u/Loose-Weather-5729

While I have dated some non-monogamous women, at the moment I am single. As a man, dating at all can be difficult, but dating non-monogamously seems infinitely harder. Can a single man really say he is non-monogamous? I am also bi, which is also a challenge in terms of dating. And I could date a woman monogamously, but I would still be bi, even if I wasn't seeing men. Is it the same with non-monogamy? If I am single can I still proclaim non-monogamy? When I was dating a solo-poly woman, I had no luck finding other partners, but since my partner had other partners, I considered myself polyamorous. Is that accurate? I am trying to understand terms, beliefs, and how and where I fit in. Thanks!

There are all sorts of threads about how bi men present to the world. Some are completely out, others are completely in, while some (like me) are selective about who we share our sexuality status with. I am not necessarily hiding my bisexuality, but I present as straight, and I see no point (and nothing to gain) by telling people I interact with in my day to day life who are straight and will never be romantic partners about who I prefer to have sex with. It is none of their business.

But on the topic of bi-erasure, there seems to be a large contingent of "allies" gay men, and others who minimize the experience of those of us who aren't flamboyant or out. When I went to the local pride festival in my small town, the people represented there were like caricatures of what the general public thinks of as gay. I never saw a single masculine man, but loads of cartoonish looking people that seemed like they were "performing." And the straight women walking around with "LGBTQ ALLY" t-shirts on act like they are at a zoo.

In particular, I get a lot of grief from anyone who is all in on gay pride, and the parades and flag waving. I don't go out of my way to comment, but I have on occasion mentioned I don't like all of that, and wish it could be toned down. Immediately I am insulted and called names and told to "get back in the closet." Like a lot of my life as a bisexual man, I am told my opinions are not valid, and I don't matter.

Anyone relate to this? I have no issue with people who want to be loud and proud and are engaging in pride events and waving a flag, but it isn't me. And with every passing year it feels more corporatized and less genuine. It does annoy me that as a bisexual man my opinion is completely dismissed.

Someone just told me “my fiance’ just finalized her divorce.”

Why wait? I guess some people are ready to dive back in right away.

This might not be the right place to post this, but I have had bad luck trying in other places, and the people here seem cool, so her goes...

I have been divorced twice from women, and will never get married again, even though I still love women. And I am not interested in dating men or anything serious with men, even though I do enjoy sexual interactions. But dating women has seemed to get harder and harder, with any connections seemingly shorter and shorter, like maybe a couple of months if I am lucky. And being very up front about being bi seems to reduce the amount of potential dates with women down to almost nothing, with those remaining either poly or non-monogamous, which doesn't really work for me. The guy I see now (infrequently) is married to a man, and has permission to play, but his husband doesn't know about me, and he will only play with me when his husband isn't around. Plus, they have four houses in different areas, and are only in my city now and then.

None of this really bothers me, and I am very much coming to terms with all of this as a 58m. I am fit, strong, and look younger than I am, and typically connect best with women in their 30s. I am also not looking to cohabitate again. Is anyone else out there just taking things as they come, enjoying what happens as it happens, and kind of accepting that any kind of conventional relationship has passed them by? Since my health and stamina are still good, I probably have a solid 10-15 years before things change significantly, and at that point I kind of figure I will just be alone and do things I like and just not worry about people too much. I know this is kind of vague and probably doesn't apply to many here, but I am doing what I can to sort out my feelings around this stage of my life so I can relax a bit and just carry on.

I am not going to call out the particular subs, but I have had some really awful experiences on reddit with people ganging up and being incredibly cruel. It is the internet, so I will be fine, but it is hard to comprehend. And I will go back and make clarifying statements, and try to explain my question, but people seem uninterested in trying to understand a perspective, and hurl insults and call you names.

But in other subs, if you point out something obvious or share an opinion that is different than the general consensus, you get notified that everyone "must treat each other excellently" or some other wording.

Basically they are different versions of the same thing, defending the status quo. Still, other subs seem to be a free for all of insults with little to no moderation. Are there only individual standards for the mods with no guidelines? It feels wild here a lot of times.

I quit the apps a couple of months ago, which was the right move for me since i was having no luck, and was growing frustrated and weary of the entire process. But I am still open to dating, preferably an living-apart-together situation. But in my day-to-day life I am not meeting women at all who are potential dates. I am not opposed to taking initiative, but in so many situations the interactions are so fleeting that I would literally need to ask for a number almost as soon as seeing them, which I am not really interested in doing. And I know all the common advice about hobbies, classes, etc. which I am not really into.

Is this the end of the line? At 58m, I'd like to think there would be another relationship in my life, but I am also aware that my current approach is very unlikely to make that happen. But most importantly, I am not really interested in making a job out of finding a match. Have any of you reached this point? I do have a nice life and enjoy what I have on my own. And I know that in many cases connections can happen when you least expect it. I do go out to eat alone fairly often, and do my best to look approachable and dress nice. Did any of you find a match when you weren't looking or expecting it?

https://preview.redd.it/60aikezgg2ah1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=928a4320e45017461c8dbc2955f5e18b5614038d

I have mostly run Michelin Power GP2s on my 890 (going on my third pair) and typically run a cold pressure of 32f and 33r, which equates to a riding pressure of about 34f/35r. I have the TPMS installed, so I can check pressure while I am riding. The bike isn't that heavy, so I prefer a little lower pressure. On a recent long trip (3,200 miles) I wore out the rear GP2, and needed a new tire with 1,200 miles left on my trip. The shop I went to only had a Pirelli Diablo Rosso IV available, and they set my front and rear tires at 35. Checking the pressure while riding had the tires at 36f 38r after the tire install. I just left it there and continued my ride since I had gear on the bike and figured more pressure wouldn't hurt anything. The tires felt of, but it took a little time to get used to the Pirelli rear tire. I have run Diablo Rosso IIIs on my old Ducati Hypermotard, and I know they are good tires, but they definitely seem to have a different profile than the GP2s. Once it was scrubbed in a bit, the Diablo rear tire felt fine, but I like the Michelin's better.

Both the GP2 and Diablo Rosso rear tire were smoked at barely over 3,000 miles. If I am ripping around town, the short life isn't really an issue, but on trips it becomes a logistical issue. But I really like the performance, and on my tours I am riding very twisty roads with steep hills and signed hairpin corners at 15 mph and 20 mph. In those conditions (the entire reason I am going on these tours) I love the GP2s. But lately I have though about a slightly higher mileage tire. I wouldn't want to go to an extreme, and still place a premium on tight cornering performance. Any suggestions? And what tire pressure are you running?

Edit: The Michelin Power 6 looks like a good fit for me. Does anyone run these? What kind of mileage do you get? Picture added to get attention!

Years ago I had a great Alpinestars Atem jacket and the Track pants, both perforated, and with large sections in white. Unfortunately that kit didn't fit me anymore, and I ended up with an A*s Missile V3 airflow jacket, and the track 2 pants. The perforation and protection scheme is fantastic, and the airflow is similar to my old jacket. But the top-tier A*s leather is all black these days, with color highlights, not large white panels like before. Does anyone know why white isn't an option? I don't think there is a huge difference in how hot I get, but for summer riding I would sure like something like my old kit. And almost all of the mesh jackets I have seen (A8s, Rev'it, etc.) that do come in lighter colors are CE-1. I'd also like a street pant in mesh that was in the boot like good leather pants are, but that seems non-existent. I know the price on my new gear sure went up a lot in the last few years, and color selection has decreased.

I do like that my gear has hard sliders on the elbow and shoulder, and no speed hump. Those last details seem to be tricky to find. I love the gear I am wearing, I am just curious if anyone has any ideas about why white seemed to go away.

Admittedly, after a lot of years riding, and owning several bikes, I have a specific idea of what I want. And most bikes don't appeal to me, even if I think they are cool. But KTMs lineup is baffling. Having owned an RC 390, I think it is a cool platform, and I appreciate how they have expanded that engine to different models, in particular the Adventure bike. Still, do they really need to offer SEVEN different versions of the 390?

And KTM can't seem to keep an attractive middleweight bike in their lineup. I currently ride an 890 SMT, which I love, and absolutely rips on the street. But an 890 is NOT a middleweight! Looking on the KTM website today, I see the 690 is only offered in the Enduro and SMC platforms. Both extremely specific bikes. I would love to rip around on the 690 SMC, but why not offer a 690 Duke again? And I have no issue with the CF Moto made 790 going away, but I can't understand going straight to the 990, which has the same spec as a Ducati Hypermotard 950 SP. I love that the 990 Duke is in the lineup, but where are the middleweight, Austrian made KTMs?

I also own a 250 XC-F, which I love. But the amount of models in their dirt bike lineup is crazy! Between MX, Enduro, and XC I count 26 different models! I would have thought with all the financial issues KTM would have tightened things up by now.

I worry that when I have enough miles on my 890 SMT to need an upgrade that KTM won't have a suitable replacement. I was hot on the old 990 SMT after spending a fair amount of time on a 950 SM, and knew from experience that the 890 SMT would not last long in their line up and jumped on it. But right now (other than ADV bikes) the only touring focused KTM is the 1290 Super Duke GT. I have long legs, and the seat height on those bikes does not work for me at all. And I don't want a bike that big for the kind of narrow, twisty roads I ride. I know most people on big adventure bikes are not even riding them off-road, but for those of us interested in that, the 890 Adventure is still a damn big bike.

Obviously KTM is going through some big changes, but the current lineup doesn't make any sense. Thankfully (at least from what I have been hearing from my dealer) KTM will finally be offering the 690 in an adventure bike configuration, which I have wanted for years. I hope they bring some more to the Austrian made middle weight lineup in 2027, for their own sake.

Having fun with my 13,000 original miles XLH 1000. Stock except for the S&S carb. Great bike, but I am thinking of selling. Any thoughts on price?

https://preview.redd.it/1bq0w2xomw5h1.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc0017d58fb705ef7a14dbaedaa20a3dd1989349

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https://preview.redd.it/se2nuwnsmw5h1.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d0288a11d19547de1e8dd358292512a518f074c

Last year I replaced my Arai Signet Q with the Signet X, after several years of use with the Q. The Signet Q worked really well for my long oval head, so stepping up to the latest version seemed like an easy decision. First, I had to size up from a medium to a large, which was no big deal, but interesting. Second, even though the large fits me well, the interior of the chin bar is very close to my face. Overall, the helmet fits reasonably well, but candidly I liked the Signet Q better than the X.

I had a Shoei several years back that was far too round for my head, and I had an issue with it pressing too firmly into the center of my forehead. I have a Bell Moto III I wear occassionaly that actually fits really well, and they are considered intermediate oval. Other than Arai, I know Icon and LS2 are more long oval. I did own am Icon but didn't love it, and LS2 always seemed kind of cheap.

Are there any premium helmets out there that fit like an Arai Signet?

I have mostly been familiar with neurodiversity in the past, but never thought much about it. However, about a year ago, I was struggling with some things, and at the time was dating a woman (a big source of my struggles!!) who identified as neurodiverse. After hearing her talk about it frequently, and expressing her opinion that I was neurodiverse, I decided to get diagnosed. The process took several weeks, with hours of questionnaires I had to fill out, and several sessions with the diagnosing therapist. When my diagnosis came in, I was kind of shocked that I scored incredibly high for a handful of diagnosis'. The scores, and the in depth explanation of all of it was compelling, and very closely aligned with what I have experienced throughout my life, especially when I was younger and in school. Way back then, neurodiverse wasn't a common consideration, and I just did the best I could, perpetually in trouble at school and elsewhere.

Now that I understand my tendencies so much better, I have been able to make some adjustments that have helped tremendously. And when I am working from home, working on projects, and doing my thing, everything is pretty good. Unfortunately, when I am around people, and in social settings, everything is infinitely harder. I can "mask" (I hate that term, even if it is accurate) for a while, and I have learned how to behave like "normal" people. But it is exhausting, and I grow tired of too much socializing quickly.

On dates, shortly after my diagnosis, I tried sharing that, which never had the desired outcome. I was just honestly trying to share about what made me, me. But I learned quickly to keep that to myself in the early stages of dating. So I went back to saying what I thought normal people would say. The problem with all of this is I rarely feel like myself. And the nerdy, analytical side of me can be overwhelming to people. Invariably, even though I try hard to keep my shit in check, I see a look in peoples eyes that makes me think they hate me. Some of that is an anxiety thing, but in other ways it genuinely is hard for me to relate to people.

Is anyone else out there dating with these traits and having any success? I struggle with being me because I worry I am too much for people, but also find it difficult to act normal without coming off like I am someone I am not.

I'm getting ready for my annual trip down the west coast of the US, and am setting up my new Mosko Reckless 80 luggage. Last year I used the KTM hard cases, which were ok, but bulky, heavy, and not really what I was looking for. Hard cases also eliminate any chance of lane-splitting in California, where I could selectively pull that off with the Mosko. I added the Nomad ADV rear rack, Mosko Gnoblin, and the NOMAD ADV side racks designed for the R80 luggage. I can't wait to hit the road!

Nomad ADV Racks

Mosko Reckless 80

Mosko R80 w/Stinger 22

I am ordering the Alpine 30L roll top duffle to swap out the Stinger 22. I will be on the road for 10 days, and carrying shoes and armored jeans and shirt for riding to dinner etc. ends up being bulky. Other than that, a quart of oil, tools, my laptop, etc. and it all adds up. I also added one Aux Pox (4L) to the left side. And Molle Pouches to the panels on top of the R80 legs. As far as weight goes, I travel pretty light, but all the gadgets (tire inflator, portable jump starter, tools) take up valuable space, and the molle pouches and auxillary pocket give those places a home.

Here is the bike last year with the KTM hard cases, and Kriega US 30l and 10L drybags on the tail.

https://preview.redd.it/nbg9e22m48zg1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4aa6cd2c1d8e4ec67fd1cc41e3e3eba6fc2031a7

Old ceiling and fan

Loft Area Before

Living Room with Chandelier

Loft with new Light Fixture

The old version of my living area felt very sterile with all the sheetrock, and needed an upgrade to take advantage of the big window wall and view onto Forest Service Land. I am not a fan of ceiling fans, and this chandelier really helped tie everything together!