u/Johnnys-In-America

Before I explain what I mean, if anyone is lurking here who doesn't have anxiety or understand it, please don't do this. I beg of you.

In the last few days I've had at my new job (a restaurant), a few different co-workers and even some customers have commented on my nervous energy. I guess it's something so glaringly obvious they feel the need to ask me. Answer is always the same, I tell them it's just how I'm wired and I'm chill on the inside despite my actions. I'm also always in some kind of hurry and I get that, too.

My social anxiety is a tough one, because I've worked in all kinds of situations with large crowds and all manner of people, and still can function and do a job, but people still make me nervous. Especially if I don't know them well enough to start feeling comfortable. I'm sure that energy comes out, but it's not malicious or anything, it's just that I'm high strung. I can be fidgety, tap my feet or drum my fingers, things like that. But it usually doesn't translate to my actually feeling nervous. Until someone brings it up.

I don't feel like that's an OK thing to say to anyone. I'm already struggling with the anxiety I've got and feel self-conscious, but ramp that up x1000 when someone has the gall to mention it. It's something I really struggle with, but I don't think I'll ever be able to get a handle on it.

I just feel worse, thinking I'm under scrutiny from people and that I might even be unnerving. Only the people who know me well can ignore my quirky behavior. But from strangers it's just unnerving.

ETA: I'm at work and won't be able to respond for a while, but I definitely will.

This guy was getting under my skin from day one. I don't know what exactly why it is, that some people have to get off on being completely overbearingly condescending to others, but this dude was taking it to new levels. I've been in my industry for eons now, and I'm a fairly intelligent person. I don't know everything about my job yet because I'm brand new, but I can get stuff down pretty easily once I'm shown how.

For context, this a sit down restaurant, not super high class or anything, but relatively upscale. I come from a different branch of F&B (banquet serving) which is similar in many ways, but also quite different. My bully somehow decided that I'm not cutting the mustard and also that I must be an idiot (I'm not, lol). He knows nothing of my former pursuits, I imagine. But since the first day, he's treated me not only like a child, but like an absolute dimwit. When those kinds of people get these ideas in their heads, and they've seemingly found someone to abuse, they're relentless.

He is constantly on my ass about the little, stupidest nitpicky things that either don't actually matter, or is something I'm in the process of fixing. The bully acts like my boss when he has zero power. He will call my name repeatedly while scolding me like a literal child, making me so uneasy and just flat out self-conscious. He won't allow himself to see me for what I am, so thusly thinks he can treat me this way and get away with it.

Of course it's absolutely asinine and I was over it the first few times. He's not doing this to be helpful BTW. And it's not because I'm legit fucking up. I dropped a to-go box on the floor and then set it on the counter to grab in a moment to bring it to the trash it would fit in, and because I was convening with some guests at the same time. There was a method to my madness but he wasn't going to have that. Bully pulls the whole, saying my name until I acknowledged him, then chiding me about the box.

So I unleashed the kraken and went off on him. Can't remember my exact words, but it was something like, "you have seemed to want to be mean to me since I started this place."

Apropos of nothing he goes, "just do your job" or something straight up nasty like that. I told him he was always riding my ass for stupid shit and it makes me nervous. So I yelled for him to leave me alone. Then I told him I didn't like him.

He backed off and said absolutely nothing more, and after I regained my composure I readied myself to be dragged into the managers' office for a freakin' talking to. But I wasn't, nobody said boo for the rest of my shift, and I just avoided him till it was time to go.

I'm afraid of him running his mouth to someone and me taking the fall. Sure, I could've not said those things, but maybe he shouldn't have, either. Why did he push me to a breaking point? Do I even want to bring this up to mgmt and take the risk, being still very new?

Would you? Cuz I'm so unsure of things like if there are cliques and people playing favorites and what kind of trouble I could be in. But I wasn't gonna take any more humiliation, that's for sure. I don't want to be a problem employee, but I'm not gonna let people steamroll me unfounded.

Bleh. Thanks for reading my lengthy monologue, TL;DR I went off on the bully and it might've been a wrong move. Retaliation at workplaces shouldn't be a thing, but we know damn well skippy that it is.

Been a fan of Amy since I was around 7 years old. Age to Age and Straight Ahead and Unguarded were big in our household, but it wasn't until Lead Me On that I started paying real attention. I would've been 10 in 1988, I think that's when it came out?

It's been there for me throughout my life in a way that I can't explain about literally any other album. We had the cassette, so I didn't really consider "Wait for the Healing" or "If You Have to Go Away" weren't really part of my real Lead Me On experience. Hopefully others from this time period can appreciate what I mean, I don't dislike them at all, they are just not quite at the same level for me as the rest of the album. And to make it even weirder, we always started the album out with side 2, so "What About the Love" was our track #1. If just seems to flow better that way and I'll die on that hill.

But tuning into the vibe for the first time today in years, I was again just so taken with the intensity and beauty of my favorite song on the album, "All Right." I broke down in tears because at this moment I'm my life, and going so many years not entirely embracing the meaning, it all makes sense now I just love Amy so much for her lyrical ability and how it's just been the thing that keeps me loving her and having nothing but fond memories of some of her most incredible albums. Lead Me On is such a great album. No skips. Poignant and then some.

Went on to absolutely love Heart in Motion too, before I kinda lost touch because her work afterward hasn't quite been as powerful for me. But I will sing the praises to Lead Me On forever! Thanks for letting me tell you guys here!

So yeah. I work for the corporation known as a derivative of Scarlet Crustacean, lol. I'm new, I'm actively only about 3 solid weeks in. I haven't done a la carte serving in a fat minute, I've been mostly a banquet server which, as we know, is a whole other animal. But I've been at F&B for like 30 years so I know a thing or 2, at least you'd think by now?

Yeah, well scratch that because apparently it's not OK to not only pick up on how Scarlet Crustaceans does things right off the bat, but to also not know after 2 weeks of absolute shite training. I was supposed to shadow someone for 4 entire shifts, after hours of online "training" which was neither particularly interactive nor effective.

The first night after finishing the online crap, my nemesis manager goes, "it wasn't supposed to take that long. It's too late to shadow anybody tonight." I'm like bruh. It's literally *timed* segments like I can't go any faster than the freaking video plays. WTaF

But I saw that as the beginning of this dude's hard-on gunning for me.

Ever since he's been like...I don't even know how to put this. Questioning my competence? One of those people who treats you like you're an idiot even when you're not, because they just think who they are and don't friggin care about coming off like a condescending prick.

So some time goes by and despite the lack of proper shadowing opportunities I manage to pick some shit up and I'm doing OK. Until the Pre-Mother's Day Insanity. We got fuckin' ROCKED last night, like sideways to Sunday and a bunch of us servers were butchered and got stiffed, angry Karens and the whole bit. For me, I had some issues with needing to know how to ring certain stuff up on the registers. A common issue, one would think. But when I asked you know, whoever was in front of me Nemesis Manager comes and bitches me out, like HOW DARE I?? You know what, homie? You weren't standing right there, you were fixing someone else's issue and time is not on my side at this very second, I'm gonna get logged the fuck out after 75% inputting the order so I can't just go leave the terminal and hunt you down mofo, but how dare I ask a server assistant if they know the terminal or the menu????"

Ya know what f u. But I get chewed out instead. The rest of the night didn't go any better. Other miraculously shitty issues that I could only solve *BY ASKING OTHER PEOPLE* but how dare I not know???

Nemesis manager ends the night telling me today is going to be worse, and that he doesn't think I deserve a full station and that I can't handle this. I try to explain why and he blames me again. I really hate this guy with every fiber of my being right now, and I'm 15 minutes from clocking in today and I just don't know how to feel or act. The GM probably heard fucked up stories and I'm gonna have to redeem myself. But why even fight at this point. I'm so over it in my head already and I don't even want to go in but I need this goddamn fucking job. This nemesis manager is gonna be the death of me and he has no idea nor does he care how bad it actually is. Why do these people get power in the first place and then just fucking abuse it.

I really dig the years 2003-2007 in metalcore development. So stuff like:

Threat Signal - Under Reprisal

August Burns Red - Thrill Seeker

Parkway Drive - The Don't Close Your Eyes EP, KWAS, Horizons

Killswitch - Alive or Just Breathing

Bring Me the Horizon - Count Your Blessings

All That Remains - Fall of Ideals

Those bands are pretty well-known but I'm kinda looking for some more just obscure stuff that slaps from that time period. Thanks for anything you can recommend. 🤘

ETA: thanks, everyone! I'm going to make a list and start listening, might take a few days but I'll get back to everyone and tell you what I think!