u/Leading-Ad6084

i already knew they knew i have no fucking friends but to hear them say that as an insult really shattered my heart into pieces. why would they tell me that knowing how depressed i am about it? anyways, today we got in an argument bc i overslept a lil bit and my mom comes waking me up yelling so fucking loud and i was so irritated bc i had trouble sleeping last night and had eye pain + headache so hearing her got me really mad and she said “get ready for school” and i was so annoyed that i mumbled “i fucking hate school” bc i really do i deal with multiple chronic illness specifically social anxiety and get indirectly bullied so it’s hard to pull myself to get there. anyways, after i said that i accidentally slammed the bathroom door on her foot and i triggered her even more. even after i told her sorry it was an accident she still snitched to my dad. i was trying to use the bathroom and before i can even wipe myself shes banging on the door mad hard telling me to get out slammed the bathroom door. when i get out, my dad is in my room complaining that i have a fucking attitude and everything and he talks about how i’m lazy, stupid, dress horrible, mentally ill, not his real daughter, and then he bought up my biggest insecurity that i have no friends so i just bursts into tears i haven’t had a single friend in years so just to hear him say that really pissed me off bc that’s why i been wanting to kms. he says that i’m a loser with zero fucking friends at school and i just wanted to die right there. they both started to attack me so i hit them back and then i’m disrespectful for defending myself. makes me realize that nobody understands people like me but will just assume i’m the problem.

i’m used to being the quiet kid who has little to later on no fucking friends it’s been like this for 6 years but the thing is now i’m on the verge to losing my shit. i was like this majority of my life so far but before i had more confidence and a couple of friends most were fake but i had ppl to talk to am i right? now i don’t even know how to make friends anymore, every conversation feels forced. even worse, most people at school think i’m weird cus i don’t talk. now i gotta deal with all the negative quiet kid stereotypes and most likely get fucking bullied by all the, “hey my friend likes you” kids. this is my last year of hs too but i just can’t fucking take it, i wanna be gone now.

literally crying and fucking shaking as i’m typing this, i honestly don’t know how i’ll get through this school year. yes ik it’s my last year of hs, but i had hella anxiety attacks and sorta get made fun of bc i’m the quiet kid with no fucking friends and it’s just not built for kids like me. i gotta worry about so many things (finding a partner, finding a seat at lunch, presentations, etc) while all the popular kids don’t have to worry about nothing other than making sure the social outcast students live a miserable fucking life for the whole school year.

it’s the same old story as the beginning of every fucking year i’m just pissed the fuck off that i have to go back to this hell hole and suffer for a whole 10 months with zero friends and anxiety attacks.

i’ve been chronically bullied for years and now i am not the same person i authentically was. i was always extroverted, bubbly, and happy. loved socializing it didn’t feel like a chore but ever since i gotten bullied i just stopped being talkative. it sucks realizing i lost my true self over people’s words. i am a destroyed person who just wanted to feel equal to everyone else. i isolated myself from everyone bc they made me feel so insecure and unfortunately i did it too fucking long till the point where i still have no fucking friends, can’t order my food without panicking, wear hoodies to hide my face, and every social anxiety canon event you can think of in the fucking book. 6 fucking years of having this goddamn disorder literally has made me not mentally developed AT ALL. my mindset is still at the same age where i’ve gotten bullied, while all my peers got to move on: got jobs, in relationships, etc. and of course all the bullies who ruined my entire fucking social life get to thrive while i suffer. that’s why being good in life gets you nowhere.

its honestly so fucking sad and embarrassing that i haven’t made a single damn friend all throughout my high school years, the closest person i had was one acquaintance during freshman year but she got tired of me bc i wasn’t talkative enough and put barely any effort in conversations, so sophomore year she’d look me dead in the eye and wouldn’t say shit, just straight up ignored my existence. i am now a senior and i still have no friends and i strongly doubt i’ll make any. i’m used to it tho i didn’t really have much friends in late middle school either and when i thought i did i was always the only one who was left out the group.

having no friends in high school is one of the worst hs canon events ever! a few ex are: sitting alone at lunch, “class pick a partner!”, popular kids calling you an “npc” or saying things like “we’re besties right?”, students giving you weird looks/laughing, nobody to study with, nobody to talk to during free time, mandatory school events, graduation (not there yet but i fear this day, nobody will clap for you sign your year book, take photos with you, or even hang out with you after graduation), nobody to do anything with on the weekends, and realizing you wasted the so called “best 4 years of your life” by not socializing at all and being a miserable socially insecure person who envies ppl with a social life. NO GOOD MEMORIES TO LOOK BACK ON.

school just isn’t built for the quiet kids, never has been never will. whenever people find out that you’re not social like them or don’t have friends they’d automatically treat you like shit and avoid you. it’s like they can see something about me that i cant. i swear i’m normal just like you, but all i ever wanted was to be treated like a normal individual.

is there anyone else who hasn’t made any friends all throughout hs? if so, how did you deal with it?

i’m 17f and i have a crazy shoplifting addiction, (kleptomania) and unfortunately it finally caught up to me…yesterday i got caught borrowing at tj maxx, the only reason why i did it is bc my family is extremely poor and i never get to have nice things, really wish i didn’t dress so suspiciously, i’m just mad that i am permanently banned from all tjx companies. since i’m a minor i didn’t get arrested so that’s good but the whole situation was extremely humiliating, my mom yelled at me and my dad gave me the silent treatment but i am more scared they’ll put me online, they have all my info so now i just wanna kms. they didn’t give a fuck when i screamed about having a poor family, that just shows how insufferable these multi million dollar companies are. the funniest part is everything i took was under $40 they should’ve just let me slide.. i don’t want to be permanently banned from the whole shopping center, they have so many good stores there. having parents who never let me have anything nice made me like this. wore the same clothes and shoes for 5 years, never had makeup, same school supplies, and just limited to so much, this shit isn’t fair. i’ll admit im not sorry for what i did, im just “sorry” bc i got caught, fuck all these corporations who make so much profit off of us.

i cried my eyes out bc a group of teens decided to make fun of me on the bus. i was coming back from mcdonalds and a group of 5 girls came to sit right next to me when there were so many open seats. i didn’t want to move because i had a very comfortable and clean seat so even though i was so fucking irritated by these loud and obnoxious fatherless bitches i wanted to move but i hesitated to. i noticed that they started to look at me bc they heard me talking otp and i guess that’s somehow funny? i could feel them staring and i was just so uncomfortable. next they started to secretly record me like put their phone in my face, i saw it from the corner of my eye and one of the friends sitting in front was staring at me with a smirk so i already knew what was going on, one of them said “sorry, we’re not trying to record you” but the way they said it was pretty obvious they was. then they started to dance and i heard one of them behind me say “oh that part of the video!” and they laughed, then a few mins later one of them sat next to me and asked for my name and age with a huge smirk and then two of the girls started to just burst out laughing. i’m starting to become a more confrontational person and i really wanted to curse them out but i was so fucking exhausted i didn’t even feel like it. so then i just started to curse randomly at myself bc i was so mad and one of them heard me looked back but idc. literally what’s so funny about telling someone my name and age? i don’t understand the type of “we’re besties right?” “hey my friend likes you!” type of bullies, shit is so fucking corny and unfunny. what do they even gain out of this? funniest part is i’m a stranger i only thought they did this in school. speaking of school these ppl are the exact same reason why i want to graduate high school early, they make it a literal hell for the vulnerable especially bc i had a history of being severely bullied from 7th and 8th grade, it’s a whole trauma flashback. fucking hate these weird ass people who love to humiliate others in awkward situations. really can’t wait for this shit to end its literally only one more year of this bs.

i cried my eyes out bc a group of teens decided to make fun of me on the bus. i was coming back from mcdonalds and a group of 5 girls came to sit right next to me when there were so many open seats. i didn’t want to move because i had a very comfortable and clean seat so even though i was so fucking irritated by these loud and obnoxious fatherless bitches i wanted to move but i hesitated to. i noticed that they started to look at me bc they heard me talking otp and i guess that’s somehow funny? i could feel them staring and i was just so uncomfortable. next they started to secretly record me like put their phone in my face, i saw it from the corner of my eye and one of the friends sitting in front was staring at me with a smirk so i already knew what was going on, one of them said “sorry, we’re not trying to record you” but the way they said it was pretty obvious they was. then they started to dance and i heard one of them behind me say “oh that part of the video!” and they laughed, then a few mins later one of them sat next to me and asked for my name and age with a huge smirk and then two of the girls started to just burst out laughing. i’m starting to become a more confrontational person and i really wanted to curse them out but i was so fucking exhausted i didn’t even feel like it. so then i just started to curse randomly at myself bc i was so mad and one of them heard me looked back but idc. literally what’s so funny about telling someone my name and age? i don’t understand the type of “we’re besties right?” “hey my friend likes you!” type of bullies, shit is so fucking corny and unfunny. what do they even gain out of this? funniest part is i’m a stranger i only thought they did this in school. speaking of school these ppl are the exact same reason why i want to graduate high school early, they make it a literal hell for the vulnerable especially bc i had a history of being severely bullied from 7th and 8th grade, it’s a whole trauma flashback. fucking hate these weird ass people who love to humiliate others in awkward situations. really can’t wait for this shit to end its literally only one more year of this bs.

i was basically an intern for production corps and i barely talked to people the whole time, many people actually seemed interested in being my friend, a lot of people approached me and tried to have conversations with me the problem was i was too awkwardly quiet and my mannerisms were very off putting. i was the most talkative with only 2 people but still scared to be my true authentic self. today a few of them asked for my ig and i gave it to them and i’m already embarrassed that they’ll see i’m a loser with a boring ass life bc i don’t post AT ALL. and now i’m in a gc and today they said they are planning to hangout, i haven’t said anything yet but i don’t know why i’m so scared to talk. i mean unlike school, they actually seem more open towards me because NOBODY tries to befriend me there! i am extremely DESPERATE to have a friend group but the problem is i feel like a complete loser (which i am) and i feel like they are way out of my league to hangout with someone like me, i have no life, no interest, no hobbies, no sense of style, and no fucking social skills… everything about me seems so cliché and that’s the problem. I’M NOT PREPARED FOR FRIENDS! i need to do so much inner work to actually have stable connections but i don’t know where to start… guess i’ll fumble 🙄