u/LaDolceVitaaaaaa

​

To everyone — ladies, gentlemen, married and unmarried:

1. For the married couples: where did you go for your honeymoon, and when? weeks later or right after? What was your favorite memory or best experience from the trip? Regrets? Is there anything you would’ve done differently or changed in hindsight?

2. For the unmarried people — and married people who would redo theirs differently — what would your dream honeymoon look like? Describe your dream honeymoon.. Destination(s)? Ideal itinerary? How many days? Rough travel plan/outline?

Note: Kindly read the profile to its entirety and only reach out if you deem compatibility on all fronts, also send your FULL DEATILED PROFILE when messaging me -- Be open to moving off of reddit, trading pictures and having a phonecall from the get-go.. Thanks.

Ethnically Pakistani Punjabi - Canadian Citizen.

Height: 5'6

Accommodation: Own: Afew in Pakistan and 3 in Canada. Rented: 1 in Dubai.

Education: Culinary Arts.

Marital Status: Single (Never Married)

Religion: Sunni Muslim.. Moderate. Caste: Rajput.

…………………………………....

My Family Background/Details:

Native to the potohar belt. Established and well-respected. Settled in Jhelum for 5–6 generations, with strong fuedal roots and agricultural landholdings in the surrounding region.

Father: MBBS Doctor with a distinguished United Nations career; currently heading a trauma department at a hospital abroad. Also engaged in land acquisition and construction ventures in Pakistan.

Mother: Deceased. Father remarried (housewife).

Sibling: One younger brother, pursuing education abroad.

Upper middle class, socially well-placed, and financially secure background.

………………………….........

Interests:

I’m a huge motorsports enthusiast — an avid karter and off-roader. I travel often too — 43 countries and counting — and I’m always up for an adventure.

I swim regularly, play padel, ski in the winters, love a good paintball session, and enjoy spending time at the gun range (and adding to my modest collection, I love customizing my toys..).

Not a party person — I’d much rather enjoy a nice lounge or a good dinner out.

I also love to cook and host — feeding people brings me so much joy. Hosting is one of my favorite hobbies, along with diving into creative projects like making artisanal handmade soaps, interior design, and construction.

...................................

Abit About What I Am Like/Looking For:

I’m looking for an emotionally mature partner—someone with depth, clarity, and the ability to form meaningful connections beyond surface-level conversation. I value emotional resonance early on and enjoy exploring how someone thinks, what shapes their perspectives, and how they reason. I enjoy a witty, dry sense of humor.

I admire emotional intelligence and street smarts more than academics. I’m supportive, affectionate, and deeply sincere. I believe in giving my best to my spouse, and I lean traditional, comfortable in a supportive role within marriage.

With my partner, I aim to be a source of peace and friendship. I value a mindset where responsibilities are shared with fairness and understanding. I come from a home where much of the household work is managed with help and would prefer that arrangement.

Communication is essential to me. problems should be discussed openly and resolved together, without ego or avoidance. It’s also important that my partner is well established and able to stand up for his wife in family matters, which do realistically arise, just as I would always stand by my husband socially and publicly. Basically-- sukoon is my only objective for my life.. 😅

Want someone who is socially comfortable, open-minded, and fun to be around. I value having a shared social circle as a couple and appreciate a balanced mindset that’s not overly conservative.

I thrive on spontaneity and frequent travel.. love celebrating the small moments in life. I’m generous with my partner, and I’d love someone who enjoys life the same way.. No homebodies..

I prioritize self-care and being well dressed and would like a partner who does the same.

....................................

Deal Breakers:

Any form of abuse like verbal, emotional, or physical.

Emotional immaturity, narcissism, or ego-driven behavior..emotionally avoidant or unavailable.

Someone who turns simple everyday things into tasks, lol, being uncooperative or rigid. Ye bilawaja k mood swings.

I hate screaming, yelling, silent treatments, ghosting, or avoidance of communication. Lack of Comprehension! Can’t communicate with people who lack comprehension.

...............................................

Seeking- Similar socio economic background. Preference for Doctor, Lawyer, Army Personnel, CSS, Business Families, or Edcated Fuedal Background. (But open to others if everything else aligns) Pilot, maybe? That would be fun lol. Taller than myself.

Preferred Age Range: 28–35 years. Established and financially independent, with the ability to support his family. Open to someone who is single or divorced.

Residence: Preferably Own

Kids: Yea-- to be discussed.

Preferred City: Open to relocation., kinda , to be discussed.

Preferred Family Setup: Nuclear; Non negotiable.

Timeframe for Marriage: 1-1.5 yrs ish-- we can involve family as soon as we've established understanding, compatibility.

Again: ONLY MESSAGE WITH YOUR PROFILE, A FAIR EXCHANGE KEEPS THE INTERACTION RELEVANT.

​

Note: Kindly read the profile to its entirety and only reach out if you deem compatibility on all fronts, also send your FULL DEATILED PROFILE when messaging me -- Be open to moving off of reddit, trading pictures and having a phonecall from the get-go.. Thanks.

Ethnically Pakistani Punjabi - Canadian Citizen.

Aboyt 5'6 .. 26 (in afew months)

Accommodation: Own: Afew in Pakistan and 3 in Canada. Rented: 1 in Dubai.

Education: Culinary Arts.

Marital Status: Single (Never Married)

Religion: Sunni Muslim.. Moderate.

Caste: Rajput.

…………………………………....

My Family Background/Details:

Native to the potohar belt. Established and well-respected. Settled in Jhelum for 5–6 generations, with strong fuedal roots and agricultural landholdings in the surrounding region.

Father: MBBS Doctor with a distinguished United Nations career; currently heading a trauma department at a hospital abroad. Also engaged in land acquisition and construction ventures in Pakistan.

Mother: Deceased. Father remarried (housewife).

Sibling: One younger brother, pursuing education abroad.

Upper middle class, socially well-placed, and financially secure background.

………………………….........

Interests:

I’m a huge motorsports enthusiast — an avid karter and off-roader. I travel often too — 43 countries and counting — and I’m always up for an adventure.

I swim regularly, play padel, ski in the winters, love a good paintball session, and enjoy spending time at the gun range (and adding to my modest collection, I love customizing my toys..).

Not a party person — I’d much rather enjoy a nice lounge or a good dinner out.

I also love to cook and host — feeding people brings me so much joy. Hosting is one of my favorite hobbies, along with diving into creative projects like making artisanal handmade soaps, interior design, and construction.

...................................

Abit About What I Am Like/Looking For:

I’m looking for an emotionally mature partner—someone with depth, clarity, and the ability to form meaningful connections beyond surface-level conversation. I value emotional resonance early on and enjoy exploring how someone thinks, what shapes their perspectives, and how they reason. I enjoy a witty, dry sense of humor.

I admire emotional intelligence and street smarts more than academics. I’m supportive, affectionate, and deeply sincere. I believe in giving my best to my spouse, and I lean traditional, comfortable in a supportive role within marriage.

With my partner, I aim to be a source of peace and friendship. I value a mindset where responsibilities are shared with fairness and understanding. I come from a home where much of the household work is managed with help and would prefer that arrangement.

Communication is essential to me. problems should be discussed openly and resolved together, without ego or avoidance. It’s also important that my partner is well established and able to stand up for his wife in family matters, which do realistically arise, just as I would always stand by my husband socially and publicly. Basically-- mutual sukoon is my only objective for my life.. 😅

Want someone who is socially comfortable, open-minded, and fun to be around. I value having a shared social circle as a couple and appreciate a balanced mindset that’s not overly conservative.

I thrive on spontaneity and frequent travel.. love celebrating the small moments in life. I’m generous with my partner, and I’d love someone who enjoys life the same way.. No homebodies..

I prioritize self-care and being well dressed and would like a partner who does the same.

....................................

Seeking- Similar socio economic background. Preference for Doctor, Pilot, Lawyer, Army Personnel, CSS, Business Families, or Edcated Fuedal Background. (But open to others if everything else aligns). Taller than myself.

Preferred Age Range: 28–35 years. Established and financially independent, with the ability to support his family. Open to someone who is single or divorced.

Residence: Preferably Own

Kids: Yea-- to be discussed.

Preferred City: Open to relocation., kinda , to be discussed.

Preferred Family Setup: Nuclear.

Timeframe for Marriage: 1-1.5 yrs ish-- we can involve family as soon as we've established understanding, compatibility.

Again-- ONLY MESSAGE WITH YOUR PROFILE, A FAIR EXCHANGE KEEPS THE INTERACTION RELEVANT.

​

Note: Kindly read the profile to its entirety and only reach out if you deem compatibility on all fronts, also send your FULL DEATILED PROFILE when messaging me -- Be open to moving off of reddit, trading pictures and having a phonecall from the get-go.. Thanks.

Ethnically Pakistani Punjabi - Canadian Citizen.

Height: 5'6

Accommodation: Own: Afew in Pakistan and 3 in Canada. Rented: 1 in Dubai.

Education: Culinary Arts.

Marital Status: Single (Never Married)

Religion: Sunni Muslim.. Moderate.

Caste: Rajput.

…………………………………....

My Family Background/Details:

Native to the potohar belt. Established and well-respected. Settled in Jhelum for 5–6 generations, with strong fuedal roots and agricultural landholdings in the surrounding region.

Father: MBBS Doctor with a distinguished United Nations career; currently heading a trauma department at a hospital abroad. Also engaged in land acquisition and construction ventures in Pakistan.

Mother: Deceased. Father remarried (housewife).

Sibling: One younger brother, pursuing education abroad.

Upper middle class, socially well-placed, and financially secure background.

………………………….........

Interests:

I’m a huge motorsports enthusiast — an avid karter and off-roader. I travel often too — 43 countries and counting — and I’m always up for an adventure.

I swim regularly, play padel, ski in the winters, love a good paintball session, and enjoy spending time at the gun range (and adding to my modest collection, I love customizing my toys..).

Not a party person — I’d much rather enjoy a nice lounge or a good dinner out.

I also love to cook and host — feeding people brings me so much joy. Hosting is one of my favorite hobbies, along with diving into creative projects like making artisanal handmade soaps, interior design, and construction.

...................................

Abit About What I Am Like/Looking For:

I’m looking for an emotionally mature partner—someone with depth, clarity, and the ability to form meaningful connections beyond surface-level conversation. I value emotional resonance early on and enjoy exploring how someone thinks, what shapes their perspectives, and how they reason. I enjoy a witty, dry sense of humor.

I admire emotional intelligence and street smarts more than academics. I’m supportive, affectionate, and deeply sincere. I believe in giving my best to my spouse, and I lean traditional, comfortable in a supportive role within marriage.

With my partner, I aim to be a source of peace and friendship. I value a mindset where responsibilities are shared with fairness and understanding. I come from a home where much of the household work is managed with help and would prefer that arrangement.

Communication is essential to me. problems should be discussed openly and resolved together, without ego or avoidance. It’s also important that my partner is well established and able to stand up for his wife in family matters, which do realistically arise, just as I would always stand by my husband socially and publicly. Basically-- mutual sukoon is my only objective for my life.. 😅

Want someone who is socially comfortable, open-minded, and fun to be around. I value having a shared social circle as a couple and appreciate a balanced mindset that’s not overly conservative.

I thrive on spontaneity and frequent travel.. love celebrating the small moments in life. I’m generous with my partner, and I’d love someone who enjoys life the same way.. No homebodies..

I prioritize self-care and being well dressed and would like a partner who does the same.

....................................

Seeking- Similar socio economic background. Preference for Doctor, Pilot, Lawyer, Army Personnel, CSS, Business Families, or Edcated Fuedal Background. (But open to others if everything else aligns). Taller than myself.

Preferred Age Range: 28–35 years. Established and financially independent, with the ability to support his family. Open to someone who is single or divorced.

Residence: Preferably Own

Kids: Yea-- to be discussed.

Preferred City: Open to relocation., kinda , to be discussed.

Preferred Family Setup: Nuclear.

Timeframe for Marriage: 1-1.5 yrs ish-- we can involve family as soon as we've established understanding, compatibility.

Again: ONLY MESSAGE WITH YOUR PROFILE, A FAIR EXCHANGE KEEPS THE INTERACTION RELEVANT.

I’ve been going through the rishta process for the past year and a half, through family (the more streamlined route) and through some rishta profile/apps. And I’ve come to a slightly morbid but fascinating realization:

Coming from a well-settled, upper/upper-middle-class background myself, having lived both abroad and in Pakistan. I didn’t fully grasp just how wide the gap was until I started meeting people outside my usual circles.

A well settled man typically isn’t looking for someone to build from scratch with him.. he’s already done that. So his expectations are to GROW (not struggle) from that point forward and often revolves around how well his partner fits into the life he’s created - and that’s so refreshing.

Presentation & presence — not just physical appearance, but how she carries herself in social settings, speaks, dresses, and represents him in his circle.

Independence (in a different sense) — they don’t care if you’ve working, or if you’re ambitious, but having your own identity, interests, and the ability to navigate life without being overly dependent is more important!

Social intelligence — understanding etiquette, reading a room, and being able to engage with different kinds of people, from business associates to family to being able to manage office and house staff..

Alignment with lifestyle — they’re looking for exposure! How traveled you are, how well dressed you are, your social routine, family values, or even long-term goals.

Pride — They take pride in taking care of you. It’s a matter of ego almost.. They get offended if you’re trying to even split the restaurant bill with them.. He wants to make your life easier, secure men don’t need you to survive with them—they want to make life collectively smoother.

Ghar ka Mahool -- They've grown up in a stable environment, where leisure was normal.. money isn't a scarse, finite resource ending on the 18th of every month, basic creature comforts are basic necessity, theyve not seen their parents stressing over basic survival.. They simple got to live our their teenage years as teenagers. They weren't burden before the actual become adults, they actually had someone fulfilling their needs and wants.. so they understand the cycle of life. Mere baap ny kiya hai, so I have to do it..

Interestingly, he’s choosing for himself. His focus is on compatibility and personal happiness, not family approval.. On the life you both will live together and his extended family isn’t a very big consideration.

________________________

Now contrast that with what I’ve mostly encountered online, where backgrounds are less clear upfront.

Idk, if it’s just me.. or I’ve never realized how vast the income and lifestyle disparity is in this country.. but I’m left in complete burnout..

When resources are limited, expectations are usually shaped by survival, pressure, and day to day realities, not just personal preference.

Partnership in struggle — Struggling men ask you to survive life, verrrrrry strong emphasis (like uncomfortably strong emphasis) on someone who will stand by him through instability.

Low material pressure — they want you to have fewer demands luxury or lifestyle upgrades tu dur ki baat hai.. but for the basics, too.. like living independently, or having some form of hired help, or wanting adequate pocket money (even if he can afford it). Basically, don’t ask for anything at all!

Emotional support — EMOTIONAL LABOR and carrying his frustration matters more when external validation and success are limited.. he wants you to make him feel like a million bucks.. He wants you to do the majority of the emotional labor towards him and his family.

Ambition vs. Real Competence — They’re no real work/progress being done to strive for something better, to provide something better, to achieve anything! Being “Ambitious” is an illusion. They don’t want to leave their circumstances, and the majority of them just think things will get better as time goes on..

No sense of Kafalat/ Blurred provider role—- They’re reluctant to be providers. Many seem to be footing the bills at home and don’t want to actually take on the responsibility of a wife.. The expectation is often that she’ll fend for herself and contribute to the marriage, too. They want a marriage with the having to bear the responsibility of it.. I just feel there isn’t much generosity or kindness towards the idea of their wives.

Family-first lens — more focus on how you’ll fit into his family system than on actual compatibility between the two of you. When it comes to being generous with their mothers/sisters they'll bend over backwards but not for their partners, and when confronted, it's always something along the lines "she's had a tough life" "she's struggled her whole life" "she deserves it after not having it all her life" "she scaraficed so much" etc.. they're willing to fill the roles of the wali/protector their fathers should have for their mother but unwilling to end the trauma and deprivation in their own marriage, Theyll inflict the same truma theyre saving their mothers from. the generational truma is insane. The financial burden of the family are like shackles, not letting them move into the next chapter of their lives fully. They were burdened with realities of life much earlier than they should've been, no one actually took care of their needs and wants, and doing it for a spouse feel almost like alien concept..seems to me that they truly believe to have "nice things", you have to earn them by struggling, or else you don't deserve them.. and to expect them in a relationship, you're unreasonable/problematic cause that's what they were made to feel as kids.

The majority of them are just offering a lifelong struggle and asking you to be patient and put up with their problems. They’re looking for you to financially support them so they can achieve their dreams.. (but prior to marriage, the majority have zero progress to show for their ambitions). They expect you to fulfill the aspects where their parents disappointed them, financially support, unconditional acceptance to everything they're lacking financially, and a shock absorber to their woes, basically they want a parent, not a wife.

I’ve found this emotionally sooo exhausting trying to navigate this process with people who don’t share a similar mindset or situation.. I honestly can’t imagine having to live in their scenarios. Security creates softness in the woman. On their side of the fence I’ve just had stress.

______________________________

So, a genuine question for the men reading this:

What does a “good wife” look like to you—beyond serving your family?

What do you actually want from marriage, for yourself?

Because at the end of the day, that answer matters more than anything else..

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should be shown in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should show in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle, or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

I’ve been going through the rishta process for the past year and a half, through family (the more streamlined route) and through some rishta profile/apps. And I’ve come to a slightly morbid but fascinating realization:

Coming from a well-settled, upper/upper-middle-class background myself, having lived both abroad and in Pakistan. I didn’t fully grasp just how wide the gap was until I started meeting people outside my usual circles.

A well settled man typically isn’t looking for someone to build from scratch with him.. he’s already done that. So his expectations are to GROW (not struggle) from that point forward and often revolves around how well his partner fits into the life he’s created - and that’s so refreshing.

Presentation & presence — not just physical appearance, but how she carries herself in social settings, speaks, dresses, and represents him in his circle.

Independence (in a different sense) — they don’t care if you’ve working, or if you’re ambitious, but having your own identity, interests, and the ability to navigate life without being overly dependent is more important!

Social intelligence — understanding etiquette, reading a room, and being able to engage with different kinds of people, from business associates to family to being able to manage office and house staff..

Alignment with lifestyle — they’re looking for exposure! How traveled you are, how well dressed you are, your social routine, family values, or even long-term goals.

Pride — They take pride in taking care of you. It’s a matter of ego almost.. They get offended if you’re trying to even split the restaurant bill with them.. He wants to make your life easier, secure men don’t need you to survive with them—they want to make life collectively smoother.

Ghar ka Mahool -- They've grown up in a stable environment, where leisure was normal.. money isn't a scarse, finite resource ending on the 18th of every month, basic creature comforts are basic necessity, theyve not seen their parents stressing over basic survival.. They simple got to live our their teenage years as teenagers. They weren't burden before the actual become adults, they actually had someone fulfilling their needs and wants.. so they understand the cycle of life. Mere baap ny kiya hai, so I have to do it..

Interestingly, he’s choosing for himself. His focus is on compatibility and personal happiness, not family approval.. On the life you both will live together and his extended family isn’t a very big consideration.

________________________

Now contrast that with what I’ve mostly encountered online, where backgrounds are less clear upfront.

Idk, if it’s just me.. or I’ve never realized how vast the income and lifestyle disparity is in this country.. but I’m left in complete burnout..

When resources are limited, expectations are usually shaped by survival, pressure, and day to day realities, not just personal preference.

Partnership in struggle — Struggling men ask you to survive life, verrrrrry strong emphasis (like uncomfortably strong emphasis) on someone who will stand by him through instability.

Low material pressure — they want you to have fewer demands luxury or lifestyle upgrades tu dur ki baat hai.. but for the basics, too.. like living independently, or having some form of hired help, or wanting adequate pocket money (even if he can afford it). Basically, don’t ask for anything at all!

Emotional support — EMOTIONAL LABOR and carrying his frustration matters more when external validation and success are limited.. he wants you to make him feel like a million bucks.. He wants you to do the majority of the emotional labor towards him and his family.

Ambition vs. Real Competence — They’re no real work/progress being done to strive for something better, to provide something better, to achieve anything! Being “Ambitious” is an illusion. They don’t want to leave their circumstances, and the majority of them just think things will get better as time goes on..

No sense of Kafalat/ Blurred provider role—- They’re reluctant to be providers. Many seem to be footing the bills at home and don’t want to actually take on the responsibility of a wife.. The expectation is often that she’ll fend for herself and contribute to the marriage, too. They want a marriage with the having to bear the responsibility of it.. I just feel there isn’t much generosity or kindness towards the idea of their wives.

Family-first lens — more focus on how you’ll fit into his family system than on actual compatibility between the two of you. When it comes to being generous with their mothers/sisters they'll bend over backwards but not for their partners, and when confronted, it's always something along the lines "she's had a tough life" "she's struggled her whole life" "she deserves it after not having it all her life" "she scaraficed so much" etc.. they're willing to fill the roles of the wali/protector their fathers should have for their mother but unwilling to end the trauma and deprivation in their own marriage, Theyll inflict the same truma theyre saving their mothers from. the generational truma is insane. The financial burden of the family are like shackles, not letting them move into the next chapter of their lives fully. They were burdened with realities of life much earlier than they should've been, no one actually took care of their needs and wants, and doing it for a spouse feel almost like alien concept.. seems to me that they truly believe to have "nice things", you have to earn them by struggling, or else you don't deserve them.. and to expect them in a relationship, you're unreasonable/problematic cause that's what they were made to feel as kids.

The majority of them are just offering a lifelong struggle and asking you to be patient and put up with their problems. They’re looking for you to financially support them so they can achieve their dreams.. (but prior to marriage, the majority have zero progress to show for their ambitions). They expect you to fulfill the aspects where their parents disappointed them, financially support, unconditional acceptance to everything they're lacking financially, and a shock absorber to their woes, basically they want a parent, not a wife.

I’ve found this emotionally sooo exhausting trying to navigate this process with people who don’t share a similar mindset or situation.. I honestly can’t imagine having to live in their scenarios. Security creates softness in the woman. On their side of the fence I’ve just had stress.

______________________________

So, a genuine question for the men reading this:

What does a “good wife” look like to you—beyond serving your family?

What do you actually want from marriage, for yourself?

Because at the end of the day, that answer matters more than anything else..

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should be shown in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should show in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle, or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

I’ve been going through the rishta process for the past year and a half, through family (the more streamlined route) and through some rishta profile/apps. And I’ve come to a slightly morbid but fascinating realization:

Coming from a well-settled, upper/upper-middle-class background myself, having lived both abroad and in Pakistan. I didn’t fully grasp just how wide the gap was until I started meeting people outside my usual circles.

A well settled man typically isn’t looking for someone to build from scratch with him.. he’s already done that. So his expectations are to GROW (not struggle) from that point forward and often revolves around how well his partner fits into the life he’s created - and that’s so refreshing.

Presentation & presence — not just physical appearance, but how she carries herself in social settings, speaks, dresses, and represents him in his circle.

Independence (in a different sense) — they don’t care if you’ve working, or if you’re ambitious, but having your own identity, interests, and the ability to navigate life..

Social intelligence — understanding etiquette, reading a room, and being able to engage with different kinds of people, from business associates to family to being able to manage office and house staff..

Alignment with lifestyle — they’re looking for exposure! How traveled you are, how well dressed you are, your social routine, family values, or even long-term goals.

Pride — They take pride in taking care of you. It’s a matter of ego almost.. They get offended if you’re trying to even split the restaurant bill with them.. He wants to make your life easier, secure men don’t need you to survive with them—they want to make life collectively smoother.

Ghar ka Mahool -- They've grown up in a stable environment, where leisure was normal.. money isn't a scarse, finite resource ending on the 18th of every month, basic creature comforts are basic necessity, theyve not seen their parents stressing over basic survival.. They simple got to live our their teenage years as teenagers. They weren't burden before the actual become adults, they actually had someone fulfilling their needs and wants.. so they understand the cycle of life. Mere baap ny kiya hai, so I have to do it..

Interestingly, he’s choosing for himself. His focus is on compatibility and personal happiness, not family approval.. On the life you both will live together and his extended family isn’t a very big consideration.

________________________

Now contrast that with what I’ve mostly encountered online, where backgrounds are less clear upfront.

Idk, if it’s just me.. or I’ve never realized how vast the income and lifestyle disparity is in this country.. but I’m left in complete burnout..

When resources are limited, expectations are usually shaped by survival, pressure, and day to day realities, not just personal preference.

Partnership in struggle — Struggling men ask you to survive life, verrrrrry strong emphasis (like uncomfortably strong emphasis) on someone who will stand by him through instability.

Low material pressure — they want you to have fewer demands luxury or lifestyle upgrades tu dur ki baat hai.. but for the basics, too.. like living independently, or having some form of hired help, or wanting adequate pocket money (even if he can afford it). Basically, don’t ask for anything at all!

Emotional support — EMOTIONAL LABOR and carrying his frustration matters more when external validation and success are limited.. he wants you to make him feel like a million bucks.. He wants you to do the majority of the emotional labor towards him and his family.

Ambition vs. Real Competence — They’re no real work/progress being done to strive for something better, to provide something better, to achieve anything! Being “Ambitious” is an illusion. They don’t want to leave their circumstances, and the majority of them just think things will get better as time goes on..

No sense of Kafalat/ Blurred provider role—- They’re reluctant to be providers. Many seem to be footing the bills at home and don’t want to actually take on the responsibility of a wife.. The expectation is often that she’ll fend for herself and contribute to the marriage, too. They want a marriage with the having to bear the responsibility of it.. I just feel there isn’t much generosity or kindness towards the idea of their wives.

Family-first lens — more focus on how you’ll fit into his family system than on actual compatibility between the two of you. When it comes to being generous with their mothers/sisters they'll bend over backwards but not for their partners, and when confronted, it's always something along the lines "she's had a tough life" "she's struggled her whole life" "she deserves it after not having it all her life" "she scaraficed so much" etc.. they're willing to fill the roles of the wali/protector their fathers should have for their mother but unwilling to end the trauma and deprivation in their own marriage, Theyll inflict the same truma theyre saving their mothers from. The generational truma is insane. The financial burden of the family are like shackles, not letting them move into the next chapter of their lives fully. They were burdened with realities of life much earlier than they should've been, no one actually took care of their needs and wants, and doing it for a spouse feel almost like alien concept.. seems to me that they truly believe to have "nice things", you have to earn them by struggling, or else you don't deserve them.. and to expect them in a relationship, you're unreasonable/problematic cause that's what they were made to feel as kids.

The majority of them are just offering a lifelong struggle and asking you to be patient and put up with their problems. They’re looking for you to financially support them so they can achieve their dreams.. (but prior to marriage, the majority have zero progress to show for their ambitions). They expect you to fulfill the aspects where their parents disappointed them, financially support, unconditional acceptance to everything they're lacking financially, and a shock absorber to their woes, basically they want a parent, not a wife.

I’ve found this emotionally sooo exhausting trying to navigate this process with people who don’t share a similar mindset or situation.. I honestly can’t imagine having to live in their scenarios. Security creates softness in the woman. On their side of the fence I’ve just had stress.

______________________________

So, a genuine question for the men reading this:

What does a “good wife” look like to you—beyond serving your family?

What do you actually want from marriage, for yourself?

Because at the end of the day, that answer matters more than anything else..

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should be shown in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

Edit: To the ladies? What’s your rishta experience been?

Do you not think, ‘ambition’ should show in some form of progress prior to marriage? He should have covered some ground on his own to show before wanting to add a person to it!?

Would you rather choose someone who just offers a struggle, or prefer someone who wants to make your life easier?

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Note: Kindly read the profile to its entirety and only reach out if you deem compatibility on all fronts, also send your FULL DEATILED PROFILE when messaging me -- Be open to moving off of reddit and trading pictures and having a phonecall from the get-go.. Thanks.

Ethnically Pakistani Punjabi - Canadian Citizen.

Height: 5'6

Accommodation: Own: Afew in Pakistan and 1 in Canada. Rented: 1 in Dubai.

Education: Culinary Arts.

Marital Status: Single (Never Married)

Religion: Sunni Muslim.. Moderate.

Caste: Rajput.

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My Family Background/Details:

Native to the potohar belt. Established and well-respected. Settled in Jhelum for 5–6 generations, with strong fuedal roots and agricultural landholdings in the surrounding region.

Father: MBBS Doctor with a distinguished United Nations career; currently heading a trauma department at a hospital abroad. Also engaged in land acquisition and construction ventures in Pakistan.

Mother: Deceased. Father remarried (housewife).

Sibling: One younger brother, pursuing education abroad.

Upper middle class, socially well-placed, and financially secure background.

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Interests:

I’m a huge motorsports enthusiast — an avid karter and off-roader. I travel often too — 43 countries and counting — and I’m always up for an adventure.

I swim regularly, play padel, ski in the winters, love a good paintball session, and enjoy spending time at the gun range (and adding to my modest collection, I love customizing my toys..).

Not a party person — I’d much rather enjoy a nice lounge or a good dinner out.

I also love to cook and host — feeding people brings me so much joy. Hosting is one of my favorite hobbies, along with diving into creative projects like making artisanal handmade soaps, interior design, and construction.

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Abit About What I Am Like/Looking For:

I’m looking for an emotionally mature partner—someone with depth, clarity, and the ability to form meaningful connections beyond surface-level conversation. I value emotional resonance early on and enjoy exploring how someone thinks, what shapes their perspectives, and how they reason. I enjoy a witty, dry sense of humor.

I admire emotional intelligence and street smarts more than academics. I’m supportive, affectionate, and deeply sincere. I believe in giving my best to my spouse, and I lean traditional, comfortable in a supportive role within marriage.

With my partner, I aim to be a source of peace and friendship. I value a mindset where responsibilities are shared with fairness and understanding. I come from a home where much of the household work is managed with help and would prefer that arrangement.

Communication is essential to me. problems should be discussed openly and resolved together, without ego or avoidance. It’s also important that my partner is well established and able to stand up for his wife in family matters, which do realistically arise, just as I would always stand by my husband socially and publicly. Basically-- mutual sukoon is my only objective for my life.. 😅

Want someone who is socially comfortable, open-minded, and fun to be around. I value having a shared social circle as a couple and appreciate a balanced mindset that’s not overly conservative.

I thrive on spontaneity and frequent travel.. love celebrating the small moments in life. I’m generous with my partner, and I’d love someone who enjoys life the same way.. No homebodies..

I prioritize self-care and being well dressed and would like a partner who does the same.

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Seeking- Similar socio economic background. Preference for Doctor, Pilot, Lawyer, Army Personnel, CSS, Business Families, or Edcated Fuedal Background. (But open to others if everything else aligns).

Preferred Age Range: 28–35 years. Established and financially independent, with the ability to support his family. Open to someone who is single or divorced.

Residence: Preferably Own

Kids: Yea-- to be discussed.

Preferred City: None, open to relocation., kinda , to be discussed.

Preferred Family Setup: Nuclear—

Timeframe for Marriage: 1-1.5 yrs ish-- we can involve family as soon as we've established understanding, compatibility.