u/Kind_Nectarine_5570

Full time paramedic. I want to be more and do more. Would love to become a PA. Can’t afford college, not even undergrad. Have been looking into enlisting active, then hoping to have aid with college after, and figuring it out. Maybe Guard to ROTC to guard service after, possibly SMP. Or straight into ROTC for undergrad, hope to apply to an ed delay for PA, then do service after.

It’s overwhelming and confusing. I’m open to anything, whatever it takes. I have no idea what route would work out best, or what it would look like. I just want to do my job (medicine) and be fulfilled. Not be screwed when I get out, or have the opportunities to do an entire career within.

Any and all advice welcome. I feel somewhat hopeless and directionless.

So here’s the deal. I’m 22. My cat is 9. He is my world. When he was a kitten, he was around my small childhood dog. Dog passed a few years ago. Partners inherited two small dogs from grandma, they stress him sometimes but it’s fine for the most part. A few months ago, parents inherited another small dog. Since then, cat has been stressed. Cat is spraying.

Almost one month ago, I got my own place (2 bed apartment) with my best friend. I decided to leave cat at partners. Best friend has a big dog. Dog has been around different cats, some good interactions, some bad. No long term relationship with one.

I miss my cat. My cat is still spraying, stressed and not getting much attention, and my parents are at their wits end. My mom wants me to try to introduce my cat + roommates dog. I’m scared to. He’d have to adjust to a new place, AND a large dog. Dog would also have to be chill around him. I have absolutely no idea how it would go. I’ve been researching methods. Gated door, etc. I just want the best for my cat.

Ideas? Comments? Thoughts?

In no universe am I rehoming him. He’s 9. I’ve had him since I was 13. He was a stray, rescued him at 5 months old. He’s somewhat weird around everyone but me. Options are, keep him at parents house and hope things sort themselves out, or take him to my new place and hope he gets along with dog.

So here’s the deal. I’m 22. My cat is 9. He is my world. When he was a kitten, he was around my small childhood dog. Dog passed a few years ago. Partners inherited two small dogs from grandma, they stress him sometimes but it’s fine for the most part. A few months ago, parents inherited another small dog. Since then, cat has been stressed. Cat is spraying.

Almost one month ago, I got my own place (2 bed apartment) with my best friend. I decided to leave cat at partners. Best friend has a big dog. Dog has been around different cats, some good interactions, some bad. No long term relationship with one.

I miss my cat. My cat is still spraying, stressed and not getting much attention, and my parents are at their wits end. My mom wants me to try to introduce my cat + roommates dog. I’m scared to. He’d have to adjust to a new place, AND a large dog. Dog would also have to be chill around him. I have absolutely no idea how it would go. I’ve been researching methods. Gated door, etc. I just want the best for my cat.

Ideas? Comments? Thoughts?

In no universe am I rehoming him. He’s 9. I’ve had him since I was 13. He was a stray, rescued him at 5 months old. He’s somewhat weird around everyone but me. Options are, keep him at parents house and hope things sort themselves out, or take him to my new place and hope he gets along with dog.

This is the second time I’ve encountered this so I wanted to share.

I’ve had my share of stereotypically presenting strokes - facial drooping, slurred speech, unilateral weakness, etc. Usually kinda cut & dry for me.

But today marks the second instance in which it’s taken me a moment to catch it, and both times it’s been one particular sign that’s confirmed it.

Dispatched out for an unconscious 35M. FD on scene suspects heat exhaustion due wife stating they’ve both been outside working on a car.
Pt located sitting upright on ground, leaning on open car door. Pt GCS of 3, pale, diaphoretic. Eyes open but entirely unresponsive. Pupils fixed at 2mm. Breathing non-labored but shallow & irregular. Radial strong/regular. Vitals unremarkable. 12-lead unremarkable. No medical history, no medications, no allergies. BGL & temp are fine.
Differentials are metabolic/endocrine emergency, stroke, late-stage heat exhaustion, unspecified toxin, etc.
Wife states they were driving home when right side of face dropped, couldn’t move right arm, and then he went out as they arrived home.
No current facial droop, but right side has less muscle tone.

Get him on our stretcher and he projectile vomits, still GCS 3. Cleared airway. Get him in truck and take off shoes/socks. Check plantar response. Left has one, right doesn’t. Stroke alert to nearest facility. BP gets soft, hung fluids. Facility doesn’t take me seriously and twiddles their thumbs a bit registering him then send me to CT, per MD. Find out 10 minutes after leaving that they’re calling for a bird to take him to a larger facility (they were stroke ready not capable of thrombectomies,) as he has a 100% LVO.

No shit. First time this happened was the same presentation, expect tears were streaming down her face. She could hear, just not move. Plantar reflexes gave it away on her too.

Just wanted to share, when people present like that and their vitals aren’t telling, check those reflexes.

I’m wallowing and whining right now so this is about to be a big ‘woe is me.’ It just really pisses me off. I’m 22, I’m a paramedic. I’m saving money and doing good at it, still living with my parents. I’m very lucky.

I’m trying to get my own place. Can’t afford a down payment to buy and don’t want to settle down anyways, so I’m looking to rent. I make 58k a year, 48k after taxes. I work 24 hour shifts, 36hrs when I pull overtime, and anywhere from 70-90hrs a week. I bust my fucking ass at this job. While I love it, don’t get me wrong, this shit isn’t easy. For only having 1.5 years of vocational training and operating under a doctor’s license, I carry all responsibility and liability on my truck. I intubate people, push medications that can kill them I fuck up, tell families that I’m sorry, we did everything we could for their loved one but they were down for too long to resuscitate. I once explained to a 12 year old how Fentanyl killed his mom. Pick elders up off of the floor in pools of their own shit while I tell them it’s okay, because they weren’t lucky enough in life to have a support system to help them. Take a 4-lead of someone who was in a wreck, that I know is dead because his torso is twisted and arms are backwards, just to give him an official time of death.

And you know what, I don’t bitch about it. I signed up for it, I can do it, someone has to. I don’t want to be thanked. All I ask, god forbid, all I fucking ask, is that I have a home to be at when I get off. A place I can decorate, a place I can breathe, a place I can rest. A place I can walk in my underwear through at 1am to get water after waking up from a nightmare. A place of peace to temporarily escape the chaos of my job, my purpose, just for a little while.

But guess what, apartments want you to have an income of 3x the monthly rent. Utter bullshit. I know my finances and I know what I can afford. I can, without question, afford the complex I’m looking at. But they want 3x rent, a credit score which I don’t have because I pay my car via payments to my parents, a score that takes time to build when I’ve just entered adulthood and finished school.

Get fucked. I’m sorry, but get fucked. So what I’m hearing is that a multimillion $ realty company is more stressed about having to kick someone out if they can’t pay, that they’re preventing people from living in a place they can afford. I get it, it’s business, I know my anger is irrational.

It’s just, dude, I want to have a home. I’m trying my hardest to get my life rolling and to build myself. I work, I play, I save. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or missing. Besides waiting for a partner/marriage/family, I’m doing fine. I’m just trying to have my own home, in a safe area, why does that seem so impossible. Fuck me.

Sorry, thank you. Needed to shout into the void for a moment.

5 months ago my fiancée dumped me. Prior to that, I had spent 1.5 years planning and imagining our life together. I loved him dearly, and while we had natural ups and downs, I was committed without fault. Never once did it cross my mind the possibility of us not spending our lives together. Then, out of nowhere, I got hit with the “I need to work on myself. It’s me not you, I love you and want to spend my life with you but I’m not ready.” Here is my advice to anyone facing that.

1. At first, you will be deeply confused. You won’t understand, you won’t want it to happen or end, you will bargain and be in denial. You’ll hold out hope and tell yourself that it’ll all be fixed eventually. You’ll be a mess. Crying, sleeping, vomiting. You’ll feel like your heart was ripped out, everything is upside and wrong, and your life is over. You’ll be convinced it was all a mistake and not supposed to happen.
2. Once you realize that it truly is done, you will face depression and anger. You’ll feel that your dignity is shredded, your ego is hurt, your confidence is gone. You’ll begin to pick apart the relationship and feel immense guilt over every bad moment you had or everything you did wrong. You’ll feel embarrassed and ashamed. You’ll wonder what you could have done differently, how you could have been different, to have prevented it.
3. You’ll remain terrified and insecure. You’ll be scared that no one will love you the way you love, that you’ll never find someone who wants to keep you, and you’ll never have the future you had imagined. You feel there is something wrong with you, unworthy, or undesirable to have not made your ex stay.
4. You’ll carry on, day by day, until one day, time has passed and you realize how far you’ve come. You created peace within yourself.

Here is what I need you to understand and do:

- Your ex did not leave for the reasons they said. They left because they stopped choosing you. It’s as simple as that. For whatever reason, they decided you were not worth the effort of a relationship. Maybe you weren’t their person, they didn’t find you compatible, or feel the same as you. Maybe they truly were depressed, maybe they do have things to work through, but at the end of the day these are excuses to shield your feelings from the harsh reality that they did not want to face difficult times with you by their side. They chose a way out, and they sacrificed you. They did not want you, they did not value you enough to stay. They gave you up for reasons they can’t bring themselves to share. Maybe to protect you, maybe so they don’t feel guilt. Don’t play the game of guessing, make peace with the simple fact that they walked away.
- YOU are NOT undeserving of love. You were not with the person you are meant to be with. I know you are convinced that you were and it was all a mistake, but that is not true. The right person for you would never walk away, would never sacrifice you, would never blindside you. The only reason you are convinced otherwise is because you have trained your brain for however long you were dating to believe in that reality. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, people’s feeling are unequal. There is not always an easy answer as to why or how. Some people, despite how you feel about them, don’t feel the same way about you. That is okay. That is human. There is a person out there waiting for you, that will feel the same as you do.
- This is not the end of your life. I know the sudden closing of this path you were on is a hard shake up, but with time, your new path will form. Be patient with yourself. There is no timeline. There is no way to make it easier, to make it hurt less. Stop trying to find ways to.
- Another harsh reality is that what will heal this and make it easier is simply time. In time, you will forget. You’ll forget the good moments, how their face looked, how their voice sounded, how they made you feel. It’ll all begin to fade. That is when it will start to get easier. In order to allow that to happen, you MUST do the following: do not speak to them. Do not text them. Delete all pictures, videos, messages. Erase them entirely from your life. You have to. You will not move on unless you do. Accept that it is over, and do it. Throw away whatever remains of them in your home, whatever reminds you of them. Let your brain adjust and rebuild to the new reality. At the end of the day, the hardest part is neuroscience. Withdrawal.
- Make some changes. Focus on yourself. You’ll build back up your confidence with time. Go do fun things. Take it day by day. Cry when you need to. Reflect when you have the capacity to. Buy some books, journal. You must feel all emotions that wave over you. The only way out is through. Don’t run. Be sad, be angry, be embarrassed, be scared. Embrace it, and ride it out. It’ll come and go. Some days will be easy, some will be hard.
- Understand that this is temporary. It’s hard to see it now, but it is. Everyone has been through this, everyone has made it out. You will too.

You CAN and WILL do this. It’ll fucking suck, but it’ll happen. Time is your friend. You may do some strange, crazy, or obsessive things. You are grieving, recognize that. Let yourself be a mess. You won’t realize it when it begins, but you will begin to heal and grow. This is all for the better. Bigger things await you. Life has more in store for you. This is your own time, for you, use it.

Edit:
Hey guys! Wow, didn’t expect this to get so much engagement. My heart goes out to you all. There’s much more I can say, and I’ve littered random bits throughout the comments. One thing, that may help some of you, is a journal I got on Amazon (I hate journaling) but it has helped me process. It’s called “After the breakup” by Lindsey Brock. For women and men, I promise it’s better than advertised. It’s written by a counselor and has different stages, dives into your pain, yourself, your upbringing, and your future. It really is great for reflection, once you get to that stage.

Remember! This is a process. Ride the waves of your emotions. Cry, laugh, scoff, whatever comes. Be patient. Time heals, the only way out it through, and if you keep walking forwards there’s only one direction to go. You may be new into it and have tunnel vision, or a few months in and are frustrated that you still feel sad, or whenever you’re at. Every place is an okay place to be at. Take it day by day.
This will strengthen you and bring you to more opportunities. This is HUMAN, so profoundly human. We love, we lose. We feel gratitude, we feel grief. You can do this. It always gets better.

FINAL EDIT:
As more comments come in, I’m struggling to keep up. Please feel free to let out all your heavy emotions and thoughts in the comments, this is a safe space for it. I’ve gotten some disagreeing comments from those who broke up with their spouses. I want to be clear that this post is my experience, my takeaway, and is very specific. If this doesn’t apply to you, that’s fine, it wasn’t meant to. This was meant for people who relate. People aren’t evil for breaking up with someone, or doing it how they feel best, but being told by your partner that they love you and want you for their life, yet leave, creates a horrible and confusing dissonance. People often try to protect others and their feelings, concealing unhappiness and an unnameable feeling of “this isn’t working” with instead, “it’s me not you.” This is never fully true, and what my post addresses. So all of you who have faced these emotions - hang in there. Clarity and peace will find you with time.