u/Left-Distribution-13
▲ 254 r/dadjokes
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal...
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 2 days ago
▲ 191 r/cleanjokes
I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
But when I got back home I realized I had only picked seven up
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 2 days ago
▲ 315 r/cleandadjokes
I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"
I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 2 days ago
▲ 107 r/cleandadjokes
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.
It was riveting.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 3 days ago
▲ 56 r/cleanjokes
What do you call a dog’s first meal of the day?
Barkfest!
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 3 days ago
▲ 21 r/dadjokes
My wife works at the shoe shop....
She's my soul mate.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 3 days ago
▲ 6 r/dadjokes
Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?
In a nut shell, it's an oak tree.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 4 days ago
▲ 72 r/cleanjokes
I used to work in a blanket factory…
but it folded.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 4 days ago
▲ 102 r/cleandadjokes
In a very hushed tone I told my wife, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner...
...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 4 days ago
▲ 124 r/cleanjokes
What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?
Prime Rib!
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 7 days ago
▲ 1 r/dadjokes
How do you know if an animal doctor is specialized in fish?
If he's called a weterinerian.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 7 days ago
▲ 452 r/cleandadjokes
A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?" The doctor replies,
"Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 7 days ago
▲ 13 r/dadjokes
Which variety of Tea can you throw the furthest?
Hurl Grey
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 8 days ago
▲ 15 r/cleanjokes
Where do boxers go to get treatment for there injuries?
Medicine Square Garden
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 8 days ago
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest…
But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
u/Eyesofenlightenment — 8 days ago
▲ 71 r/cleandadjokes
What happens to an egg every time you look at it?
It becomes egg sighted
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 10 days ago
▲ 67 r/cleanjokes
People tell me I'm skeptical…
but I don't believe them.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 10 days ago
▲ 39 r/dadjokes
Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 10 days ago
▲ 116 r/cleandadjokes
Before he passed away, my grandfather told me three words that would open a lot of doors for me...
Push and Pull.
u/Left-Distribution-13 — 11 days ago