u/Leading-Occasion-428

Mom thinks that God gives her visions. That's its a gift that he have her

She told me that she is struggling to sleep at night sometimes.

I asked her if she had tried any melatonin.

She said that it gives her these dreams that interfer with "God's" visions.

I told her that I get weird and random dreams all the time and they are pretty comedic

But she said that she only wants God's "clear visions" and the rest are distractions from the enemy.

Doesn't she realize that people have weird and nonsensical dreams all the time? Everyone! So why does she think when she gets them it's an spiritual attack?

Just now, my mom just told me to monitor my blood pressure every other day because she doesn't want it to read over 150 or any crazy numbers.

The thing is, I do check my blood pressure every other day. I already have been doing that. It's in normal range.

The only time my blood pressure was over 140 is at the doctor, I get SUPER nervous there. Doctor visits always spike my anxiety so high. A bad case of white coat. But at home, it's normal. Average is around 108/60.

My mom thought I had AFIB because my two uncles have it and I was having the same symptoms as them. I had a holter monitor for 7 days...lo and behold...no AFIB! It was clean. (Btw the symptoms I had were because of iron deficiency) But even after the results, she was still implying that I had AFIB which made me second guess. She was just kinda adamant about it.

I had an echo recently done and before the follow up, when we just had only the results, my mom thought that my left ventricle was shrinking and that was the cause of symptoms. She was basically diasogning me with an issue I don't have. At the follow up, the doctor says it turns my left venti was small because, 1, I had a small build, or 2, I was in tachycardia during the echo...(I was nervous during it). She wasn't concerned and said my heart was pumping beautifully and agreed that my symptoms are from my iron deficiency and even ordered an iron panel for me to take in the next 3 months.

After the follow up, Mom is still implying there is something wrong with my heart and wants to monitor me...thus taking blood pressure everyday.

(I will say, that on my dad's side, the men had heart issues. But they were chain smokers and didn't take care of their health. So it's most likely the heart issues started from the smoking. I am 21, female, and have absolutely no desire to smoke or even drink)

So I think that's where my mom's fear is stimming from. My dad's side, the men dying from heart issues. I also have health anxiety myself, but I think my mom does as well but in denial of it. She is starting to make me anxious.

She also gave me a tablet to write down my symptoms so she can monitor me. She keeps talking about monitoring me more and more.

I use a period tracker and it tells me that I am in luteal phase and that's there is 5 days before my period. I noticed the closer I get to my period, my symptoms are slowly becoming more often. Last night was awful, this morning I feel awful. Disoriented, brain fog, weird brain sensations, headaches, fatigue. The symptoms I felt in March. Well...it seems they are back...

I have not been supplementing long. Only for a month and a half. Started in April, felt good for a week while supplementing. Had period in late April and symptoms were slowly coming back. Now my symptoms are becoming more prominent unfortunately. I am afraid its gonna feel like be like March again. The scariest month of my life. Everyday I thought I was gonna have a stroke, heart attsck, brain aneurysm. I felt like death. I don't wanna relive March again but it seems the way how my symptoms are returning, that's gonna happen.

Right now, I am still sticking to my schedule. 325mg of ferrous sulfate 3x a week with 500mg Vit C. I took it today. And I am even trying to eat more iron-fortified/iron-rich foods for an extra boost.

But if I keep having these symptoms before, during and after my period. I might need infusions.

Also my ferritin is 14.

This was in the 10th grade, right when the reboot came out. Back when I was in my Yuki phase, which is ironic because I am in my Kyo phase now.

Anyway, in my dream, our wedding was beautiful. It was outside, surrounded by trees and it was this pastel turquoise themed wedding, with gorgeous decorations. Me and Yuki got carried off by this Cinderella type carriage, ridden by a white horse. Waving the wedding guests goodbye.

So, in the dream, we were shopping in the thrift store, looking at clothes. I was looking at some clothes that she thought was "unchristian like", so she stopped me and asked me if I believed in Jesus.

I got nervous and said, yes. She didn't believe me. Then she went on this long rant on the importance of believing in Jesus, and that I am not taking it seriously. She was warning me about three danger of not believing in him, and she was sort of heated. It was a lecture that was supposed to shame me.

This dream made me stressed out, because it felt like my mom was catching on to me. Something I don't want because I'm supposed to be pretending.

Just the other (in real life not a dream) She asked me if I was reading the scriptures she gave me lately.

Me: (obviously lying but nervous) Yes

Her: Tell the truth...

Me: (lying) Yes! And I have also been reading from my devotion book. (which was bullshit because I have not read any devotions at all)

Her: Have you used your prayer scarf to help you with your prayers?

Me: No, but I will eventually. (eventually meaning never)

I have been taking ferrous sulfate for a month and haven't had any stoll changes, until today. Well, this morning around 6:45 am, I took my 325mg ferrous sulfate and at 12:00 pm I had a soft black stool. I was not in pain, or had any stomacb discomfort, and it wasn't smelly but it alarmed me.

Is this normal?

I am thinking about switching from ferrous sulfate to heme iron, since I heard it absorbs much quicker than ferrous sulfate. My ferritin is 14 as of April 1st labs. I have been taking 325mg ferrous sulfate for a little over a month three times a week.

What brands are good and reliable for heme iron?

On April 1st I took labs to realize that my ferrtin was 14. So I started supplementing 325mg of ferrous sulfate three days a week with vitamin c. I actually started improving. In March I was housebound. Felt like death. Felt like I was gonna drop dead. Symptoms constantly. Scariest time of my life.

But like I said, once I started supplementing things started to get better. Until my period came...which lasted to April 27th to May 2nd. My symptoms were coming back, now it's not as bad as March, but it really really sucked. After my period I started to feel random, brief episodes of malaise, where I just felt really off but couldn't put my finger on it. Last night I actually had a brain fog and headache episode, which shocked me because I used to have those constantly in March. I haven't had that in a while. I am day 10 off my period. I stick with the same schedule, 325mg of ferrous sulfate three times a week with Vitamin C.

And my period this time was not heavy. Becuase usually they are. It was lighter, more moderate, which is a first.

So, I live with her. Today, she made us breakfast. I said, the bacon's a little hard. I admit, I do have a tendency to be unawarely blunt at times. Then she got upset and told me, today is mother's day...you're supposed to MAKE me breakfast.

She always does these things on mother's day, you're supposed to do this for me! Do that for me!

The thing is...I don't really care. I didn't tell her I didn't care, because I constantly grey rock with her. But she is not the best mom. She doesn't treat me like an adult, I am 21. She is ablesit, she thinks autism, ADHD and mental illnesses are demonic spirits. Also, worse thing when I was younger she rebuked the spirit of "hyperactivity" in me, because I used to rock back and forth as a way a swimming. She is transphobic, going on transphobic ​rants on a drop of a hat. She also finds her stories of her whooping kids funny. Like she views them as fun memories. Wtf? How is whooping a kid a fun memory? I think one time I was being whooped by my dad and she was smiling. There is also a high chance that I might get kicked out if she knows that I am no longer Christian and bicurious. If not kicked out then heavily berated.

She also is very emotional and gets offended quite easily.

She dismisses me constantly, telling me that "I will never know more than her" or to stop acting like "she doesn't know what she is talking about". She constantly shuts me down.

Listen, this doesn't mean I don't care about her. She is 64, and I am concered for her health and stress at times. But at the same time, the more I live with her the more I wished I had a better mom who is non-religious. Now she is sad that I didn't tell her happy mothers day and is telling me I remind her of my dad for being unappreciative and complaining. She even said that everyone else told her happy mother's day and shaming me that I didn't. Then she went on a rant on how she does all these things for me, and how I hurt her feelings

So, I live with her. Today, she made us breakfast. I said, the bacon's a little hard. I admit, I do have a tendency to be unawarely blunt at times. Then she got upset and told me, today is mother's day...you're supposed to MAKE me breakfast.

She always does these things on mother's day, you're supposed to do this for me! Do that for me!

The thing is...I don't really care. I didn't tell her I didn't care, because I constantly grey rock with her. But she is not the best mom. She doesn't treat me like an adult, I am 21. She is ablesit, she thinks autism, ADHD and mental illnesses are demonic spirits. Also, worse thing when I was younger she rebuked the spirit of "hyperactivity" in me, because I used to rock back and forth as a way a swimming. She is transphobic, going on transphobic ​rants on a drop of a hat. She also finds her stories of her whooping kids funny. Like she views them as fun memories. Wtf? How is whooping a kid a fun memory? I think one time I was being whooped by my dad and she was smiling. There is also a high chance that I might get kicked out if she knows that I am no longer Christian and bicurious. If not kicked out then heavily berated.

She also is very emotional and gets offended quite easily.

She dismisses me constantly, telling me that "I will never know more than her" or to stop acting like "she doesn't know what she is talking about". She constantly shuts me down.

Listen, this doesn't mean I don't care about her. She is 64, and I am concered for her health and stress at times. But at the same time, the more I live with her the more I wished I had a better mom who is non-religious.

And now she is sad that I didn't tell her happy mothers day and is telling me I remind her of my dad for being unappreciative and complaining. She even said that everyone else told her happy mothers day and shaming me that I didn't. And she looks like she about to cry. Apologizing to her at this point might be awkward and worsen things

The scarf has scriptures over it. It's about healing and protection apparently. My mom says she is gonna bless my scarf and whatever...

The thing is my aunt who gave this to me is my favorite aunt, but it just feels so awkward because I am no longer a Christian and if I told anyone it would end up in disaster.

My mom has her own prayer scarf which my aunt also sent her. One time my mom sat me down in a chair, she put her prayers scarf around me and prayed over me in nonsense tongues. So awkward. I just sat there like...🫩

Listen, I know my auntie means well but...I just really don't know how to feel.

On a plus side...the packaging it came it was nice but...yeah that's the only plus side.

One day while I was still christian, when I was scrolling youtube, I was just looking up some 90s cartoon to watch. You know how youtube sometimes show you breaking news in your feed? Well, on that particular day, youtube showed me something that freaked me out. It had to do with Isreal. Immediately I went onto a christian subreddit to see if others were talking about it, that this is a sign of the second coming. It sent me into a little spiral. It fed to my anxiety. It also scared me hearing people talking about rapture dreams, how people can just feel the second coming happening soon in their bones. That all terrified me.

So much so that I avoided news at all cost because it made my anxiety super high. I was so scared of the second coming because I was afraid I was gonna be left behind. I was scared every time Trump was on the news because I was afraid that he would be the antichrist. Even my mom said that God is using Trump to slowly bring in the second coming.

It crazy how much fear this religion puts on you. God did not give us a spirit of fear, my ass. This religion made me fearful as hell. And then my mom had the nerve to tell that the book of revelation is not scary. It is, it's horror/thriller movie potential. It's apocalyptic and creepy and you want to tell me, it's not scary?

I am just so glad I don't believe in this anymore.

It fucking sucks. On my first day of my period I was about to cry because I knew this would happen. Like I hate this. Just now after walking 20 minutes of Walmart, I felt a bit exhausted, depersonalization like I wasn't present, like a zombie, a little lightheadedness. And just general malaise. However there was no shortness of breath.

Another thing, my period this time was lighter than usual. My periods are usually heavy, like a bloodbath. But there wasn't really a bloodbath this time. Like it wasn't super light, but there was still a huge difference that it caught me off guard.

So far, I have been supplementing 325mg of ferrous sulfate with 500mg of vitamin C for three days out the week. I take it tomorrow.

Another thing, my period is regulating itself. It used to be like...every three months? They were just so far apart from each other. Now I am getting it once of month.

Can't believe it too me so long to realize that this religion is a whole ass cult. I hate the way my mom treats her friend. She shames him for not being "spiritual" enough. She argues with him that he's being too "worldy".

She even thinks his gout is acting up again is a way of God getting his attention for not being right with him? That's so fucking messed up. But said she won't tell him that but that is so messed up.

She keeps telling him if he doesn't do things "God's way" his life will be a disaster and she says she is speaking from "ExPeRiEnCe".

Worst part is, she says she is doing this out of "LoVe". Bullshit.

I can't do anything unfortunately, because I am pretending to be a Christian living with her.

It's hard to describe. It feels like my breath is kinda sucking in a little bit? It feels ticklish. Or like I'm skipping a breath. It's sometimes in the chest too. I dunno. My ferrtin is 14 when I did labs on April 1st. Started supplementing since then. I take 325mg ferrous sulfate three times a week with 500mg Vitamin C. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So I took it today.

My current period started on Monday. It is lighter than my usual heavy periods. That I noticed. My previous period in March gave me off balance/unsteady feelings. So many this is a new symptom?

So, my mom saw my echo results. It says concentric remodeling. My left ventricle is 3.3 which is slightly smaller than average. So she immediately printed out an article (which was not from my doctor) and told me to read. She basically said my heart is overworking itself. That I might need more tests and to be on medication. But the rest of echo is normal. I posted on some health related subs and they even said that my echo was fine and my mom is being overdramatic. What I think what happened was, she saw the results, looked up concentric remodeling, printed a random article from google about it and basically applied it to me.

My mom herself is not a doctor. Well I'm not either. When I tried to explain to her that it's because I'm small, my BMI is 17.8. But she shut me down and won't listen. She seems to be in a spiral. Even thought she refuses to admit it. Now she's gonna tell my whole family. She is starting to stress me out too. She says that she's sorry that I'm dealing with this but the more I look at it, it seems she's sorry for something I don't have.

Keep in mind my Mom is Christian, (I am not but pretending to be for safety) and thanks God for finding the source of my problem. She thinks that her mom sense knew there was something off with my heart. Or maybe her god senses? I dunno?

I deal with shortness of breath and dizziness. But that has greatly GREALTY decreased after supplementing iron. I still have it, but its much less. In March I was bedridden, felt like death and could not go out much. In April I started supplementing and feel more normal. The issue is my iron.

My mom also has a tendency to exaggerate my symptoms. My shortness of breath isn't even that bad, its mild and not life altering. Lightheadedness was my main symptom. That was awful.

She also thought i had AFIB becuase two of my uncles on her had it but I had a 7 day holter in March and they didn't find it. Yet she seemed adamant that I had AFIB even though that's crossed out.

She also seems to be a hypocrite.

I have health anxiety and tend to assume the worst. Like all the bad and fatal things. And my mom gets mad at me for doing this. She tells me to stay off the internet and stop googling and self diagnosing.

Well today, she did the same thing to me. She (not a doctor) basically self-diagnosed me with something I don't have. Googled an article that was not from my doctor and doesn't apply to me, and is now gonna tell my family that about an issue I have that doesn't exist. And yet when I do the same as her, I'm WRONG and get shamed for it. So it's ok if she has health anxiety.

There is no reason to argue with her because she says to me "Don't act like I don't know what I'm talking about" or "you will never know more than me". It dismisses me.

She doesn't know what she is talking a lot of the time when it comes to things. Takes away her credibility.

Sorry, this came across as a vent.

TL;DR: My mom shames me for my health anxiety and tells me to "stop googling." Now, she’s being an hypocrite and using a random internet article to self-diagnose me with a heart condition I don't have, based on an echo result that other doctors are not worried about. She’s spiraling, planning to tell the whole family, and refuses to listen to me because "she always knows best." And "God" told her the cause of my issues.

it makes me a little nauseous and makes me poop more often. and ot gives stomach cramps sometimes too​.