I left a very abusive marriage and have a 1 year old. I find it so much easier to raise my baby alone. I no longer have to walk on eggshells or regulate a grown man’s emotions. Can anyone else relate?
I dropped a little container on the floor (it was clean and no mess made). He said “are you testing me?” And then put his hand to my throat (without touching) and said how his hand is a perfect fit for my throat. Then later I was making a joke about something. He grabbed my arm hard and said “what did you just say?!” He has started to drive the car reckless the past few days. He will look over at me when he hits the gas hard. I have been working up the courage to leave. I was thinking by the end of the month (trying to find a place and get things together). Things seem to shift getting worse. He has been saying cryptic things like how I am playing with fire and how I will find out. Am I in danger?
What happened to make you leave an abusive relationship?
My husband has an outburst every weekend. He’s angry all the time. He expects our home to be spotless clean every moment of the day. It’s impossible with a 1 year old and working full time. Anyways he’s getting to the point of hitting things next to me. Saying how he wants to hurt me. He blames me every moment every day for everything. I’m working on leaving this marriage. I can’t take it anymore. He took away my friends and freedom. He yelled at me for hours about not taking the trash out and a couple of other things. Then after all that criticism he calmly said that maybe it’s better to co parent and he goes somewhere else and visits our son every once and awhile. I don’t know if it’s a trap to see if I was planning on leaving. I was afraid to agree to anything like that in the moment even though I desperately want to leave. When I reached out to DV advocates they all said that I have to leave when he’s not home because he could hurt me. How do I navigate this?!
We have a baby. I never do anything for myself. I sleep in a room with baby (baby wakes a lot at night). He can’t be bothered by the baby so he sleeps in a different room. We both work full time jobs. I am awake everyday with our son before or at 7am. He gets to sleep in Saturday/Sunday until 12 and I don’t even say anything about it because at this point I enjoy not walking on eggshells for a few hours. My mom is visiting and I went to get my nails done (I haven’t been in months). I wanted a moment for myself because I never get time. He was so mad that I went to get my nails done before cleaning the house. The house is clean but he said the trash wasn’t taken out (it wasn’t full) and there was stuff in the fridge going bad (food we bought a few days ago and it was 50% his). He isn’t talking to me the rest of the day and is very short with me when he has to communicate. He yelled at me when I got home. And referred to himself as a slave. 😵💫 This happens every weekend. One weekend he got mad at me all day because I didn’t have breakfast ready for him when he woke up at noon on the weekend (after I was up with the baby all night and taking care of him all morning).
I am getting the courage and strength to leave my husband. Getting things in order. Yesterday I leaned down to kiss him and he pulled his fist back and threw it forward and stopped before hitting me. Later in the night he glared at me and I looked at him. He said “I’ve been studying you.” And I said “what do you mean.” He said “you will find out”. Two days ago he randomly said “you are a good actor. Where did you go to acting school.” My mom is staying with us for a week visiting so he hasn’t had any outbursts. He has also told me this week “I will smash your head against the wall” and told me our new pot is perfect to hit me with. He says these things in a normal tone. He has been throwing punches in the air toward me recently. One time he lightly hit me. He has punched things next to me before and kicked hole in the wall. For a long time he was making joke movement and sound like he was breaking my neck and i thought it was a joke that he saw somewhere but now it makes me feel unsettled. I’m just trying to make it all make sense in my mind whats happening. I just need more voices to tell me how serious it is. Thanks for your help ❤️
My husband became angry towards me after we had a baby. He wasn’t like this for 5 years of marriage. He was a bit controlling before that I recognize now. He was grabbing my arm and neck all of the time “as a joke”. He finally stopped doing that after begging him to stop. He makes a lot of comments now as a joke and I just can’t figure it out. Yesterday I showed him a new pan that I got and he said it’s perfect to hit me with. Today he kept telling me to eat an egg (I wasn’t hungry so I was just putting off eating). He came to me and whispered “you better eat that egg or I will smash your head on the wall”. Again - he says it in an uneasy tone but he makes it to be a joke. It messes with my mind because I’m worried maybe he’s just joking and I’m being too sensitive. So-would you ever say these things to your spouse as a joke?
Also he started to punch things next to me and kicked a hole in the wall.. but he hasn’t done that in a few months.
My husband became angry towards me after we had a baby. He wasn’t like this for 5 years of marriage. He was a bit controlling before that I recognize now. He was grabbing my arm and neck all of the time “as a joke”. He finally stopped doing that after begging him to stop. He makes a lot of comments now as a joke and I just can’t figure it out. Yesterday I showed him a new pan that I got and he said it’s perfect to hit me with. Today he kept telling me to eat an egg (I wasn’t hungry so I was just putting off eating). He came to me and whispered “you better eat that egg or I will smash your head on the wall”. Again - he says it in an uneasy tone but he makes it to be a joke. It messes with my mind because I’m worried maybe he’s just joking and I’m being too sensitive. So-would you ever say these things to your spouse as a joke?
Also he started to punch things next to me and kicked a hole in the wall.. but he hasn’t done that in a few months.
What happens when they realize you have caught on to their tactics? When you no longer react to their outbursts? Do they escalate?
I’m struggling with the fact that my husband has become very abusive toward me. It escalated after having a baby. I thought life stress was the cause of the behavior but he found a job he loves and having more fun playing with our baby. The behavior is still getting worse. He refuses to get help. I’m thinking back at the signs I might have missed after we got married (5 years ago). Some of the things I can think of would be him not letting me use the ac or heat when it’s freezing/too hot. I would beg him to use it but we could only when he turned it on. He wouldn’t stop to let me go to the bathroom on road trips. Made it a big deal. He would be super bothered if I ever had to go to the bathroom in a store. He would say things like “you just went” even though I didn’t. He now throws things, punches things, kicked a hole in the wall when he is angry. He screams at me and calls me childish. I work a full time job and take care of our baby full time while he gets to sleep in a different room and sleep in on weekends. He yelled at me that breakfast wasn’t ready when he woke up at 12pm after I was awake with baby all night and morning. He said I’m not doing my duties as a wife… I have no family or friends close by. It’s just me and baby. I got really close to a coworker. She has a baby too and we go to lunch together every day at work and have a lot in common. I would say she’s the closest I have to a friend right now. When I refer to her as my friend he laughs at me and said “she’s not my friend.” He was grabbing my arm and throat as a “joke” for a long time and I begged him to stop doing that. That I didn’t think it was funny. He finally backed off doing that for a month but yesterday I did something like drop a spoon and he acted like he was boxing to hit me. Then grabbed my throat and lightly punched my arm. I’m so torn by this. Thanks for reading and any advice you can give me. ❤️
I’m struggling with the fact that my husband has become very abusive toward me. It escalated after having a baby. I thought life stress was the cause of the behavior but he found a job he loves and having more fun playing with our baby. The behavior is still getting worse. He refuses to get help. I’m thinking back at the signs I might have missed after we got married (5 years ago). Some of the things I can think of would be him not letting me use the ac or heat when it’s freezing/too hot. I would beg him to use it but we could only when he turned it on. He wouldn’t stop to let me go to the bathroom on road trips. Made it a big deal. He would be super bothered if I ever had to go to the bathroom in a store. He would say things like “you just went” even though I didn’t. He now throws things, punches things, kicked a hole in the wall when he is angry. He screams at me and calls me childish. I work a full time job and take care of our baby full time while he gets to sleep in a different room and sleep in on weekends. He yelled at me that breakfast wasn’t ready when he woke up at 12pm after I was awake with baby all night and morning. He said I’m not doing my duties as a wife… I have no family or friends close by. It’s just me and baby. I got really close to a coworker. She has a baby too and we go to lunch together every day at work and have a lot in common. I would say she’s the closest I have to a friend right now. When I refer to her as my friend he laughs at me and said “she’s not my friend.” He was grabbing my arm and throat as a “joke” for a long time and I begged him to stop doing that. That I didn’t think it was funny. He finally backed off doing that for a month but yesterday I did something like drop a spoon and he acted like he was boxing to hit me. Then grabbed my throat and lightly punched my arm. I’m so torn by this. Thanks for reading and any advice you can give me. ❤️
I’m trying to get courage to leave. It’s hard with a baby. 😞 My husband became abusive to me after we had a baby. I’ve tried many things to make it work but nothing I do is good enough. I noticed a pattern of blame. He will blame me for anything. He hit the car mirror on the garage when backing out (and he blames me for parking too close to the side). The food we both didn’t eat went bad in the fridge (he blamed me and yelled at me about it when I ate most of it and he didn’t touch one piece). He exploded on me yesterday for not having breakfast made for him when he woke up in the afternoon. After I was awake all morning taking care of our baby. He doesn’t sleep in the same room so he gets a full night sleep too. He basically yelled at me all day about it. Then at the end of the night he told me “I forgive you”. When he’s the one in the wrong. Honestly I have never heard him ask for forgiveness. He always words it as “I forgive you.” Has anyone been in this situation? I just need words to help me have courage in this time. I’m so broken by this. I walk on egg shells.
I have been dealing with an angry spouse for several months. He changed after we had a baby. We have been married for 5 years. There is a lot of gaslighting, etc. I am trying to make it work and I ask him to get help. Everything was going ok until he woke up today. He sleeps in a different room because he can’t be bothered by the baby crying. Take care of the baby all night. He gets to sleep in on weekends. I wake up with the baby at 7am and take care of him, feed him, do some cleaning, play with him, etc. My baby is walking now so it’s harder to juggle a lot of things at one time. My husband finally woke up after a few hours and I was relieved that he could play with our baby so I could finish a few things. He was upset as soon as he came up because 1 room in the house had some toys spread out. Then he asks me where his breakfast was…. I told him I didn’t know what time he was waking up and if he would play with our son I would make something. He was so angry about this and said that I’m not doing “my duties as a wife”. 😞Then he made himself breakfast and took the coffee I made for himself. He knew I haven’t ate today. I always put my son’s needs before mine. He went into another room and hasn’t talked to me since. I’m so broken. Something happens like every weekend. I have no family or friends here. I feel so alone and need advice and encouragement please. I’m so broken. 😭💔