I’m on IOS. I wanna communicate whatever i might wanna instead of just being on the receiving end but worry that could compromise me.
I am a young male adult.
I the last few years i’ve been observing how much i’m changing, and how many ideals, beliefs or basic morals which I have had.
I’ve been feeling very disconnected in many ways for the past three or so ways, and I found myself been able to disconnect from certain negative things or just stop caring about them. Sometimes, just sometimes i suddenly feel horrible about things even when whatever happened recently wasn’t even all that bad, or barely bad at all. Sometimes i think these horrible feelings often stem in connection to a few of the things i kinda dropped my care for.
I have one last wish, or romanticized ideal which i’ve kept for many years which I wouldn’t rather not talk about rn. I’ve noticed that it only intensified in many different ways during my last few years, and it changed how I feel about things i’d otherwise glutinously enjoy (not really something that’s make you “happy” but it would certainly feel good but not fullfilling.)
This wish doesn’t really seem close at all, in fact I am seeing the chance for it to happen drop down exponentially and my current lifestyle and social circles makes it limiting to chase it. It’s just one ideal but it’s really the one out of the two last wishes or fullfilling things I have in my life and i still hang myself to it, even if it’s only for fantasy.
I’m considering more and more dropping that ideal altogether and just follow my life, which I belive woud be currently better or much better if I never had it in the first place. I’m scared for what dropping it would cause to me, I don’t know what to do.
In this world with so many things I’m starting to think learning to perceive other peoples skills, and then being able to apply that new knowledge would be useful at a high frequency.
I’d like to learn that, to see someone do something and be able to correct myself into a shadow of their abilities. I first got that idea after realizing how differently some of my skills had improved in some fighting games due to the play style i tried copying due to thinking it was the best way to play the game. That same idea further reinforced after I read “The Will to Keep Winning” by Daigo Umehara, were he described himself dedicating months of his life to copying the playstyle of a Mahjong player before he was to try developing changes of his own.
So, where do I learn some monkey see monkey do proficiency?
Like my brain feels so good when it comes to interpretation, conceptual imagination, and connecting certain types of informations together, but unable to keep a broader memory on a subject, it’s a bad habit machine, and not the fastest learning procedural memory
I recently started playing a lot more of counter strike, dying light and Chess recently. And when I an a bit more quiet on my bed before sleep. My brain keeps popping up with very vague ideas or moments in those games, (almost all fabricated). And I often have a vague mental image pop up as-well. I never had those when younger and only rarely had them since a few years ago.
In the recent year or so i’ve watched a few more series and movies and i’m starting to like watching movies more, like I learned to spot my taste but idk where to find more of it, nor how to explain it well.
I loved Godfather 1, 2
Scarface
The few soprano episodes I watched
My rewatch of The Joker 2019
(A partial rewatch of )Her by joaquim phoenix
I kinda really liked my watch of the movie metropolis in some ways, but dislike the acting and less big scenes.
I really, really like a movie with a remarkable main character, like the Joker and Tony Montana. I love it when things change strongly, like the end of Scarface and the mid to later parts of godfather one. I also like it when the movie has foreign culture in it, Fable and inglorious bastards for example.
I’ve watched 2 Tarantino films and I enjoyed them very much, but I didin’t quite click with it. Both movies have very satisfactory scene to scenes, but not an overall story (specially bastards) i didin’t like the ending there at all.
I wonder what condition in the brain could be the one to least affect the brain, at the edge of the point of a disability of sorts.
It’s like those adrenaline rushes, but instead of feeling warm you feel very cold, and start shaking uncontrollably in different parts of your body. Specially chest and arms
Edit; CAUSE BY AN EVENT not suddenly