Does the disgust ever go away?
In university, I had something, that I'm now pretty sure, was an eating disorder, but never went to any specialist.
It got better, when I got anxiety meds for unrelated reason. My relationship with food got way better, I stopped lying about eating, it went a bit in the other direction with binging, but I mostly manage, now, when I understand what's going on.
What never changed, is the irrational hatred and disgust to my body.
I had it, since I was a child, only time, I didn't hate my body so much, was, when I was unhealtely thin. Now, when I'm way healthier, it's back. I know it isn't rational, and that I shouldn't feel that way. And that makes me feel guilty for feeling like that.
But I feel this red hot rage, every time I see myself in mirror or on pictures. I even thought if it's gender dysphoria, but I'm pretty sure it's the ED.
Did it ever went away with time for any of you? Whatever I do, it never changes. I can't remove it with better habits or with logic.