This is the fourth installment of my fan comic Steve and John and Sam and Lemar and Bucky Are Friends, and it’s kind of weird.  It’s mostly comedic, but it still shows the characters care about people and each other. So far this is the only installment with Bucky, but I plan to have more in the future. You’ll notice one thing that makes my fan comics different from a lot of the fan art out there: Since I’m not great at drawing people, all the characters are half-human/half-bird of prey [Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and John Walker/Jack Daniels are eagle men, Lemar Hoskins, Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and Clint Barton are hawk men, and Sam Wilson is a falcon man (Whenever I get around to introducing Joaquin Torres, he’ll be a falcon man as well)].

The test tube’s contents, part 1

Scene 1

*Narration: In some random mad scientist’s lair…

*[The Winter Soldier (Bucky Barnes) has the evil scientist handcuffed and his wings restrained (since the characters in this fan-fiction are all portrayed as half human/half bird of prey).  Battlestar (Lemar Hoskins) stands by.  U.S.Agent (John Walker alias Jack Daniels) presents a test tube he’s found.]

*U.S.Agent: So this is the poison?

*Mad scientist: (bragging) Yes, that’s it.

Scene 2

*(The test tube is shown in close-up as he continues to gloat.)

*Mad scientist: Half of that is enough to cause certain effects leading to death for a normal human!

Scene 3

*Mad scientist: An antidote can be made, but it requires a sacrifice.

Scene 4

*Mad scientist: The antidote requires the blood of someone who has ingested a fatal dose, you see.

Scene 5

*Mad scientist: In order to save those who have been infected, a decision must be-

Scene 6

*Agent: (referring to test tube) So half of this is a fatal dose because it could kill most people.

*(Battlestar looks back at Agent somewhat confused and concerned)

*Mad scientist: (confused) Um…yes.

Scene 7

*Mad scientist: (goes back to gloating) You’ll have to make-

*(Agent, smirking, uncorks the test tube)

*Sound effect: POP!

Scene 8

*(Agent slurps down a little more than half of the chemical mixture)

*SFX: SLURRP!

Scene 9

*(Agent swallows the mixture and recorks test tube)

*SFX: GULP!

Scene 10

*(Battlestar stares in surprise while the mad scientist and The Winter Soldier gape in astonishment)

Scene 11

*Battlestar: (surprised, but more amused than shocked) The frick, dude?!

*Mad scientist: (shocked) WHAT THE FRICK!?

*Winter Soldier: (astonished) Golly, gee whiz!

Scene 12

*(Battlestar and the mad scientist look back at Winter Soldier in surprise)

*Mad scientist: What?

*Winter Soldier: (flustered) Oh, uh…

*Battlestar: (thinking) He was so shocked he reverted to 1940s Bucky!

Scene 13

*Agent: (starting to sweat from the poison, but smirking as he holds up the slightly more than halfway empty test tube) You thought someone would have to die for an antidote to be made, but you didn’t expect a superhuman to ingest the poison!

Scene 14

*Agent: You didn’t expect me!

*Battlestar: (jokingly) Nobody ever expects you, man! (Gives appreciative thumbs up as he thinks) Thanks for not making me or Bucky do it!

Scene 15

*Winter Soldier: (to Battlestar about the scientist) You hold onto this guy and I’ll start taking Agent’s blood.

*Battlestar: Fine by me.  I’ll radio base.

*Winter Soldier: Sounds good!

Scene 16

*(Bucky and Battlestar switch places.  Agent gives Winter Shield the remaining sample of chemical mixture before taking off his shield, gloves, and shirt and sitting in a chair.  Winter Soldier takes out some hypodermic needles and a protective case to hold biological samples.  Agent is sweating and weakened, but holds up his arm for Bucky to take blood samples from)

*Battlestar: (off-camera) Hang in there, Agent!

*Winter Soldier: (holds hypodermic syringe) I’ll take a lot of samples.

*Agent: Good!  You know, this reminds me-

Scene 17

*(Agent starts to smile oddly and laugh as Winter Soldier takes the first sample.)

*Agent: Heh!  This reminds me- hee hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Scene 18

*Agent: (sweats more as he laughs more uncontrollably) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

*Winter Soldier: (thinking as he prepares to put the first blood-filled needle in the case) Dang, this must be one funny story!

Scene 19

*Agent: (starts to double up from laughter and discomfort) I-I can’t- HA HA HA HA HA!

*Winter Soldier: (realizing) Oh, frick…

Scene 20

*(Agent continues to laugh hysterically off-camera)

*Winter Soldier: (turning toward the mad scientist and Battlestar while taking out another needle) What percentage of a chance is there that’s the poison & not him thinking he’s funnier than he is?

*Mad scientist: (gloating) 100%

*Battlestar: (concerned) 82%

*Winter Soldier: Okay.

https://preview.redd.it/baftpzywdkih1.jpg?width=1396&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ea887ef94a16b4c9dda1b34c3b90b807f6ff784

The test tube’s contents, part 2

Scene 1

*Narration: Soon…

*(Winter Soldier tucks away the blood samples while Agent continues to laugh and sweat profusely.  The hysterical laughter has caused his eyes to stream tears and his stomach & chest to hurt)

*Winter Soldier: Okay, I’ve taken enough samples, so I’m going to sedate you.

*Agent: Ha ha ha ha- GOOD!- ha ha ha ha ha!

Scene 2

*(Agent continues to laugh, interrupted only by coughing)

*Winter Soldier: (reaching into utility belt) Um…uh, oh…

Scene 3

*Battlestar: What?

*Winter Soldier: I just realized…

Scene 4

*(Agent’s laughing continues, interrupted by some coughing and gasping)

*Winter Soldier: …the only sedative I have right now is nitrous oxide.

Scene 5

*(Battlestar and the mad scientist stare blankly)

Scene 6

*Battlestar: Laughing gas.

*Mad scientist: (amused) Ha!

*Battlestar: Well, beggars can’t be choosers!

Scene 7

*Narration: One hero activates the lab’s vents & starts the flow of gas. [Nitrous oxide maintains its potency when exhaled, so people working with it need proper ventilation]

*(Bucky turns on the gas tank and holds it up to John’s face with one arm while supporting him with his other arm.  Throughout the panels, there is the whooshing of the vents and the hissing of the gas tank)

*Winter Soldier: (concerned) Just breathe normally, comrade- I mean, buddy!  You’ll be fine!

Scene 8

*Narration: Soon another hero finds relief with every breath.

*(Agent’s laughter and pain diminish due to the sedation)

*Winter Soldier: (smiling in relief) There we are!

Scene 9

*(Agent’s laughter continues to diminish)

*Mad scientist: This is just a setback, you know.

Scene 10

*(Agent, laughing weakly, and Winter Soldier look irritated by the scientist’s taunts)

*Mad scientist: Even if you foil this plan, that won’t stop my machinations.

Scene 11

*(Agent finally stops laughing due to the sedation affecting the poison’s action)

*Mad scientist: I’ll be back and you’ll never know what to expect.

Scene 12

*(Agent and Winter Soldier continue to look irritated as the evil scientist continues to taunt them)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) You will never-

*Battlestar: (off-camera) Oh, for crying out loud!

Scene 13

*(To the surprise of Agent, Bucky, and the scientist, Battlestar rushes over to grab the tank of laughing gas)

*Battlestar: Give me that!

Scene 14

*(Agent and Winter Soldier watch Battlestar deal with the scientist off-camera.  The hissing sound is now louder since Battlestar turned up the flow of nitrous oxide)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) Wha-What are you-

*Battlestar: (off-camera) What do you think!?

Scene 15

*(Agent and Winter Solider smile in grim satisfaction)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) Y-You can’t- (coughs from inhaling gas)

*Battlestar: (off-camera) That’s it!  Keep talking, loud-mouth!

Scene 16

*Winter Soldier: (smiling and pointing to Battlestar as he continues to sedate the scientist) I like this guy!

*Agent: (amused) He-He-He’s great!

Scene 17

*Narration: Later…

*(Agent wakes up in a hospital bed with Battlestar and Winter Soldier at his bedside)

*Agent: I feel right as rain again!  Does that mean…

*Winter Soldier: (happily) It does!  All the infected have been cured & that creep’s locked up!

Scene 18

*Battlestar: (happily) Pym [Giant Man] whipped up an antidote no problem!  The danger’s over!

*Agent: (relieved) Thank G-d!  Pym has his…um…

Scene 19

*Agent: (has awkward realization) We…We could have had Pym drink that poison in giant form, couldn’t we?  We’d have a blood sample and he’d have minimal damage.

*Battlestar: (awkwardly) Uh…

*Winter Soldier: (awkwardly) Oh…

Scene 20

*Agent: (irritated, but smiling in pride) Well, my heart was in the right place, and we got to help save the day!  I enjoyed working with you guys again.

Winter Soldier: (smiles) Same here!  It was kind of fun!

Scene 21

*Battlestar: (lightheartedly) We had some-

*Agent: Please don’t say we had some laughs.

*Battlestar: You got it!

https://preview.redd.it/1ub6hi00ekih1.jpg?width=1396&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7faf0051849a125553a182760cc2024924a94d0

Series: https://www.deviantart.com/karaoaliasraidra/gallery/96763954/steve-john-sam-lemar-and-bucky-are-friends

I'm scared! 😨

This is the fourth installment of my fan comic Steve and John and Sam and Lemar and Bucky Are Friends, and it’s kind of weird.  It’s mostly comedic, but it still shows the characters care about people and each other. So far this is the only installment with Bucky, but I plan to have more in the future. You’ll notice one thing that makes my fan comics different from a lot of the fan art out there: Since I’m not great at drawing people, all the characters are half-human/half-bird of prey [Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and John Walker/Jack Daniels are eagle men, Lemar Hoskins, Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and Clint Barton are hawk men, and Sam Wilson is a falcon man (Whenever I get around to introducing Joaquin Torres, he’ll be a falcon man as well)].

The test tube’s contents, part 1

Scene 1

*Narration: In some random mad scientist’s lair…

*[The Winter Soldier (Bucky Barnes) has the evil scientist handcuffed and his wings restrained (since the characters in this fan-fiction are all portrayed as half human/half bird of prey).  Battlestar (Lemar Hoskins) stands by.  U.S.Agent (John Walker alias Jack Daniels) presents a test tube he’s found.]

*U.S.Agent: So this is the poison?

*Mad scientist: (bragging) Yes, that’s it.

Scene 2

*(The test tube is shown in close-up as he continues to gloat.)

*Mad scientist: Half of that is enough to cause certain effects leading to death for a normal human!

Scene 3

*Mad scientist: An antidote can be made, but it requires a sacrifice.

Scene 4

*Mad scientist: The antidote requires the blood of someone who has ingested a fatal dose, you see.

Scene 5

*Mad scientist: In order to save those who have been infected, a decision must be-

Scene 6

*Agent: (referring to test tube) So half of this is a fatal dose because it could kill most people.

*(Battlestar looks back at Agent somewhat confused and concerned)

*Mad scientist: (confused) Um…yes.

Scene 7

*Mad scientist: (goes back to gloating) You’ll have to make-

*(Agent, smirking, uncorks the test tube)

*Sound effect: POP!

Scene 8

*(Agent slurps down a little more than half of the chemical mixture)

*SFX: SLURRP!

Scene 9

*(Agent swallows the mixture and recorks test tube)

*SFX: GULP!

Scene 10

*(Battlestar stares in surprise while the mad scientist and The Winter Soldier gape in astonishment)

Scene 11

*Battlestar: (surprised, but more amused than shocked) The frick, dude?!

*Mad scientist: (shocked) WHAT THE FRICK!?

*Winter Soldier: (astonished) Golly, gee whiz!

Scene 12

*(Battlestar and the mad scientist look back at Winter Soldier in surprise)

*Mad scientist: What?

*Winter Soldier: (flustered) Oh, uh…

*Battlestar: (thinking) He was so shocked he reverted to 1940s Bucky!

Scene 13

*Agent: (starting to sweat from the poison, but smirking as he holds up the slightly more than halfway empty test tube) You thought someone would have to die for an antidote to be made, but you didn’t expect a superhuman to ingest the poison!

Scene 14

*Agent: You didn’t expect me!

*Battlestar: (jokingly) Nobody ever expects you, man! (Gives appreciative thumbs up as he thinks) Thanks for not making me or Bucky do it!

Scene 15

*Winter Soldier: (to Battlestar about the scientist) You hold onto this guy and I’ll start taking Agent’s blood.

*Battlestar: Fine by me.  I’ll radio base.

*Winter Soldier: Sounds good!

Scene 16

*(Bucky and Battlestar switch places.  Agent gives Winter Shield the remaining sample of chemical mixture before taking off his shield, gloves, and shirt and sitting in a chair.  Winter Soldier takes out some hypodermic needles and a protective case to hold biological samples.  Agent is sweating and weakened, but holds up his arm for Bucky to take blood samples from)

*Battlestar: (off-camera) Hang in there, Agent!

*Winter Soldier: (holds hypodermic syringe) I’ll take a lot of samples.

*Agent: Good!  You know, this reminds me-

Scene 17

*(Agent starts to smile oddly and laugh as Winter Soldier takes the first sample.)

*Agent: Heh!  This reminds me- hee hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Scene 18

*Agent: (sweats more as he laughs more uncontrollably) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

*Winter Soldier: (thinking as he prepares to put the first blood-filled needle in the case) Dang, this must be one funny story!

Scene 19

*Agent: (starts to double up from laughter and discomfort) I-I can’t- HA HA HA HA HA!

*Winter Soldier: (realizing) Oh, frick…

Scene 20

*(Agent continues to laugh hysterically off-camera)

*Winter Soldier: (turning toward the mad scientist and Battlestar while taking out another needle) What percentage of a chance is there that’s the poison & not him thinking he’s funnier than he is?

*Mad scientist: (gloating) 100%

*Battlestar: (concerned) 82%

*Winter Soldier: Okay.

https://preview.redd.it/baftpzywdkih1.jpg?width=1396&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ea887ef94a16b4c9dda1b34c3b90b807f6ff784

The test tube’s contents, part 2

Scene 1

*Narration: Soon…

*(Winter Soldier tucks away the blood samples while Agent continues to laugh and sweat profusely.  The hysterical laughter has caused his eyes to stream tears and his stomach & chest to hurt)

*Winter Soldier: Okay, I’ve taken enough samples, so I’m going to sedate you.

*Agent: Ha ha ha ha- GOOD!- ha ha ha ha ha!

Scene 2

*(Agent continues to laugh, interrupted only by coughing)

*Winter Soldier: (reaching into utility belt) Um…uh, oh…

Scene 3

*Battlestar: What?

*Winter Soldier: I just realized…

Scene 4

*(Agent’s laughing continues, interrupted by some coughing and gasping)

*Winter Soldier: …the only sedative I have right now is nitrous oxide.

Scene 5

*(Battlestar and the mad scientist stare blankly)

Scene 6

*Battlestar: Laughing gas.

*Mad scientist: (amused) Ha!

*Battlestar: Well, beggars can’t be choosers!

Scene 7

*Narration: One hero activates the lab’s vents & starts the flow of gas. [Nitrous oxide maintains its potency when exhaled, so people working with it need proper ventilation]

*(Bucky turns on the gas tank and holds it up to John’s face with one arm while supporting him with his other arm.  Throughout the panels, there is the whooshing of the vents and the hissing of the gas tank)

*Winter Soldier: (concerned) Just breathe normally, comrade- I mean, buddy!  You’ll be fine!

Scene 8

*Narration: Soon another hero finds relief with every breath.

*(Agent’s laughter and pain diminish due to the sedation)

*Winter Soldier: (smiling in relief) There we are!

Scene 9

*(Agent’s laughter continues to diminish)

*Mad scientist: This is just a setback, you know.

Scene 10

*(Agent, laughing weakly, and Winter Soldier look irritated by the scientist’s taunts)

*Mad scientist: Even if you foil this plan, that won’t stop my machinations.

Scene 11

*(Agent finally stops laughing due to the sedation affecting the poison’s action)

*Mad scientist: I’ll be back and you’ll never know what to expect.

Scene 12

*(Agent and Winter Soldier continue to look irritated as the evil scientist continues to taunt them)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) You will never-

*Battlestar: (off-camera) Oh, for crying out loud!

Scene 13

*(To the surprise of Agent, Bucky, and the scientist, Battlestar rushes over to grab the tank of laughing gas)

*Battlestar: Give me that!

Scene 14

*(Agent and Winter Soldier watch Battlestar deal with the scientist off-camera.  The hissing sound is now louder since Battlestar turned up the flow of nitrous oxide)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) Wha-What are you-

*Battlestar: (off-camera) What do you think!?

Scene 15

*(Agent and Winter Solider smile in grim satisfaction)

*Mad scientist: (off-camera) Y-You can’t- (coughs from inhaling gas)

*Battlestar: (off-camera) That’s it!  Keep talking, loud-mouth!

Scene 16

*Winter Soldier: (smiling and pointing to Battlestar as he continues to sedate the scientist) I like this guy!

*Agent: (amused) He-He-He’s great!

Scene 17

*Narration: Later…

*(Agent wakes up in a hospital bed with Battlestar and Winter Soldier at his bedside)

*Agent: I feel right as rain again!  Does that mean…

*Winter Soldier: (happily) It does!  All the infected have been cured & that creep’s locked up!

Scene 18

*Battlestar: (happily) Pym [Giant Man] whipped up an antidote no problem!  The danger’s over!

*Agent: (relieved) Thank G-d!  Pym has his…um…

Scene 19

*Agent: (has awkward realization) We…We could have had Pym drink that poison in giant form, couldn’t we?  We’d have a blood sample and he’d have minimal damage.

*Battlestar: (awkwardly) Uh…

*Winter Soldier: (awkwardly) Oh…

Scene 20

*Agent: (irritated, but smiling in pride) Well, my heart was in the right place, and we got to help save the day!  I enjoyed working with you guys again.

Winter Soldier: (smiles) Same here!  It was kind of fun!

Scene 21

*Battlestar: (lightheartedly) We had some-

*Agent: Please don’t say we had some laughs.

*Battlestar: You got it!

https://preview.redd.it/1ub6hi00ekih1.jpg?width=1396&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7faf0051849a125553a182760cc2024924a94d0

Series: https://www.deviantart.com/karaoaliasraidra/gallery/96763954/steve-john-sam-lemar-and-bucky-are-friends

I think in the future I’ll make videos for Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes too.

Video description: Here is a lighthearted video about the costumes of Marvel Comics superhero John Walker alias Jack Daniels, better known as the U.S.Agent,  Also, here is a page listing the videos and images I used clips from (Please give the original videos some love)- https://flamintales.fandom.com/wiki/User_blog:Raidra/List_of_videos_used_in_my_%E2%80%9CJohn_Walker_costumes_portrayed_by_YouTube_clips%E2%80%9D_video .  Just to cover my rear, I do not own John Walker, Marvel Comics, or any media shown in these clips. 

This story involves characters from Marvel Comics and is set in the same timeline as my previous story “The Request”, in which John Walker alias Jack Daniels steps down as U.S.Agent due to a battle with conversion disorder (a condition in which stress/trauma causes psychosomatic symptoms such as leg weakness/paralysis) and Lemar Hoskins, formerly Battlestar, takes the mantle.

Scene 1

*(Steve Rogers alias Captain America arrives at a Commission on Superhuman Activities facility to check in on John.)

*Receptionist: He’s probably in the gym right now, but I think he can take a break.

*Captain America: Thank you, miss!

Scene 2

*(Cap heads to the gym…)

Scene 3

*(…but when he gets there he finds John in the midst of some kind of attack of nerves.)

*Cap: ?!

Scene 4

*Cap: John, what’s-

Scene 5

*(John, in the midst of his fit, whirls around to look at him.  His eyes are filled with pain, anger, and fear, with no signs of recognizing Cap.)

*Cap: (thinking) Oh, shoot…

Scene 6

*(Realizing he needs to go on the defensive, Cap moves his shield from his back to his arm.)

*Cap: All right!  I’ll let you wear yourself out…

Scene 7

*Cap: …and then we’ll talk, okay?

*(He braces as John charges at him.)

Scene 8

*(Cap begins to dodge, deflect, or shield himself from John’s powerful, frenetic blows.)

*Cap: (thinking) I don’t want to counterattack, but I will if I have to!  I’ll attack his pressure points and joints!

Scene 9

*(The star-spangled hero finds his concern unfounded.)

*Cap: (thinking) His blows are as strong as ever, but his movements are off!  The conversion disorder is affecting his muscles!

Scene 10

*Cap: (thinking) I really don’t think he wants to do this! (out loud) That’s it, get it out of your system!  You’ll be okay!

Scene 11

*(Valeria Cooper, CSA chairwoman and John’s boss/lover, enters.)

*Val: (holds up small spray bottle similar to some perfume bottles or body spray bottles) Rogers!

*Cap: Miss Cooper!

*Val: A couple sprays of this will stop him!  Don’t worry, it won’t hurt either of you!

Scene 12

*(She tosses Cap the spray bottle.  He deftly catches it and swiftly gives John a couple sprays to the face.)

Scene 13

*(The spray has a distinctive pungent, heady, but not unpleasant scent.  There are chemical and floral notes as well as the scent of peaches and other foodstuffs.  True to Val’s word, John stops…)

Scene 14

*(…and begins to settle down, almost as if entranced.)

Scene 15

*(John has a heady feeling, but drifts back to reality.)

*John: Old timer…Miss Cooper…

*Cap: I’m glad you’re back with us!

Scene 16

*(John’s leg seems a little unsteady.)

*Cap: How’s the leg?

*John: It’s fine!

*Cap: Good!  Still, how about we sit for a while?

*John: Just for a minute!

Cap: Sure!

Scene 17

*(Cap returns his shield to his back and the two patriotic superheroes sit on the bench like a young John Mulaney.  As John drinks from a bottle of sports drink, Cap reflects.)

*Cap: (thinking) That spray smells like someone playing around with a perfume-making kit during a family dinner, but it sure works!

Scene 18

*Val: What happened?

*Cap: I happened to come by while he was having some kind of attack.

Scene 19

*Cap: He didn’t recognize me.  He didn’t mean to attack me.

*John: (dryly) It’s nice that you think that, Rogers.

Scene 20

*Cap: (starts to stand up) I know this isn’t my business, so since you’re okay I’ll be-

Scene 21

*(He’s interrupted by John grabbing his arm…)

Scene 22

*(…and forcing him to sit back down.)

*John: (smirking) Set your rear back down!  Not that I need you here or anything…

*Cap: (jokingly) There’s the subtlety and charm you’re noted for!

Scene 23

*(John talks with Val & Steve about what led to that point so they can help him out.)

Scene 24

*Val: I’m glad we could get this worked out!

*John: I’m glad I have people who can keep their dang mouths shut about what I share with them and not blab my business everywhere!

*Cap: I’m glad for that spray!

Scene 25

*John: What I’m hearing is you would have had a tough time holding me off without it!

*Cap: You might want to get your hearing checked then!

Scene 26

*Cap: (holding up spray bottle) What is this stuff?

*Val: It’s something we whipped up to snap John out of extreme episodes to mitigate damage and ensure he gets proper treatment.

Scene 27

*Val: We should probably give you a bottle just in case because of the history you two have.

*John: (deadpan) I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about, Miss Cooper.

Scene 28

*(It’s often the case that organizations have secrets leaked one way or another.  Weeks later, a domestic terrorist and would-be criminal mastermind learns about the spray.)

*Terrorist: (thinking) A spray capable of stopping the mighty U.S.Agent would certainly be useful to me!

Scene 29

*Terrorist: (pondering) I wonder if it can stop anyone who has had the Power Broker treatment or if it only affects him.  Even if it’s the latter, it should still be valuable!

Scene 30

*Terrorist: (thinking) I have to get a sample as soon as possible!

Scene 31

*(Days later, Val is at a cafeteria when she gets a video call from another agent at the CSA.)

*CSA agent: We have a bit of a situation.

*Val: Oh?

*CSA agent: Before we talk any further, I want you to contact Walker so he can join the call and hear about this too.

*Val: You got it!

Scene 32

*(Val connects to John’s smart phone and adds him to the call.)

Scene 33

*John: Yes, sir?

*CSA agent: Agent, I was just telling Miss Cooper that-

Scene 34

*(He stops as he looks at the screen and has a realization.)

Scene 35

*CSA agent: You’re both at the same place, aren’t you?

*(We see that Val and John are indeed sitting at the same table.  Val looks like she’s trying not to laugh.)

*John: (smirking) Affirmative, sir!

*CSA agent: Ugh, you two deserve each other!

Scene 36

*John: You were saying there’s a bit of a situation?

*CSA agent: yes, that’s right.

Scene 37

*CSA agent: We’ve been fishing for moles by allowing small pieces of information to be leaked and then using the leaks to track infiltrators and spies.  We discovered that a theft occurred yesterday as a result of one of those leaks.

*Val: What was taken?

Scene 38

*CSA agent: It was a sample of that calming spray developed to subdue Walker.

*John: I see!  Thanks for letting me know!

*CSA agent: Thankfully we have details about who committed the de-escalation spray theft and who his client was. 

*Val: That’s good!

Scene 39

*CSA agent: I’ll email you the information.

*Val: All right!  We’ll take it from here!

*CSA agent: I trust you will.  Keep me posted.  Goodbye.

*Val: Goodbye.

*John: Bye!

Scene 40

*(They end the call.)

*John: Hmph!  I’m not surprised some crook would want to get their hands on that stuff!

*Val: A spray that could stop you in your tracks would be a tempting prize!  How do you think we should handle this?

*John: Isn’t it obvious?

Scene 41

*John: This isn’t a job for U.S.Agent…This is a job for U.S.Agent!

Scene 42

*Val: Thankfully I know you well enough to understand what you’re saying.

*John: That’s why I stick around despite you firing me every other week!

Scene 43

*(Shortly after, the terrorist receives some news.)

*Informant: The word is that U.S.Agent is set to pay your office a visit tonight.

*Terrorist: Hm.  It sounds like I’ve attracted someone’s attention!

Scene 44

*Terrorist: (smugly looks over at a small spray bottle) Well, let him stop by!  I’ll have a surprise for him!

Scene 45

*(That night, the terrorist is waiting in the office’s back parking lot with the lights off.)

Scene 46

*(He finally spots two approaching figures in the dark.  Both are big & muscular, and one of them appears to be carrying a shield.)

Scene 47

*Terrorist: (thinking) He brought a friend with him!  Well, his colleague can watch him be overcome!

Scene 48

*(The terrorist turns on a light.)

*Terrorist: Good evening, gen-

Scene 49

*(He stops in confusion as he sees his visitors are Lemar Hoskins U.S.Agent and D-Man alias Dennis Dunphy.)

*Terrorist: !?

*U.S.Agent: Evening!

Scene 50

*Terrorist: Wait, who are you?!

*U.S.Agent: I’m U.S.Agent!

*D-Man: I’m Demolition Man, but you can call me D-Man!

Scene 51

*Terrorist: You are not U.S.Agent!

*Agent: I have the costume and shield, don’t I?

*Terrorist: I mean you’re not the original!

*Agent: (feigns confusion) What?!  You can tell that?! [For those who don’t know, John is white and Lemar is black]

Scene 52

*D-Man: (jokingly) It must be that your strut and way of carrying yourself is different!

*Agent: (jokingly) Oh, I bet that’s it!

Scene 53

*Agent: I might not be the Agent you were expecting, but if it’s any consolation to you, I’ve also undergone the Power Broker treatment.

*D-Man: So have I.

*Terrorist: Is that right? (thinking) It’s too bad for them they’re not wearing protective gear!  His shield won’t protect them from this!

Scene 54

*Terrorist: (takes out spray bottle) I have a spray that’ll take care of you!

*Agent: Oh, you mean this?

Scene 55

*(Agent takes out an identical spray bottle and gives both himself & D-Man a couple sprays.)

Scene 56

*D-Man: Mmm, peachy!

*Terrorist: (surprised that it had no effect on them) You…

Scene 57

*Terrorist: You have some kind of antidote or counter-agent, or is it that only the original U.S.Agent is affected?

*Agent: It’s only the original who’s affected by the spray, and there’s a very good reason for that.

Scene 58

*Agent: It doesn’t affect anyone else because there’s nothing in the spray to affect anybody.

*Terrorist: Wh-What?!?

*Agent: It’s not some super-drug, just a mixture of chemicals basically no different from a can of air freshener!

Scene 59

*Agent: You see, the other guy has a reputation of being a berserker in battle, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys the feeling of losing control.  Nobody really does.

Scene 60

*Agent narration: He was musing about it to a liaison one day.

*John in flashback: It’s different from the feeling of cutting loose in battle, you know?  If only there were some trigger that could let me know things were okay and I could calm down!

*Val in flashback: Well, why don’t we make one?

Scene 61

*Agent narration: They developed a specific scent and worked with him.

*(Show a flashback of the spray being developed.)

Scene 62

*Agent: The spray calms him down because he associates the scent with being around people who care about him and he’s safe around, and that’s the only reason it works.

Scene 63

*Agent: If the need arose, he could still fight even when breathing in the scent.

*Terrorist: (realizing what he thought was a surefire weapon is actually a placebo) No…

Scene 64

*Voice behind terrorist: I can confirm everything he said.

Scene 65

*(The terrorist turns to see U.S.Agent John Walker alias Jack Daniels.)

*Agent-Jack: Evening!

Scene 66

*(Agent-Jack proceeds to KO the terrorist with one hit.)

Scene 67

*D-Man: Well, that was fun!

*Agent-Lemar: Mmm-hmm!

*Agent-Jack: (taking out retractable cane) Yep!

Scene 68

*Agent-Jack: (heady from the scent of the spray and leaning on his cane) I’m relieved that nuisance was handled and now we can unwind!  I need a shower.

Scene 69

*(D-Man has an excited grin on his face because this is the easiest layup he’s ever had, and Agent-Lemar smiles back like, “I know, right?!”  Agent-Lemar makes a “Go on ahead!” gesture and D-Man gives him a thumbs-up.)

Scene 70

*D-Man: (jokingly fans nose) Well, I wasn’t going to say anything! [Thank you, I stole that joke from a segment on All That!]

*Agent-Jack: (sarcastically) Oh, ha ha!  Very funny!  Like y’all don’t need a shower too!

Scene 71

*(Agent-Lemar handcuffs the terrorist and then throws him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.)

*Agent-Lemar: Handling creeps like this is just part of the job description for U.S.Agent!

*Agent-Jack: (proud of his friend) Yes, and you’re a natural at it!

Scene 72

*(The trio walks away as they begin to take the terrorist into custody.)

*Agent-Jack: (still heady, but able to joke around) That’s a nice “perfume” you two are wearing!

*D-Man: You know what?  I’ll take the compliment!  We’ll have to do this again sometime!

*Agent-Lemar: Busting crooks or wearing experimental scents?

*D-Man: Yes.

https://preview.redd.it/b4k7vo01ipff1.jpg?width=2873&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b46108bf28fafcd745ea0fc63c14f39d3769aa6

For anyone who doesn’t get the joke, this meme was inspired by a line from “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey and is about how Hawkeye & U.S.Agent used to butt heads when they were on the West Coast Avengers together and John was using the alias Jack Daniels (which Marvel seems to have dropped now https://www.reddit.com/r/USAgent/comments/1l2qwsm/usagent_the_jack_daniels_alias_the_mental_memory/ ).  I realized too late that adding the apostrophe was an error; I should have known better.  Isn’t there a subreddit for unnecessary apostrophes?  Feel free to add this meme along with this apology if you’d like.

https://preview.redd.it/b4k7vo01ipff1.jpg?width=2873&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b46108bf28fafcd745ea0fc63c14f39d3769aa6

For anyone who doesn’t get the joke, this meme was inspired by a line from “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey and is about how Hawkeye & U.S.Agent used to butt heads when they were on the West Coast Avengers together and John was using the alias Jack Daniels (which Marvel seems to have dropped now https://www.reddit.com/r/USAgent/comments/1l2qwsm/usagent_the_jack_daniels_alias_the_mental_memory/ ).  I realized too late that adding the apostrophe was an error; I should have known better.  Isn’t there a subreddit for unnecessary apostrophes?  Feel free to add this meme along with this apology if you’d like.

Recently something made me think of what happened to William Burnside and Jack Monroe, the 1950s Captain America and Bucky, at the hands of Doctor Faustus.  If anyone ever asks how evil Dr. Faustus is, tell them about what that lowlife did to these two.  It wasn’t enough that he mind-controlled them into becoming neo-Nazis/Aryan Supremacists (manipulating their already damaged and corrupted mental states) in a plot against Captain America and The Falcon.  No, he also tested William’s loyalty to him/his programming by ordering him to murder Jack.  At the time it was thought that William had successfully killed Jack, but eventually it was revealed that Jack had survived.  Jack became a vigilante named Nomad and an ally of Steve Rogers.  It was also revealed later, in a Nomad/Captain America crossover story from the ‘90s, that Jack had trauma from the event, which is understandable.  I reflected and realized, “William was probably the closest thing Jack had to family.”  It was revealed during that crossover that Jack’s parents had been Nazi sympathizers who had been executed for treason when he was just a boy.  Jack and his sister were separated and placed in foster homes.  Jack was alone until he met William and found a kindred spirit.  Likewise, William probably viewed Jack like family too since they had supported each other and been through so much together, good and bad.  Faustus took a pair of vulnerable men who had formed a familial, “You and Me Against the World” style bond…and coldly demanded one of them kill the other one as a test of loyalty.  Jack eventually died years later, and sometime after this William Burnside was released from suspended animation again.  I wondered, “Does he know that Jack survived, or does he think he successfully killed him when he was mind-controlled into being The Grand Director?”  Either he thinks Jack died by his hand or he discovered that Jack survived only to have died a different way while he was incapacitated.  It’s a tragedy when you think about it. 

Speaking of the Nomad/Captain America crossover storyline that revealed Jack’s past and trauma, it gets worse.  Dr. Faustus was the big bad for that one too.  Faustus wanted The Slug dead, but instead of simply tricking Nomad into killing The Slug for him, he captured Nomad, uncovered his repressed traumatic memories, and again manipulated him into thinking he (Nomad) was a neo-Nazi before sending him to kill The Slug for him. He also manipulated him into thinking Steve was the Captain America who had betrayed him and not William so he’d attack Steve in a fit of rage & despair on sight.  There was no reason to do this; the mofo was just replaying his greatest hits. Doctor Faustus: major league a-hole.

One of my hobbies is making my own comics, and one of them is a fan comic called Steve and John and Sam and Lemar and Bucky Are Friends.  Sometimes it has a serious tone and sometimes it has a comedic tone.  Since one of the installments has a cameo by Rhodey, I thought I’d share it here (both the comic and the transcript).  You’ll notice one thing that makes my fan comics different from a lot of the fan art out there: Since I’m not great at drawing people, all the characters are half-human/half-bird of prey [Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and John Walker/Jack Daniels are eagle men, Lemar Hoskins, Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and Clint Barton are hawk men, and Sam Wilson is a falcon man (Whenever I get around to introducing Joaquin Torres, he’ll be a falcon man as well)].

The text-to-speech issue

This is the fifth installment and it was inspired by watching a text-to-speech YouTube video which misread “Atlanta, GA” as “Atlanta, Guh” instead of “Atlanta, Georgia.”  My reaction was the same as Rhodey’s.  I apologize for the heights and such being erratic.  This is all in good fun and no insult is intended.

Scene 1

*(Captain America alias Steve Rogers, James “Rhodey” Rhodes alias War Machine, and Tony Stark alias Iron Man are looking over some kind of blueprint or other drawing)

*Rhodey: We of course took air resistance into account.

*Captain America: That’s good!

Scene 2

*(U.S.Agent alias John Walker and Jack Daniels storms into the workshop.  He’s holding a small electronic device somewhere between a smart phone and an Avengers Identicard)

*U.S.Agent: (irate) Stark, you need to fix your dang-

Scene 3

*(Agent stops when he sees Captain America and Rhodey are there.  He gives a friendly smirk and wave, which they return)

*Agent: Oh, hey, Rhodey!  Hey, old timer!

*Rhodey: Hey, Jack!

*Cap: Hey, John!

Scene 4

*Tony: What’s the problem?

*Agent: (irritated) It’s the dang text-to-speech program for the database you made!  I was listening to my entry-

Scene 5

*Agent: -and don’t y’all act like you wouldn’t be listening to your entries!

*Rhodey: Hey, you’d be the first to spot any mistakes!

*Cap: True.

*Agent: Thank you!

Scene 6

*Agent: Here, just listen! (plays device)

*Text-to-speech audio: U.S.Agent, alias John Walker and Jack Daniels.

*Tony: Mmm-hmm?

Scene 7

*Text-to-speech audio: Native of Custer’s Grove, Guh.

*Tony: Oh…

*Cap: Oh!

*Rhodey: Oh.

*Agent: (with “Now you see the problem!” tone) Oh!

Scene 8

*Agent: (puts away device) What part of the country is the state of “Guh” in?!  I wasn’t born and raised in the state of Guh!  The Olympics weren’t held in Atlanta, Guh!

Scene 9

*Rhodey: (jokingly sings to the tune of “Georgia On My Mind”) Guhhh…

Scene 10

*Rhodey: Guh-uh…

*(Agent smirks and snorts in amusement)

Scene 11

*Rhodey: The whole day through…

*Cap, Tony, and Agent: (singing) The whole day through…

*Rhodey: Just an old sweet song keeps Guh on my mind

Scene 12

*Agent: That…That actually had a good sound.  Thank you for that.

*Tony: I agree!

*Rhodey: No problem!

Scene 13

*Agent: (jokingly) If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be seeing if it pronounces C.A.’s home state as “Nye” or “Nee”. [Steve Rogers is from New York, abbreviated NY]

*Tony: Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.

*Agent: Good! (He leaves)

Scene 14

*(Tony sighs)

*Rhodey: Hey, we all make mistakes.

*Tony: Yeah.

Scene 15

*Tony: Mine was asking Hawkeye to help with the text-to-speech program.

*Rhodey: (shocked) Dude, what!?

*Cap: (face palms) Oh, my gosh…

https://preview.redd.it/0tei25u7yrfh1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0114affca014f062ce8cffa19886d990d9cbd130

https://preview.redd.it/gx1c37l8yrfh1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c12eae0690b767ee20ca21c3a0606f8c34b733b0

This is a follow-up to this: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoSaltCaptainAmerica/comments/1pjlo60/a_captain_america_story_id_like_to_see_christmas/

Here is the full story draft.  It ended up being more of a buddy comedy than an action story because realistically Captain America and U.S.Agent would have no trouble facing off against ordinary criminals.

The Super Santa Shopping Center Siege

This started out with an idea for a funny scene and then I decided to write a whole story expanding on that idea.

Scene 1

*(Steve Rogers, secretly Captain America, arrives at a mall to play Santa for an event in part of the building.  He meets with a liaison from the mall.)

*Liaison: We appreciate you playing Santa for us today!

*Steve: Well, I do like to help out!

*Liaison: Follow me.

Scene 2

*(The liaison escorts Steve to an area where he can get dressed.)

Scene 3

*(When approaching the dressing area, he encounters a couple workers talking.)

*Worker: (to co-worker) Yeah, the Santa they got for [different event at the mall] seems hard-nosed, yet someone you could have a beer with.

*Steve: (thinking) Oh?

Scene 4

*Steve: (thinking) That’s quite description for a Santa!  It sounds like-

Scene 5

*(He turns the corner and spots John Walker alias Jack Daniels, secretly the U.S.Agent, getting instructions from another mall liaison, meaning he’s the hard=nosed guy who’s going to be playing the other Santa.)

*Steve: (thinking) Oh…Oh, no…

Scene 6

*(John spots Steve and realizes he’s going to be playing a Santa Claus too.  There’s a moment of awkwardness as they look at each other…)

Scene 7

*(…but then they smirk and nod hello.)

Scene 8

*Steve’s liaison: You two know each other?

*Steve: (protecting John’s identity) He used to hang out with some associates of mine.

*John: His associates will claim it was quieter when I left, but you know they really mean “more boring”. 

*Steve’s liaison: Oh, I see.

Scene 9

*John: (jokingly) Listen, Father Christmas, I don’t mind us both playing Santa, but don’t try to steal any of my milk & cookies, okay?

*Steve: (jokingly) Only if you don’t try to steal any of mine, Santa with Muscles! 

Scene 10

*(The two liaisons watch the secret super soldiers enter the dressing rooms.)

Scene 11

*John’s liaison: Wow, I wasn’t expecting rival Santas today!

*Steve’s liaison: I’m glad I came in today!

*John’s liaison: Mmm-hmm!

Scene 12

*(The super Santas get dressed,…)

Scene 13

*(…emerge from the dressing rooms,…)

Scene 14

*(…and are escorted by their liaisons…)

Scene 15

*(…to their respective areas and events)

Scene 16

*(The two play their Santa roles well.  Some children and parents/guardians are sweet, some are annoying, and some are concerning, but overall the two heroes are handling things well.)

Scene 17

*(Eventually Santa Steve has to take a break.)

*Santa Steve: (thinking) They have no idea that sometimes things like this can feel more draining than wrecking a Hydra base!  Sometimes I feel like Captain America and 4F Steve Rogers at the exact same time!

Scene 18

*Santa Steve: (thinking) I really am enjoying myself, though!  Some of them are a handful, but it’s not a bad gig!

*Steve’s liaison: How are you holding up?

Scene 19

*Santa Steve: I’m okay, ma’am.  It’s just a little overwhelming at times.

*Steve’s liaison: You wouldn’t know it by looking at you!  You seem like a natural at this, and I think the children really like you.

*Santa Steve: Thank you, ma’am!

Scene 20

*(Meanwhile, at Santa John’s location, trouble is brewing.  An abusive father is scolding his little girl over some minor thing.)

Scene 21

*(He grabs her arm violently and issues a threat.)

Scene 22

*(He releases his hold and turns around…)

Scene 23

*(…only to come face to face with Santa John, who rushed over when he saw what was happening.  He glares at the abusive father, his muscles tense with barely restrained rage.)

Scene 24

*(The abusive father is so startled & intimidated by Santa John looking ready for some David Harbour Violent Night-style vengeance that he cries out, stumbles backward, and falls.  His rear end hits the floor with a satisfying thud.)

Scene 25

*Santa John: (thinking as he glares at the father) I’d love to pound this guy into figgy pudding…

Scene 26

*Santa John: (thinking as he looks toward the girl and his expression softens) …but that wouldn’t help her, or any of these kids, right now, would it?  Someone has to show her there’s another way and reinforce that that this creep’s way is wrong!

Scene 27

*Santa John: (to the father) Are you okay?

*Bad father: Y-Yeah…

*Santa John: Here, let’s get you back up!

Scene 28

*(Santa John pulls him back up.  He’s supposedly addressing the father, but it’s clear what he’s saying is for the little girl’s benefit.)

*Santa John: We should help each other and not hurt each other.

Scene 29

*Santa John: Don’t worry that we’re going to be mad at you or tease you for some little thing, especially if it wasn’t your fault.  Only a real jerk would do something like that!  We should care for each other instead of being hateful and taking things out on people!

*Bad father: …

Scene 30

*(Santa John signals the workers dressed like elves.)

Scene 31

*Santa John: (to the little girl) Wynken and Blynken will make sure you don’t lose your place in line while Nod checks him out, okay?

*Little girl: Okay!

*Bad father: S-Sure.

Scene 32

*(One of the elves begins to escort the father to a different area.  When the father turns around, Santa John deftly takes his wallet, opens it, and takes a picture of the father’s driver’s license with his smart phone.)

Scene 33

*(Santa John pockets his phone and holds out the wallet.)

*Santa John: Hey, you lost this!

*Bad father: Huh?

Scene 34

*Bad father: (takes back wallet) Thanks!

*Santa John: My pleasure!

Scene 35

*John’s liaison: (comes over and speaks quietly) How are you doing?

*Santa John: (quietly) Santa could use a break.

Scene 36

*Santa John: (amused) Why am I making Santa talk like Rickey Henderson?

*John’s liaison: Hey, Rickey’s iconic!

*Santa John: “The greatest of all-time,” right?  I do appreciate his style!

Scene 37

*John’s liaison: Take as long a break as you need.

*Santa John: Thank you, sir.

Scene 38

*(Santa John goes to a break room and goes to the washroom.)

Scene 39

*(He washes his hands.)

*Santa John: (thinking) That hand I grabbed…How many times has that hand hurt that girl you’re supposed to be caring for!?  How many times has it refused to comfort her!?  If you act that way in public, what are you doing in private!?

Scene 40

*(The water was warm, and the soap & paper towels room temperature, but as he dries his hands and leaves the washroom…)

Scene 41

*(…his hands shake like they were in a frigid winter wind.  He looks at his quivering arms, leans against the wall, and sighs.)

*Santa John: (thinking) That fricker got my nerves started!

Scene 42

*Santa John: (smirking while thinking) Or maybe it’s the spirit of jolly old St. Nicholas possessing me to stop me from flipping out!  The unauthorized sequel to Hold Me Up a Little Longer, Lord- St. Nicholas Stop Me from Mauling Some A-hole! 

Scene 43

*(He sets his phone down on a table and brings up the picture he took.)

*Santa John: (thinking) Now that I have your info, I’m going to investigate you like the Zapruder film and bust you for everything I can!  You’re going down like Hans Gruber, boy!

Scene 44

*Santa John: (thinking) Shoot, I hope you try to sue me for you falling on your rear!  I’m drooling at the thought of showing the security footage in court!

Scene 45

*(Once their nerves settle, the Santas finish their breaks and go back on duty.  For a while, things continue to go well.)

Scene 46

*(However, something is about to go down.  Three men are congregated by a department store.  One of them talks on a smart phone)

*Ringleader: You got it done?

*Robber: (over phone) Uh-huh!

Scene 47

*(A trio of robbers is in the security area.  The guards are lying on the floor, bound and gagged.  One of the robbers returns a hypodermic syringe to a case.  )

*Robber: We’re good to go!

*Ringleader: (over phone) Great!

Scene 48

*(The gang regroups…)

Scene 49

*(…and heads to a high-end store.)

Scene 50

*(Shoppers and workers are minding their business…)

Scene 51

*(…when the robbers burst in.)

*Ringleader: This is a robbery!  Nobody try anything!

Scene 52

*(He fires a couple shots to show he’s serious.)

Scene 53

*(In their respective areas, Santa Steve and Santa John both hear the shots.)

Scene 54

*Santa John: (thinking in alarm) Was that-!? 

*Santa Steve: (thinking in alarm) I hope that wasn’t-

Scene 55

*(Santa Steve is interrupted by a child clinging to him in fear.)

Scene 56

*Santa Steve: (reassuringly) Yeah, that was a scary sound, huh?  Don’t worry, we’ll protect you.

Scene 57

*(Meanwhile, in the security area, one of the guards is struggling toward the control board.)

*Guard: (thinking) I played possum until they left, but that stuff they injected me with is about to make me pass out for real!

Scene 58

*Guard: (thinking as he strains to reach button) Come on…

Scene 59

*(He manages to press a button.)

Scene 60

*(A message is broadcast over the mall’s speaker system.)

*Broadcast: Attention, shoppers!  We apologize for the inconvenience, but the mall needs to close temporarily. 

Scene 61

*(The guard smiles in relief as he passes out.)

*Broadcast: Please leave calmly through the closest exit and wait for the notice to return.  Thank you.

Scene 62

*(The super Santas escort the visitors and workers to the exits.)

Scene 63

*Santa John: (to his liaison) Keep an eye on them and make sure they’re okay!  I’m staying here!

*John’s liaison: What?!

*Santa John: No time for questions!

*John’s liaison: Okay, don’t worry!  I’ll look after them!

*Santa John: Good man!

Scene 64

*Santa Steve: Look after them and make sure they’re okay!  I’m staying here!  

*Steve’s liaison: Sir?!

*Santa Steve: Don’t worry, I’ll be fine!

*Steve’s liaison: Okay!  I’ll look after them!

*Santa Steve: Thank you!

Scene 65

*(The two superheroes duck out of sight, reach into a pocket, and pull out what appears to be a watch case.)

Scene 66

*(They open the cases, revealing they contain their shrunken down shields and a couple vials.)

Scene 67

*(They use the contents of one of the vials to enlarge their shields back to normal size.)

*Santa Cap & Santa Agent: (thinking) Good old Pym particles!

Scene 68

*(They slip their shields on their arms and prepare to leap into action.)

Scene 69

*(We soon rejoin the gang of robbers, which is continuing to be threatening while filling bags of loot.  Three are grouped close together while the other three are spread further apart.)

*Robber: (to victim) That’s it!  No one’s been hurt yet, so let’s keep it that way!

Scene 70

*Voice: Yes, let’s keep it that way!

*Robber: What?!

Scene 71

*(Santa Cap is standing with shield ready.) 

*Santa Cap: My Christmas gift to you is one chance!  Give up now and I’ll go easy on you!

Scene 72

*Ringleader: (makes dismissive sound) We’re the baddest dudes around!  You can’t seriously expect us to-

Scene 73

*(He stops as he notices one of the robbers kneeling and placing his gun & bag of loot on the ground.)

Scene 74

*Robber: Mike!

*Mike the robber: That’s a Santa with Captain America’s shield!  Nothing good can come from ticking off someone like that!  

*Ringleader: Yeah?  Well, we’ll just see how well made that prop is!

Scene 75

*(The ringleader and another robber fire at the shield…)

Scene 76

*(…only for the bullets to bounce off, shocking the gang.)

Scene 77

*(Santa Cap swiftly, deftly tosses the shield…)

Scene 78

*(…which ricochets and strikes a couple of the robbers, injuring one,…)

Scene 79

*(…before returning to his waiting hand.  The robbers realize he’s a threat.)

Scene 80

*(They scatter more as they flee the area.)

Scene 81

*(One of them is knocked down by Santa Agent’s shield.)

Scene 82

*(Santa Agent quickly rushes up, kicks away the downed robber’s firearm, and puts cuffs on him.)

Scene 83

*Santa Agent: (to either Santa Cap or the bystanders) Keep him restrained while I- 

*Mike the robber: You might want to check the guards!

Scene 84

*(Santa Agent and Santa Cap look at him in concern.)

*Santa Agent: Meaning?!

*Mike the robber: We sedated the guards before coming down here!  They should be fine, but you should check them just to be sure!  I have the case in my pocket!

*Santa Agent: So that’s your angle, huh?!

Scene 85

*Mike the robber: We’re robbers, not killers!  We didn’t set out to hurt anyone!

*Santa Agent: (searching Mike’s pockets) I’d be more likely to believe that if one of you had stayed long enough to make sure they were okay- or, you know, if you hadn’t done the whole armed robbery thing- but thanks for the info!

Scene 86

*(Santa John pulls the case from Mike’s pocket.)

*Santa Cap: If you want to go ahead, I’ll finish up here!

*Santa Agent: You don’t need to tell me twice!

*Handcuffed robber: (does double-take out of surprise and confusion) What?!

Scene 87

*(Santa Agent grabs his shield and books it toward the security area.)

*Handcuffed robber: There are two of you!?

*Santa Cap: That’s a little Christmas magic…or maybe it’s one of “The Twelve Pains of Christmas” you’ve heard about!

Scene 88

*(By the time Santa Cap makes it to the security area…)

Scene 89

*(…Santa Agent has already treated the guards, which are now unbound and seated in chairs.)

*Santa Agent: (returning  small spray bottle to case) There was a counter-agent in the case too.  They were fine, but I went ahead and gave them some to revive them.  They should be coming around soon.

Scene 90

*Santa Agent: (rests his hand on one of the guards) I think this guy is a hero.  His hand was by a button.

*Santa Cap: Good for him!

Scene 91

*Santa Cap: We did well back there.

*Santa Agent: Yeah, though I’m sure you’re as rankled as I am that we didn’t get the whole bunch!

*Santa Cap: At least we can check the monitors to get an idea where they went.

Scene 92

*(The two turn to the display of screens.)

*Santa Cap: Let’s see where-

Scene 93

*Santa Cap and Santa Agent: …

Scene 94

*(They’re staring in silence because the monitors show that the remaining four robbers didn’t do the smart thing and get while the getting was good.  They’re still in the mall, robbing other areas.)

Scene 95

*(Santa Agent face-palms while Santa Cap sighs and presses the lockdown button.)

Scene 96

*(The mall doors lock, preventing easy escape.)

Scene 97

*Santa Agent: Hey, it’s a Christmas miracle- We’ll be able to capture the whole bunch after all because they’re the dumbest, greediest mother-grabbers in town!

*Santa Cap: So when they said they were “the baddest dudes around”, they really meant “the most incompetent! 

*Santa Agent: It sure as blazes looks that way! 

Scene 98

*Santa Agent: I’m going to smack them three times: one for the armed robbery, one for interrupting the kiddies’ Christmas wishes, and one for ruining the escape chance Mike gave them by distracting me!

*Santa Cap: Save some for me!

*(The guards start to wake up.)

Scene 99

*Santa Cap: (thinking jokingly) John’s yelling was the cure to reviving them all along!  (out loud) Are you okay?

*Guard: I…I don’t know…

Scene 100

*Santa Agent: If you’re saying that because you’re seeing two Santa Clauses holding shields, no, we really are here!

*Guard: Oh, thank goodness!  Yeah, I’m okay!

Scene 101

*(The two heroes fill in the guards on what happened.  The guards are surprised that two shield-slinging Santas stopped the robbery.)

Scene 102

*(The guards contact the department store and get verification.  They tell Santa Cap and Santa Agent about what led to that point.)

*Guard: There was supposed to be another guard on duty, but he called in sick today.

*Santa Cap: I see. (thinking) That’s interesting.

*Santa Agent: Hmm. 

Scene 103

*(After getting more information from the guards, the two get ready to pursue the remaining robbers.)

*Santa Cap: This will be a nice little exercise, right?

*Santa Agent: Just what I was thinking!

*Guard: Wait!  It could be dangerous!

Scene 104

*Santa Cap: I understand your concern, sir, but trust me, we’ve handled much tougher situations than this!

*Guard: Is that right?

Scene 105

*(It seems the guard is starting to suspect something.)

*Guard: (inspecting Santa Cap’s shield) That’s sure a well-made Captain America shield…

*Santa Cap: (very demure, very mindful) Oh, really?

Scene 106

*Guard: (inspecting Santa Agent’s shield) …and that’s sure a well-made U.S.Agent shield!

*Santa Agent: (proudly) It sounds like you have excellent taste in Avengers, sir!

Scene 107

*(The guard, having a realization, makes a decision.  He pulls out a couple keys, or key cards, or whatever malls use nowadays, and hands them to the duo.)

*Guard: Here, take these!  These master keys should allow you to unlock any door in the building.  Also, if there’s anything you need to borrow or take to assist you, I’m sure something could be worked out with the store owners.

*Santa Agent: Ariiight!  Thank you, sir!

*Santa Cap: Thank you, sir!  We appreciate your trust in us!

Scene 108

*(The two super-soldier Santas exit the security area and start to strategize.)

*Santa Cap: You probably didn’t notice because you were heading to help the guards, but the robber you stopped heard me talking and asked, “There are two of you!?”

*Santa Agent: Ah, so until then he thought I was the one who had challenged them at the start!  We can take advantage of them thinking there’s only one Super Santa chasing them!

*Santa Cap: My thought exactly!  We’ll split up, but try not to get too far apart in case we need to team up.

Scene 109

*(Santa Cap takes out his smart phone and dashes off a message to somebody.)

Scene 110

*Santa Cap: Ready?

*Santa Agent: I just need a moment to get my head straight!

*(Santa Cap realizes he has something specific on his mind.)

Scene 111

*(He figures it out and gives a supportive smirk.)

*Santa Cap: I trust you got the creep’s information to do an investigation.

*Santa Agent: (gives satisfied smirk) You know it!  That jerk is going down!  I trust you’ll do the same thing if you see an abusive creep at your event!

*Santa Cap: Naturally!

*Santa Agent: Good!

Scene 112

*(With that settled, the two begin their hunt.)

*Santa Agent: Let’s go!

Scene 113

*(The two split up and move along swiftly yet carefully.)

Scene 114

*(Santa Cap soon hears gunshots and breaking glass.)

Scene 115

*(He rushes toward the sounds and sees that one of the robbers has shot the glass out of one of the exit doors to try to escape.)

Scene 116

*(Before the robber can do anything else, Santa Cap throws his shield and hits the robber in the hip, knocking him down.)

Scene 117

*(The shield ricochets and returns to Santa Cap’s hand,…)

Scene 118

*(…allowing him to slip it back onto his arm and use it to protect against the robber’s bullets.)

Scene 119

*(Within seconds the robber is disarmed and subdued.)

Scene 120

*(Santa Cap cuffs him, blindfolds him, gags him, and throws him over his shoulder for transport.)

*Santa Cap: (thinking) That’s the third one taken care of!

Scene 121

*(Santa Cap walks along with his trophy…)

Scene 122

*(…but stops when he spots Santa Agent signaling him out of the corner of his eye.)

Scene 123

*(Santa Agent is standing outside a different department store and is looking through the window, apparently having spotted a robber inside.)

Scene 124

*(With Santa Cap standing by in case he needs backup, Santa Agent quietly unlocks the shuttered door.)

Scene 125

*(Having filled a bag of loot, the robber heads toward the store’s employee exit, hoping he can unlock it and leave with no issues.)

Scene 126

*(However, he suddenly realizes that Santa Agent is approaching.)

Scene 127

*(He manages to dodge Santa Agent’s thrown shield,…)

Scene 128

*(…but before he can fire at him, Santa Agent, moving at high speed, grabs the ricocheting shield…)

Scene 129

*(…and tackles the robber while holding his shield in front of him for protection.  This essentially serves as a battering ram that knocks the wind out of the robber and knocks him down.)

Scene 130

*(Santa Cap has entered the store as well and is observing discreetly.  The bound robber listens in confusion.)

*Bound robber: (thinking) What is going on?!

Scene 131

*(Santa Agent quickly disarms the robber and begins to subdue him as well.)

*Robber: (shakily because he’s stunned by Santa Agent’s boldness and superhuman athleticism) W-Who are you?!

*Santa Agent: (jokingly) My name’s Claus, but they call me Kris Kringle! [I intended this specifically as a reference to A) the Rankin/Bass Christmas special Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (from 1970) and B ) the scene in the first U.S.Agent solo series (from 1993) in which Agent tells someone his name is John, but they called him Jack.]

Scene 132

*Santa Cap: (approaching with the blindfolded robber in tow) Four down, two to go!

*Robber: Two Santa Captains!?

*Bound robber: (gagged) Tmph?!

Scene 133

*Robber: Well, that makes sense about the shields now!

*Santa Agent: Hmm?

*Robber: I mean, it explains why your shield looked different from before!  It was a different shield!  I was just thinking that earlier that looked like Captain America’s shield, but now that I was seeing it up close…

Scene 134

*Robber: …it looked like the worst replica I’d ever seen!

*Santa Agent: (looking at him like, “Did you just seriously say my shield looked like a shoddy replica?!”)

Scene 135

*Santa Cap: (heaving a silent sigh as he thinks) Well, that was one of the worst things he could have said!

Scene 136

*Santa Agent: (glaring at the robber like, “I KNOW you did not just call the shield of THE U.S.Agent a terrible bootleg!”)

Scene 137

*(Santa Agent drags the robber to an area with a large wreath as part of the holiday decorations.)

Scene 138

*Santa Agent: (picking him up and seemingly getting ready to toss him) Straighten your body like a javelin!  It’ll make the trajectory better!

*Robber: W-Wait, you can’t-!

Scene 139

*(Santa Agent acts like he’s going to give him the old heave-ho…)

Scene 140

*(…but instead he lowers him close to the ground and drops him harmlessly.  Imagining a rubber ducky squeak as the robber hits the ground is not required, but is recommended.)

Scene 141

*(Santa Agent begins the process of cuffing, blindfolding, and gagging the robber.)

*Santa Cap: I figure the last two aren’t far off.  With the exits-

Scene 142

*(Something gets his attention.)

*Santa Cap: Hmm?

*Santa Agent: Something amiss?

*Santa Cap: No, it’s just…

Scene 143

*Santa Cap: (picking up a small box from a table near one of the registers) …this would be a great gift for- (He stops himself from saying, “Bucky,” to protect everyone’s identities.) –for my old friend, James.

*Santa Agent: (thinking) Really, Rogers? (out loud) The one who has shaggy hair like he lives in barns, right?

*Santa Cap: The same!

Scene 144

*Santa Cap: I’ll have to remember to come back later!

*Santa Agent: (arises after finishing securing the robber) Or, you know, you could do this!

Scene 145

*(He takes the box, goes to the register, takes out his wallet, scans the box, puts money in the register, and puts the box & the receipt in a paper bag.)

Scene 146

*Santa Agent: (handing bag to Santa Cap and putting away his wallet) Have a nice day, sir!

*Santa Cap: (taking out his wallet) Thank you, sir!  I’ll put in a good word with your manager!

Scene 147

*Santa Cap: You want to split the cost and say it’s from both of us?

*Santa Agent: That’d be fine!  Do the ol’ 50/50.

Scene 148

*(Santa Cap gives Santa Agent three bills and puts away his wallet.)

*Santa Cap: There you are!

*Santa Agent: (looking at bills) You were saying that-

Scene 149

*Santa Agent: (stopping and giving him “Really, playa?” look) This isn’t half, old man.

Scene 150

*Santa Agent: (jokingly) Look, I know math didn’t exist back when you were growing up, but you have to have learned twenty-five dollars isn’t half of forty dollars!

*Santa Cap: (jokingly) I forgot to bring my abacus today!

*Santa Agent: Well, I guess I can overlook it this time in the spirit of the holidays!

*Santa Cap: You’re all heart!

*(The two robbers look at them like, “What is even happening right now?!  Who are these guys!?”)

Scene 151

*Santa Cap: I was saying that with the exits sealed, they might want to regroup so they’ll only need to make one exit.

*Santa Agent: (putting the five-dollar bill from Santa Cap in a charity box by the register) That makes sense.

*Santa Cap: I’ve been thinking of another plan.

Scene 152

*(He whispers the plan to him.)

*Santa Agent: Okay, I’m on board!

Scene 153

*Santa Cap: You think you can cause a distraction?

*Santa Agent, the one who was formerly the ever cocksure and audacious Super-Patriot II: I think I can manage that!

Scene 154

*(Soon Santa Agent is walking toward the door the third robber broke, dragging the third and fourth robbers along as he goes.  He’s also singing “Jingle Bells” as he walks along, because why not use this opportunity to reference The French Connection?)

Scene 155

*Ringleader: Freeze, Santa!

Scene 156

*(He sees the ringleader and the fifth robber with their guns and bags of loot.)

*Santa Agent: You mofos are definitely going on the naughty list!  You know that, right?

*Robber: (waving gun around) You’re gonna pay for dragging them around and injuring me!

Scene 157

*Santa Agent: Hey, Val Kilmer, I’m not the guy who injured you.  I don’t think we’ve met.

*Robber: You’re really gonna pretend you’re not the guy who flung a shield at us back there!?

*Santa Agent: Shield?

Scene 158

*Santa Agent: (shows shield) You don’t mean this, right?

*(They see it’s a different shield than the one thrown at them back at the high-end department store.)

*Ringleader: What!?

Scene 159

*Robber: What did-

*(He’s interrupted by the two bound robbers making vocalizations and flailing on the ground.)

Scene 160

*(They begin pounding their legs in groups of two.  The robber’s eyes widen as he realizes what they’re trying to tell him.)

Scene 161

*(He looks around…)

Scene 162

*(…and is just barely able to manage being hit by Santa Cap’s thrown shield.)

Scene 163

*(He fires in the direction the shield was thrown from, but Santa Cap dodges the shots easily.)

Scene 164

*(With his athleticism, and the robbers’ attention being divided between him and Santa Agent, Santa Cap is able to retrieve his shield with almost no issue.)

Scene 165

*(The two shield-wielding Santa Clauses stand side by side.)

*Robber: So that’s it!

*Santa Cap: That’s it!

*Santa Agent: You mugs picked a ho-ho-horrible time to do this!

Scene 166

*Santa Cap: Mike had the right idea the whole time.  You really don’t have a chance of getting away with it with either of us here.  I know it’s frustrating, son, but don’t make this harder than it has to be.

*Robber: (makes irritated grunt as he glares at him with helpless anger)

Scene 167

*(The robber and the ringleader look around…)

Scene 168

*(…and spot the door that had been shot open earlier.)

Scene 169

*(The robber grabs one of the bound robbers to try to drag him out during an escape attempt…)

Scene 170

*(…but before he can do anything he sees the ringleader make a break for it, choosing to prioritize himself and his loot over the others.)

*Robber: DUDE, WHAT THE FRICK!?

Scene 171

*Santa Cap: That guy’s a crumb, isn’t he?

*Santa Agent: If anyone should know about crumbs, it’s Santa, right?

*Robber: OH, THAT A-HOLE!

Scene 172

*Santa Agent: Don’t worry, he won’t get far!

*Santa Cap: I called for some backup, so you should be seeing him again soon!

*Robber: (sighs)

Scene 173

*(The robber sets down his weapon, kneels, and puts his hand behind his head.)

*Santa Cap: Good choice!  Now let’s see that injury.

Scene 174

*(Santa Cap tends to the injury his shield throw inflicted earlier.)

*Santa Agent: Most of you don’t seem to be terrible guys; you just made some really bad decisions!

*Robber: (starting to suspect that the super Santas are much more than they appear) Who are you guys?!

*Santa Agents: Just a pair of elite Santa Clauses helping out the community, that’s all!

Scene 175

*(The ringleader books it to a van waiting in a nearby parking lot.)

Scene 176

*(He enters and tosses his bag of loot onto a seat.)

*Driver: Where are the others?!

*Ringleader: They got caught, never mind them!  Let’s get out of here!

Scene 177

*(The driver starts to pull out.)

*Ringleader: I’ll tell you what happened when we’re all clear, though you’re not gonna believe it!

Scene 178

*(They’re distracted by Redwing the falcon flying down and perching on one of the side mirrors.)

*Ringleader: WHAT?!

Scene 179

*(Seconds later, a powerfully-thrown shield slams into the hood of the car.)

Scene 180

*(The engine stops working, showing that the impact damaged it.)

Scene 181

*(Captain America Sam Wilson flies down and stands next to the car.)

*Cap-Sam: (addressing the driver) Hi!  One of my elves contacted me about you!

Scene 182

*Cap-Sam: (addressing the driver) He thought it was interesting that you were the only security guard who didn’t show up to work the same day that there was going to be a robbery, and that it made sense for the robbers to have some kind of inside information that would allow them to infiltrate the security area, and I agreed.

Scene 183

*Cap-Sam: He asked me to do a stakeout to see if any of the robbers met up with you, and also to work on getting a warrant to investigate you.

Scene 184

*Cap-Sam: Whatever your holiday plans were, it looks like they’ve been ruined!

*(The driver/double-crossing security guard looks distressed…)

Scene 185

*(…and then sinks into despair onto his steering wheel, causing the horn to blare.  The distressed ringleader holds his head.)

Scene 186

*(Soon, the guards are handling the gang over to the police.  The guards are angry with the backstabber for what he did, Mike is angry with the last four robbers for not getting out while the getting was good, the second robber is angry with the last four robbers for not trying to come back for them, and everyone is angry with the ringleader for ditching all of them.)

Scene 187

*(In another area, Cap-Sam is talking with Santa Cap and Santa Agent.)

*Cap-Sam: (jokingly) Normally I only see this kind of thing after I’ve had too much eggnog!

*Santa Agent: (points to himself) If you’re trying to spot the good-looking Santa, here he is!

*Santa Cap: Now who’s had too much eggnog?

Scene 188

*Santa Cap: (shakes Cap-Sam’s hand) We’re glad for the assist!  Good work!

*Cap-Sam: No problem!  I just wish you’d let me know ahead of time there was a dress code for this operation so I could have at least dug out my Santa hat!

Scene 189

*Cap-Sam: This weird stuff reminds me of the good old days!  Hey, how about we hang out later tonight, sometime between you checking your list and checking it twice?

*Santa Cap: That sounds good!

Scene 190

*Cap-Sam: (to Santa Agent) Hey, Cody Rhodes Santa!  If you’re not busy challenging Krampus for the arm-wrestling title or whatever tonight, you want to pop in for a bit too?

*Santa Agent: Hmm?!

Scene 191

*Santa Agent: (with his tough façade) Well, if you’re inviting me, I suppose I could stay for a bit to make sure the old timer doesn’t overdo it on the milk and cookies!

*Cap-Sam: Good!

*Santa Agent: (sincerely) Thank you.

Scene 192

*(An announcement is played saying that the mall is now safe to re-enter.)

Scene 193

*Santa Cap: There was only about, what, forty minutes left in the scheduled events?

*Santa Agent: You ready to go back into the breach and finish the job?

*Santa Cap: Yep!

Scene 194

*(Santa Cap and Santa Agent return to their events as Santa Steve and Santa John.  The liaisons, unaware of what happened, are glad to see they’re okay.)

Scene 195

*(The two heroes finish their Santa duties, dress back into their civilian clothes, and leave after chatting with the liaisons a bit.)

Scene 196

*(Later that day the liaisons watch a report about how a pair of unknown Santas along with Captain America stopped a gang of robbers at the mall.  They’re amazed as they realize that their Santa Clauses were the ones in the footage.)

Scene 197

*John’s liaison: Did your Santa give you his name?

*Steve’s liaison: No.  Did yours?

*John’s liaison: No.

Scene 198

*Steve’s liaison: Well, whoever they were, I’m sure glad they were here today!

*John’s liaison: Same here!

*Steve’s liaison: Maybe we’ll run into them again sometime!

Scene 199

*(At their little get-together, Sam, Redwing, Steve, and John are also watching the report with satisfaction.)

Scene 200

*John: You know, one thing I don’t get…

*Steve: (thinking) Here it comes!

Scene 201

*John: I don’t know how they weren’t able to tell us apart!  I mean, I was clearly the more robust Santa and my costume was more vivid!

*Steve: That’s one of those Christmas mysteries, I guess!

Scene 202

*Steve: (to Sam) Oh, by the way, I found a great gift for Bucky during the robbery today!

*Sam: Oh?  That’s good!

*Steve: John and I already pitched in, so if you want to pitch in too, we can say it’s from the three of us!

Scene 203

*John: You’d just need to give $6.50 to each of us!  It wouldn’t cost you much!

*Sam: Believe me, you guys are costing me a lot more than six-fifty, but yeah, that sounds like a good deal!  I’m in! [By saying, “You guys are costing me a lot more,” he’s joking that having to interact with these two is costing him his sanity.]

Scene 204

*Sam: I’m a little worried.

*Steve: Hmm?  Why’s that?

Scene 205

*Sam: I’ve been asked to play Santa at an event this weekend!

*Steve: Oh, shoot!

*John: (always ready for action) Let me know if you need an elf!

Disclaimer: Abuse toward writers or fans of characters will not be tolerated.  This is post is to debate a storyline I’m currently questioning, not to promote malice against actual people.

This post concerns my thoughts about an ongoing storyline (Avengers: Armageddon) contrasted with an earlier John Walker storyline from the comic books.  “Wait, the guy from the MCU appeared in the comics?”  Yeah, he did.  Let me note that since Avengers: Armageddon is still unfolding and the issue that inspired this post (issue 2) only came out recently, it may turn out that I’m way off base.  In a few months I might be looking back and saying, “Oh, it wasn’t how I assumed at all!  I was dumb!” or I might be saying, “Well, I was right!” or I might be saying something different.  I might be looking back and saying, “Dang, I was too harsh!” or I might be saying, “Yeah, it was how I thought.”  Note too that a lot of what I’m going to say is subjective, so before you say, “Well, that’s just your opinion!” yes, it is.  I’m not denying that at all.  With that out of the way, let me explain who David Colton is for those who don’t know.

Last year (July 2025), an issue of Captain America introduced a new character named David Colton.  They did a retcon by claiming Steve Rogers had only been thawed out in the late 2000s or early 2010s.  I’m not a fan of this at all and think this could have been done differently, but never mind that.  Colton, like a number of patriotic young Americans in the 2000s, joined the military after 9/11.  It was established that Colton wasn’t joining out of a desire for vengeance, but because he wanted to protect others.  It was also established that he’d had an older brother who had died in the Persian Gulf War.  Now, John Walker and David Colton both having older brothers who died in war does not mean the latter is ripping off the former; I’m simply making a note of it so you can decide if it means anything or not.  Colton was frail and was abused by bullies, but an officer, seeing his determination, offered him a version of the Super-Soldier Serum. As a result, Colton developed an enhanced physique and ended up taking the mantle of Captain America.  Without spoiling too much of the storyline that introduced him, Colton suffered a number of tragedies & betrayals that made his mind unstable and left him jaded.  After suffering a heart issue during a battle, he was given an Arc Reactor and stepped down from the role.  Colton came across as sympathetic during his initial storyline and he had a number of readers rooting for him, with some of them saying, “Please don’t turn evil!”  I even made a fan cartoon portraying Colton as a kind, caring hero: https://www.reddit.com/r/USAgent/comments/1tx4mxh/here_take_this_too_fan_comic_made_by_me/

After his introductory storyline he set out to dismantle super-soldier programs.  He met Wolverine during one incident and eventually ended up receiving superpowers from an Origin Box that Wolverine had obtained (believed to be Sentry’s powers, although Hyperion, Blue Marvel, and Starbrand have also been theorized).  This made him another Superman-like character when there were already a number of those kinds of characters, such as The Sentry, Blue Marvel, and Hyperion.  Admittedly the three I mentioned have things that make them unique, meaning Marvel could still do something with a character like that.  It also led some to wonder if Colton would become another example of the evil Superman trope.  Unfortunately, it seems like this is turning out to be the case.

Spoilers ahead for Avengers: Armageddon.  Some fans expressed confusion at Colton’s portrayal in the first issue.  Some asked when Colton had gained superpowers and others asked why he was acting so differently from earlier appearances.  Well, the second issue confirmed that Colton was acting differently, shown when he killed a number of civilians (either deliberately or through neglect) in order to attack a villain.  A friend of mine compared it to if TFATWS had decided to have John kill the senators on his way to get revenge on the Flag-Smashers instead of having him save lives instead.  Colton wasn’t the kind of character to be blasé about human lives when he was introduced in Captain America, so it sounds like he’s being written very differently in this book.  Part of me wants to debate Colton’s actions because I’m a John Walker fan and part of me feels I have little right to debate Colton’s actions because I’m a John Walker fan.  Instead of writing an essay about, “Well, what John did was different!” or writing an essay about, “Well, remember that John also killed people early in his career, so let’s not rush to judgment too quickly!” I’m going to go into the thought that’s been nagging me since the second issue of Armageddon came out- Is this new David Colton story trying to rip off Captain America: The Captain without understanding why it worked?  There are a lot of contrasts.

*One, there was setup for The Captain. This muscular firecracker calling himself a Super-Patriot showed up, and that combined with other things were making Steve Rogers doubt his status and place in the world. It probably reflected things that were happening in pop culture at the time too. With this story they went, “Well, there was a new Captain America after 9/11 and Steve was only unfrozen in the 2000s! Ignore how that ruins decades of continuity! Colton’s a good guy, right? Well, he’s actually a bad guy because he’s not Sam Wilson or Steve Rogers! Oh, and Steve’s currently in a coma and Doom dragged his soul to a version of Hell to fight for him, so he plays no part in this even though we’d focused on Colton’s interactions with him and not had interactions with Sam or the other heroes aside from Logan and maybe Tony!”

*Two, John started out a vainglorious a-hole. It was like, “THAT GUY’S going to be Captain America?! Let’s see here…um…uh…Okay, so he is taking the role seriously!…Okay…Oh, no!…Well, he is trying to honor the role! Maybe he can…Oh, no…Poor guy…OH, NO…This keeps getting worse for the guy!” Whether he did well or did poorly, it was more than you expected, but also made sense. You could sympathize with him while still condemning some of his actions. Colton, however, started out a sympathetic character. It was like, “Oh, he seems like a good kid! Um…oh, no…OH, NO…Okay, I’m glad he’s getting a happy- WHAT THE FRICK, DUDE!?!” I feel they made a drastic change instead of continuing Colton’s development organically.  John started out prideful & brash and then learned how difficult the role was after suffering hardship & trauma.  Colton doesn’t have that same origin.  Admittedly someone who started out optimistic, but is having a crisis of faith & identity due to trauma can be an engaging storyline, but it has to be done well.

*Three, The Captain was sending a message of “Not just anyone can be Captain America. Patriotism, strength, and grit simply aren’t enough.” This feels less like that and more like, “Anyone who isn’t Sam or Steve is trash!”  If this is meant to elevate the other heroes, how? All we’re seeing is a once complex character seemingly abandoning his values, and that doesn’t elevate Sam or Steve at all. 

There are more things I could say about how they’re currently handling Colton and why I don’t agree with it, but for now I’ll end with this.  As many of you know, I’m a longtime fan of Steve, Sam, and John.  As a U.S.Agent fan part of me thinks, "Let's not count Colton out yet," and part of me thinks, "We've seen this already and seen it done better!"  Edit: I'd also like to add that Colton was already becoming a unique character (How many super-soldiers do you know who need Arc Reactors because of strained hearts? The only other heart patients I can think of are Tony Stark and Dennis Dunphy). Why ruin that by making him a rip-off of other characters?