u/Kamikaze-Snail-

It’s been a rough week, let me see your favorite tarantula you own (much appreciated)

For context before I send a message down below in a group chat, I lived with my mother, mother-in-law, her husband (step dad) for almost about three years we moved out the end of November of last year. Prior to that there has been a lot going on I mean, I don’t even know if I can fit it all into just this post to be honest. I’m 21F and my partner 27M’s family as went absolutely nuts since SIL had a baby. We started getting used scapegoats and then a babysitter for my husband’s brother who is an addict and has been an addict for about 13 years. They have sent my husband very nasty text about me and my cat saying that we should’ve stayed with my abusive ass mom. She has even been really ignorant if I should say about my pork allergy and she acts like I have made that up, if y’all know what a Lonestar ticket is, I have gotten bit by one of them and I’m one of the very lucky people who isn’t allergic to all the red meats it has just been pork. She complained about me not eating her food and that we didn’t eat there when she made stuff. I literally couldn’t eat. There has been times when I’ve been in the middle of eating some and she would say oh that has pork in it and I’m also allergic to mushrooms and she will purposely put mushrooms in it so I can’t eat it and now I’m not the type of person who wants somebody to cater to me, but it would be nice just to have one fucking bowl of spaghetti without mushrooms in it like, can you not just take one bowl out for me?? I would cook full meals for them when I could, and never held it above their heads like they have held it above mine when I wouldn’t eat food that could kill me. My partners and knows this and goes out of her way to make sure that there is some sort of meat that I’m able to eat like chicken or beef and I don’t even ask for a large portions. I can’t even finish a 4 ounce cup of anything my stomach so small. My partner has also left his phone open one time and she went through and read all of our messages and me and my partner talk about a lot of things that probably would gross people out and she has also humiliated us with his grandfather by telling him about our sex life because she barged in one day. The door is locked by the way, over something stupid, and then has made fun to everybody that she walked in on us having sex and that my breast are too small for my partner who the fuck says that.

Anyway, I’m trying to make peace because now I’m married into this family and I have no other choice but to make peace even if it’s low contact I’m just done with the drama. So I’m asking other fellow wives if you could give me your opinions on this message, I plan on sending in a group chat with my partner his mom and his sister. And I appreciate any advice y’all can give me. I’m just scared, my own mother is trying to get me put in a mental asylum because I’ve went no contact with her because she’s abusive mentally and physically and got back with my dad who used to put cigarettes out on my back. I might make a post about that after this.

Here is my plight for understanding and forgiveness if I’ve done anything wrong.

I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some closure after everything that has happened over the past two years.

First, I want to make it clear that I do not hate anyone. I am simply emotionally exhausted and deeply hurt by the way I have been treated. This is not meant to point fingers or place blame, but rather to explain why I have chosen to go no contact, especially since my absence has led to conversations with those closest to me.

Over the last two years, I have done my best to keep the peace, especially with you and Austin. It has been incredibly difficult and mentally draining. Over time, it began to feel like both Austin and I were being used as scapegoats. There were multiple situations where I felt as though attempts were made to create division between Austin and me, including repeatedly bringing up his past relationships, which was hurtful and unnecessary.

One of the most painful parts has been feeling like I cannot build a genuine, trusting relationship with Alexis without worrying that anything shared in confidence will immediately be passed along. That has created serious trust issues for me and has also caused strain in my relationship with Austin. At times, it has felt like there has been an effort to come between us, creating tension over how we spend our time and forcing us to manage other people’s emotions over our own needs.

It was also deeply hurtful to learn that negative things were said about me to Austin behind my back. Discovering that private, sensitive information from Austin’s phone had apparently been accessed crossed a major boundary and made me feel violated. Privacy and trust are essential in any healthy relationship, and those experiences damaged both.

Another painful moment was having deeply personal aspects of our relationship discussed publicly in a humiliating way. That kind of behavior created even more distance and mistrust.

Since moving out, I have intentionally created distance because I cannot maintain close relationships with people who claim I am family while speaking negatively about me behind my back. Austin and I are married now, and the fact that we felt we had to keep that private out of fear of judgment or backlash says a lot about the environment we have been navigating.

I truly wish things had gone differently. If I had felt safe expressing my feelings without defensiveness, yelling, or being dismissed, I do not believe things would have reached this point. The family meetings we had often left both Austin and me feeling unheard, overwhelmed, and ganged up on rather than understood.

After moving out, I began therapy because I genuinely started to believe I was the problem—that everyone hated me. That level of emotional isolation has been incredibly painful. It is heartbreaking when the people who say they love you feel unsafe to confide in.

At this point, I believe distance is what is healthiest for me. I am not trying to keep Austin from his family, nor would I ever want to. I encourage healthy relationships, but healthy relationships require boundaries, respect, and mutual understanding. Austin is building his own family now, and that is a normal part of life. I ask only that this be respected, along with our privacy and our need for space.

I am not the reason for this distance—repeated actions, hurtful words, and unhealthy patterns are. Yelling, aggression, and attempts to control situations only push people further away. Austin loves his family, but love does not erase hurt.

I also want to acknowledge that I am sorry for anything I may have done that contributed to conflict. Causing drama or hurt was never my intention. I genuinely tried to help, support, and earn acceptance in countless ways, and while it feels painful that those efforts were not enough, I can at least say I truly tried.

If you would like to have a respectful, calm conversation, you have my number. You do not have to respond if you do not wish to, but if these patterns continue, we will not be able to have a healthy relationship moving forward. I am not going anywhere—I have married into this family, and I would rather there be peace than ongoing hurt. However, that peace can only exist if there is mutual respect, healthier communication, and real change. I will not engage with aggression, yelling, or disrespect. We are all adults, and any future relationship must be built on healthy communication and boundaries.