u/Miserable-Bicycle128

My ex messaged me 2 weeks ago with a huge apology and desire to see me again because she missed me and our 'frienship'.

We talked pretty much every day after that and saw each other a few times. We cuddled, joked and had deep chats.

She has been in therapy for childhood trauma since April, which I had no idea about and was going to suggest she seek harder.

Apparently this therapist has told her she cannot be in a relationship and to seek new people for surface level relations etc.

She kept saying she can only offer me friendship, but her actions (like inviting me into her bed to cuddle, running her hands down my chest etc) showed she wanted more than that. She even said she considered not going ahead with the divorce.

I asked her whether she saw me as a safety net or something worth fighting for. She said neither but she has love for me. She said I am the right person for her just at the wrong time.

She is still talking to and seeing other people just for sex.

Was this a breadcrumb to see whether I am still available?

My ex an I split in December 2025 and I moved out at the end of April.

We were married 1 year and it was less of a breakup and more of a discard.

At the time she said she did not want a relationship at all ever and never wanted to live with anyone again.

Well, a few months on and guess who has just got into a new relationship with someone she works with. He is 17 years older than her and has literally just got out of a decade long relationship where he was engaged. Like a seamless transition between leaving his ex and walking through the front door to me ex.

My ex went from wanting her independence and freedom without a relationship to wanting to settle down with someone in the blink of an eye.

Its validation. That's all it is. He gives her validation because he has no idea about her habits, financial situation or narcissistic tendencies.

It won't last and when it does die I bet everything I have she tries to come back to me. She was already preparing to between the last bloke she was seeing and this one.

It still hurts, though. It hurts a lot. I know she still has feelings for me and is just seeking attention from a man who is rebounding hard.

Like I said. Good luck to them, they are going to need it.

My STBXW filed for divorce in February (UK) and we have been living separately since April.

In that time I was blocked on social media but she unblocked me last week. I haven't sent any friend requests to reconnect.

We have both been dating but when she found out I was dating she told me she didn't like hearing it and that is what pushed her to go on a date.

I don't believe that for a second but I do believe it made her feel jealous.

Since I told her that she has been warmer when we have interacted (no hugs or anything) and she has been more inquisitive about my life and family.

When she starts a conversation it lasts longer, but when I do it lasts a few messages and ends quickly.

She recently divulged to a mutual friend that she wants to settle down with someone, which is the complete opposite of what she told me previously. This coincides pretty good with her unblocking me.

She also asked this friend if she is dateable and they said no because she refuses to resolve her trauma. Someone who is successfully dating doesn't need to ask that.

We don't talk a lot but when we do it is getting less and less logistical. She has even made some sexual innuendos (loose ones) and brought back a couple inside jokes and word spellings we used to use. Even started putting 'x' at the end of some of her messages again.

I feel like I am being held as an option if it doesn't work out but I really don't know.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

UK. Just over a month until stage 2 of the divorce.

Today I took her son out for a day and spent pretty much the whole day at her place with both her and her son.

We have been speaking about dates and what we have been up to, and a little about the divorce itself.

I told her I has been seeing someone casually. I know she has too, but from this I noticed a pattern. When I am seeing someone she gets jealous and projects her self image of confidence harder on socials. I am blocked on insta and fb, but today she randomly started posting stories on whatsapp. She has never done that before.

The stories she posted are self confidence things of her walking around and going to the gym.

She posted a story with pictures of my day out (with me in them) but didn't put that one on whatsapp.

I still have her on tik tok and noticed she reposts on there about self confidence and reflection of who she was 18 months ago compared to now (like 'the person I was 18 months ago would be proud of me today' type things).

These things only come up when she learns something about my life that signal me moving on.

The things I am doing are the same things she has been doing, I just don't post about any of it.

We usually joke about or past and our previous sex life came up. She said she doesn't remember it and has blocked it out of her memory, which is entirely contradictory of what things she has said to me less than a month ago. This compared to little physical actions she had been doing like bending over in front of me suggestively is quite weird.

The topic of divorce proceedings came up briefly as it is just over a month until stage 2 of the process. I asked if she was going to sort things as soon as they came up and she saw no reason why not and made some jokes which were quite hurtful. She clarified she was joking and I said I know but I still feel things. All she had to say was 'that makes one of us'.

A lot of what she does is contradictory. I know she is not emotionally indifferent to me. She is trying so hard to portray herself that she is but it's clear she isn't. Since she found out I had been going on dates a few weeks ago she has been more interested in my personal life. If we bump into each other on the street she asks about my family, recalls details and events for them etc., asks what I got up to and who with. She didn't care about any of this before and wouldn't even ask how my day had been.

It's a mindfuck and it hurts but I try my best not to show her that. If she tells me about dates I am supportive and joke. When I told her about my first date a few weeks ago she later told me she didn't like hearing about it but still asks.

She even referred to the woman I have been seeing as my girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend and I have only been seeing her for a week.

I don't know what to think. It's all mind games where no one wins in the end.

Why would someone who doesn't want to be with you be so affected by what you do after you're done in the relationship?

Do you fucking want me or not?

UK. Just under 2 months from second stage of divorce.

I have been in my own place for 2 months.

For months and months she has been telling me she is not interested in dating but as soon as she asked if I had been on one and I said I had she decided she didn't like it and thought she would go find one too.

Well, apparently that was a lie. She has been dating multiple men a week for some time, even leaving her 11yo son (shared custody with the dad) at home alone on school nights to go out on dates.

There have been times she has had men over for the weekend while her 13yo daughter is in the next room. Drinking and fucking all weekend.

She has even left the bloke alone in the house with the daughter while she goes out on a run.

Not only all this but she has been going around telling her sons dad and step mum about all these dates while her son is stood next to her. Bragging, going into detail and causing trauma in the process.

For someone that hates lying she sure does lie a lot. And to say she didn't like hearing I went on a date despite going on multiple herself is so selfish and manipulative.

No wonder no one has sided with her and thinks she is fucked up.

Multiple people have separately told me they see a crash coming. Like a mental/nervous crash. They've seen it before and this is the same pattern.

Yeah, she has childhood trauma. Bad trauma. But guess who she is mirroring. The same person who have her that trauma. Now she is passing it onto her kids.

Her son misses me. We still spend time together occasionally because he wants to. She asks him whether he is OK with her dating and of course he is going to say yes. Not sure he realises that multiple times a week and leaving him alone on school nights is not ok.

If she ever comes back she better go to fucking therapy and get herself sorted because there is no way she can think I would jump at the chance to take her back in her current state.

How selfish, narcissistic and avoidant do you have to be for her to think what she is doing is a good thing?

Not that I don't want her to date but to go around lying about it, bringing kids into it and making it look like she is thriving is such a fucked up thing.

She can't see it but she is a cancer right now. She is hurting everyone around her because she pushes them away while having no regrets about it. Those closest to her don't know her anymore.

5 bridesmaids at the wedding. She only has 1 on her side and that is her daughter and only because she is 13 and doesn't have a choice.

Just wow. Who the fuck are you, because whoever you are is not the person I married.

I am worried for my ex. She seems to have taken a turn after I moved out and is displaying signs of a mental episode.

There have been a few people discuss this with me (no longer get invoved) and say they have seen this before and believe she is undiagnosed bipolar.

She is in prozac and is either taking it as prescribed for depression (not good for bipolar) or has stopped taking it altogether recently (also not good).

I am concerned but have some telling me to keep an eye on her and others telling me to step away and not worry about it.

I feel I can't step back in good conscience.

When she comes down off the hypomania I want to be there to help her seek what she needs.

She has made some decisions that could be damaging not only to her kids but to her. Things like going out drinking more often and potential drug use. I can't confirm drug use but she has a history of recreational drug use and one of her friends does it too.

She blocked me on socials after I showed some concern but kept contact open via our number.

Apparently when she eventually comes down she will unblock me and be more open to discussion. This is what I have been told by fanily that no longer get involved.

She doesn't see a problem right now and thinks she is on top of the world.

Is me being concerned and wanting to help eventually the right thing?

It seems no one else bothers anymore but I can't seem to understand how you can sit idly by and watch it happen again and again.

So I went and saw my ex today. Its been about a month since I moved out. I moved a few town over so in total about an hour away.

She wanted the divorce back in December.

I noticed the house is a lot less clean, bins aren't taken out, clothes are piling up and she doesn't make her bed anymore like she used to every day.

I have been making really good personal progress and can honestly say I haven't been struggling. I take care of myself, focus on my health and eat well. Through all that I have also been losing weight and making other positive changes.

She told me she struggles some days and is taking each day at a time because it is a big change.

I see she isn't as bright and bubbly as she used to be and definitely not as much as the immediate couple months after she initiated the separation.

She is distracting herself with work (which started wity her being so happy in the job and getting a big head to now being unhappy in it) and new things but when I asked her what those new things were she could only mention one thing and tbh it wasn't even really new.

The space where I had all my work stuff is still bare despite there being furniture she wanted to put back.

Things are just left around the house and she looks to only clean the bare minimum.

This isn't usually her. She usually loves a clean house.

I think she is struggling a lot and possibly seeing me be independent and not struggling is contributing. She originally said one of the things that made her lose attraction was that I wasn't independent. I guess she didn't know me well enough and didn't see just how much I was holding the house up.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel a little satisfied, even happy. I also hope it makes her realise my worth more and brings her back around to the idea of not divorcing.

Either way, I am keeping my place and if she wants me back I can do some things for her to relieve some stress.

Time will tell, but I can say right now I don't think this is the picture she had in her head when she said she wanted me to find my own place.

Edit: a couple spelling mistakes

Initially when she said she wanted a divorce and after a couple months it was filed, I was sold that she was cheating on me. She swore it was just a friend and now I know he is just a friend.

I actually spoke to him today as I went around to her place to drop off some stuff for her birthday and pick up some other stuff. He is interested in another woman and is waiting for his time with her. That woman is interested in him too.

My STBXW hugged me twice. On her own accord. A hug that wasn't shallow or forced. It was a hug that was tighter than usual and showed appreciation not only for her birthday gifts but I felt because she missed me. Before I left the house she never initiated a hug and only offered if I was upset.

I know she isn't ready to date and feels guilt when she has been asked by men, although I wouldn't hate her if she did. In fact, I think if she dated it could be beneficial.

She invited me to come around again on Monday, again off her own accord.

I am keeping my distance and not initiating contact but in a couple months I want to ask her of she wants to go back to the beginning and start all over again. Start dating me and taking things at a pace she is comfortable at while maintaining our own homes and lives.

I hope she says yes to this because I know she still loves me and I can hear excitement in her voice when I mention things I want to get into.

I am understanding better what went wrong and what needs to be done, and I hope through my actions she can see I am changing. I hope she takes the time and some motivation through me to do the same.

The divorce can still go ahead. I don't need a piece of paper to show my love for her and maybe being married is too much and we can do the same without the official part of it.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and sticking to the plan. No initiating contact or being overbearing, doing better for myself and showing my growth.

My DA ex wife and I are no longer in the same house and have been pretty minimal contact for a little while. Contact has been mainly in person.

I noticed that if I don't message during the day she will find something to message me about usually around 3pm in the afternoon or maybe a little later.

For example, when I had my first night in my new place she asked my friend to check on me but then asked me herself later that day. I had not contacted her that day.

Usually she messages about things she never used to like whether her kids are home yet, or that they got off to school ok (because I am home when they leave) or something rather mundane that she didn't message about before.

I am trying to low contact/no reach out method but I am worried that by her messaging at some point almost every day it will keep resetting the clock.

I have been careful to bit reply instantly and let it cook for a little while before I do.

Does anyone know what this might mean on her part and what I should do about it?

My wife of 1 year is divorcing me and we are in the process. We still get along fine, but she doesn't spend time with me at all. It isn't because she doesn't like me but because she is distracting herself from everything else that is going on.

She says she just isn't cut out for relationships and flipped the script from me being the problem to her being the problem after the relief phase passed.

I know she hurts too but she is hiding it so well. It has to come out at some point.

I want her back so bad. I know from her childhood she is predisposed to be an avoidant and her way of staying sane is to get rid of me.

She knows I want her but I really need her to know that I am happy to be with her every step of the way through her healing journey.

I move out today. I will no longer be a part of the household and everything I did will fall to her. The jobs I handled, financial, keeping on top of everything.

It will take its toll and I want to be there to catch her when it all falls down but I know thats not healthy or the way to get her back.

She does still love me, this I know. She says so herself. She says she is not attracted to me, though. That part is hard to understand especially after the things she used to say to me.

I don't want to go full no contact in case that sends the wrong message but I don't want to be on the type of contact we used to be. I'm just not sure how to go about that.

I want to spend days out with her and her kids, do fun things and show her that I am the person she wants. After all, she knows who I really am even if we got bogged down in life shit.

What is the best way to go about this without moving too quick or soon?

She is not dating or seeing anyone at all. She isn't interested in that and maintained that I was her last chance. In her words "she really wanted it to be me". I truly believe deep down she still does.