wait until he’s financially stable because right now he’s overworking as a trainer just to make ends meet, and he doesn’t think that lifestyle is sustainable long term.

Later, the same friend jokingly asked me right in front of him if I liked him, and I smiled awkwardly and said, “He’s just a friend.” The truth is, I did have a huge crush on him for a while, but his behavior with women and his attitude toward relationships make him feel very unserious to me.

I genuinely can’t tell if:

• he actually likes me specifically,
• he just likes the attention/validation,
• or if he likes me but sees me as “too religious” / incompatible for the kind of lifestyle he wants.

From an outside perspective, what does this sound like?

There’s a guy at my gym who works there, and he’s known for being very flirty with basically everyone, including me. But lately it feels like we’ve gotten noticeably closer, and I can’t tell whether he genuinely likes me or just enjoys attention/flirting in general.

He’ll spend entire gym sessions chatting with me, follow me around, randomly come lie/stretch near me “like a cat” lol, show me random things like his sleep stats on his watch, etc. One time I was trying to work on my laptop before class started and he kept talking to me so much that I literally had to tell him, “I actually need to work for a bit” so he’d stop distracting me.

There have also been moments that felt a little more personal/intimate. One time he was eating cake and I jokingly asked for a bite, and he literally picked up the remaining piece with the knife and was about to feed it to me himself. I awkwardly ruined the moment by asking if he’d already licked the knife because I hate sharing utensils 😭 and he immediately stopped.

Another thing: there was another guy at the gym I used to flirt with/had a crush on, and my friend would noticeably act weird whenever he saw us talking. He’d suddenly look away, stare at his phone, avoid looking at us, etc. He even once told me, “Why are you going after him? He’s not even the same religion as you. You should date someone from your own religion.”

The ironic part is that he technically comes from the same religion/culture as me, but he doesn’t practice it at all and openly dislikes it. I’m religious and don’t believe in sex before marriage, which he constantly teases me about and says is “weird.” Meanwhile, he openly talks/acts like someone who just hooks up casually and avoids serious relationships.

Lately, whenever the gym group wants to hang out, he makes sure I’m coming and gets visibly annoyed if I don’t show up. At a group dinner recently, one of our mutual friends asked him when he wants to get married. Before answering, he looked directly at me and held eye contact, then said he wants to wait until he’s financially stable because right now he’s overworking as a trainer just to make ends meet, and he doesn’t think that lifestyle is sustainable long term.

Later, the same friend jokingly asked me right in front of him if I liked him, and I smiled awkwardly and said, “He’s just a friend.” The truth is, I did have a huge crush on him for a while, but his behavior with women and his attitude toward relationships make him feel very unserious to me.

I genuinely can’t tell if:

• he actually likes me specifically,
• he just likes the attention/validation,
• or if he likes me but sees me as “too religious” / incompatible for the kind of lifestyle he wants.

From an outside perspective, what does this sound like?