You know those horror movies with a prodigy struggling to be on top and then they make a deal with a dark entity which will essentially destroy their life but it will get them the one thing they really really want.
Yeah, I think there's nothing horror in it. As long as I get this seat, I think I can manage other horrors in life easily.
🥀 I am completely cooked.
So I am aware that you can take a shower, wash your head and continue your sadhna from 5th day onwards and I've done that previously but this thursday was my 5 th day and I was somehow bleeding heavily so I skipped my Maa tara sadhna and skipped the fast as well.
The guilt is bothering me and I'll be continuing my sadhna again from this Thursday which will be my 11th thursday but I just need insights on whether I can continue normally and consider this the 11th thrusday or do I need to start over again as first?
I used to meditate quite a lot a few years ago because I was a very dedicated student and I wanted to have 100% focus while studying. Often times I would skip sleeping altogether and just rely on meditation to relax my body. Even if any part of my body hurt, I'd get over it via meditation i.e I'd just focus on where it was hurting and then it'd stop hurting. I didn't know what this was, and now I realise that I was being aware. Aware of my body, my thoughts. It worked fantastically because I was an exceptional prodigy in my class of thousands (it was a competitive exam class).
Anyway, I got what I wanted and let myself go. I forgot how to do that and didn't really need to do it again because studying wasn't that important anymore.
Fast forward to now, I started meditation and learned about the power of awareness and realised what all this was.
But I am just unable to achieve it now, I get good 3-4 days where I feel pure bliss, peace. It's not happiness really, it's just...me realising that this body and mind aren't me and I am just a comfortable dreamer.. dreaming of this reality/3D which is just a dream. So the thoughts, the illness, nothing really bothers me even tho they're happening to this body and mind.
I am however unable to hold this state.
I sleep and wake up and then this world seems to pull me in. I become the body, this mind becomes MY mind.. everything dissolves.
How do I let go of this? Why do I've such a hard time, why am I unable to separate myself and hold that in? Is there anything I can do?
feel so insecure about everything right now. I don't even know how it is happening on day 3 of my periods because usually this feeling of impending doom goes away as soon as I get my periods.
I feel so unworthy of everything and I can't help but cry for everything that has ever gone wrong in my life. I can't find even a single thing to be grateful for right now. I do have a loving partner but I can't help but think that he is only with me because I was so convenient, I was at the right place at the right time so we started dating and are together for a year now.
I feel like he only "settled" for me and logically I know that this is all just my pmdd brain feeding me negative margin delusions but ughhh.
I can't even say anything to him because he genuinely loves and cares for me but I am stuck in the past and I keep thinking that he only loves me now because he has gotten to know me so well and we're so compatible.
But it he didn't know me, as in if he had the option of dating other girls back then when we started dating, then he would have gone for someone else for sure.
I also have to keep my brain relaxed because I need to study for my exam (equivalent to Mcat basically) which is by the end of this month.
I was all okay till yesterday and I don't know why I feel this way all of a sudden. I am trying so hard to keep myself sane but nothing is working.
I had coffee, I drank a L theanine rich tea but nothing is working.
I don't know how to deal with this.
Is there any particular reason for this?
It's always taught to keep it a secret, I remember in a video when Rn said that his friend got a mantra from a random lady whispering in his ear. Later in another video he repeated the same experience except he didn't mention a friend but himself.
I suppose that's because you're not supposed to share these things with people and if you want to then you've to make a pretext like that of a friend.
And a lot of things are meant to kept gupt, I suppose one reason could be so that common people don't attempt it as it can be a bit dangerous without proper guidance but I think there has to be something else, something more.
I've been doing Ma Tara sadhna for a while now and decided that gupt navratri 36 mala of her mantra would be a good addition.
I did it successfully easily even for 5 days and then my mother visited me (she visits every weekend and I live alone). That day I did the sadhna sharp at 4 am before she could wake up but I put the bhog in poojaghar and forgot. She woke up and found it and she already suspects I do sadhna because..eh whatever and she asked me what the bhog was for and did I light a diya at night or something.
Anyway, I couldn't finish the mala properly next day, I got so tired. The same happened afterwards and I just stopped and didn't finish. I hadn't taken a sankalp but I wanted to do it out of bhakti bhav.
I also noticed that I was very positive and full of energy on days when I successfully finished the malas (the first five days), I've autoimmune condition so chronic fatigue is something normal to me but suddenly I wasn't so tired anymore.
I am back to feeling fatigued and tired now.
I don't know what went wrong, I know it's my own fault but I feel...soo upset.
I am still doing the 16 thursdays but the positive effects on those 5 days were just something else, man. Don't ask me why but they weren't placebo, they were absolutely real.
I guess I can only ask for forgiveness and continue the thursdays atleast.
I love masterchow's chilli oil but it's out of stock on blinkit in my area and Moi soi has a good offer.
Is the Moi soi sichuan (pale orange coloured) one comparable to masterchow's or does it suck?
So I've been feeling really hell-ish since yesterday and I don't know what to do. I've a huge stack and I already took methylphenidate and Salbutiamine yesterday. I take memantine 1 mg daily too.
The thing is that methylphenidate has put me in a calm state where I know that if I pick up my chores (studying) then I'd be able to do it but I don't know what's wrong with my brain all of a sudden, man!
I can't muster the courage to get up from my bed and my body isn't tired, my brain isn't foggy thanks to my stack but I can't get up.
I did have a little bit of a traumatic incident yesterday and it has put me in this anxious without palpitations or physical symptoms kinda state and I can't muster the courage to get over it.
is there anything at all that can help me rn?
According to old protocol, the management was explorative laparatomy regardless of Patient's hemodynamic status.
According to modern protocol, if patient is stable then do CT and if unstable then sx.
Altho this was only mentioned once in one of the dams dvt.
I didn't see any questions on this specific question and ZV also has explorative lap regardless of status in her notes.
Which one is the correct option?
Does anyone know the reason for the outage or have any information on when the power is expected to be restored?
This extreme garmi will k*ll me fr.
How was 2014 for y'all?
I am not counting last year's brief transit because it was just for a few months.
What about 2014, given saturn was exalted in Libra back then as well so that must've had a huge impact.
Tbf I am not exactly hopeful because eh, it should've started showing it's effects already and nothing good is happening for me personally at all even though years between 2014-2018 were pretty great for me.