Should we break up? Looking for honest, objective advice.
Sorry for the long post. This is probably the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make. I know this is only my perspective, and I’m sure if my girlfriend wrote this, she’d include things I haven’t. I’m genuinely trying to present this as fairly as I can because I want honest advice, not validation.
I’m 26, and this is my first relationship. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years, but it’s long distance. During that time, we’ve only seen each other 3 times, totaling about 15 days together in person.
Despite that, our lives are incredibly intertwined. We fall asleep on the phone together every single night, talk throughout the day, and have become each other’s best friends. She gets along really well with my family, and I get along really well with hers.
We’ve also both been through some incredibly difficult things together.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer, we had to sell our family home, finances became a huge burden, and I’ve been working 6–7 days a week, which has made it difficult to travel and see her.
On her side, her dad passed away, and her mom underwent a life-threatening surgery.
Through all of that, we’ve stayed by each other’s side.
What’s strange is that it almost feels like two different relationships.
When we’re together in person, we rarely argue. My stress disappears, I feel completely at peace, and it’s honestly like time stops. Leaving each other is one of the hardest things either of us has experienced. We both cry every time we say goodbye. Then I go back to work and everyday life, months pass before I get to see her again, and I honestly feel empty.
When we’re apart, though, we fight much more. Long distance has been incredibly difficult for both of us.
We also have a bad habit of threatening breakups during really bad arguments. She’s broken up with me before and later wanted to reconcile. I’ve done the same. Neither of us has ever truly wanted the relationship to end. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t toxic in certain ways, especially while we’re apart. I think we’ve both contributed to that.
One of the biggest issues has been porn.
Early in our relationship (around five months in), she commented “yum 😍” on another guy’s social media post. At the time, it really hurt me, and I interpreted it as her being attracted to someone else. She later apologized, said she regretted it, and never did anything like that again.
Looking back, I should have talked it through instead of letting resentment build. The problem was that her dad was dying around that time, and I didn’t feel it was appropriate to make that period about my feelings. So I buried it.
Unfortunately, I started justifying looking at other women and eventually watching porn because, in my mind, I thought, “If she’s looking at other guys, why can’t I?”
Looking back now, I know that wasn’t healthy or fair.
To be clear, I’m not blaming that comment or what she was going through for my choices. It explains where my head was at, but I still chose to watch porn, and I take full responsibility for that.
I watched porn on and off for about 10 months. It wasn’t an everyday habit, but it happened enough to damage trust.
In August 2025, I finally told her the truth because I couldn’t live with the guilt anymore.
She was understandably devastated, but she decided to stay and try to work through it with me.
About eight months later, I finally saw her again in person. We talked through everything face to face. We took intimacy very slowly, and by around May she told me she finally felt like she was starting to get over what had happened.
Then I slipped again.
After we’d been apart for another couple of months, I watched porn again.
Seven days ago, I told her immediately.
Now she feels like we’re back at square one.
She’s talking about ending the relationship, and honestly, I’m not arguing with her. I understand why she feels the way she does.
She considers porn to be cheating.
I don’t personally see it exactly that way because we’ve spent so little time together physically, but I completely understand why she feels betrayed. Whether I agree with that definition or not, I know I broke her trust.
She also experienced sexual trauma before we met, so we’ve always taken intimacy slowly. We’ve been intimate, but we’ve never had full intercourse because it has been painful for her, and I’ve always respected her boundaries and never pressured her.
I also think we experience intimacy differently.
For her, the emotional connection is by far the most important part of a relationship. She has told me she’d never watch porn or think about other men because she simply doesn’t have that desire.
For me, the emotional connection is just as important, but physical intimacy is also a huge part of how I feel connected in a relationship. Going months without seeing each other has been much harder on me than it seems to be for her.
When I’m actually with her, I have zero desire to watch porn or think about other women. My attention is completely on her. The struggle only happens when we’re apart for months. That’s when I become sexually frustrated. I genuinely don’t want to watch porn anymore, but I’m struggling to figure out how to deal with those urges in a healthy way while respecting her boundaries. I also notice myself looking at attractive women more than I’d like, and I hate that because I don’t want to disrespect her or objectify anyone.
Another thing I’ve been struggling with is that this is my first relationship.
I grew up in a very strict household, never dated, and never really explored before her. She has had more dating experience than I have (although she hadn’t had sex before me), so she has a better idea of what else is out there. I don’t.
The confusing part is that I genuinely only see myself marrying this woman.
I don’t want another relationship.
What I fear is marrying my first and only partner while always wondering what I missed. I don’t know if that’s because I’ve never experienced anything else, or if it’s simply a fear that fades with maturity and commitment. I don’t think it would be fair to marry someone while secretly wondering “what if?”
At the same time, I also don’t think it would be fair to throw away an incredible relationship because of curiosity that might eventually disappear.
I also understand her perspective.
From her point of view, she’s remained faithful throughout our relationship while I’ve repeatedly broken promises about porn. I completely understand why she’d question whether she’s enough for me, even though that’s never how I’ve felt. I know trust isn’t rebuilt by words—it’s rebuilt over time.
The truth is, I love this woman deeply.
She’s my best friend.
I honestly worry I’d never find another connection like this again.
I also got my first passport ever so I could travel to see her. I paid for each trip because I wanted to, planned our dates, drove hours to pick her up, and tried to make every visit special. I never expected her to spend money on me—I genuinely wanted to do those things because I love her.
I also recognize that I may be looking for reasons to explain my behavior rather than simply owning it. That’s part of why I’m posting here. I’m trying to figure out whether these are normal struggles that can be worked through, or signs that I’m not ready for marriage or this relationship.
I’m not looking for validation or for people to pick sides.
If you think I’m the problem, tell me.
If you think she’s asking for something unrealistic, tell me that too.
If you think we’re fundamentally incompatible, I’d like to hear that as well.
If you were in my shoes, would you continue fighting for this relationship, or would you let it go? If you’ve married your first love, did the fear of “missing out” eventually disappear? And if you’ve rebuilt trust after breaking it, what actually helped?
TL;DR: 26M in my first 2.5-year long-distance relationship. We’ve only spent about 15 days together in person because of finances, work, distance, and major family tragedies. We fall asleep on the phone every night, love each other deeply, and are amazing together in person, but fight much more while apart. I watched porn on and off for about 10 months, confessed in 2025, we slowly rebuilt trust, then I recently relapsed and told her immediately. She feels we’re back at square one and is considering ending the relationship. I genuinely see her as the woman I’d marry, but because she’s my first relationship, I sometimes fear I’ll always wonder what I missed. I’m trying to figure out whether that’s a fear that fades with maturity or a sign that we’re ultimately incompatible. I’m looking for honest advice from both perspectives.