Birthday Feelings.
Yesterday was my birthday.
I was given up at birth, lived in a home for 6 months before being adopted.
For context, my bios on Ancestry a few years back, but have little interaction.
By all accounts, I’m super happy in life.
My (adopted) Mom died some years back and my Dad decided he didn’t want a relationship - so I’m sort of on my own when it comes to parents. Fine. I’m an adult, am self made - by all standards, I’m successful - proud I’ve made something out of myself.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I hate my birthday. It brings up many feelings in me, that I only think about once a year.
Why was I given a chance, when so many aren’t? Why didn’t my bios want me in the first place? Why did my Dad leave - maybe I don’t deserve parents. Am I doing enough in life so that my bio parents would be proud of me? Why doesn’t my bio mom want a relationship?
It all just swirls around on my birthday and quite honestly, the day gets ruined. Now, I pack it all up and move on from it and wait until the tsunami happens again next May 19.
Does anyone else get these feelings or something similar on your birthday? I swear it’s terrible.
No one seems to understand, and I just sort of want to be left alone - but I have a wife and kids who want to celebrate and then get disappointed when I’m not audibly excited. I’m just quiet. I don’t know I just feel like I let everyone down yesterday because I don’t want to celebrate.
Thank god for May 20 and it being over haha.