u/Massive_Towel_3419

Update: Wow! Thank you so much for all of your comments and advice. I did end up sending the gift today and paid extra 🤷‍♀️

I think the next birthday or holiday that comes I’ll go about it differently…by not taking on the responsibility.

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Is there an unwritten rule that a wife is expected to remember every birthday on their husband’s side of the family and buy gifts for them, write in cards and mail gifts out?

My husband, has never once thought about buying gifts or cards for birthdays for his family, except his brother. It’s always been on me.

His grandmother’s birthday is this week, I bought gifts and I asked him to please mail them out while he has been out running errands or on his way to work. I’ve asked him nicely 4 times on 4 different days. And then when I get frustrated that it hasn’t been done, he gets mad at me and says that he doesn’t need to be spoken to like a child…but how do I get through to him??? It really seems like he doesn’t care, he is so apathetic when it comes to his family’s birthdays, or other holidays.

BUT when it is his birthday or Christmas, he has a list of things he wants and wants to give that list to people. Or when he doesn’t get something he wants he gets disappointed and mopey, or sometimes downright mad and annoyed that someone got him a gift he didn’t want.

His mother is the one that gets gifts for the family, his dad doesn’t do that stuff, so maybe it’s just because of that? Same with my grandmothers and mother, all the women always get the gifts and make efforts to think of people and make them feel special.

Is this the norm for women? Why? I work full time, have a house to manage, and I’m a mom too. I have so much other stuff to remember. But if I don’t do it someone doesn’t get thought of and I feel like it reflects poorly on me, or both of us, not just my husband. How can I change this and get my husband to care?

Grandma’s gift has still not been sent and now I will need to take time away from work, send it and spend extra to get it there on time.

TLDR: Does the expectation fall on women in the family to buy gifts for their husband’s family. How do we shift that?

My company is in need of a business travel tracking tool. We need to be able to report on when our employees are traveling for business and where they travel to.

We are currently tracking remote work using a time off plan, with time off reasons as different locations. We could do something similar for this, especially since our employees are already used to it, but I’m looking for other ideas.

Does anyone else track travel for business that is easy for employees to use? Is there anything that integrates with workday?

If you are no contact with your parents, are you an only child or do you have siblings?

Is it a red flag that an experienced nanny does not have a desired rate and does not care about how much they get paid? We are in the process of looking for a nanny at a relatively lower rate than what we pay now. One candidate we really like has said she does not care about the money and is ok getting paid whatever. She said that all she wants to do is nanny and money doesn’t matter to her. Is this a red flag? My mind immediately goes to her having ulterior motives, but I’m a paranoid person and want to know if others might also think it’s weird?

Nannies - have you ever been employed by a family that had a long term nanny, and the children were very attached to the old nanny? How did you and the children handle that transition?

Nanny employers - how do you handle the transition when you get a new nanny? How have your children handled it?

We have a 19 month old, our nanny found a teaching job and will be leaving in a couple of months. We’re trying to learn the best ways to help our child cope losing someone she is very attached to and used to seeing 40 hours a week, and feel comfortable with someone new. Our current nanny has been with us since our baby was 6 months old, over a year.

The current childcare situation we have for our daughter will be changing soon. I have so many concerns and just want my daughter to feel safe and for her needs to be met.

I (34F) live in the US. I am incredibly lucky to have spent the first 6 months with our daughter before going back to work. I’m also lucky to work from home. At 6 months we hired an in home nanny. The nanny comes to our house during my working hours. I’m able to come out and hang out with my daughter a few times throughout the day, give her hugs, check in on what they are up to. It’s a really good situation.

My student loan payments will be increasing by an additional $1,000 a month, and we’ll no longer be able to afford our nanny at the rate we are paying her. It just so happens before we found out about the increased payment that she landed a teaching job. Teaching was always her plan, and we are very happy for her, and I’m so glad she got the job just as we found out we would no longer be able to pay her what we do now.

Our nanny has been with us for over a year now, my daughter loves her so much we do too.

We’ve posted a full time nanny position at a lower rate and we’ve received a few applicants, the current situation we have now would be ideal, at least for another year or so.

We are also trying to keep our options open, and have considered a part time nanny, and a couple of half days of daycare. If we have her enrolled in daycare, and the nanny is sick or on vacation we could bring our daughter there if they have space on those days. It’s been tough taking days last minute due to our nanny being ill. It’s doable, but it would be nice to have a fallback option.

This transition will happen once our daughter is almost 21 months old.

Here are my concerns:

1. How our daughter will cope suddenly losing someone who has cared for her 40 hours a week. Someone who she is attached to.
2. Her not feeling safe at daycare.
3. The transition to a new nanny, what some of the differences will be.
4. Our daughter’s personality and behavior changing due to all of this change and not feeling safe or like things are consistent.
5. That the attachment we have built in her 19 months of life will become strained.

How can we ensure she feels safe and make this transition as seamless as possible?

I would love to be a stay at home mom for a couple of years, but I’m the breadwinner of the family and need to work.

Does anyone here have a spouse who is no contact with their parents but you still have a relationship with your in laws? If so do you have a healthy relationship with your spouse? Are children involved?

Edit with context:

Biggest overall reason for considering this- fear.

Two distinct reasons:

1. There is a grandchild involved and my in laws have threatened to petition for grandparents visitation.

I don’t want a court mandating any kind of visits.

3. There are family members we would like to have a relationship with and keep in our lives, but they avoid seeing us because it would mean my in laws getting angry at them. My in laws only want a relationship with our child now, they don’t care to have a relationship with us, so it might just be easier to give them some kind of limited relationship if it meant we wouldn’t be isolated from the rest of the family. I be willing to be the person to make that happen, my husband cannot.

I want to hear from other people’s experiences and if this is possible without souring your relationship with your spouse. This has been one of my main concerns, I wouldn’t our relationship to suffer, and ultimately our child’s, to make his parents happy. I just want to hear if anyone else has gone through this.