u/Leading-Occasion-428

Just now, my mom told me that our pastor is planning to volutold her for something because he feels that "God is planning something". Our pastor is NOTORIOUS for volutolding.

Now she is on the phone with her friend, and it seems she is dreading this thing that whatever our pastor has plans, but she feels that God wants her to do this. But I noticed in the past, my mom sometimes seems annoyed whenever the pastor calls her to do something.

I don't like this pastor. I feel like he always kind of pushes boundaries. When I was a teen girl, we reached out to hug but I backed away from him and politely declined. But he told me, you're gonna get a hug anyway and hugged me. Also, when I was a teen girl, we had a teen girl church zoom meeting (a mouthful) and he was on their for a breif time. He wanted us to put on our cameras. I said I could not because I didn't really look my best, I wasn't really decent or should I say presentable? But he caught an attitude with me and said, I don't care how you look, when I tell you to do something, do it!

I don't remember the exact words, but it was something along those lines. He went off in a little rant

Our pastor also tends to shame people who don't "serve" around the church. Or he heavily pressures them to. And he puts a lot of emphasis of tithing.

In Act 2, when Nessa is trying to cast a love spell on Boq that makes his heart shrink instead, Nessa screams at Elphaba, something like, "if you had never brought that horrendible book.

I'm like, girl. No one told you to cast a spell from that book. That was your own doing. You did not even say the words right, and Elphaba tried to stop you but you didn't listen. So why are you trying to shift the blame onto her?

Lol it makes me a little mad.

Back earlier this year, in March/April, when my ferritin was 14 I was SUPER symptomatic and it was scary as hell.

Now, I have much less symptoms...but they are still unfortunately here though. Especially during/before/after my period. My period is supposed to start in one day, and yesterday I have fatigue episodes where I was so exhausted and wanted to lay in bed all day. Also brain fog, forgetting words, losing train of thought. Depersonalization, where it feels like my body doesn't belong to me. Scary shit. Today, I feel a bit more wore out and some general malaise. Still my brain fog presists...

Just a few days ago I was boasting about how much my symptoms have improved and now I feel a bit like shit and I believe I have jinxed myself.

I will still continue to supplement, as I want to reach the hundreds.

In my elementary school, the way it worked it we had three classes and three teachers. We use to rotate. In 5th grade, one class (not ours), well some kids were acting out...you wanna know what our fuckass school did? Punish the entire 5th grade....for one class!!!

Recess was usually 30 minutes long, but our punishment was that we had to stand out there and wait outside for 10 minutes while we watched the other kids play. So we only had 20 minutes of recess time. Yes. All three classes were punished. Stupid.

And this reminds me...so much of God. How God has a kink/fetish of collective punishment. Wants to genocide the actions of few. How he cursed all women just from Eve...(well he did curse men too but still)

Not only that but when Christians talk about how God sends wildfires/ any natural disasters that actually kill people to show that he's punishing people for there so called "sin" (which doesn't exist) Bitch, innocent people died. Stop mystifying or moralizing natural disasters like they are some type of divine punishment.

I always found this concept weird. When I was growing up my mom used to tell me that the holy ghost would never harm people or put them in danger. Yet, when people "catch" the "holy ghost" (quotations for a reason), why are there spotters there? Should they just leave them alone because God is supposed to protect them? All the more reason to believe God does not exist. Because if the spotters were not there, people might bust their head open.

One time, I'd say relatively recently, around 2 years ago, a lady at my church "caught the holy ghost", starting doing these dramatic movements in the middle of the aisle, and she kept leaning against the other aisles as if she lost her balance and bumped into this other guy, the guy gently pushes her off him. While the other members of the church tried to keep her stabe. It was weird asf to watch. Also at the end of service she was completely normal.

I am trying to make several recolors but it has crashed several times today while I was doing the steps. It's crashing more than usual. I have no clue what the issue is but it's really starting to annoy me, constantly having to restart it everytime.

This started Tuesday. I noticed a metallic like undertone when I speak. And my ears are more sensitive than usual. My ears feel tight somehow, more pressure. However I don't feel dizzy and there is no liquid coming out of my ears.

Today, my ears feel more sensitive. I think I have tinnitus, I hear a low ringing when everything is quiet. My mom is going to buy me some ear drops and some allergy medicine.

For added context:

-I do have a bad habit of scratching in my ears when thet are itchy.

-I do go to bed with sleep headphones (not ear buds, they are like headbands with headphones built into them) But never were an issues to me, but I don't know if that is the case.

-On Saturday, I did go outside for an hour despite not being out for a while. And I was around trees with flowers and there was a breeze. So could it be allergies?​

When all the Elphaba actresses are belting their faces off high up in the air, I bet it feels super empowering

Now, I am scared of heights, but I think I would like to be on that lift just once. (minus the singing part, I cannot hit those high notes at all, or maybe I'll just sing it in a lower, safer key)

I always thought it would be such a cool and fun thing to personally experience.

This morning, my mom told me she lost her eyeglasses case in the living room which she looked around for but could not find it. She heard a voice (which was her voice BTW, we all know Christians mistake their gut feeling/thinking is from God) say to look in the flower basket but she didn't.​

Well after coming home from work, she looked again and she said that the "Holy spirit" (bullshit) led her find the case, and she gave me a unsolicited Bible lesson to always listen to the Holy Spirit when he's trying to tell you something and to never ignore because it he's trying to help you.

It's so nice that your God helped you find your eyeglasses case but not heal people with terminal illness. I don't know why but it sort of burns me up a little when I hear people glaze God for the most mundane things while people still suffer with much more serious things.

No mom, the "Holy spirit" did not help you to find your case. That was you. You. YOU!

I wasn't feeling well for a while, so I could not go. But now that I am feeling better, my mom forces me to go.

Why is our church praise team so GOD DAMM LOUD? I have sensitive ears so I covered them throughout all the songs. Very painful to listen to.

After the songs, we had communion. I have not done communion in a while, and it's so fucking weird. What the hell...

After communion, the pastor called the kids up to the altar. Where I am from, school starts this week. He called them up to pray for them for the school year. He asked to congregation to reach their hands out and pray for them as well which as super bizarre to see now.

The sermon was about fasting. Our fuckass church puts so much emphasis on fasting (and tithing) it's not even funny. Twice a year, our church has a 21 day prayer and fasting. I absolutely hate christian fasting. It is so fucking culty. Just pure cult shit.

I hope my mom doesn't force me to participate. I will only fast from health reasons, not some imaginary God.

After the sermon, the pastor called the prayer team to pray over them. This time he started dramatically shouting the prayer and getting emotional. It was so stupid to watch. Of course the congregation eating it up as usual.

And the pastor kept saying, "After this. I'm gonna go". Biggest lie ever. He kept yapping and yapping.

Dude, get the fuck out of here so we can get our asses home! 🙄

She's ranting all over the house. Now I did misheard her, I thought she said that I didn't shower yesterday. Then I said I did! Then she got mad and told me where did I get my attitude from? After I did realize I did misheard her I apologized but she still went off...

That she is not one of my little friends and I can't talk to her anyway. That we're not equals. And she kept reminding me that she will always be the mama. How my tone was disrespectful.

Then she prayed over me and said that she hopes that I always respect her.

Then she told me how her mom (my grandma) would have gotten me because grandma didn't take easily to that.

Then she told me I need to stop getting so relied up...I wasn't??? Yes, I misheard her but she is taking this too far. Then she gave me a quick Bible lesson on how we need to be slow to speak...

I'm not chrisitan, but I have to pretend for my safety.

I do not get in arguments with my mom. I constantly grey rock with her, but she has a habit or accusing me of getting relied up or having an attitude when there is none and explaining or correct myself makes things worse.

I started playing the game in January 2025, and I created a female sim to have the romance aspiration. I thought it would be like the dreamy, head in clouds, innocent type of romance, then I looked at her wants and surprised she wants to woohoo left and right, cheat and all that stuff. Doesn't want to get married, get engaged, when I literally imagined her (my sim) to want those things.

So after getting more experienced with the game, I simply just changed her aspiration to family.

But yeah, at first I was shocked that the romance aspiration was different from what I thought it would be

The episode is Club SpongeBob, a classic episode. Watching it rn. S​​o, basically, in the video, she basically made an analogy that the magic conch shell was like God, and SpongeBob and Patrick doing anything the conch says was their and trust and faith (like how Christians are supposed to trust God at all times) That they were being obedient. The embodiment of childlike faith.

And that Squidward kept belitting and mocking them, even when the conch gave them things they needed.

Now, when I first saw this video, I was still a Christian. I thought it was silly because I didn’t like people making secular media religious.

Now that I'm no longer one, I realize the concept of blind faith/obedience is extremely harmful. Like it shouldn't be a lesson that is taught positively. So much issue the Bible is just that.​

Yeah the SpongeBob episode isn't supposed to be taken seriously to use as an actual life, well biblical life lesson. She said that the episode was powerful and deep, and while children's shows can be that, this episode isn't one of them. It's just silly.

I'll say it again, blind faith/obedience, is NOT a positive thing.

So one thing is, I do live in the US, so there are national tours here. I did some research and the last time they performed in my state was in 2023. And it seems my state hasn't been on the list ever since that year. I wasn't into Wicked (like really like Wicked) until the 1st movie came out, so I wouldn't have gone but now that I am a fan....I really want to experience it live.

So this is the first time I am making wallpapers that I am going to upload. The wallpapers are bascially just recolors. Before I only made personal wallpapers for myself using just only Homecrafter Plus.

But, when using SimPe, ​you can make the file go directly into your downloads folder. Where Homecrafter Plus goes elsewhere. So I opened up SimPe, cloned a maxis wallpaper, recolored/retextured it and...it did not show up in my game.

When I clone other build items they show up, but this did not.

Ok. I am a 21 year old woman. He is a 38 year old man.

So, one thing he does. When my mom invites him out for dinner at a restaurant, he pressures me to pray. Which makes me feel awkward because I am a closted ex-christian.

He makes weird comments about women in general, talking about how wives should be like and how they don't make them like that anymore. Because he has the idea of a biblical wife. He also calls women females which irks the tf out of me. He also makes misogynistic jokes sometimes.

​So, my mom is having a party for her friends. Her friends are much older than me and I'm not close with much of them. Eariler today I changed my shorts into a midi skirt because it was cold from the AC. My mom's friend asked why me why I changed and I told it was because I was cold.

Then I walked past him and he made a sweeping gesture near my ass. Now it could have been an totally innocent gesture that coincidentally looked inappropriate. Like he was actually doing something else, or he actually did intentionally make a sweeping gesture near my ass. I was too nervous to ask him about it because, well he's a much bigger person and I'm quite skinny, so I guess I was intimidated. And there was also other people around me.

After than I went into my room, then 10 minutes later, he knocked on my door, at first I thought it was my mom because only she does that but it was him, and he asked me why do I hide in my room?

I said, I don't know.

He said, Well, ask God about it and left.

What a stupid fucking answer, ask God about it? What the hell? I also don't like men near my bedroom.

The thing is, he isn't the only Christian man I feel iffy about. Our pastor, I felt iffy vibes from him even when I was still a christian. How he demands hugs and laughs about it. I was a teen girl when I met him and thought it was weird.

I get bad vibes from both of them. My late dad himself was a pastor and he beat his previous wife and abused my half siblings, so maybe I am getting bad vibes from Christian men?

Romans 6:22 (NIV)- ​"But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

​1 Corinthians 7:22 (NIV)- ​"For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave."

​Ephesians 6:6 (NIV)- "Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart."

After doing some research, the orignial Greek transcript uses the word doulous which means slave or bondservant. The KJV translates it to servant.

If God doesn't condone slavery then why is slavery being used as an analogy as a relationship with him, hmm?

Same people who talk about freedom in Christ also talk about being slaves to Christ.

I feel so sad that so many black people (I'm black myself) subscribe to this awful religion when we have a history with slavery.

So my mom is having a party tomorrow and she is making me help her prepare the food. That's the part I don't mind. I don't mind helping prepare the food.

The part I DO mind is her blasting Christian music on the living room tv. In our house our kitchen and living room are morphed together as one, so it's open concept. Usually when she blasts Christian music, I just hide in another room and wear my headphones to block out all noise.

Unfortunately, I can't do that hear because I need to listen to the instructions my mom gives me. So that means I am forced to listen to songs glazing tf out of God and my mom singing along. Great 🫩

Christian music is triggering for me. Especially the sappy slow worship songs. They make me feel uncomfortable and afraid. I'm afraid my mom might have a little "holy ghost" session or prayer in the middle while she cooks while I'm forced to awkwardly stare.

I'm writing this as I take a break in the bathroom.