u/Jealous_Shoe_105

M23 and have been on my own for as long as I can remember. I never really had friends during my school or college years and if I did it was only 1 and everyone I used to know I don’t talk to anymore. I don’t remember what a friend feels like, or what having deep conversations is like. I spent most of the time in my room, I have no job, no girlfriend, nothing but sadness, regret, anxiety, depression, misery and hatred. I talk to myself out loud and I pretend that I’m talking to someone else, that’s how alone I am that I have to make pretend to cope with having no one. I may or may not be completely insane or mentally unstable I don’t even know anymore.

I felt it was important to get this off my chest. I’m 23 from the UK, who has suffered from severe loneliness for years, it started in 2019 when my best friend at school left to go to college, leaving me on my own for the first time. I have autism and social anxiety when makes my life hell in public spaces especially back then, I was the mute type, the kid who would sit in the back of class and not say a single word the entire time. Same was true for lunch and times when i didn’t have lessons. I’d sit on a computer the entire time bored out of my mind with no one to talk to, this continued on into to college the first 3 years would the exact same. I had no friends outside of college either so I was truly on my own, even when I’d come home I would go and hang out with people, I’d just be in my room usually gaming or watching YouTube or something. Since I left college things have gotten worse, the one friend I did make I lost contact with and because I’m currently still unemployed I spend my time inside my room and it’s driving me insane. I try to find people online but to little success, plus trying to find a girl that’s right for me is impossible. I’m at the point where I don’t even know what to do anymore I’ve tried every dating app, social media, discord server and nothing really. I can’t believe how hard it is for me to make connections online let alone in the real world. My life is so miserable honestly, the last 6 years have been hell for me mentally and now I don’t have a clue what to even do anymore.