Starting to question if I am actually an “alcoholic”
200 days sober today.
It started as Dry January and just kind of never ended.
For the last 200 days, I’ve told everyone that I’m “sober” and that I was “addicted to alcohol.” Lately though, I’ve started wondering if that was actually true.
For some context: I never drank at work or during the week. I could go weeks without drinking if the opportunity didn’t present itself. Alcohol never really affected my life, aside from the occasional argument with my SO when I drank too much.
But when I did drink, I usually got drunk—and sometimes beyond that. It wasn’t uncommon for me to drink at home alone while playing video games or watching sports. It also wasn’t uncommon for me to pregame before going out with friends or keep drinking after I got home.
I’ve recently started attending some recovery meetings and communities, and hearing other people’s stories has made me question whether I really had a problem. Compared to a lot of what I’ve heard, my experience feels very different.
I also have some big life events coming up that I’d like to have a drink at. Part of me is fully confident I could drink for those occasions and then quit again afterward.
Has anyone else gone through this line of thinking? Have you ever questioned whether you actually had a problem after getting sober? Or have you ever given yourself “free passes” for certain events? How did it turn out?