Trauma from Medication
I (32F) have been struggling with intense regret, guilt, and shame about seeking mental health support and taking medication I never really wanted.
Over the past few years, I experienced a lot of stress at work due to conflicts between colleagues and management, a toxic atmosphere, and high staff turnover. Last year, I was unexpectedly told that my position would be eliminated.
I was overwhelmed and anxious, so I decided to see a mental health counselor through my GP. I mainly wanted someone to talk to and advice on how to cope with my work situation.
Because I mentioned having trouble sleeping, the counselor quickly suggested sleeping pills. No non-medication alternatives were discussed.
I had never taken sleeping medication before and felt uncomfortable about it, but I froze during the conversation and went along with the advice.
My GP prescribed a benzodiazepine (temazepam) After just a short period, I developed severe physical symptoms I had never experienced before, including shortness of breath, heart palpitations, severe panic attacks, and ataxia.
When I reported them, I was prescribed ambien instead, which made things worse. I even started experiencing strange jolts in my head.
My GP then suggested switching to the antidepressant mirtazapine. I said I didn’t want antidepressants, but eventually let myself be convinced.
I developed unexplained large bruises and visual disturbances, including eye floaters.
After experiencing these side effects, other medications were suggested, including Zoloft, an SSRI antidepressant, and Seroquel, an antipsychotic that was suggested off-label for sleep.
By that point, I had already experienced so many unpleasant reactions to different medications that I no longer wanted to try anything else. I refused Zoloft and Seroquel.
What made this experience even more distressing was that I often felt dismissed and not taken seriously when I reported my side effects. Both my GP and mental health counselor told me they had never heard of someone reacting so severely to these medications.
Instead of feeling heard and supported, I felt like my concerns were being minimized, while I kept being offered different medications despite the reactions I was experiencing.
Only afterward was I offered an online sleep program and psychological support, which was exactly what I had wanted in the first place.
I’ve now been off all medication for seven months, but I still haven’t recovered. I experience daily headaches, dizziness, tinnitus, and popping sensations in my ears. My physical health and fitness have deteriorated significantly.
Before all this, I exercised four times a week, including Hyrox and spinning. Now I can barely exercise, and my symptoms have seriously affected my ability to work.
I’ve tried several treatments, including acupuncture, hypnotherapy, psychosomatic physiotherapy, and psychological counseling. I recently started cognitive behavioral therapy after waiting almost a year.
What hurts the most is that I trusted my healthcare providers, yet I keep blaming myself for not listening to my instincts and setting stronger boundaries.
I recently also learned about pharmacogenetic testing, and I wish I had known about it before starting medication.
I originally sought help to cope with work stress, but now I feel like I’ve lost my health, fitness, ability to work, and trust in healthcare.
How can I accept what happened and move forward when I’m still dealing with physical symptoms every single day?