u/KaleidoscopeFluid684

How do I stop being jealous of my sister? I love her but I hate feeling this way.

I feel horrible even writing this because my sister is genuinely one of my favorite people, but I can't stop comparing my life to hers.

Growing up, our lives were completely different. When I started school, my parents weren't doing that well financially, so I went to a government-type girls school where everything revolved around studies. By the time my sister started school, things had improved a lot and she got admission to one of the best schools in our city.

Because of that, we grew up in completely different environments.

I became the topper, the nerdy kid who only studied. My sister was the backbencher who enjoyed school life. She had lots of friends, parties, outings, school events, and all those experiences that people usually remember when they look back at their teenage years.

I don't blame my parents at all. They did the best they could and they're loving and supportive. This is just how things happened.

Then came the JEE phase. I eventually cleared JEE Main and got admission into a college through it, but the college is in a tier-4 city and is actually located in a village area. I joined two years ago and honestly the social life here is almost non-existent.

Meanwhile, this year my sister got admission to a college in Mumbai. Sometimes I look at our lives and feel like the difference keeps getting bigger.

She has had the same boyfriend since 7th class and they're still together. Her boyfriend is loved by my family too. They hang out, celebrate birthdays, exchange gifts, go on outings, make memories, and seem genuinely happy together. I know relationships aren't perfect, but I can't help feeling jealous because I've never experienced anything close to that.

I fell for someone once. We were never in a relationship. He liked me initially, but by the time I developed feelings for him, he had already lost interest. That experience hurt me more than I expected and left me with trust issues.

I have 3 very close friends in my city and I love them a lot. They're wonderful people. But they're similar to me — same school background. None of us really had the typical teenage experiences.

Sometimes I realize I've never received flowers from anyone. Never had a birthday surprise. Never had someone buy me a gift because they loved me.

It's not about money. I know gifts don't define love. But sometimes it feels like I've missed out on so many experiences that seem normal for other people.

Even growing up, my sister got more attention from relatives because she was considered prettier. I was darker-skinned and mostly got attention for my academic performance.

One memory from childhood has stayed with me for years. We were at my nani's house when my mom and masi had gone shopping. I was around 8 years old and my sister was around 5. I remember two of my cousins arguing about who would take my sister outside with them. Nobody was arguing about taking me.....

There are also small things that keep reminding me how different our lives have been. My sister got an iPhone in 11th class and still uses one, while I've always used an Android phone. I know this sounds petty and I know a phone doesn't determine happiness, but sometimes it feels like she's always been a step ahead in getting the experiences and things I wished for. It's not really about the phone itself.

The problem is that academics were the one thing that made me feel special, and after JEE, constant competition and mental health struggles made me feel average. Now I don't even have that confidence anymore.

What makes me feel even worse is that my sister has never done anything wrong. She is genuinely kind. Whenever I'm sad, she supports me. Whenever something good happens to me, she's happy for me. So I end up feeling guilty for being jealous.

I don't want her life to be worse. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I just wish I had some of the things she has.

I'm actually crying while writing this.

it’s been just 10 days since I came back home and I already ran out of things to do ....Went to Ganga Mahal w friends, had waffles, cafes bhi ho gaye and now this city feels dead af!!!! So random idea let’s make a chill jamming group or something 🫠 I can’t play instruments but if someone knows guitar or literally anything, we can just sit somewhere, sing random songs and vibe. Chaupati or cafe Buddy rooftop after 7 pm??

EDIT:If this gets like 50 upvotes then we can actually plan something tomorrow or the day after. Drop your ideas too !!

https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipIndia/comments/1sy128e/20f_unsure_if_my_relationship_expectations_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I recently posted on this subreddit about choosing to be childfree, and honestly, I got a lot of hate. It wasn’t just about kids either people started saying things like “feminists like you want husbands to do all the household chores while you won’t do anything,”.

I shared a similar perspective in an international relationship subreddit - u/Relationships the response there was completely different. Most of the people said these expectations are bare minimum not only women but I'm talking about men too Why is something seen as “too much” here but “bare minimum” elsewhere?

I’m a 20F and I’ve never been in a relationship. I did like/love someone before, but after getting to know him better, I realized our values and mindset were completely different, so I chose not to pursue it further.

I’m just trying to understand if my expectations are realistic before entering a relationship.

In my university, I do get proposals or people showing interest in dating, often based on my appearance. But once they get to know my thoughts, values, and what I’m actually looking for, they usually distance themselves. I also feel like most connections here are temporary, which makes me even more hesitant.

Some of my core values are:

I want a relationship based on loyalty, honesty, and emotional maturity I’m okay with a 3–4 year age gap

I’m religious, but I’m also drawn to people who are spiritual, introspective, and enjoy deep conversations, like people who think deeply about life and psychology.

I don’t want biological kids, mainly because I want to build a life around travel and explore the world, and also because I feel conflicted about bringing a child into the current state of the world

I’m open to adoption in the future.

I prefer to take things slowly and only be physically involved in a serious, long-term commitment like marriage, not in casual dating or short-term relationships and expect same from my partner

I value equality in a relationship — both partners should contribute financially, share household responsibilities, and support both families/parents.

I’m not comfortable with a patriarchal setup where everything revolves around the man (which I’ve often seen around me)

I’m an animal lover, so I naturally connect more with vegetarians/vegans, but I’m okay with non-vegetarians as long as they’re respectful

I want a partner who also has a sense of curiosity and excitement about the world. so it would mean a lot if my partner shares that lifestyle

Because of all this, I rarely feel compatible with people I meet, and it makes me wonder if I’m being too rigid or idealistic. I’m not sure if I should hold on to these standards or be more flexible, especially since I’ve never been in a relationship before.

My question: Am I being too restrictive with my expectations, or is it reasonable to wait for someone who aligns with most of these values?

TL;DR: 20F, never been in a relationship. I have strong values (loyalty, equality, no biological kids but open to adoption, waiting for a serious commitment for intimacy, travel-focused life, etc.) and rarely feel compatible with people. Wondering if I’m being too restrictive or just selective.

EDIT -

People in my dms are calling me "SELFISH" for not having kids so this the answer -

My future plans are a bit different I’d either like to volunteer at an orphanage because I genuinely love being around kids, or adopt a child to give them a better life. I don’t really want a biological child, mainly because the world is already overpopulated. The way humans are using natural resources feels very self-centered, and as an empath, it breaks my heart to see children suffering the most in wars and other situations. I’d rather try to make a difference in a child’s life than add to the population ...... currently in my universities every week I ( not only me but so many students) teach slum area kids for 2 hours so I see their condition and I really love them ....they need good education clothes and much more

I’m a 20F and I’ve never been in a relationship. I did like/love someone before, but after getting to know him better, I realized our values and mindset were completely different, so I chose not to pursue it further.

I’m just trying to understand if my expectations are realistic before entering a relationship.

In my university, I do get proposals or people showing interest in dating, often based on my appearance. But once they get to know my thoughts, values, and what I’m actually looking for, they usually distance themselves. I also feel like most connections here are temporary, which makes me even more hesitant.

Some of my core values are:

I want a relationship based on loyalty, honesty, and emotional maturity I’m okay with a 3–4 year age gap

I’m religious, but I’m also drawn to people who are spiritual, introspective, and enjoy deep conversations, like people who think deeply about life and psychology.

I don’t want biological kids, mainly because I want to build a life around travel and explore the world, and also because I feel conflicted about bringing a child into the current state of the world

I’m open to adoption in the future.

I prefer to take things slowly and only be physically involved in a serious, long-term commitment like marriage, not in casual dating or short-term relationships and expect same from my partner

I value equality in a relationship — both partners should contribute financially, share household responsibilities, and support both families/parents.

I’m not comfortable with a patriarchal setup where everything revolves around the man (which I’ve often seen around me)

I’m an animal lover, so I naturally connect more with vegetarians/vegans, but I’m okay with non-vegetarians as long as they’re respectful

I want a partner who also has a sense of curiosity and excitement about the world. so it would mean a lot if my partner shares that lifestyle

Because of all this, I rarely feel compatible with people I meet, and it makes me wonder if I’m being too rigid or idealistic. I’m not sure if I should hold on to these standards or be more flexible, especially since I’ve never been in a relationship before.

My question: Am I being too restrictive with my expectations, or is it reasonable to wait for someone who aligns with most of these values?

TL;DR: 20F, never been in a relationship. I have strong values (loyalty, equality, no biological kids but open to adoption, waiting for a serious commitment for intimacy, travel-focused life, etc.) and rarely feel compatible with people. Wondering if I’m being too restrictive or just selective.

EDIT -

People in my dms are calling me "SELFISH" for not having kids so this the answer -

My future plans are a bit different I’d either like to volunteer at an orphanage because I genuinely love being around kids, or adopt a child to give them a better life. I don’t really want a biological child, mainly because the world is already overpopulated. The way humans are using natural resources feels very self-centered, and as an empath, it breaks my heart to see children suffering the most in wars and other situations. I’d rather try to make a difference in a child’s life than add to the population ...... currently in my universities every week I ( not only me but so many students) teach slum area kids for 2 hours so I see their condition and I really love them ....they need good education clothes and much more