u/Lifes_a_Throwaway

I'm feeling very weird about it... Remembering how much it was all I hoped for and how I thought my life was finally beginning when I took that first injection.... I don't understand how I've come to this point of regret when I was so very hopeful and excited about life because of finally getting the testosterone I fought so hard for. I've been 2 months off it now, I just stopped taking it because it was making me feel so panicked and anxious about losing more hair and how much my Adams apple poked out and how I was getting even more hair growing.. all except losing my hair were things I craved to happen I'd spend days in front of the mirror looking for any sign of a new change... How do we go from one extreme to the other like that? I feel like I can't trust myself and I'm terrified I'm going to regret stopping it even though taking it was also starting to really scare me... I just wish this wasn't all so confusing

The hardest part of this for me is imagining the reactions when I tell people. My parents I think will be devastated because they asked so much if I was sure and were not happy about me transitioning but accepted me because they thought like I did it was what I needed to do. Because I told them it was. And I was wrong. My brother has been transphobic towards me since I came out and is the only one who still refused to call me my chosen name and pronouns. He said to me earlier on he'd "never give up on me" while being a complete asshole the whole time so I still don't want anything to do with him even if he was annoyingly kinda right. I don't think I'd still be here if I didn't transition and live that way for the past 7 years though, so even though I regret making the mistake I did, I can't say I fully regret my transition. I regret a lot of the changes it made to my body. And I'm not sure I can ever pass as female fully again and I didn't even pass fully as male a lot of the time. I'm some in between that doesn't feel right for me.

I don't know, basically I just keep thinking about how to tell people and possible reactions and it's all just constantly swimming round my head drowning my brain and I can't sleep or feel okay. I'm terrified to admit it to them, and to fully admit it to myself still I think. I feel like I've ruined myself and wasted years thinking I was trans and wallowing in this self-made pit and now I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to move past it. I feel like it's too late and it took so long for everyone to get used to calling me he, I can't ask them to change it again. Before starting medical transition I was suicidal multiple times with the thought that testosterone and top surgery would save me. What was that if I'm not trans? How was I so wrong? I don't know what this even is but basically I don't know how to move forward and accept this and tell everyone else I made such a huge mistake that has not only affected me massively but them as well?

Best way to hide Adams apple? Mine is very noticeable and the main thing making passing difficult and I cannot afford a tracheal shave.

I have a very large Adams apple. It was already there a bit before starting T and T made it really pop out. Now it's something people notice a lot and comment on. I'm in UK and transitioned with the NHS after waiting years on their waiting lists because I couldn't afford private. NHS doesn't cover detransition and also is apparently hard to get a tracheal shave for trans women transitioning even. And to pay private costs upwards of £7,000 which sounds and seems impossible for me for the foreseeable future.

My face still looks quite feminine when I shave and I think after a bit longer off T I wouldn't need to worry too much about my face or body other than I've had top surgery but there's a lot of flatter chested women anyway and that doesn't bother me. I'm also very short which helps (5'0/152 cm)

My Adams apple though is huge and I hate it and I don't know how to hide it. Touching it cringes me out it's so pointy... What do you FtMtF people do? My voice is also low. I got called "love" the other day by a guy asking my name to sign me in who looked very shocked when I spoke and said my name(which is neutral) and quickly switched it up to mate. So I know I also need to work on my voice.

Wasn't sure how to phrase the title but basically I did artistic skating when I was a kid until I was around 14 from about 9. I'm now 25 and there's a lot of things I used to be able to do that I'm now pretty scared to try. I never stopped skating even though it became more casual and had to be outdoor instead for a while.

I want to try and see if I can still do things like an arabesque, bridge, free jumps, proper spins and stuff. But I'm both anxious to try and probably hurt myself and also unsure how to try these things when I can only skate at a rink where people of any ability skate. There's usually quite a lot of new skaters or young skaters. And obviously trying these things outside would be even scarier 😅 how do other people practice moves and tricks like this? I'm in UK and roller rinks are pretty rare around me also. A lot of people already say to me I'm a good skater when I'm just trying to do laps around the rink since it's not very popular and most are newer skaters.

I kinda don't want to be perceived as "showing off" or anything when really I just want to see what my body still remembers and what I can relearn because it feels so free to skate and I miss the feeling of my heart racing after doing something more like that. I get bored of just doing laps and occasionally going backwards when it quiets down