u/Long_Dig_731

Hi, im 23 and im a trans girl (in case thats relevant idk)

This is long and all over the place so bare with me

The other day an ad came up on my social media and I thought the one image was kinda intriguing, I clicked on it and it took me to the app I have but it was for tickets to what I THOUGHT was a fetish party, its back to school themed so its gonna be like, teachers, nerds, students. All that jazz ya know? (A teensie bit problematic but oh well)

Ive never done anything like this but I thought it would be fun, and im in my party girl era rn.

However... right after I bought the tickets (which are non refundable) i realized it is a SEX party... which I know yall are like "its the same thing?" But im dumb. I thought a fetish party was like a normal club/bar but with a lot heavier undertones of sex and meeting people into bdsm, while a sex party is people actively having sex at a party.

Im incredibly dumb because in the features section it said "includes dungeon and dungeon master"... my stupid ass thought "huh... weird they have a dungeons and dragon section for a fetish party..." but only after I bought the tickets did it click and I went "oh... thats not what they meant..."

ANYWAYS besides the lore drop.

Ive never done anything like this, ive always been kinda into the idea of trying it but never did.

The fact sheet said its a club, and there will be dancing and drinks its not JUST sex, so realistically it could be just a normalish night with dirtier then normal thoughts.

But I do kinda want to try doing the more "fun" stuff?... i just dont know how.

Ive done some bdsm stuff before, nothing crazy. Just your normal dom/sub dynamics in the bedroom, bondage, impact play and such. But ive never done sex in a public space (let alone where other people can see which to my understanding, according to my friend who does stuff similar to this... there wont be privacy)

The idea of being used as a cum dump by multiple men sounds very exciting, but the thing is worry a lot about is... what if I dont find the guys who want a turn attractive?... im really picky, but id feel so bad and like im hurting the guys feelings if im letting a bunch of dudes go at it then go "no not you" yk?

But even with just one on one... how do I navigate it? Do I just flirt with him like I would at a bar/club normally?

I usually am the one to approach men because they never approach me, and part of me thinks it will be easier because obviously everyone is there to fuck, but the other half is thinking "he knows I want to fuck so my flirting attempts will look desperate and obvious and will come off creepy" yk?

Ive heard people at these things are chill usually, and i know not to be a total creep or asshole, but being a trans girl im a little worried guys are just gonna see me as a creep or something.

I just want a bit of advice, because im very excited to explore and try new things. But Im also nervous im gonna embarrass myself or something. So if anyone can tell me some etiquette, advice or anything? Id greatly appreciate it

So not too long ago i decided to archive all old post on instagram (i had like 100s from back when i was 12 lol) but just yesterday I decided to clear off my tik tok account then remove any insta post pre estrogen where I look clocky.

I recently posted on insta like I normally do, but last night I decided to do that "when your body is tea but you wear baggy clothes" trend on tik tok.

And good LORD...

I woke up to dozens upon dozens of men viewing my stories, following me, dming me.

I never thought I passed, I thought I was pretty clocky. In person I definitely am but online I guess no one knows.

Its both an ego boost and a little disheartening, knowing if these men saw me in person and saw my chubby ass and my height theyd clock me and say ew.

But ive never tried to go stealth before and this is kinda fun

Sorry if this is not the place to ask, I just dont know where would be appropriate and im confused.

Ive never in my life been into women, I thought I was when I was in highschool because part of me wanted to flirt, but id get grossed out at the feeling and I didnt realize at the time but it also made me dysphoric.

Ive never been into queer presenting people either, I would never go to gay clubs or anything like that because I knew my type wouldnt be there.

I've always been pretty strictly into your standard masculine men. With one cute tguy that I would ask to makeout with being the exception.

But anyways. I went to a rave, and someone I knew was there, I ended up seeing him as i was outside for a smoke. He went up to this girl, and I immediately had a suspicion she was gender queer or just queer.

Im both drunk and high, I went up and chatted to her too. Accidently stole my friends thunder (he's a weird loser anyway so I saved her) and me and her ended up dancing the entire night with eachother. We flirted with cute boys together.

Lately ive been into the idea of kissing girls but only for like male attention and stuff like straight cis women do (i know that's probably horrible of me sorry)

But idk what came over me, I found myself wanting to flirt with her, im a very flirty drunk but I almost wanted to impress her and act like I do when im into a guy. Touching her shoulder, staring at her.

She eventually went home but I got her contact, later that night I had the two hot guys we were flirting with walk me home lol I wanted to add.

I texted her and we flirted a tiny bit more, but I never want to lead people on or use them as tests or something. I told her im straight and into men but the idea of kissing girls has sounded a little fun lately. She said she can tell im just a very flirty drunk and doesnt take offense.

But that was on thursday, last night I invited her to go to the bars with me and hopefully a few friends. She came out and I was a little high as I got there, but she was already looking really cute...

I wanted to flirt again, but I showed a bit of restraint.

We step into the bar and its literally just us, we sat at a booth but in seconds I felt myself wanting to sit closer to her, wanting to lean in, it was just us for about an hour and the feeling was getting stronger, I was nervous yet so relaxed I don't know how to word it.

Eventually my friends came. We quickly left because the place was DEAD. We went to another bar, and everything in me wanted to hold her hand, but I knew it would be wrong of me.

We went to another bar, left quickly there too. We went to the club. Thats when i was obvious, I was a few drinks deep and I had a lot of weed. Everytime we talked she was inches from my face and I wanted her to make a move so bad. It was this feeling of attraction, worry, guilt, confusion.

I couldnt keep my hands off her. Even when she was talking to other people my hands were on her jacket, her hat, her shoulders her hair.

I was flirting with her and I felt so guilty because what if im just drunk and making her an experiment? What if im just using her? What if i have this attraction because I subconsciously see her as a man or something? There was so many feelings going on but I just wanted to be next to her all night.

I was winking, making all my faces (which to be fair I was doing to men as well)

Eventually we leave the club and were walking to find a spot to smoke. The feeling was unbearable, I just had to have my hands on here. I slipped my hand in her pocket and we walked like that.

I would lay on her shoulder as we were smoking, i made eye contact with her as she lit the pipe (weed not crack lol)

I Eventually said I wanted to go home and asked if she could walk me. She says yes.

And I was nervous to talk to her. It's was the same way I feel when flirting with a man im really into, I couldn't do it.

I asked her over and over to just stay with me until the busses run again because she walks home and its really far. She stepped in for a little bit.

When we were petting my cat I was really close, like face to face and i was playing with her arm. She turned around super fast randomly and just unlocked the door and said "ok I need to go bye!"

She rushed out, said her last goodbyes then ran away...

I dont know what this means, I've never found a girl this attractive. Shes like a butch lesbian appearance (shes bi though) but I've never been into that, ive had women hit on me before and I had zero interest.

I dont know what any of this means... im so confused...

My biggest fear is I subconsciously see her as a man but I dont think I do. I just appreciate her masculinity that shes so comfortable with presenting, she has a very feminine body but still acts masculine? Idk. Think of like the skater girl stereotypes. Shes that.

I dont know if I want sex with her, i dont think I want to go out on dates or anything, both times ive seen her ive been high/drunk so maybe thats why? But ive never done this with another girl before even when under the influence

I feel like a monster because I worry im doing to her what men do to me, use me as an experiment and dont care for me. But shes so fun...

And this is probably horrible for me to say but... i dont want to be into girls... i finally thought I figured myself out and I did all my learning... i dont want to go through that again, and I still get that dysphoric feeling when flirting with her.

Am I straight with this one exception? Am I heteroflexible? Amd I bi? Im so confused here... help.

Also sorry if this is long and hard to read. Im hungover and sleepy lol

I invited a guy over, whos ghosted me before after a hookup but hes really hot.

He said he wanted to come over and he caught me while I was in quite the mood so I accepted it.

I told him he has to provide aftercare this time and he said okay.

We had sex, and he was having trouble staying hard but I thought maybe its just because hes high.

The sex was nice but he just seemed out of it the entire time.

He cums in me, then I jokingly say "you better have a round two in you"

He says he cant and he starts like hyperventilating I ask if hes okay. He says "I need to go home"

I immediately go "really?..." knowing hes just being dramatic to get away from me. He says he needs to leave, I say "I was promised aftercare"

I cover myself because now im embarrassed, he sees im upset then says "well now I dont want to leave you" I tell him its fine.

He gives me a sob story about how his last marriage was rocky, how hes experimenting but then he says

"Not that you arent attractive, but i thought this would be some super hot thing... but it wasnt"

He saw how fast that broke my heart, being told that the sex we just had where I was already feeling insecure wasnt attractive to him and he felt disgusted.

I start tearing up and tell him "you can go..."

He tells me "if I ever message you again just block me and ignore me" like wow thanks.

I know its my fault, I know i shouldnt have slept with him when he ghosted me last time. But I wasnt like in love with him I just wanted sex, but this struck such an insecurity for me. Im always worried men are grossed out by me when we have sex and knowing that its true is horrifying. I hate being trans, i just wish I was normal, attractive and not gross.

On a whim I went to the club alone. The night was kinda lame and the music wasnt that good imo.

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I orginally was getting ready to go with intention to just dance and maybe make some girlfriends, this time I wasnt gonna worry about the fact I wont get male attention.

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Well as I was getting ready, I accidently ended up looking the hottest ive ever looked in my life, like perfectly passing, looking like I hit my transition goal.

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I talked to people and didnt tell them I was trans, I just let them figure it out, id invite them to smoke and I made a girlfriend, failed with one dude but I didnt even care! The rejection didnt sting.

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I set my sights on someone else, and he was the HOTTEST one there. 6'2, full head of hair, handsome and he was dancing like a maniac which was amazing. I stalked him a bit. Then eventually fingered him to over to me. I asked him to dance with me and we danced. He kinda wandered away and I thought "ah I wont push it"

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I went outside to smoke, and one of his friends is chilling out there too, I almost talked to him but he went inside.

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His OTHER friend comes out tho and I chat with him, nothing super flirty just casual banter.

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Then the man I tried to get came out, and we chatted a bit, I let him smoke my weed, he tells me hes a lawyer and where hes from, im giving him the flirty eyes. He says hes a landlord lawyer (he like deals with bad landlords) i mentioned something about my building and say "think you can help me?" He says yea he can. I say "soooo... does that mean I should get your number?"

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He says yes, I get his number and I say "now you have more of a reason to come back to *my city*" (hes from out of town) and he leans up on the window and goes "what reasons?"

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One thing led to another, and I BROUGHT HIM HOME. THE HOTTEST GUY AT THE CLUB CAME HOME WITH ME. His friends were totally digging me too.

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He couldn't stop groping me on the uber home. I told him "just to be clear, I am trans" he said he didnt mind.

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And the best part is... I asked him his sexuality. And he goes "oh im straight"

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YES. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSS.

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IM LIVING THE DREAM RN GUYS. I thought this was something that I would never be able to do, im so happy

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Your girl got banned on hinge and tinder, I cant use bumble because it has my dead name and won't let me change it. And I hate all the other apps.

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I dont really do dating anyway but I want male validation and flings yk?

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I think this is a good thing for me though and it will force me to go out and meet men in person.

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But where do I do it? I know the obvious choice is bars and stuff, but those arent really my thing since I dont reallt drink, and I work every weekend. Plus going alone to a bar is very different then going alone to a club or something.

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Although I dont necessarily "go out" often. Im still out and aboht quite a bit. Im either working, on the bus to work, at the ice rink figure skating (which lord is there some hot hockey men there sometimes. They sometimes like to watch us too) or sleeping at home. Im gonna say probably 70% of my day to day life is outside of the home.

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Im still visibly trans, i get the "shes hot" look from guys a lot, especially from a distance. But its always from older men, and men you really dont want it from.

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I work next to a gym and see hot guys in it all the time, but ive never met one. I flirt with guys at work, but very subtly because my place of work only gets men if theyre gay or shopping for a girlfriend or something.

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I LOVE bikers (specially ones with sports bikes im not into the harely aesthetic) and fit dudes (although thays not a need as long as hes got big arms) the whole dark and mysterious type yk?

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And I KNOW this one bar nearby has insanely hot dudes, but I know my league and theyre way out of it. Ive been once and good lord.... the men were solid 10/10s. All just my type. But every single one there was with another 10/10 gal so I dont think id have good luck there. I pass in darker lighting settings but I really dont think the guys there would be open to t girls

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Im going to toronto pride for the weekend! And im excited for that too, but both times I went to that I never even got glanced at. Its mostly dominated by gay men so I fear the clubs there wont give me much luck either.

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Im kinda lost on what to do here. Any advice?

I know i look ugly when I do it because im a beginner with a fused spine and like no flexibility. But idk, i see the more experienced skaters at my rink doing them and they always just look so forced and random, especially if its held for a long time.

If its relatively short and theres like a pretty hand movement as the arms open into position, thats cute. But anything else I just think looks silly. Am I alone?

I see way too many people in the trans community who get upset that their hormones didnt make them look like megan fox. And like same girl but guys...... being a girl isn't easy...

If you dont learn makeup, keep a bushy brow, dont learn proper feminine fashion to match your body, never voice train, never learn skin care, never work on your body goals how you want. Youre never going to be happy with yourself.

I see all this doomers that get so angry about passing, and babe... they WORKED for that.

I dont fully pass, but im fairly pretty, and have recently made the shift to only using straight dating apps. But take it from me.

I was chopped, I thought I was so hot, but I was ugly asf. I had the bushiest brows, my hair was a mess. My beard always showing before lazer (granted I know that one is a money thing) I dressed very visibly queer.

If you want to be a woman and be perceived as such, you need to learn how to be one. Its not as simple as take a pill and call it a day.

Now if you want to be visibly queer, or masculine and you dont care about passing thats a different story. Im talking about the people who complain about it but never want to hear about ways to improve.

It takes time, and pills help. But 70% of passing and transitioning is learning how to style and make yourself look good.

So put the black lipstick down, go search a makeup tutorial thats NOT from a drag queen. Go get a round brush and a blow dryer. And stop complaining if you dont wanna work for it! Being a woman isnt easy! Cis or Not!

Ive been thinking about getting a second job. And for a while now, working at a bar and being (professionally) flirty with customers sounds kinda fun to me.

I really need the money, but I want a job thats chill and social, not insane manual labor or retail like my main job.

But how would working at a bar bode for a trans girl? Im aware appearance will play a factor so if you want to see what I look like I should have a post on my account with selfies.

Im in southern ontario, an hour from toronto which for the MOST part is safe. However violent crimes against women and especially trans women have gone up a smidgen.

Im aware a big part of being a bartender/waitress/hostess involves a bit, if not a lot of flirting. I do it at my job now as of late with any guy customers that come in, and id say im good at it. But my beauty job isnt the same as drunken men at the bar.

I dont fully pass, my voice is clocky and im tall. But im fairly pretty I think (again feel free to look for yourself) with the right shirts I could have some cleavage to show off.

But are any of you guys bartenders? How did that bode for you?

I started watching "Off campus" and ugh im so giddy.

But does anyone have any media recommendations for trans girl love stories? Preferably with cis men but any man is fine.

Preferably TV or movies but books or comics works!

Read my last post for some context.

A man matched with me on hinge, and I planned on just jokingly flirting without ever actually doing anything or meeting.

He actually ends up being insanely sweet and polite so I tell him. "Usually id just kinda waste your time with flirting, but you seem incredibly sweet and like youre looking for love. Im trans. Sorry to waste your time, good luck"

He says he doesnt mind and he continues to be a huge sweetheart, I add his insta, we talk a bit more.

HE asks me on a date, I say "are you sure? Youre not just trying to be polite?" He says he really wants to take me out.

I agree... 10 minutes go by and im blocked on everything.

I needed that reminder to never in a million years give men a chance, that solidified it for me.

I will from now on turn down every single date because these men are sinister and enjoy wasting time, so im gonna waste theirs.

Recently I stopped telling men on hinge im trans, if they ask to go out I just make up some lie. I could just tell them im trans then get blocked but thats boring, not taking men seriously and just flirting to see how far they'll take it is really funny. This probably makes me a bad person but hey, im ok with that.

Its fun to just feel like a normal person and see the hoops these men would jump through for a cis girl. I dont send or receive photos its strictly texting but god... I totally reccomend

I remember people saying you need it all the time. But my endo hasn't mentioned anything about it at all when we talk about next step for surgeries?

I would assume you do, and honestly thats the hurdle making me not want to start the process because I cant afford it and I dont want my goochie out for some random stranger lmao

Im bored at 2 am and want to just gossip about this lol.

For me it's doggy, I feel like the pose just kinda forces the guy to hit the spot. I also always hide my face during sex and that makes it super easy to do.

Or the "turn over and lift your one leg up" position when you're lazy thats also fun.

Im pre op, but what positions do yall like or reccomend other girlies try?

Im on the phone with my one cis friend, and shes pretty. She has a roster of hot men and im currently watching her swipe through her hinge likes.

She has over 600 likes and like every 10 its an insanely hot guy. And she can just decline a bunch of hot guys bc she knows she can get hotter ones.

The guys she gets with are always 6ft+, jacked and have insane sex appeal. And they all are asking her out.

I get like one hinge like a day if im lucky and its always ugly guys.

The other day we bumped into her friend who is a guy I have a bit of a crush on and I just feel like a Hare next to a bunny when im beside her (or any other cis girl for that matter). I just constantly feel like the DUFF (designated ugly fat friend)

I just wish I was normal and knew what it was like to REALLY be seen as a girl. Not just the Trans girl but a cute girl, that men like.

I hate being ugly but I hate feeling jealous about my friends success too :(

Tw for a lot of internalized transphobia.

Ive been thinking a lot the past couple days and im starting to wonder if its genuinely cruel for me to want a relationship with someone.

Having a trans partner (especially one not fully passing rn) opens you up to an insane amount of ridicule and judgment from the outside world, all your friends thinking your gay, family thinking how are you gonna have kids, and just overall negative judgment from the outside world.

Its not just that though, im a tall person. A lot of men prefer a short girl, so judgment can come with that.

Im also a chubbier person, which im working on but still. Being seen with a chubby/fat girl also brings on a lot of judgment from the outside world.

Im also not very attractive, and I hate to admit im only into conventionally attractive guys, so if a man was to ever be seen with me everyone would question why he downgraded. Or girls would constantly be trying to show him theyre better. It would also make sex awkward, I like to cover my face and upper body during sex (if I could cover my entire body i would) and im sure a man would prefer a partner he finds hot in the bedroom.

Im aware im very annoying too, I have a really hard time socializing and making friends. Often saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or accidently being insensitive or too loud. Even my mom told me "just seeing your face annoys me" so im very conscious of the fact im not the most enjoyable to hang out with.

Tying into the Trans part, I cant have sex any time anywhere as much as id like to since I don't have srs yet. And men like to do it whenever they can... I couldnt provide that as much as id love to.

I just feel like it makes some kinda paradox or something. Like i love a man, but if I really loved him why would I want to put him through all that judgment and ridicule and be dragging him down with me. Making him suffer for no reason. Wouldn't it be cruel of me to do that to someone I care for? Im having difficulty seeing it any other way.

I wouldnt want someone I like to have to deal with what I go through as an ugly, chubby tall, trans person at all!

So ive been wondering if I should really cut the idea of a relationship for good here.

Sorry for the doomer post, and I DONT think all trans girls should feel guilty this is more a me thing and the fact its more then just being trans. I kinda just wanted to write this out and put it somewhere to get it off my mind. Please let me know if this is a stupid post I should take down.

I dont get it.

A guy I liked and we were talking perfectly fine and normal then one day he just ghosted me, never responded again.

Today a man asked me out, and hes been begging to hang out since we first met a few days ago. He ghosts me after I agree.

A guy I was supposed to hookup with the other day bc HE wanted to, ghost me right before we're supposed to meet.

I literally do not get it, is it because im trans? Do they get post nut clarity and realize theyd never wanna be seen with a trans girl or something? What is it?

Men are literally cruel and just jerk themselves off to the THOUGHT of going on a date bro it's so weird