u/JunketMaleficent2095

So I have noticed that there is a lot of talk about seeing women as a friend or understanding that the woman doesnt see you as a romantic option. However, I noticed that there is little talk about how there is a third option that happens which is the unhealthy friendship where the woman is practically taking advantage of the fact that they a guy might like her.

What are the body language cues for that? I ask because I noticed if a guy speaks up about it, it is read as if he is mad that girl only sees him as a friend.

Does anyone have answers for this?

Im not talking about verbal signs like "oh you are a great friend" or "eww" when you say something cringy. Im talking about the subtle things.

I will list them.

1. You drive them home and they just say thanks without anything else

2. You stand close to them and they take one step back. Just one step back

3. You put your hand on their shoulder and you feel their body tense up.

4. They stand next to someone else in a group photo.

5. They give average eye contact.

They still hang out with you daily but they havent made a move yet. You are reading that they are uninterested however you have a crush on them.

Would you just go for the verbal rejection to make sure?

I ask because I would just go for the verbal rejection because when I look back, I know that I will feel like a fool if my only reason was these signs lol.

So I feel like we tend to think that body language is always going to be accurate in most cases when dealing with others especially in romantic context. For example, a guy can misread a woman's friendliness for flirtatious energy. Well, I have a story of a girl in my class who ultimately gave mixed signals and is the reason why I dont't really believe in body language cues anymore.

So this happen 3 years ago in my med school class. For the purpose of this story, the girl will be named Sarah. Sarah was another classmate who was the typical pretty girl tbh. Every guy was pining to be with her. In fact, I overheard dudes taking bets on who is going to lock her down. All of it went down in the Friday night bar. I was a shy guy who already discounted my luck with Sarah. I didnt warm up at all to nobody so what was the chances of Sarah actually liking me.

So idk what happen that Friday, but the next week, Sarah took a lot of interest in me. She started to randomly come sit next to me. She invited me to get lunch with her and would follow me around. Before we even ended up becoming friends, I remember her moving to where I was at a gathering in hopes I would start a convo with her.

So fast forward 4 months, I felt comfortable with Sarah since she seemed to understand me. I became more outgoing around her and eventually developed a crush. Honestly it was only amount of time for her looks and personality to have an effect. This is when I started to wounder does she like me?

She did all the things this forum would say. She leaned in when talking. She gave strong eye contact and sometimes touch. She would tease me a lot. She also gave compliments. She loved to say I had a nice shirt every time she saw me and asked follow up questions in person and text. Lastly, she had a distinct way of saying my name. She would get high pitched and annunciate every vowel. So I thought she liked me because this isnt friendly behavior or so I thought.

Once I started to do light flirting myself, things changed. She backed up if I touched her the way she touched me. She just said thanks to my compliments. She never texted me alot and she made sure to keep the texting more surface level. Eventually I found out that Sarah had a bf that lived a couple states away and she never told me. In fact, everyone found out but she would never admit to it to me. Her friends made her tell me.

So I moved on from Sarah and got a gf myself. Sarah made a sarcastic comment which was "you are only with her because she is nice and nothing else". So I assume she got jealous. She texted me a lot more when I was with my now ex.

Moving to today, Sarah is going strong with her bf and we dont really talk that much anymore. I am very saddening that our friendship has ended because ironically, she understood me better than anyone. But the question remains, "did she ever like me"

The answer which is probably but didnt want to act on it. This would explain the mixed signals. So I tell this story that body language cues arent really cut and dry like we may think. It isnt that we always misread others either.

Sometimes it is just like that

So I feel like we tend to think that body language is always going to be accurate in most cases when dealing with others especially in romantic context. For example, a guy can misread a woman's friendliness for flirtatious energy. Well, I have a story of a girl in my class who ultimately gave mixed signals and is the reason why I dont't really believe in body language cues anymore.

So this happen 3 years ago in my med school class. For the purpose of this story, the girl will be named Sarah. Sarah was another classmate who was the typical pretty girl tbh. Every guy was pining to be with her. In fact, I overheard dudes taking bets on who is going to lock her down. All of it went down in the Friday night bar. I was a shy guy who already discounted my luck with Sarah. I didnt warm up at all to nobody so what was the chances of Sarah actually liking me.

So idk what happen that Friday, but the next week, Sarah took a lot of interest in me. She started to randomly come sit next to me. She invited me to get lunch with her and would follow me around. Before we even ended up becoming friends, I remember her moving to where I was at a gathering in hopes I would start a convo with her.

So fast forward 4 months, I felt comfortable with Sarah since she seemed to understand me. I became more outgoing around her and eventually developed a crush. Honestly it was only amount of time for her looks and personality to have an effect. This is when I started to wounder does she like me?

She did all the things this forum would say. She leaned in when talking. She gave strong eye contact and sometimes touch. She would tease me a lot. She also gave compliments. She loved to say I had a nice shirt every time she saw me and asked follow up questions in person and text. Lastly, she had a distinct way of saying my name. She would get high pitched and annunciate every vowel. So I thought she liked me because this isnt friendly behavior or so I thought.

Once I started to do light flirting myself, things changed. She backed up if I touched her the way she touched me. She just said thanks to my compliments. She never texted me alot and she made sure to keep the texting more surface level. Eventually I found out that Sarah had a bf that lived a couple states away and she never told me. In fact, everyone found out but she would never admit to it to me. Her friends made her tell me.

So I moved on from Sarah and got a gf myself. Sarah made a sarcastic comment which was "you are only with her because she is nice and nothing else". So I assume she got jealous. She texted me a lot more when I was with my now ex.

Moving to today, Sarah is going strong with her bf and we dont really talk that much anymore. I am very saddening that our friendship has ended because ironically, she understood me better than anyone. But the question remains, "did she ever like me"

The answer which is probably but didnt want to act on it. This would explain the mixed signals. So I tell this story that body language cues arent really cut and dry like we may think. It isnt that we always misread others either.

Sometimes people dont know what they want which is better to just go for a direct answer. I feel like on this sub we find it a sin to get rejected when the cues werent there. Just get rejection sometimes. It wont hurt.

You know the advice, just be yourself or stop being so shy because the world would love to hear your inner thoughts. Unfortunately, that has not applied to me. I grew up very shy to the point of being mute in high school. A lot of it was that I wanted to fit in so bad, that I didnt want to offend anyone. So I was a really nice guy like no one could say anything bad about me.

In fact, at my school we had a senior retreat where people have to write letters to anyone that they choose. I got tons of letters from others who said, we really wish that you were more talkative. So i decided to work on it.

That is when I found out that the other side isnt better. I am not funny, nor charming, nor profound. I have noticed too as I gotten older, that people take what I say more seriously to the point that they judge. I am no longer cute for having a bad opinion.

In terms of what I have done to work on it. I have went to therapy were they didnt think anything was wrong with me. I have tried to make friends which was hard in college and med school. Idk why, but I never was the cool type of guy who got invited, but chose not to go because of insecurity. I learned the hard way. I remember people on the first week of med school people texting others to go to the bar. I got no text messages and no one ever invited me anywhere.

As I got older, I tried to take control of it by saying I never was a partier anyway or I have to study. But I know things would be different if I was actually invited places.

Last example, I had to repeat the first year of med school due to failing by one point. My class had only 35 students in the class which I got know personally in a semester. When I disappeared, no one text to find out what happened. In fact, some any said that they didnt even noticed that I was gone.

So idk what others' people experiences have been with social life, but i kinda get angry when people think other people are nonjudgemental. I have seen how it can be which is why I despise the advice "put yourself out there"

These are some opinions that i have for the dating landscape. Fair warning, they are a bit controversial takes. Let me know what you think or add your own.

1. Sometimes getting a partner will make you happy.

- I heard this one all the time when I was depressed and lonely that partner will not make you happy. But I think we forget that dating/marriage is an intrinsic need not a want! It is natural crave intimacy. Im single now, but when I had a partner, I was definitely happier and visibly more confident. I never once expected my partner to fix me, but sometimes getting what you want is the answer.

2. You dont always need to love yourself first before you love anyone

- This is a popular one in this new age society. It's all about self love and therapy. It is such a gen z concept to believe that self love is all you need. At the end of the day, a relationship is work. It is never going to be smooth. Also you can't love yourself in a vacuum. Some of the biggest people with confidence are the ones who have been shown proper love. So chances are self love comes from acceptances of others including a relationship. Isn't that ironic.

3. Working on yourself increases your chances in dating.

- I heard this one alot. If you can more confidence, self acceptance, money, and muscles you will have a better chance at dating. The truth is that people who date the most are ones who date lol. So working on yourself becomes cope if you arent putting your money where your mouth is. Not only that, but relationships are hard regardless. So working on yourself isnt about to prevent breakups, cheating, and incompatiblitiy. The only thing that helps with that is experience.

4. Confidence isnt the key

- Another popular saying. At the end of the day, it comes down to connection. If someone is good at connecting with someone else, they will overlook their lack of confidence. Vice versa, if someone is confident, but lacks a connection. It comes off as arrogance. It is always better to be able to connect than be confident.

5. Looks do matter

- Enough said. Studies already show looks determine first impressions the most. For the most part, people want to date the most attractive person first before they think about other things. So work on your looks.

6. Finding a partner has more to do with luck and timing than you

- Sometimes it is the wrong environment. Sometimes, no one is single. It isnt always because you need to work on yourself. Most of the women that found me attractive, liked me when I was depressed and lack confidence. When I was confident, there was hardly any women around. Sometimes it is like that. The best thing to do is keep switching environments

7. Being nice isnt the same thing as being attractive

Im not saying be a jerk. But causing arousal comes down to being able to flirt. Being nice doesnt cause anything. This is why bad boys can get a gf because they at least know how to be flirtatious. Sex is a raw desire meaning we get the feels when the variables are there. So keep that in mind in dating. Never neglect the fundamentals for just being nice.

Hey so it is May 15th and I am planning to take Step 2 in July. I havent got a test date yet because I am waiting on my aid application to be accepted. Also I am not sure what is the best time to take it.

Long story short, I have to take by Aug 28th per my school guidelines which is totally fine. The issue is that my baseline CSSBE score was 210 which I was surprised to see. My goal score is 250 since I want to do anesthesia and honestly I am hearing nowadays that 250 is pretty much average.

The weirdest thing about my CSSBE score is that it does not reflect my shelf scores at all. I High Pass all of my exams except OBGYN and Peds. However, according to my breakdown, I was low in everything except psych which made no sense. I barely even tough psych after I finished that rotation.

The last two rotation I took was surgery and IM which I came close to honoring so I am very confused to see that didnt show in my breakdown report. This is a small rant but it kinda makes me angry that I studied for the last 4 months to just get a low score.

But getting back to Step 2, what resources should I used? I have done all of Uworld and only got incorrects left. I was thinking about doing Amboss and inner circle notes. I am reading a ton of posts on here, and people are redoing everything to get a huge jump. So I am wondering what can I do in these 3 months to see improvement.

This was 5 months ago. I wish we could have ended the relationship amicable, but unfortunately, that did not happen. In fact, she ended up blocking me on every social media platform and still has me block today.

So basically, 5 months ago, I was chilling with my ex. We had some rough patches, but we had always put it back together. I had told her that I am always there for her no matter what. For example, I literally held her in my arms one night since she was having an anxiety attack. I drove 30 mins to do that and I still had to go to work in the morning.

But I sense a disturbance in the force, sorry I had to make a stars wars joke. I kinda felt uneasy the last month. I knew she was thinking to break up. I cant really explain it but I could just feel the shift in her so I wasnt completely blindsided. In fact, we she was about to break up, I said "I know what this call is. I felt it before you called"

But the way she broke up is what pissed me off. Basically, 3 days before I took her to a steak restaurant. I ended up dropping $200 on our meal. I did it since we have just reach out 8 month mark and I wanted to celebrate our relationship especially since I was busy with school. When we got home, I was laying in her bed scrolling instagram. She saw on my FYP sabrina carpenter and she flipped out. She demanded that I hand over my phone so she can see what women I was texting.

I told her no so she kicked me out of the house. The next day I didnt contact her and she ended up calling me. I apologized and told her that I can work on having a cleaner instagram. Then I invited her to my friend's engagement party.

She agreed. So I told my friends that I will get my own hotel with my gf. The next day after I booked it. She called to say that she cant do it anymore and she wanted to break up. What got me angry was that she wanted to get off the phone in 5 mins.

She didnt even want to talk about her reasoning other than she doesnt like me anymore. She put the ownness on me when she said that I never told her that I loved her or showed her affection.

That is when I had enough and called her selfish. I told her that she never brought me a coffee the relationship. I held her when she would cry yet that wasnt good enough. I told her that I am done too. I also told her that I felt disrespected that you didnt even want to talk about it. Instead you were willing to get off the phone and block me in 5 mins throwing away our relationship like that. So I told her that I dont want to be with a woman that selfish that she prioritized her needs so high that she doesnt even think about mines.

So she got angry and we never talked again. I had the pleasure of telling my friends that night while crying that I need a hotel room last minute. Im healed today, but I find it weird that around this time last year. I would have been kissing my gf and telling her she was my best friend.

So was this wrong at all?

So I writing this for everyone who is rarely picked in social settings and never have someone like them either. This isnt so much about being attractive romantically, although it does include that as well. I am going over some things that I personally struggle with, but hopefully you dont have to worry about it.

Lowkey, it is too late for me because old habits die hard and I am 28 so I would rather just grow old and work lol. But if I can go back to high school and college, this is how would have carried myself.

1. Make your movements very deliberate.

- never walk fast or move arm sporadically. Always have a slow purposefulness to how you move your body. For example, when walking, walk with a good rhythm. It shows that you are in control of your life. Typically, people who walk fast or look fanatic come off anxious which doesnt seem confident.

2. Own everything that you are doing. Never try to explain yourself

-If you make eye contact with someone, just look at them and smile. Dont dart your head back around. Own it. If you walk in own someone in a bathroom, just say my bad and leave it. Don't get too bashful. If you laugh at a joke that wasnt funny, just say it was funny to me. It comes off confident since you are owning your presence rather than explaining or shirking. Lastly is compliments. Don't be afraid to tell someone that you found them attractive or you like what they are wearing. The key is to own it, but dont linger. So say it and move on. It let others know that you aren't caring about the outcome and it came from the heart.

3. Speak to people first rather than the other way around. Always try to end convos when it is time rather than a person telling you.

- This one can get into personality differences, but in general, the person who speaks first is considered confident. Plus people treat you differently when you are willing to set the stage first. Try it next time you are around people. Likewise, end convos first. If you notice that is time to wrap up, just end the convo. It comes off less needy as you arent waiting for approval.

Sidenote: It also comes off less awkward too. Since you arent lingering. Often times people talk about being awkward or approaching a stranger and being creepy. What makes it creepy to cold approach isnt the approach. Again if you own your reasoning which "hey I wanted to introduce myself because I feel we have something in common" then leave once you realize that person isnt reciprocating, No one will think you are creepy. Guy or Girl

4. If you aren't participating in the group discussion, leave the convo.

- I used to be the type that lingered and listened. I thought that made me look like I was engaged. The truth is that people dont like silence. Now it is ok to be silent at times, but you cant be silent the entire time. So it is always best to say "Hey guys, Im going go work on somethings. You guys take care" The group will have more respect since they know you arent trying to seek approval by staying. So your presence will be acknowledged when it comes around.

5. If you want to date or make a friend, reach out immediately after connecting.

- People are busy and they also lose interest over time. I call it the window of opportunity. So if you had a great connection with someone, reach out and set up a time to reconnect or send a meme to keep the door open. I am the type to get a number and chill. That is how you get forgotten

6. If you arent popular or attractive in a group setting, learn to take a reserved approach and attack when the moment is right.

- Often times, people do 2 things in these type of scenarios: try to be popular or shirk down. The 3rd option is a mixture of both which is be reserved, but be outgoing when it is time. Basically, wait for someone to start warming up and then used that opportunity as a way in. I always made the mistake of being too reserved or just surface level with everyone. If people like talking to you, but dont like inviting you places, that means that it time to seek a deeper connection

7. Always leave people wanting more. So ask more questions than giving out answers

- When talking to others, try to get them to open more than you. Now, what I mean is to really get them invested. The way to do that is by asking engaging questions. Only share information that helps guide the connection. Never share unnecessary stuff about yourself until the person shows they are reciprocating

8. Always look to iniate first in groups and be assertive

- People look for leaders so if you are in an indecisive group, be the leader. Tell the joke that you thought was funny. Plan the event. Also be quick to advocate for yourself. People will gravitate towards you more often.

9. Lookmaxx

- Unpopular to say it nowadays, but looks still matter. So always aim to improve your face and body. It is insane how much growth you can do to yourself to look more attractive. I look at myself today and I look at least 3 points higher on looks than 5 years ago. Alot of it is grooming, style, and working out. So don't neglect it.

10. Be kind without it coming off inauthentic

- easy way with this is to let people talk first when telling stories. Wish people happy birthday. Help people who seem like they are struggling in school or feeling shy. That type of stuff. Stay away from giving people rides, money, or validation. Give a compliment but walk away.

I hope this was helpful. This is what people really mean when they say be more confident. So if you have time to practice, please do.

I used to be a genuinely nice guy growing up, and I mean a really nice person. I got real satisfaction from helping others, even giving away things I cared about just to see someone else happy. That kindness wasn’t about expectations—it was just who I was.

As I got older, I started noticing that my kindness was often taken advantage of. I also realized my own needs were rarely met in return. I wasn’t asking for anything extreme, just basic respect and inclusion, but I often didn’t get it. In college, things got worse. I was bullied and regularly disrespected. I was pushed around on campus at times and became the butt of jokes. I even had moments where I helped others a lot, like with schoolwork, only to be disrespected in front of their friends. I also experienced physical disrespect, including being slapped once. I ended up extremely isolated and deeply depressed, especially during times like Valentine’s Day when I was alone and overwhelmed.

Eventually, I stopped being as open and “nice” and started watching videos on how to gain respect which reinforced a more hardened and defensive mindset. I learned to stand up for myself in a more forceful way, and ironically, I gained more respect socially. People stopped trying me as much, and I even noticed more attraction from women. But internally, I felt conflicted, because it came at the cost of who I used to be. I became more resentful and less connected to myself.

Now I feel stuck between two versions of myself: the genuinely nice guy I used to be who felt happy and authentic, and the more defensive, hardened version I became to avoid being disrespected. I haven’t found real peace in either state, and I miss feeling like my old self.

I used to be a genuinely nice guy growing up, and I mean a really nice person. I got real satisfaction from helping others, even giving away things I cared about just to see someone else happy. That kindness wasn’t about expectations—it was just who I was.

As I got older, I started noticing that my kindness was often taken advantage of. I also realized my own needs were rarely met in return. I wasn’t asking for anything extreme, just basic respect and inclusion, but I often didn’t get it. In college, things got worse. I was bullied and regularly disrespected. I was pushed around on campus at times and became the butt of jokes. I even had moments where I helped others a lot, like with schoolwork, only to be disrespected in front of their friends. I also experienced physical disrespect, including being slapped once. I ended up extremely isolated and deeply depressed, especially during times like Valentine’s Day when I was alone and overwhelmed.

Eventually, I stopped being as open and “nice” and started watching videos on how to gain respect which reinforced a more hardened and defensive mindset. I learned to stand up for myself in a more forceful way, and ironically, I gained more respect socially. People stopped trying me as much, and I even noticed more attraction from women. But internally, I felt conflicted, because it came at the cost of who I used to be. I became more resentful and less connected to myself.

Now I feel stuck between two versions of myself: the genuinely nice guy I used to be who felt happy and authentic, and the more defensive, hardened version I became to avoid being disrespected. I haven’t found real peace in either state, and I miss feeling like my old self.

I see a lot of this stuff about personal responsibility when it comes this type of scenario, but let's be honest sometimes the environment is the reason. Just ask anyone who was an army kid or had to relocate for school, everyone is different. Sure we fall into patterns, but people are unique so this reasoning if faulty.

So here are the signs that you are in the wrong environment.

1. You always have to introduce yourself first

- Yes, extroverted and confident people introduce themselves first all the time. But typically it becomes a shared role by the end of the week. If you find yourself being exhausted from constantly saying hi or initiating convos. You are around the wrong people.

2. No one ever includes you in group convos.

- Yes sometimes you have to push through and not be scared to be wrong. But if you gave that a few tries and the group still doesnt include you, screw them. I have done that a few times where a group would accept me in the moment but forget me tomorrow.

3. No one remembers details about you or they never get curious?

This is a huge sign!!! People who are trying to get to know you will remember things you tell them. If they start forgetting or you have to remind them. Get out of there immediately. Another one is if they never ask questions about you. Every convo is about their interests. It should become reflexive overtime.

4. No one ever text you first.

You didnt make the groupchat. If you dont know where things are happening and you actually have to text about it. bad sign

5. You find yourself advocating for your needs always

Sure you are responsible for yourself. But people should notice when you havent ate in a group lunch or you arent at the party. I won't take this one personal since no one instinctly does it on purpose. But it shows that you arent one of them

I hope this helps with socializing and what body cues to pay attention to

So basically, I am a guy in my late 20s who has somehow adapted to not connecting well with others. It weird though people think I am a very cool and talk to me in social settings. I am not a wierd person by no means.

Just came back from cancun with the boys and the locals loved me. Few young adults wanted to invite me out some to some parties. I was invited to cancun as a bachelor's trip as well. Got 4 weddings this year to attend.

Yet I am not really friends with no one. I felt alone on the trip and in med school people rarely text me. Every now and then I have someone reach out and say they were checking in on me but that happens like every 4 months. Then it dies down.

People say they miss me but get weirded out when I reach out myself. I feel like I am going crazy since they people do that. I feel like I cant read social cues or something. But then when I show people the text messages, people agree that it is just straight behavior.

Anyways as I get older, I have become colder and numb. I dont try to connect anymore. I just go to a party, get drunk, hug it out, and then say we should do this again sometime. We never hang out again. Same strategy in med school just minus the alcohol. I think I am starting to hurt people because of this but I was hurt being open to connection that never came.

I think being an introvert is better than being outgoing without connection

Im curious if anyone has advice for this.

This is from a guy's perspective as well. I wanted to part some wisdom to you guys that I wish that someone once told me. I wasted some much time on the wrong things.

1. You are too nice.

Translation: the amount of kindness you gave off did not match the amount of time you invested. Basically you gave too much of yourself so you came off like a needy pushover type. Next time, measure you kindness based on how much the person deserves. It does not mean women like mean guys. It means that the woman found you unattractive because you moved a bit too fast for how little you know her. Basically respect yourself more to wait before giving too much of yourself.

2. You seem like a sweet guy.

Translation: You really was a nice guy and I appreciated it. However, I am not attracted to you. It does not mean you turned the woman off because you were too nice. It means that at the very least she saw you as a nice person and wasnt a jerk. However I am not attracted to you due to a lack of chemistry or incompatibility

3. I didnt feel the spark

Translation: You didnt flirt enough and now the interaction became more platonic. To prevent this, always flirt and escalate. This means do some light touches and go for the kiss when it is time. Dating is a blood sport. It rewards those who arent afraid to take a risk. Now sometimes there really isnt a spark but understand that you can only come to take conclusion after you flirted.

4. Let's just be friends

Translation: I dont actually want to be friends. Sorry this one stinks. But its a way to end this without coming off mean. The only time this is true is if the woman reaches out after a date or you were friends initially. But if it is a first date, it is gg my guy

5. Treat women like people or treat her like your guy friend

Translation: Make fun of her like you would do your guy friend. Roast her and challenger her opinion. It doesnt mean being respectful and nice lol. I used to think that. But it really means that you treat her like a friend which is playful teasing. That is ironically attractive because now she is truly connecting to you.

6. Be friends with a woman first and you can date later

Translation: Still be flirty when talking to women. Dont expect any dating. It does not mean just be nice and respectful. Still give that compliment. Still be subtle with playful teasing. Just dont ask for a date. If done correctly, the woman will start to develop attraction. Not always but this is how the friends to lovers trope happens.

7. Focus on yourself and the right one will come

Translation: Im getting tired of you complaining so now I am going to tell you this advice so you cant argue with it. The truth is as a man, you will have to get use to approaching. So built it into your personality without being desperate. Dating is a skill after all.

8. Sometimes when you dont care that is when it happens.

Translation: I am an extrovert and natural am charismatic. So women just like me. Understand its because they do 5 and 6 naturally. So do that to get this outcome to happen.

9. I have a boyfriend

Translation: I do have a boyfriend lol. Sometimes women say this if she feels like it could be flirty so they add this line. Other times it is out of respect for her bf. Either way take it as a rejection

10. Looks dont matter. Just be yourself

Translation: Looks absolutely matter. It is the one thing people notice when you walk into the room. However, people cant say this without coming off superficial. Being yourself means dont be weird. Keep the weird parts hidden until someone knows you better. It does not mean tell the jokes that you would tell with your boys. Instead, open yourself up over time and pace expectations.

Enjoy. Also I expect people who disagree to state what made them disagree

This is from a guy's perspective as well. For context, I am about to graduate from my 20s but I wanted to part some wisdom to you guys that I wish that someone once told me. I wasted some much time on the wrong things.

1. You are too nice.

Translation: the amount of kindness you gave off did not match the amount of time you invested. Basically you gave too much of yourself so you came off like a needy pushover type. Next time, measure you kindness based on how much the person deserves. It does not mean women like mean guys. It means that the woman found you unattractive because you moved a bit too fast for how little you know her. Basically respect yourself more to wait before giving too much of yourself.

2. You seem like a sweet guy.

Translation: You really was a nice guy and I appreciated it. However, I am not attracted to you. It does not mean you turned the woman off because you were too nice. It means that at the very least she saw you as a nice person and wasnt a jerk. However I am not attracted to you due to a lack of chemistry or incompatibility

3. I didnt feel the spark

Translation: You didnt flirt enough and now the interaction became more platonic. To prevent this, always flirt and escalate. This means do some light touches and go for the kiss when it is time. Dating is a blood sport. It rewards those who arent afraid to take a risk. Now sometimes there really isnt a spark but understand that you can only come to take conclusion after you flirted.

4. Let's just be friends

Translation: I dont actually want to be friends. Sorry this one stinks. But its a way to end this without coming off mean. The only time this is true is if the woman reaches out after a date or you were friends initially. But if it is a first date, it is gg my guy

5. Treat women like people or treat her like your guy friend

Translation: Make fun of her like you would do your guy friend. Roast her and challenger her opinion. It doesnt mean being respectful and nice lol. I used to think that. But it really means that you treat her like a friend which is playful teasing. That is ironically attractive because now she is truly connecting to you.

6. Be friends with a woman first and you can date later

Translation: Still be flirty when talking to women. Dont expect any dating. It does not mean just be nice and respectful. Still give that compliment. Still be subtle with playful teasing. Just dont ask for a date. If done correctly, the woman will start to develop attraction. Not always but this is how the friends to lovers trope happens.

7. Focus on yourself and the right one will come

Translation: Im getting tired of you complaining so now I am going to tell you this advice so you cant argue with it. The truth is as a man, you will have to get use to approaching. So built it into your personality without being desperate. Dating is a skill after all.

8. Sometimes when you dont care that is when it happens.

Translation: I am an extrovert and natural am charismatic. So women just like me. Understand its because they do 5 and 6 naturally. So do that to get this outcome to happen.

9. I have a boyfriend

Translation: I do have a boyfriend lol. Sometimes women say this if she feels like it could be flirty so they add this line. Other times it is out of respect for her bf. Either way take it as a rejection

10. Looks dont matter. Just be yourself

Translation: Looks absolutely matter. It is the one thing people notice when you walk into the room. However, people cant say this without coming off superficial. Being yourself means dont be weird. Keep the weird parts hidden until someone knows you better. It does not mean tell the jokes that you would tell with your boys. Instead, open yourself up over time and pace expectations.

I already have an answer which is that it is a pretty solid line contrary to a lot of guys saying not to do it. I personally used to be against myself due to a lot of men saying it and a lot of women claiming it is objectification.

This line with confidence will sale more interactions than anything else. This is due to it stating intent very early on and gives a strong reason of why I decided to talk to them.

Another thing I learned is that women secretly appreciate honestly and confidence. For example, I have friends who approach women all the time and they have no problem flirting. They have flirted with waitresses and got a bunch of numbers. I used to find it embarrassing but surprisingly most women dont mind. A lot of it is just because of how confident they sound and how relax they make interaction. It blew my mind since society nowadays make it seem like it is a sin to approach a woman.

Also this is coming from a dude who gets no play with the ladies. However, I am pretty good at making women feel comfortable with me. I am a natural at that tbh. However, most women never end up wanting to hang out with me or even go on a first date. But they love talking to me until a cow jumps the moon. A lot of it is because I never get flirty or just state I want you. Not out of fear, but I am very lowkey about things. But I learned that being more aggressive in this area is the way even against my personal indiscretions

But I am curious what other men think?

I already have an answer which is that it is a pretty solid line contrary to a lot of guys saying not to do it. I personally used to be against myself due to a lot of men saying it and a lot of women claiming it is objectification.

This line with confidence will sale more interactions than anything else. This is due to it stating intent very early on and gives a strong reason of why I decided to talk to them.

Another thing I learned is that women secretly appreciate honestly and confidence. For example, I have friends who approach women all the time and they have no problem flirting. They have flirted with waitresses and got a bunch of numbers. I used to find it embarrassing but surprisingly most women dont mind. A lot of it is just because of how confident they sound and how relax they make interaction. It blew my mind since society nowadays make it seem like it is a sin to approach a woman.

Also this is coming from a dude who gets no play with the ladies. However, I am pretty good at making women feel comfortable with me. I am a natural at that tbh. However, most women never end up wanting to hang out with me or even go on a first date. But they love talking to me until a cow jumps the moon. A lot of it is because I never get flirty or just state I want you. Not out of fear, but I am very lowkey about things. But I learned that being more aggressive in this area is the way even against my personal indiscretions

But I am curious what other people think?

PS: For people who actually read to the end, you can also say other lines. It doesnt matter what you say. Its how you say it with intent. That is it.

I heard people say all the time that you should get to know a woman. Be friends with a woman first. Who knows it may turn into something more.

Im going to be honest being friends with a woman is just as hard as dating. I mean what does it even mean to be friends with a woman anyway.

Does that mean you hang out 1on1. Text often. Or just talk to her alot at work? It is never defined.

Lastly, people then say to just go for it and be confident. Well, I have learned that if you arent that close to a woman, then she is probably going to reject unless its a cold approach situation.

So moving into my life. I am pretty good at just be causal with woman in my med school. At best, we have texted about school or homework. And I have hung out at the bars with them as a class. That's it. I looked through my text messages and some women have texted over 100 times yet we arent friends.

So is that close to even ask them out? Also, what if you arent even interested in them until later? I say this because there has been multiple times where I found a woman attractive after a year. But I am friendzoned by that for sure.

So you get what I mean

Let say there is a girl who lie in class or work. A place where you see her regularly. Would you ask her out if you notice that her cues show that she isnt interested. Now I dont mean she is ignoring you, but small things like you notice that when you lean in, she leans back. She tend to not linger in 1on1 settings. Also, she doesnt show signs of singling you out in group settings.

However, she does talk to you alot. Give playful touches and tease you. You kinda get the feel that it is friendly due to the other cues. Would you still go for it if you had a crush?

I am asking because some people would yes since you dont know for sure until you ask. Others would say the cues say everything. Why get unnecessary rejected.

Guys, I am not doing well at all. If I could describe how I feel currently, I feel alone and unloved. In therapy, they say to physical described the feeling. I feel a pulsating pain in the center of my chest with bouts of tearfulness.

I am trying to hold it together because I have to be strong. It was a hard day today. Basically, my advisor told me that it is going to be hard to match into my chosen specialty. I kinda knew that already, but then outside of that I went to therapy with the school appointed counselor.

He asked me who can you talk to about your situation. I told him no one really except my mom. I didnt make friends in med school and those who I trusted turned out to just want to get into the specialty they wanted which is fair. I think about how my ex left me 8 months ago and I just feel like I can't every do anything right.

I wonder where is that person that holds me when I am weak and affirms who I am. Based on school alone, i am a nobody. Outside of school, I do have some buddies and that is who I am going to cancun with. But they can handle this burden. I really dont know what to do?