Was what happened to me with my massage therapist inappropriate?
Hi, just today I had my first appointment with a myofascial release massage therapist. My mom booked the appointment for me, and I was more than willing to go in hopes that it could help some of my pain. I have a chronic illness, and the pain is debilitating, so I’m willing to try anything.
The appointment went great, I really liked the lady working with me. She made me feel safe and seen/heard. We talked about my struggles with my chronic illness and how I want to live my life again. I felt safe being vulnerable around her, which is rare for me.
She was adamant the entire time that if something was too painful, to tell her. I only had to tell her about twice, and she eased up on me. However I kept wincing because I was in pain. She asked if I was okay or if I was in pain while she was working on my stomach (my chronic illness is GI and in a flare up, so it was extra tender) and I told her that while I was in pain, it wasn’t completely unbearable. I told her that if I told her to stop every time I experienced pain, we’d get nothing done, and that I’d tell her if I couldn’t handle it. She understood and all was well.
When the appointment was over with, my mother (who was also my ride) came in to check on me. I was told prior to the massage that I could experience emotional release like crying/laughing, but I hadn’t the entire time. Only when I stood up after it was over did I suddenly feel super emotional and like I could sob. I got dressed and my mother asked me how it went, and only then did some tears escape, and I responded “It really hurt.”
The massage therapist looked at me like I had held the truth from her, and said “You never told me when you were with me. You said you would.” To which I said “Well like I said, I’m always in pain. It didn’t really get to be too much, I’ll always tell you if it does.” And she nodded like she understood. But not even five seconds later she interrupted my mom, held her hands up in between us like she was reading the energy in the room and said “I’m getting a sense that there’s a lot of manipulation here, and that that’s a common thing.”
I was super confused, cause it came so out of nowhere and my gut instinct was that she meant manipulating fascia or something. So I was like “What?”
My mom immediately nodded and smiled like she was proven right about something, and said “Absolutely. It’s constant, she’s always like this.” And the massage therapist nodded sagely like she knew exactly what was going on. It took me asking multiple times what that meant and them ignoring me and agreeing with one another for me to finally put two and two together.
Okay, so some extra context: I struggle a lot with my relationship with my mother. I’m disabled and living with my parents still at 23, and can’t leave the house much because I’m so sick. My mother can be amazing one day, and extremely emotionally abusive to me the next. She will hurt me, and then blame me for it and claim I’m everything that she knows I value being the opposite of. Her mother was an abusive narcissist and she loves using all the narcissists’ favorite tools against me. So as soon as my brain caught up and I realized that she was talking about ME and saying that she sensed I was being manipulative, I started crying more. I had all this emotion welling out of me already, and I was in a space I was made to feel safe in, and it felt like I was being lied about and ganged up on out of nowhere.
Immediately with a shaky voice I was like “What? No! I don’t do that, that’s not who I am. What do you mean???” And my mom immediately went “No, don’t try to say anything. You know this. I’ve always told you this. You’ve always been manipulative with me. Even your dad agrees.” (Which I’ve never heard him say a word of before btw)
And the therapist went “Yeah, I was getting that.”
And at that point I just feel like I’m being persecuted the second I let my guard down, and I start crying and desperately trying to defend myself saying “No, I wasn’t manipulating anyone! All I said was it hurt, and I’m crying because- I don’t even know why I’m crying, you said I’d cry on the table but it never happened, but the second I stood up I just felt like sobbing-“ and she interrupted and put her hands on my shoulders and said “And you know what? That is completely normal.” And she handed me a baggie with pamphlets on the emotional release from this type of massage. And I was just left aghast and heartbroken.
Not to mention, but with my mom and I’s tumultuous relationship, I also immediately knew that she’d cling to those words and use them against me to hurt me if I ever do something she doesn’t like. She smiled the second she heard them like she got new ammo. That hurt my heart too.
Anyway, regardless of my relationship with my mother, I think this was inappropriate and weird. Not the worst thing that could happen, and it’s probably small, but it did affect me. This was the first time she met both of us, as well as the first and only time she’s seen me and my mother interact with one another. Even if she was a close family friend and knew us for years, that’s the kind of thing you talk about to each individual if you believe you see that and you get their perspectives. This was a STRANGER. A stranger who was being paid to help my chronic pain and illness via massage. She’s not a therapist. She’s was an occupational therapist before this, but she has no mental health training aside from experiencing patients whose trauma manifests in their bodies physically. Not only did she say this wild statement to two complete strangers whose dynamic she knows nothing about, but she said it first thing with both of us present, calling me manipulative for crying when she herself claims that’s NORMAL. Even if she was a therapist, therapists don’t do that.
Am I wrong for thinking this is off? I genuinely didn’t get a bad feeling about her at all. I felt like I could trust her in the brief time we had. I felt gross about it, but I scheduled another appointment solely because I don’t want this getting in the way of potentially helping me physically, but holy shit I don’t know what to do next time I see her. I just feel like a kicked puppy now. And I feel like if I bring it up to her and say that it hurt me and that I have a harsh relationship with my mom that’s the opposite of what she perceived, that she’ll take my moms side, tell her I said that, and/or just assume I’m bad mouthing my mom to not look like the “manipulator” she seems to see me as.
Am I overreacting cause I’m just emotional right now??? Please help. I know reddit posts are inherently biased, but based on my side alone can y’all please give your thoughts?
TL;DR: Massage therapist said she “Sensed manipulation.” And sensed that it was “common” From me in my relationship with my mother when I was crying a bit post-massage after I told my mom that it hurt to be massaged. She never knew or met us prior to this.