u/Lagertharose

I keep thinking about this topic and trying to figure out the best answer:

I frequently am suicidal, and it is usually triggered by life events or relationships, but can be unrelated to those as well.

I guess my concern is that I don't like to keep these feelings bottled up, but I learned early on in life that talking about these feelings meant people getting upset, angry, or in some cases straight up leaving me.

I tried to start voicing these feelings a bit with my ex recently when we were together, but they came up a lot for a bit, and it started to feel like the boy who cried wolf, but I genuinely felt each and every crisis was real and that my life was in danger. I live alone, and I can't express how terrifying it is to feel like I'm not safe in my own apartment and like if anything did happen, no one would know.

My ex started to ignore me when I was in crisis because he said I was being manipulative, but I genuinely felt the things I was expressing, but I also recognize that it's not fair to put a burden on others, it's just not very validating for me when I reach out to a stranger for support.

Does anyone have advice for how to navigate feeling in crisis and wanting to voice feelings, but not come across negatively to others? To clarify, I'm never looking for anyone to "rescue" me. I just want someone to witness my words and then we can move on, and company is more than enough if anyone stuck around long enough. I just need to name things verbally and get them out of my head and then it tends to pass.

I'm looking for some advice on how to navigate taking accountability for my own actions while balancing putting healthy boundaries in place and standing up for myself when people's actions are negatively affecting me.

I should mention that I have, I'm sure like all of us, tons of abandonment trauma as well as domestic violence and sexual assault trauma.

How do you all accurately determine what is a trigger from past trauma vs someone actively being harmful, vs BPD symptoms you need to manage and control?

I feel like I either over correct others in an attempt to stand up for myself, or I have no boundaries, and I can never seem to find a middle ground. I know I need to address things in my relationship, but I'm terrified because every time I have tried in the past, it devolves into an argument, he cuts me off, and I spiral and do things I regret.

Lastly: I am curious if anyone else has experience with having BPD but not really ever splitting? I tend to end relationships by desperately trying not to lose them, rather than cutting people off. I literally have never dumped anyone or ended a single friendship on purpose, yet I've been left by literally everyone. I am wondering if that's a normal experience....

So my friend is going through a hard time and has a fixation on thinking he's hacked, and has for about 2 years. It has waxed and waned in terms of the severity of the obsession.

At one point, I think he was legitimately hacked, but he no longer has the computer it happened on and it was years ago.

It's gotten worse again and he's sending me "proof" but when I research it, it appears to be just typical stuff, but he has spent years looking into this stuff so he doesn't listen to me.

Would anyone on here be open to like.... Looking at things happening to him and see if it's legitimately hacking or if he just needs other kinds of support?

He's thrown away multiple phones and computers thinking they're hacked and he doesn't have money to throw at this type of thing. He also totally wiped and got a new motherboard for his computer, and just got a new lap top hoping it would be different but he's thinking it's happening there too.

I'm very very worried about him... I can provide picture examples but it won't let me here for some reason.

I'm really struggling with something core to my BPD and need advice from people who get it.

I've noticed my entire sense of emotional stability collapses the moment someone I'm attached to stops communicating—even temporarily. When they're civil and reaching out, I feel like I'm finally "better" and don't even need them. But the instant that contact disappears, I'm hit with a fear so intense it feels life-threatening, like I'm literally going to die if they hate me. It's like an out-of-body experience; I can act impulsively without even being fully aware.

This emotional whiplash has gotten so severe it's affecting my ability to work. I recently went through a breakup that's made these patterns impossible to ignore.

The hardest part is the shame—I'll feel completely in control for days, only to realize my wellness was 100% dependent on him reaching out, not any real progress. It drags me right back to feeling like a terrified, abandoned 14-year-old.

Does anyone have experience slowly un-hooking their self-worth from whether someone is actively choosing them? DBT skills help but sometimes they don't touch this core abandonment panic. I want to build a sense of safety that comes from me, not from constant external reassurance.

If anyone has advice on how to handle a messy breakup with a person who likely struggles with NPD, who I fell intensely for, but did a lot of things I regret and can't recover from as well. I still can't imagine surviving being cut off by him, and every time he threatens it (he dangles the threat all the time) I lose it to the point of getting intensely suicidal. Things were so great in the beginning though, and I planned a life with him. I even planned to move to another country, had done the passport work, got an expungement, got rid of belongings, then as soon as I decided to go he dumps me. Then 2 weeks later decides to move even FURTHER away in Canada to the northern most, most remote place where there's no chance I can ever move to or visit. (If anyone messages me, I can provide additional details but I didn't want to risk it right now)

I'm so sick of trying to find someone who will be able to handle the amount of trauma I've been through (sexual trauma, domestic violence, emotional abuse, abandonment in literal life and death scenarios while unhoused, etc). I just can't get over my actions (regardless of if they were provoked or were reactive abuse or not). They truly don't really feel like me and I'm not sure why I'm suddenly not able to get control of my actions in the moment.

How do I break the pattern of never feeling good enough for anyone? Of being so easily gaslit into thinking everything is completely me fault to the point of feeling pushed to defend myself at all costs (even if it costs me the very thing I'm trying to save by explaining myself). How do I get over feeling like I have to apologize for taking up space?

I have tried to find platonic friendships recently and I have never been able to make friendships last. I have had a few long term ones but they all ended in terrible catastrophic ways (sexual assault in 2 cases) and another case I was accused of things I didn't do and ghosted by all my friends at once who just believed her no question. I don't know what else to try at this point.

I swear I used to be able to control my symptoms, but ever since I got sober from my period of substance use, I seem to be unable to control my acting impulsively, or unable to allow people to get a huge reaction out of me when I know that that's their goal.

I am a very very deeply logical person, but recently when my emotions take over, I am literally a different person. I am a 14 year old girl, angry, hurt, and unable to stop herself from lashing out and with no regard for consequences. This last relationship nearly cost me my job because when I was in an argument with my ex, or being ghosted, literally NOTHING else mattered, even my job, rent, whatever. It's terrifying.

I am taking a dbt class, and in therapy, but my therapists seem to not think I'm stable enough to even go into my trauma which is why I think I'm like this. But I'm always in a constant state of hyper vigilance and stress, and they don't seem to understand that. I need to walk through my deeper issues to resolve the present.

I also struggle with like the most intense body dysmorphia after recovering from an eating disorder and then becoming actually overweight, and so being dumped reinforced my belief that no one wants me and that my ex is the one because I can't imagine trying to meet someone while feeling like this. And before you ask, I've tried being single as well for months but it's still just as painful.

If anyone has any advice on how to handle emotional regulation, regression, abandonment trauma, abuse, dating after sexual assault and domestic violence, really anything I mentioned, feel free to message me. I could really use some advice.

I don't know how to live with the person that I am right now, and how I feel like I do nothing but hurt people. I do nothing but try to fix myself and get better, yet I seem to only get more unstable and more and more isolated and alone. Not really sure how to get myself off the path I've started down and I genuinely think I'm heading for something really really bad, I can feel it in my gut, but I can't seem to stop it...