u/Little-Bug-39

hey
i have a c saulosi tank. 19 fish, for sure three males (there’s probably more, but they’re all really young to know for sure yet). one male in particular (he’s one of the smallest ones but he has the most color) is really aggressive to the other fish, and seems to be picking fights with particularly the other males. there isn’t significant damage other than the fact that he’s tearing their fins. when is it time to take him out of the tank? i dont want to make the wrong decision because they’re all so young. it’s also difficult because there isn’t much of a tank hierarchy right now and i dont know if it’ll improve once they’ve established it.

i know mbuna are aggressive, but he is causing trouble with the tank’s harmony. i dont see the other fish doing what he’s doing. how do yall make this decision?

aaaaaand we’re back to the constant whining, complaints, and not doing anything about it. i want to be there for my partner but i can’t stand being around him right now. he has all these things to complain about yet doesn’t want to do anything about it. i barely even have time to go on my phone or read my book. even when i verbally express how ive been feeling and what my boundaries are, he doesn’t want to do anything but sit here and complain. it’s been nonstop for the past four days. i’m so tired. it’s all about shit that doesn’t really even matter too. plus i’ve been going thru soooo much of my own shit & i’ve been sick and he hasn’t even seemed to care or want to leave me alone to let me rest. normally he at least recognizes that im sick and need rest. i’m not getting any better either and im certain its because he’s been stressing me out.

hey yall,
i’m trying to recreate one of sabrina’s outfits but i cannot for the life of me find a pic of it. from my memory, she was wearing a top with gingham pattern on it (im pretty sure it was baby blue and white) with white ruffle shorts, knee high white socks, and a platform strappy heel. I feel like it was a little before the short n sweet era. it was not one of her short n sweet tour looks. lmk if u know what im picturing in my head. cause this is driving me crazyyyyy. i swear it was either from her insta or a magazine photo shoot. HELPPPP

Hey,
I have 19 chindongo saulosi in my aquarium, and i realized i don’t know how much to feed these guys. the information online seems limited. they always seem hungry, but im not sure if thats normal (some fish are just always wanted to eat no matter what). they seem to have big appetites for sure. i’ve been feeding them three times a day, two big pinches of food at a time and they’re all able to eat it instantly. i dont want to overfeed them, so im just checking to see what yall recommend. thanks!!

edit: their food is New Life Spectrum algae max small pellets.

i always find myself wondering how much of the negativity, complaining, and disconnection from depressed significant others is normal vs what is not in comparison to non-depressed individuals. like, does every couple get home from work and spend hours talking about how horrible everything is / complaining about something? i understand this is a symptom of a disorder but also, how common is this in healthy couples?? or do they all actually spend their full days together happy and productive? or is it kinda like, if it ain’t one thing it’s another? would a non-depressed partner stress me out less, or is stress part of every relationship?

what’s best practice for bpd rage?? walk away and have alone time, try to talk it out, try to express it, or deep breaths???? anything? idk what to do. i can’t find any coping mechanisms that actually work for me or that i can do while im feeling that way. all coping mechanisms go out the window for me in those moments

hey yall
My partner (M) just recently got a sex toy to use alone when they are by themselves. I’m (F) not sure why, but i’m feeling kinda uncomfortable with the thought, even tho it’ll be something they’re gonna use on their own and it’s none of my business.
i know it is probably coming from a place of insecurity and partially my religious background. I also think it’s because it’s helping them fulfill something that I’m not quite ready to do for them yet (prostate massager). I don’t have much sexual experience outside of this relationship so im kinda new to all of this.
I know it doesn’t matter, esp because its for them to use on their own, but I guess it brings up an insecurity for me that i might be inadequate in comparison, especially cause it is a kink that I’m not comfortable exploring yet. It just stirs up a lot of thoughts and fears. They mentioned eventually wanting to use it when we’re together on occasion once I get comfortable, so I want to learn how to be chill exploring stuff like that, because right now I get all scared, guilty, or uncomfortable when I try anything new and the thought of incorporating anal stuff kinda freaks me out, whether it’s on me or on my partner.
I know prostate stimulation is decently common among straight men, but I think maybe the stigmatization surrounding it is also getting to my head, but I know I would feel similarly about it even if it was a pocket pussy and stuff like that too. I would like to add that My partner has always been very open about this with me, so it is not something that is new to me, but them getting a toy for it is new.
What are some ways that I can work towards getting over this discomfort or these insecurities?

so I have sex OCD and my partner is a kinky person and he told me about this when we first started dating to be very clear about things and open. i didn’t realize how deep my OCD went about sex at this time and I thought I could easily work on it or be okay with it or understand it or whatever.

Fast forward eight years we’ve been together and I still can’t bring myself to have sex with him and he’s been patiently waiting and respecting my issues but now he’s kind of going over the edge because he’s been deprived for so long and I still can’t do anything. He wants to get prostate stimulating toys for himself as that’s something that he’s been into him and his last girlfriend used to do that kind of stuff and I’m telling him no because I get worried that he will have to rely on those and then end up not liking me and I’m also just uncomfortable with the concept of sex toys in general. i’ve communicated this with him and he has explained how it’s just to enhance his experience and that it makes him feel bad that i think he will prefer that over me.
and now I’m having a hard time because I don’t know how to be OK with him using these things even if it’s on his own without my knowledge.
I’ve been in therapy for a few years now and I’ve been working on my relationship with sex and we’re really close to being able to actually do it, but I’m still really struggling with the kinky side of things even if its stuff he’d partake on his own. I do recognize that I’m really special to have somebody wait for me that long be loyal be patient and try to understand me but now he’s getting really frustrated and told me he doesn’t know how much more waiting he can take. And as a result, he doesn’t seem to be really happy that I’m finally getting better. What should i do. do i just let him get his toys and try to deal with it??? he’s having a really hard time going without. it’s been almost 8 years and sex is a huge part of his love language so he’s also feeling like i don’t trust him or get want to be connected with him. the kinky stuff he knows may take time for me to even consider. but him being on his final straw with me not being able to have sex is making me feel bad cause i also want to be able to do that with him too but i know it’s wrong to keep him with me if he can’t wait. but our relationship is so good otherwise and he’s amazing to me and i feel bad for taking this away from him.

feeling very hopeless and honestly, just done. i’m losing my patience and my ability to stay calm with my partner at this point. i feel empathy fatigue. they’ll say some of the worst things i’ve ever heard and it doesn’t even phase me anymore. it’s complaint after complaint. and all i get is angry. i keep daydreaming about different lives i could be having. i get jealous of my friends who consistently go through heartbreak, because even that would be better than being with a partner who can’t get their shit together but otherwise are a great partner. idk i’m just going off on a tangent now i guess. yall get it.