Hello, everyone, for October, I like to run a Dread oneshot and am looking for interested players. It is a very simple but effective rpg which replaces dice rolls with pulls from a jenga tower to naturally build anticipation and suspense. If you are interested and would be available either the weekends of the 16th-18th or 23rd-25th, let me know. We would play at Down To Game during their business hours.
Finale
Fight 5A: https://pastebin.com/UxsV629v
Junior (managed by SlitherPapi) stomps out into the arena in full adamantine armor, covered from head to toe in the protective blue metal as chants of “Akur Akir Akam” fill the arena. Clutched in his hands are both a steel and iron crossbow, as his divine metal one seemingly went missing due to the advances of an amorous fan. The giver of death to Guy Ape, the death of DeadHead the Menacing devil, the grave maker of Grekk, and the murderer of Mâtzang Sethal Udos, this pond turtle man is determined to redeem his family legacy, no matter how much everyone laughs at him!
Marchae March (managed by Eris235) makes his traditional entrance, soaring in as he strums a tune on his stringed adamantine crossbow. He continues to rely only on his brilliant feathers to adorn him, though this time he also sports a billed adamantine cap, cocked at a stylish angle to further show off. Shooting a derisive look at Junior, he once more springs into song “Yo daddy was Papi the Penetrator/Though the way he spent money I’d call him more of a liquidator/Yo Momma was Ali Mony who wanted everything nice and gucci/But compared to her you’re an even bigger coochie”
Squealing in rage, Junior unloads on Marchae March as he soars through the air, but the archaeoptryx man soars through the ether and around his bolts as if they aren’t even there. Returning fire, he scores three hits directly on Junior’s head with his adamantine bolts, but the adamantine helm of Junior refuses to give, merely rattling the brains of the angered reptile. Junior slowly but surely strides towards the rapidly moving Marchae March, taking hits to his legs and arms as well, but his arm allows him to ignore this ineffectual rain of fire.
As he closes the distance, he drops to one knee, and fires an iron bolt that punches straight through Marchae March’s left wing, dropping him to the ground with an indignant squawk. Firing from the ground, Marchae March continues to fire shots the strike true, but fail to do any damage to his foe. Stomping closer and closer like a ghost made of ice, Junior fires again, his bolt burying itself into the bird man’s belly. As Marchae March gasps in shock, a second bolt punches through his mouth and into his skull, causing him to topple to the ground dead. Congratulations on your victory in the 11th annual gladiator tournament Junior! But can you claim the championship?
Championship
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/wfVNvHxS
After finishing off Marchae March, Junior loads up on a fresh batch of bolts and turns to face his opponent. As the gate of the champion opens beneath the announcer’s podium, the crowd cheers, and begins to wave banners of blue and purple. Waddling out into the sun is the short, rotund figure of Mr. unFun Guy. This mute mycelium man carved his way through the arena last year, before replacing Logem Branchsyrup as the Grand Champion. Along the way, he also happened to slay Junior’s deadbeat mother, Ali Mony. Will the son do any better than his mother?
At the ring of the bell, Mr. unFun Guy unsheathes his dagger in one quick motion while running at Junior, lowering his mushroom capped adamantine helm to act as a shield as bolts plink off of it like rain off an umbrella! Quickly closing the distance, Mr. unFun Guy goes for a lightning quick disemboweling strike, but his knife only scrapes off of Junior’s adamantine mail shirt, throwing up blue sparks! Tackling Junior, Mr. unFun Guy next tries to stab him in the eye, but the thrashing pond turtle man throws him off of him, and lets off a bolt at the plump helmet man’s unarmored foot, tearing off a chunk of mycelium that sends him toppling to the ground.
The two continue to tussle on the ground, as Mr. unFun Guy’s stabs seem unable to penetrate Junior’s armored defense, while Junior’s bolts continue to merely irritate instead of mortally wound his foe. But Mr. unFun Guy seems to be losing his temper now, as with a swift right hook, he catches Junior on the cheek with a punch, sending his head back with a resounding crack that leaves him collapsed on the arena floor. As his crossbows topple from his numb hands, the crowd looks to the bell, but as it fails to sound, it is quickly realized that the turtle man still lives!
Junior can only watch in numb horror as Mr. unFun Guy’s dagger descends again and again, probing for weaknesses in his armor and shell, seeking to shed his blood onto the sacred floor of the arena. Unfortunately for Mr. unFun Guy (and Armok), Junior’s armor seems practically impenetrable, and the only noise that fills the arena aside from the striking of metal on metal is the wheezing of Junior as he struggles more and more to breathe with his damaged neck. Finally, Junior draws his last breath, staring into the blank smile of Mr. unFun Guy, which he carved into his own face to celebrate his last victory.
Congratulations on being the reigning grand champion for two years in a row Mr. unFun Guy! Only time will tell if you can reach the fabled third year which has remained stubbornly out of reach for even some of our most infamous victors such as Paul the Pulverizer and Molorus!
Fights run by Nekkowe! and written up by Mkhos
_______________________
Betting
Bettors placed 193 gold on Marchae Marche, and 100 on Junior. With Junior's win, his manager, SlitherPapi, ended up as the richest Urist of the tournament with 668 gold.
_______________________
Well folks, that’s all. We hope you enjoyed it. On my end of things, I will personally be stepping down as the tournament organizer, as my life has become busier now. I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this tournament, but especially my fellow organizers. QuantumDrop helped to write the first round (always the most arduous), and Thazzeus and Nekkowe! worked hard to write a script/mod that could automate a lot of the fight setup that took up time in the past. I hope that they, and others, will be able to continue this. Farwell.
-Mkhos
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/WhDpPzem
As the crowd mutters and murmurs to itself before the grand finale, teams of dwarves lug coffins of bloodthorn out into the center of the arena. Laying out the 30 coffins evenly spaced from one another, the workers hurried retreat from the bodies of the unlucky, lest any of their taint spread to them. As the workers exit the arena, a group of 5 dwarves cloaked in red enters the arena. Standing at the center, the dwarf raises his arms to the sky, and begins to intone a solemn prayer.
“Oh mighty Armok, forger and smelter of worlds, father of us all, we hope that these games have filled your goblet and filled your halls with worthy heroes. We humbly request that you allow them to leave but for a moment, and entertain your children, and yourself once more. Let blood pay for blood!”
Drawing a knife, the priest slits his palm open, allowing red blood to seep from it as he clenches his fingers, dripping it on the ground. As the first drops hit the floor of the arena, the ground trembles, and the lids of the bloodthorn coffins tremble. With a *WHAM* one lid flies off, as Sir Dungûk the Tall clambers out of his coffin, his mangled skull reforming underneath his fur. Others follow, as limbs reattach themselves, bolts are pulled out of heads, and fatal cuts reknit themselves. As the last gladiators emerge, the priests bow, and exit the arena once more, though not as quickly as the workers.
Well gladiators, you know what you’re here for. Begin!
At the ring of the bell, Petunia the Pouncer decides she wants no part in this and retreats into her shell! Whiskey blood draws first blood, as he plunges his dagger into Vinny Viashino’s chest. The arena descends into pure, bloody, chaos!
115: Vinny Viashino is decapitated by Whiskey Blood
218: Ivan is decapitated by Dodok
249: Bobby’s head is hacked off by Al Boar
447: Sir Gregory von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane bleeds to death after being cut up by Whiskey Blood and the Silent Slicer
463: Vucar Sazirastel is decapitated by WASP
497: Guy Ape is stabbed in the head by Ogtha
573: Tapioca is stabbed in the head by the Silent Slicer
602: Humboldt Brugglebups caves General Doom’s skull in
773: Onslaught’s antlered head is removed by Greek
886: Geshud’s chest is crushed by a punch from Dr. Bitenfurter
896: Mâtzang Sethal Udos bleeds to death after losing arms to Dodok and Sir Capybarrian the Wise
913: The Phantom bleeds to death after having his guts spilled by WASP
949: Chester Cheetah bleeds to death after being cut apart by Whiskey Blood and the Silent slicer
980: Sir Capybarian is decapitated by Dodok
1044: Sir Dunguk the Tall collapses after being nearly cut in half by Dodok
1053: Whiskey blood bleeds to death after being cut apart by the Silent Slicer
1087: The Bismuth Warrior is struck down as Dr. Bitenfurter slams Geshud’s gauntlet through her head (no assist)
1093: The goblin formally known as Morris is stabbed in the head by Ogtha
1136: Blurry Bill’s head is cracked open by DeadHead the Menacing Devil
1156: The Silent Slicer stabs Grekk in the head
1276: The Silent Slicer stabs Ogtha in the head shortly afterwards
1326: The Silent Slicer then lops off Humboldt Brugglebup’s head
1333: Abshoth lashes Al Boar with his scourge, tearing open his belly and killing him
1368: Petunia the Pouncer, having emerged from her shell, chops off Dodok’s head
1405: Continuing her rampage, Petunia the Pouncer cuts WASP in half
1426: Dr. Bitenfurter turns his head into a nice wall mount with the Silent Slicer’s help
1467: Abshoth bleeds to death after being beaten and cut up by DeadHead the Menacing Devil and the Silent Slicer respectively
1479: DeadHead the Menacing Devil is decapitated by Petunia the Pouncer
1557: Petunia the Pouncer bleeds to death after being sliced up by the Silent Slicer
8.5 kills: The Silent Slicer
4 kills: Petunia the Pouncer
3.5 kills: Dodok
2 kills: Dr. Bitenfurter, Ogtha, WASP,
2 kills: Whiskey Blood
1.5 kills: DeadHead the Menacing Devil
1 kill: Al Boar, Humboldt Brugglebups, Grekk, Abshoth
0.5 kills: Sir Capybarrian the Wise
Congratulations on using your last chance at life to claim one last piece of glory, Silent Slicer! May you feast well at Armok’s side.
All managers who were victorious in Round 4 will see their available amount of upgrade points to the far right of their gladiator in the spreadsheet.
Note about the algorithm: if you look at the numbers a bit closer, you can see that whenever the simple multiplication by 1.5 created a number that had something other than .5 in its decimal part, we rounded it up to the closest .5; so, .25 becomes .5 and .75 becomes 1. This was done to avoid infinite splintering of the points.
Special Note about this last round of upgrades: In order to be at roughly the same points level as Mr. unFunGuy, the current reigning champion, the two surviving gladiators this round will get an extra pool of their base points to draw from for their upgrades in the last round. This pool is separate from the normal amount of points they normally get by surviving, and these pools may not be combined to buy items that exceed the individual amounts available in each pool. The two separate amounts in each pool will be separated by a "+" on the upgrade sheet
The Arena Personnel asks you to provide your upgrades as soon as possible. The deadline is the 3rd of September, 11 EDT. We ask for your understanding on these matters; we need time to run and process the fights.
Please remember that your upgrades should be sent to dfgtcommittee@gmail.com. The upgrades will later be revealed via a separate post.
Good luck and go with Armok!
The richest Urist this round was SlitherPapi, who came away with 475 gold after betting it all on Junior.
Betting for Round 4 is now Open! It will close on Friday, 8/28, at 11 PM EDT.
Rules:
Betting is open both to the managers and the spectators of the tournament.
Every bettor starts out with 100 gold to be spent on the betting. You can't at any given moment put any more gold into a bet than you already have.
Every bettor can only put money on one gladiator per round.
Bets made after the official deadline for each round are not counted.
The system works in a way that allows those who bet on the underdogs (those who have less bet on them) to receive more gold than those who bet on the favorites, so go wild with your predictions!
Fight 4A: General Doom vs. Marchae March
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/nQmc9BaJ
General Doom (managed by Detyan) marches at a stately pace into the arena, his belly protruding before him. The dodo man has shed much of his former armor, and in its place, now wears an adamantine helm and gauntlets, to protect his most valuable assets. With his head and weapon wielding hands secure, how will the flightless bird man compare to his distant cousin, who wields his own adamantine crossbow?
Marchae March (managed by Eris235) soars out into the arena, a new adamantine crossbow gleaning in his talons. Against WASP, the archaeoptryx man revealed a previously unseen level of brutality, pummeling the jumping spider woman to a pulp. His mean streak seems to have only grown then, as the battling bard flaps overhead General Doom, belting out “Everyone knows dodo men are fat waddling dolts/By the end of the day, your feathers will adorn my bolts!”
At the ring of the bell, the two gladiators simultaneously fire their shots, as blue bolts of pure adamantine fly through the arena like lightning between duelling gods! Marchae March is the first to reveal his mortal fragility though, as a shot to his leg from General Doom knocks him out of the air and to the ground. Appearing more stunned than injured though, Marchae March fires in return, and his razor sharp bolt slices open General Doom’s vast stomach! Ropy intestines begin to slide out among the gushing blood, and as the General struggles to stay on his feet, another bolt takes him in the right thigh, causing him to collapse in pain as his leg gives out. A third bolt strikes the dodo man deep in the chest, and his limbs seem to go numb, as he drops his bolts and crossbow.
The crowd can only watch as the dodo man tenaciously remains in the fight despite his numb limbs, as Marchae March continues to shower him with adamantine bolts. As the poor dodo man begins to resemble a blue hedgehog more than a flightless bird, he finally collapses to the ground, and does not rise. Congratulations on your victory against a fellow tenacious bird man Marchae March! But who will your opponent for the finals be?
Fight 4B: Guy Ape vs. Junior
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/RT5ZhJAp
Guy Ape (managed by u/TotallyClueless69) pauses in the shadow of the gates for a moment. Instead of being shoved out of the gates by grumpy guards, he seems to have a rattlesnake woman wrapped…rather tightly around him. Hm, didn’t know they could be constrictors like that. As Guy Ape finally steps into the light, the crowd cheers as his new steel armor shines, lifting up an adamantine longsword to catch the light. It seems that he has finally found something (or someone) worth spending them on!
Opposite him, Junior (managed by SlitherPapi) seethes with barely restrained rage. Those unlucky enough to be wandering near his dwellings in the last week have heard his rants about “probability”, “rizz” and, “maximizing his canthal tilt” among other strange arcane mutterings. The pond turtle man clutches his pale metal crossbow in a white knuckled grip, and seems only too eager to use it.
And use it he does, right as the bell rings and Guy Ape the leopard man attempts to close the distance! A pale metal bolt draws first blood as it strikes his left forearm, spattering blood onto the arena floor. The ghostly projectiles continue to sail through the air into the oncoming leopard man, tearing holes and rents into his steel armor. Despite the onslaught though, Guy Ape closes to striking distance with the terrified Junior, whose eyes appear wide as dinner plates. Drawing back his sword, he first hews into the pond turtle man’s belly, his sword easily cutting into his shell, before Guy Ape cuts off Junior’s right arm at the elbow.
The pain only seems to feed the vicious pond turtle man though, as he clutches all the tighter onto his crossbow with his other hand, resetting it as he attempts to dodge the blows of Guy Ape’s humming blue sword. Two more bolts strike Guy Ape hard in the right side of his chest, and he begins to wheeze as he stumbles after his bleeding foe. The rapid flurry of bolts appears to be too much for Guy Ape’s steel armor, as the mortal material yields to the divine. Another bolt punctures his left side, and the breath seems to catch in Guy Ape’s chest, as he collapses to the arena floor. The crowd can only watch in silence as Guy Ape’s lover sobs against the arena portcullis, while Junior slowly approaches the downed, but not yet defeated, gladiator. Placing the tip of his crossbow against Guy Ape’s battered helm, Junior glares at the sobbing rattlesnake woman. With a smirk, he pulls the trigger, and secures his place in the finals.
Hello, I’m interested in birdwatching, and was wondering if there was a group that does it around town/the county. I know we have Alabama Audubon and the Ornithological society, but none of their events were particularly close by.
All managers who were victorious in Round 1 will see their available amount of upgrade points to the far right of their gladiator in the spreadsheet.
Note about the algorithm: if you look at the numbers a bit closer, you can see that whenever the simple multiplication by 1.5 created a number that had something other than .5 in its decimal part, we rounded it up to the closest .5; so, .25 becomes .5 and .75 becomes 1. This was done to avoid infinite splintering of the points.
The Arena Personnel asks you to provide your upgrades as soon as possible. The deadline is the August 27th, 11 PM EDT. We ask for your understanding on these matters; we need time to run and process the fights.
As a reminder, please try to clearly indicate what skills are changing, what skill levels are the original and new, and the points cost of all changes.
Please remember that your upgrades should be sent to dfgtcommittee@gmail.com. The upgrades will later be revealed via a separate post.
Good luck and go with Armok!
The richest Urist this round was SlitherPapi, who came away with 475 gold after betting it all on Junior.
Betting for Round 4 is now Open! It will close on Friday, 8/28, at 11 PM EDT.
Rules:
Betting is open both to the managers and the spectators of the tournament.
Every bettor starts out with 100 gold to be spent on the betting. You can't at any given moment put any more gold into a bet than you already have.
Every bettor can only put money on one gladiator per round.
Bets made after the official deadline for each round are not counted.
The system works in a way that allows those who bet on the underdogs (those who have less bet on them) to receive more gold than those who bet on the favorites, so go wild with your predictions!
Fight 3A: Onslaught vs. General Doom
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/S5TPKEvP
Onslaught (managed by Stimraug) enters into the arena, hefting a new shield high above his now hooded head. His pride is what took the most serious blow in his last fight, as the goblin formally known as Morris took pieces off his antlers. It seems that most of his current getup is focused around blocking or blunting the power of the shots of General Doom’s crossbow, which many gladiators have come to fear.
General Doom (managed by Detyan) waddles out into the arena, pausing to salute onslaught as the elk man flares his nostrils and bugles in opposition to the dodo man. The general seems unbothered by these actions though, as he calmly unwraps the crossbow in his arms, revealing the shining blue glow of adamantine. The crowd gasps as the blue metal enters the arena for the first time, money quickly changing hands as bettors make last minute adjustments for this development.
The first blue bolt streaks across the arena like a shooting star, burying itself in Onslaught’s shield as he bullrushes forward behind it. Onslaught’s speed allows him to quickly catch up with his foe, as he swings around a hoof to catch General Doom in the head. General Doom grunts and staggers back as his helm ruins from the impact, and his crossbow fires blindly, sticking Onslaught in one of his antlers instead of his head. Onslaught bellows in rage as his rack is further defiled, a blue bolt sticking out of it like an additional prong. Indignant at this, the elk man dodges or blocks several more shots, but another bolt lands on his opposite antler, making him symmetrical.
General Doom manages to stay just out of reach as Onslaught is forced to take shelter behind his shield, with the elk man only able to glance General Doom with swipes of his flail. General Doom manages to penetrate Onslaught’s defenses first though, as a bolt slips over his shield to strike him in the arm, forcing him to drop it. General Doom immediately takes advantage of this, shooting Onslaught in the head, and the elk man only barely manages to jerk his head out of the way as it carves a trench into the side of it. Bellowing in rage, Onslaught, catches General Doom in his unprotected neck with his flail, tearing out a chunk of flesh which leaves blood spurting from the dodo man’s neck.
General Doom quickly gives himself an opening though, shooting Onslaught in the hoof, and makes a hasty retreat as Onslaught falls to the ground with *BOOM*. As Onslaught crawls towards General Doom with hate in his eyes, the dodo man fires again and again at the elk man, as his bolts tear through his opponent’s mail shirt, ripping it apart, and striking Onslaught again and again in the head. Just as Onslaught reaches out with one furious grasping hand, General Doom plants a final bolt in Onslaught’s pincushioned head, striking the elk man dead. Congratulations General Doom!
Onslaught
Fight 3B: WASP vs. Marchae March
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/jWaNFj2N
WASP (managed by Sir Dorfleburg) enters into the arena, as the sun glints off of her new adamantine helm and iron breastplate. Found in the ruins of an old monastery, will her helm provide divine protections against the bolts of her competitor? Our ranged fighters do love to shoot the heads of their opponents, so perhaps she can bait out shots from her opponent.
Marchae March (managed by Eris235) swoops out, strumming his crossbow as usual. Unlike usual though, his crossbow is shining blue, just like General Doom’s. Staring down imperiously from the perch above his gate, he belts out “The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the leaderboard/Down came the bolts/and blew out her gourd!”
At the ring of the bell, WASP unsheathes her sword and charges forward, meeting a shower of blue bolts. The first shots tear into her arms, but she protects her sword arms with her less useful ones, taking a swipe at Marchae March’s leg with her sword, carving a gash into it. More bolts strike WASP, wearing away at her arms as ichor drips down her body at her feet. Another strike with the sword manages to scrape Marchae March’s face, but doesn’t manage to carve deeper into his head. In response, a bolt sails through WASP’s leg, punching through the chitin and causing her to collapse backwards into the puddle of her own ichor.
WASP hisses in pain, hunching around her leg. Sensing weakness, Marchae March swoops in, but in a frenzy of energy, WASP strikes out at him, her long sword tearing through his hand, and forcing him to drop his adamantine crossbow. The crowd gasps in shock as the archaeoptryx man loses hold of his weapon. If anything though, this only seems to drive Marchae March into a rage, as he descends upon his prey.
Kicking, punching, and snatching at the jumping spider woman with his talons and beak, Marchae March brutalizes the crippled spider woman, crushing her sword hand as he lands on her. Now helpless as well, Marchae March’s natural weaponry proves to be the superior, as his beak latches around her midsection, and shakes her around, spraying the last of her ichor around the arena. Congratulations on your victory Marchae March.
Fight 3C: DeadHead the Menacing Devil vs. Junior
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/G3uWcuG6
DeadHead the Menacing Devil (managed by Eric Blank) strides out into the arena, the shadows of his bare skull painting him in a demonic profile. He appears to have adopted a similar tactic to Onslaught, as he wields a similar shield to the fallen elk man. If he can wield it as well as the elk man, he may prevail if he can land more blows!
Junior strides (managed by SlitherPapi) out opposite of the foul blendec, his trench coat flapping around him as he pulls out his own crossbow. Instead of the blue metal of Armok, he instead sports a milky white one, seemingly pale and drained of color even in the light of the noonday sun. Trust us, you don’t want to know the background checks he had to pass to get his hands on that (none, who needs those?).
A pale bolt strikes DeadHead in the forearm, but he seems to shrug off the shot, charging forward with his morning star instead. Junior panics as the foul blendec approaches, his shots going wide, as DeadHead rears back and smashes his morning star into the turtle man’s thigh. The spikes of the iron morningstar embed themselves into Junior’s leg, and DeadHead pulls it out in a spray of blood.
As he rears back to strike again, Junior shoots again, his bolt embedding itself in DeadHead’s knee as the foul blendec shrieks in pain and collapses to the arena floor next to Junior. His blow lands beside Junior as he rolls out of the way, but his next strike catches Junior in the chest. Junior takes advantage of the closeness to bury a bolt in DeadHead’s outstretched arm though, forcing the DeadHead to release his morning star from numb fingers as a bolt sticks out of his arm. The disarmed DeadHead lashes out with his remaining arm, but Junior doesn’t seem to be as scared of his opponent anymore, as he cleanly lines up a shot between the eyes and shoots DeadHead, well, dead. Congratulations Junior!
Fight 3D: Guy Ape vs. Ivan
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/GYvgfuNd
Ivan (managed by BecauseISaid) is heard before he is seen, as the armor he wears clanking against itself as he enters. With new shining steel greaves and chain mail, he seems to at least favor a more durable metal for the protection of his body, though he has retained his silver axe and helm. Will it stand up to his foe’s blade, or will he regret waiting around all week for his armor to be forged instead of practicing?
Guy Ape (managed by u/TotallyClueless69) saunters out into the arena. He seems singularly unimpressed with the gladiator standing before him, shining like star in silver and steel. The leopard man has been doing nothing but basking in the sun and enjoying relaxing yoga sessions with a rattlesnake woman since he got here. His unconcerned approach saw him slay Al Boar after a hard fight last round, but can he do triumph again with barely any training?
Ivan strikes first, but Guy Ape’s copper blade quickly parries it. With a quick riposte, Ivan hacks Guy Ape in the left thigh, the dull axe breaking the bone instead of actually cutting into skin and muscle. Guy Ape cries out in pain all, the same, collapsing to the ground on his hobbled leg. Guy Ape tries to cut open Ivan’s belly, but his sword only skitters off of Ivan’s mail shirt. The coati man hacks against Ivan’s shin, cutting it open on his already mangled leg.
Guy Ape finally manages to land a blow, slicing open Ivan’s hand. The coati man roars in rage, and begins to swing his axe around wildly. Guy Ape takes advantage of his opponent’s lack of focus though, and cuts open his other hand, forcing him to drop his beloved silver axe. As Ivan kicks and stomps at Guy Ape, the leopard man lashes out with his sword, removing Ivan’s injured weapon hand completely. The spilt blood seems to trigger his predatory instincts, as he chomps down on Ivan’s left arm, and shake him around wildly. The coati man squeals in pain and rage, as he’s flung around. While chomping with his teeth, Guy Ape continues to lash out with his sword, cutting out one of Ivan’s eyes and removing his other hand. Releasing his jaws from Ivan’s arm, Guy Ape chomps down on Ivan’s head, and with a vicious snap of the head, breaks his neck. Congratulations on your victory Guy Ape!
All managers who were victorious in Round 1 will see their available amount of upgrade points to the far right of their gladiator in the spreadsheet.
Note about the algorithm: if you look at the numbers a bit closer, you can see that whenever the simple multiplication by 1.5 created a number that had something other than .5 in its decimal part, we rounded it up to the closest .5; so, .25 becomes .5 and .75 becomes 1. This was done to avoid infinite splintering of the points.
The Arena Personnel asks you to provide your upgrades as soon as possible. The deadline is the August 20th, 11 PM EDT. We ask for your understanding on these matters; we need time to run and process the fights.
As a reminder, please try to clearly indicate what skills are changing, what skill levels are the original and new, and the points cost of all changes.
Please remember that your upgrades should be sent to dfgtcommittee@gmail.com. The upgrades will later be revealed via a separate post.
Good luck and go with Armok!
The richest Urist this round was Doren I, who came away with 354 gold after betting it all on WASP.
Here are your highest-stakes gladiators:
Betting for Round 3 is now Open! It will close on Friday, 8/21, at 11 PM EDT.
Rules:
Fight 2A: The goblin formally known as Morris vs. Onslaught
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/167fjkEE
Onslaught the elk man (managed by Stimraug) stomps out of the arena gate in his shiny new steel gauntlets and silk clothes. After dispatching Blurry Bill by wearing him down with a dozen crippling strikes, the elk man appears eager to wet his scourge and whet his appetite with blood again!
The goblin formally known as Morris (managed by u/DanVzare) strides out in contrast to Onslaught, cracking his steel whip as the sun glints off his new shining steel gauntlets. The goblin formally known as Morris has made a formidable name for himself with his victories in the battle royale and the first round against Ogtha. With two flexible weapons that can easily entwine themselves with one another, will strength of skill triumph this day?
The two gladiators charge towards one another, the shaking footsteps of Onslaught failing to put Morris off of his own step, as the goblin dodges to the side of a whistling scourge blow. The two gladiators exchange a series of blows, as the copper scourge and steel whip swing through the air, filling it with a deadly brilliance. Onslaught bowels his way forward, and ends up landing the first blow, as he scourge glances against the goblin formally known as Morris’s left shin, tearing his pants. He pays for it, as the goblin’s whip snaps away a piece of one of Onslaught’s antlers, causing the elk man to bellow in rage!
In his rage, Onslaught barrels forward again, knocking the goblin formally known as Morris to the ground. The goblin continues to dodge around Onslaught’s blows, but fails to land any effectual ones of his own. As Onslaught brings his scourge whistling around, he scores the first decisive blow, as his scourge snaps the goblin’s right shin like a twig. The goblin formally known as Morris falls to the ground, and although he powers through the pain, he seems unable to land equally effective blows on the massive elk man. Onslaught brings his scourge down again, smashing the goblin’s shoulder with his scourge. The snapping of another bone leaves the goblin insensate to the word, as Onslaught finishes him off with another blows that splatters blood, bone, and brains across the arena. Congratulations on another mind-blower of a fight Onslaught!
Fight 2B: General Doom vs. Petunia the Pouncer
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/3f2jUC4T
General Doom the dodo man (managed by Detyan) waddles into the arena with a clank and clatter as his new armor catches the sun. With his stoic execution of Abshoth the ant man last round, this bulbous bird man has demonstrated that both crossbows and his species are not a joke to be laughed at.
Petunia the pond turtle woman (managed by u/InfuriatingComma) staggers into the arena, having been found asleep by the guards after spending all her winnings getting drunk at various holes in the wall. Her fearsome scimitar disassembled the Bismuth Warrior last round, but how will her steel blade fare against sturdier armor?
As Petunia drunkenly staggers towards General Doom, the dodo man calmly loads and fires his crossbow, as Petunia attempts to avoid the hail of iron bolts. As she approaches the dodo man, a bolt lands square in her foot, causing Petunia to fall in front of the general. Petunia swings wildly with her scimitar, forcing the dodo man to stagger backwards away from the ferocious blade. Another stab makes contact with the dodo man, but his shiny new steel gauntlet easily deflects the blow, as another bolt tears apart Petunia’s foot.
Despite her torn up foot, Petunia crawls aggressively towards General Doom, forcing him backwards at the point of her blade. But Petunia’s blade only buys her so much time, as the general reloads his cross bow and fires it into the pond turtle woman’s chest. Petunia grunts in pain as she continues to crawl after him, but another bolt takes her higher in the chest, causing her to collapse as she loses hold of her scimitar. General Doom calmly lines up his next shot between Petunia’s furious eyes, before he releases her from her mortal coil to Armok’s feast halls. Congratulations on your victory General Doom!
Fight 2C: Bobby vs. WASP
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/KrH2Z1r9
Bobby the alligator man (managed by u/RegalRatKing) clanks out of his side of the arena in a suit of iron armor, though still wearing his trusty iron cap. Last round, Bobby reverted to his base instincts to twist Sir Dunguk’s head out of its socket. Against a big bug though, his maul may finally have something worth squishing.
WASP the jumping spider woman (managed by Sir Dorfleburg) has completed one step on her journey back towards her kingdom with her disassembly of a fellow noble, Sir Capybarrian the Wise. She has exchanged her short sword for a steel long sword, and spent extensive time training with the new blade’s length. Will she be able to crack Bobby’s shell before her exoskeleton is pulverized?
At the ring of the bell, Bobby bellows and charges forward, raising his maul for a massive overhead swing. Unimpressed, WASP dodges to the side, and strikes at his mailed chest, though her blade lacks the power to penetrate. As the blow bounces off Bobby’s chest, the blade scrapes his scaly cheek though, drawing first blood! Roaring, Bobby uses his superior bulk to knock WASP to the ground, but she once again nimbly dodges his maul, before her sharp steel blade punctures his iron gauntlet. As Bobby whirls the maul around, trying to make space, WASP strikes again at the same place, causing yet more blood to splash out.
Finding her advantage with the point of her blade, WASP dances around Bobby, stabbing the alligator man deep in the chest from behind, and following up with a stab to his left forearm as he whirls around. The severity of the blow causes him to lose hold of his maul at last, but Bobby merely snarls and chomps his maw, to the delight of the crowd. WASP seems to be taking advantage of the bloodied and headstrong alligator man though, as her blows continue to pierce his flanks as she dodges his charges with the grace of a matador!
As more and more holes are poked into him, it is finally a vicious twist after a deep stab into his left elbow that causes Bobby to collapse in pain, and one final stab to the head secures WASP’s victory. Congratulations!
Fight 2D: Marchae March vs. Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the cabbage bane
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/kgJrEmai
Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane (managed by Headless) waddles out into the arena, showing off the shiny new steel gauntlets and boots he had made for himself with his winnings after defeating the massive utahraptor man, Vinny Viashino last round. He faces another prehistoric creature this round, but unlike Vinny, whose melee attacks forced him to reckon with the snail man’s formidable defenses, Marchae March is a much more agile fighter.
Fluttering out of his gate on colorful wings is Marchae March (managed by Eris235) the archaeoptryx man. After pinning down and executing the goblin known as the Phantom with a head shot last round, the singing sharpshooter has been practicing his talents at the range. As he eyes his opponent, he strums some of the extra chords attached to his weapon, calling out “Slow pretentious old snail, you’re going home quicker than you came to this thunderdome, ‘cause you’re going back in the mail!”
At the ring of the bell, Sir Gregory charges towards Marchae March (as quickly as he can), but the speed of his approach allows Marchae March to shower him with bolts. The snail man manages to block one with his buckler, but another catches him in his exposed thigh, causing him to fall over. As he falls, Marchae March swoops in, and another bolt lands square between Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane’s eyes causing him to instantly go limp. Congratulations on your victory Marchae March!
Fight 2E: Chester Cheetah vs. DeadHead the Menacing Devil
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/XvqcC7zk
Chester Cheetah (managed by dikbutdagrate) stumbles into the arena, shoved from behind by a guard. Apparently the slayer of Geshud was too busy hawking his cheesy goods to bother with training or equipment purchases in the last round, so he will face DeadHead with the same equipment he entered the arena with.
DeadHead the Menacing Devil (managed by Eric Blank) has taken the opposite approach though, spending ample time with our tutors to better improve his fighting and dodging skills. Last round we watched him use his morning star to crack open the dwarf Dodok’s skull. Can he do the same against this cheetah man?
As the gladiators clash, DeadHead lands the first blow, but Chester’s speed is such that it only glances his tail, while his pick strikes true into DeadHead’s right elbow. Unfortunately for the cheetah man, DeadHead wields his morning star in his other arm, and he effectively uses it to break Chester’s right thigh, sending him to the ground. This seems to kill whatever momentum the cheetah man might have had, as DeadHead strikes again and again at the cheetah man’s belly and chest, tearing apart his leather armor with the spikes of his morning star.
As Chester attempts to scoot away with his broken leg from the advancing foul blendec, DeadHead simply brings his weapon down on Chester’s other leg, pulverizing his left shin with a strike from the morning star. Chester Cheetah yowls in pain, and swings out with his pick, but it catches only air as the foul blendec leans out of that way and rushes back in, raining blows on his legs. The foul blendec then focuses on his weapon arm, forcing Chester to drop his pick after his left forearm is shattered. Chester tries to dodge and roll out of the way, but another blow of the morning star leaves his ribs shattered, and some protruding from his spotted hide. Gasping and wheezing in pain and exhaustion, Chester collapses to the ground, and DeadHead mercilessly advances as he shatters his skull. Congratulations to DeadHead on your victory!
Fight 2F: Mâtzang Sethal Udos vs. Junior
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/EksBVjuK
Junior (managed by SlitherPapi) strides with his shiny new steel crossbow. The juvenile pond turtle man has already scrawled graffiti and skull and crossbones symbols onto it. Are they arcane glyphs intended to increase the potency of his shots? Or is he just being edgy? Whatever the case, he has shown himself to be lethal with his execution of Grekk.
Facing him is Mâtzang Sethal Udos (managed by u/Astelon_), who despite his nervousness at admission in his rush to enter, has shown himself to be a lethal opponent in the arena with his slaying of Dr. Bitenfurter. Having taken down one scaled menace, can he do it again?
The new steel that clings to Mâtzang Sethal Udos’s head, chest and hands protects him from the first few bolts that patter against him like rain on a window. Junior’s bolts only manage to take out one of Mâtzang Sethal Udos’s arms on his way in, and once the jumping spider man closes the distance, it’s all the pond turtle man can do to duck, dodge, and dive out of the way! Mâtzang Sethal Udos manages to catch Junior with one of his blows, severing his hand neatly at the wrist. Unfortunately for the jumping spider man, Junior has somehow managed to hold onto both his crossbow and his bolt, and one of his bolts takes the spider man in the right shin, taking him down.
Another bolt catches Mâtzang Sethal Udos clean in the head, causing his helm to smack against his head. Junior seems to realize the need to shift his aim from the armored portions of the jumping spider man to the unarmored ones. Mâtzang Sethal Udos is forced to crawl towards junior under a hail of bolts, most striking his armor and shield, but others hit his exposed legs, causing trails of ichor to smear the ground behind him. Junior becomes visibly panicked as his supply of bolts becomes more and more depleted, and on his second to last one, he shakily takes aim, and fires! The bolt sails clean through the eye hole of Mâtzang Sethal Udos’s helm puncturing his brain and slaying him. Congratulations on your clean shot Junior!
Fight 2G: Guy Ape vs. Al Boar
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/YWe0RLrX
Al Boar (managed by u/ArryCat56) stomps into the arena, his chain leggings and shirt jingling with every step. The boar man has put his trust in iron to protect him this time, after the fiendish dark gnome Whiskey Blood nearly stabbed him to death in the last round. However, this time his foe will not be a puny drunk, but a predatory leopard man.
Guy Ape (managed by u/TotallyClueless69) casually strolls out of the arena, snacking on some roasted plump helmets. The leopard man seems unfazed by his opponent, and his own lack of training in preparation for this fight. Casually unsheathing his copper longsword, the leopard man cries out “Witness me!”, as the bell rings.
Guy Ape lunges forward aggressively, but Al Boar uses it to his advantage, looping his axe over the copper blade and slashing at Guy Ape’s neck. The leopard man pulls back in the nick of time as the axe only gives him a shallow scratch instead of a decapitating hack, though the crowd cheers all the same as first blood is shed. Al Boar deals another glancing blow to Guy Ape’s hand after another miss, and at this point the leopard man seems to shake off whatever lethargy he may previously have had, striking in earnest at Al Boar as copper and iron clash with one another.
While the crowd seems impressed with the fancy axe and sword work, Guy Ape apparently is not, as he rushes forward after knocking Al Boar’s axe aside, knocking the boar man over. As Al Boar struggles to his feet, Guy Ape strikes at him, shearing off a hoof and leaving him crawling on the floor. Grinning with bloodlust Guy Ape seems content to taunt porcine prey, as a thumb and tusk go flying. Squealing in outrage, Al Boar teaches him the consequence of over confidence though, swinging his axe through the air to remove one of Guy Ape’s forearms. The leopard man shrieks, pursuing Al Boar around the arena with blood spurting out of his stump as the boar man rolls away from blows.
Just as he thinks he has him pinned with a stab to the right forearm though, Al Boar takes off Guy Ape’s tail as well, further driving the leopard man into a frenzy of rage. Lashing out wildly, Guy Ape’s slash tears apart Al Boar’s weapon hand, forcing him to drop his axe. Free to have his vengeance at last, Guy Ape opens Al Boar’s throat, though the boar man’s fortitude sees him remain in the fight. Frustrated by his opponents indomitability, Guy Ape continues to take apart the struggling and bleeding pig man stabbing out an eye, and removing his remaining tusk and hoof, leaving him a hobbling dishonored mess. Finally, practically steaming with rage, Guy Ape stabs the boarman in his gut, and with a twist of his blade, Al Boar finally collapses. Congratulations on your brutal victory Guy Ape!
Fight 2H: Tapioca vs. Ivan
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/BAscUPd3
Tapioca the tapir man (managed by kosmossen) waddles in the arena, waving his new steel blowdart to his fellows from the jungle. They kindly purchased it for him after his victory over the Silent Slicer, and he has spent practically all his time not sleeping training with it. Hopefully his darts will find their place in the flesh of his foe.
Ivan the coati man (managed by BecauseISaid) walks into the arena in a similarly unbothered way. Despite the belief that he would upgrade his silver battle axe to something with a keener edge, Ivan appears to have instead doubled down on his love of silver, and now sports a silver helm to protect himself from the darts of his foe. He did put down an aging bear man with that axe though, so perhaps the edge isn’t too dull to still do its job.
Ivan dodges the first few blow darts, but the next several catch him in the gut and left forearm. Ivan soldiers on, but another dart hits him in the right foot, causing him to fall to the ground in pain. Dragging and pushing himself forward with his good leg now, the coati man finally gets in striking range of Tapioca. One of Ivan’s blows is blocked, but the next scratches the tapir man’s leg, and the one after that breaks Tapioca’s thigh, sending the tapir man to the ground under his own weight. Despite being entangled on the ground Tapioca continues to load and fire darts at a furious pace, striking Ivan’s chest, arms, and head. Ivan’s silver helm, while certainly shiny and expensive, is beginning to look the worse for wear under the onslaught, and eventually, Ivan passes out from what must be several concussions and many dart punctures.
Eventually, the soft silver helm shatters after one too many dart strikes, but the individual darts themselves seem unable to actually deal a killing blow to Ivan. Tapioca appears unwilling to get too close to the unconscious coati man with his shattered leg either, and as his supply of darts runs low, Ivan shakes himself back into the fight! Roaring in anger, Ivan charges Tapioca, who seems unwilling to do anything but defend himself from the bloodied phantom with a silver axe who’s attacking him. As Ivan chases Tapioca around the arena, he hefts the axe around, and in a vicious swing, chops the tapir man in half at his considerable waist. Congratulations on your victory Ivan!
All fights written by Mkhos and run by Nekkowe
All managers who were victorious in Round 1 will see their available amount of upgrade points to the far right of their gladiator in the spreadsheet.
Note about the algorithm: if you look at the numbers a bit closer, you can see that whenever the simple multiplication by 1.5 created a number that had something other than .5 in its decimal part, we rounded it up to the closest .5; so, .25 becomes .5 and .75 becomes 1. This was done to avoid infinite splintering of the points.
The Arena Personnel asks you to provide your upgrades as soon as possible. The deadline is the August 13th, 11 PM AM EDT. We ask for your understanding on these matters; we need time to run and process the fights.
Please remember that your upgrades should be sent to dfgtcommittee@gmail.com. The upgrades will later be revealed via a separate post.
Good luck and go with Armok!
The richest Urist this round was Doren I, who came away with 215 gold after betting it all on Petunia the Pouncer. The three most bet on gladiators were Petunia the Pouncer, DeadHead, and Sir Dungûk.
Betting for Round 2 is now Open! It will close on Friday, 8/14, at 11 PM EDT.
Rules:
Fight 1A: Ogtha vs the goblin formally known as Morris
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/WheDVyph
Beginning the first round, we have Ogtha the roach woman (managed by u/Natural-Possession10). She skitters into the arena just as the gate lifts up enough to admit her in, brandishing her shining steel spear. We’re not sure where she got it, or even where she came from, but it's probably not a reason we want to know about. Does she want fame? Glory? Or maybe she just has several hundred offspring to provide for…
Facing off against her is the winner of the battle royale, the goblin formally known as Morris (managed by u/DanVzare). The scarred goblin has already wet his platinum whip with the brains of gladiators both large and small. As he unfurls it, many dwarven veterans in the audience cringe from remembered trauma of the ferocity of past goblin whips. But will this scarred goblin overcome his own trauma of chitinous multi-limbed opponents?
Beginning
The goblin formally known as Morris strikes first, but his whip only wraps itself around Ogtha’s spear! Ogtha reels the scarred goblin in, stabbing him in the thigh. The roach woman withdraws her spear in a gush of blood, stabbing the goblin formally known as Morris in the hand. Thankfully for the goblin, his powerful whip remains in his other hand, and he uses it to shear off one of Ogtha’s arms. As Ogtha reels back, a second lash tears through her right eye and into her head, dropping her to the ground in a pool of her own ichor. Congratulations to the goblin formally known as Morris! You’ve beaten an opponent with 4 arms, perhaps in time you’ll work your way back up to one with 8.
Fight 1B: Blurry Bill vs Onslaught
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/L2n8Z7HT
This fight features two of our largest gladiators. The largest of them is none other than Blurry Bill (managed by u/Zabermer), a sasquatch who was captured from the woods. Will pure brute strength be enough to overcome a smaller and more ferociously armed opponent?
His opponent is Onslaught the elk man (managed by Stimraug), a fierce creature also from the woods who may be smaller, but has an ego sizeable enough to compensate. The ferocious elk man boasts of being a mighty warrior, having smashed a feral badger in his woods to pulp with his scourge, and supposedly a dwarven champion who was sent to kill the beast as well. Let’s see how he does against an opponent his own size!
The two enormous gladiators shake the entire arena as they thunder towards each other. Onslaught narrowly tucks under a nasty right hook, but Blurry Bill manages to snatch the elk man’s tail. Whipping around, Onslaught smashes his scourge into the sasquatch’s right arm, fracturing the mammoth creature’s arm with ease. Blurry Bill roars in pain as Onslaught rolls away. The sasquatch and the elk man engage in a deadly game of cat and mouse, as the sasquatch uses his superior mass to force Onslaught into a retreat. But with one swift blow, Onslaught reverses his fortunes, scourging Blurry Bill painfully on the inside of his left knee, causing the sasquatch to collapse.
As the sasquatch moans in pain, Onslaught smashes Blurry Bill again and again in the head until it explodes like an overripe melon. The madly laughing elk man swings his bloodied scourge around, spraying the arena with yet more blood as he celebrates his victory. Congratulations Onslaught!
Fight 1C: General Doom vs Abshoth
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/U3md8G3C
Abshoth the ant drone man (managed by Lucias Ral) soars into the arena on his wings, cracking his scourges in anticipation. This poor creature has no memory of where he comes from, and has spent his days wandering and attacking any aggressive creature he came across. Let’s see how the uncivilized wilds compare to our nice and proper blood sports!
Waddling out to face the ant man is a decidedly unaggressive looking creature. Alongside the many dinosaurs that our adventurers found, they also found a race of strange flightless bird med with outrageously large beaks. General Doom (managed by Detyan) represents his people today, wielding a weapon maligned as much in this tournament as his race has been since its discovery: a crossbow. Can he prove the nay sayer’s wrong?
As Abshoth soars through the air towards General Doom, iron bolts fly at break-neck speeds towards him as the dodo man keeps his distance. Two bolts are knocked aside by copper scourges and a third is dodged, but the fourth lands true and sends Abshoth careening to the ground as his right shin collapses into a mess of chitin. Abshoth’s hard landing places him right in front of General Doom, and a copper scourge from the ant man rings General Doom’s iron cap. The ringing cap seems to stun the dodo man, as Abshoth follows up with strikes to his left wing and belly. The leather armor of General Doom cushions the blows though, preventing them from doing major damage that would otherwise spell his end.
Weathering the storm of blows, General Doom carefully lines up a shot, and pulls the trigger. Abshoth drops to the ground like a pupper with his strings cut as an iron bolt blows straight through his brains. Congratulations on your victory General Doom, both for your weapon and your people!
Abshoth
Fight 1D: Petunia the Pouncer vs The Bismuth Warrior
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/hGh5fDr4
Petunia the Pouncer (managed by u/InfuriatingComma) staggers into the arena as quickly as a pond turtle woman can. Clad in nothing but basic linen, she intends to let no one call her slow again after losing a race to a hare man. Too bad there isn’t one fighting for her to have a go at with her scimitar…
Instead, she faces the Bismuth Warrior (managed by u/Caterpiller101), a dwarf worshipper of the god of bismuth expelled from her fortress after desecrating his temple in hope of being cursed, and finally seen by others in the fortress. But despite her sacrilegious act, it seems even her god has overlooked her, and so she now fights in his name to earn the attention she feels she is due.
The Bismuth Warrior merely clashes her bucklers together as Petunia the Pouncer approaches, the wood clanging against the bismuth. Several blows of the steel scimitar bounce off of the dwarf woman’s bucklers, as Petunia acts with an unusual aggression for her species. Lashing out after another block, Petunia smashes the flat of her blade against the Bismuth Warrior’s right arm, leaving the limb numb as it drops her wooden buckler. The Bismuth Warrior emerges from her own shell though, striking her bronze buckler at Petunia’s shell, leaving a nasty crack in it!
Hissing in fury more than pain, Petunia advances on the dwarven woman, a glancing blow from her scimitar bouncing off of the Bismuth Warrior’s chain leggings. The Bismuth Warrior attempts to drive Petunia back, but she overextends, and oh! Petunia makes her pay for it, as a missed buckler base allows the pond turtle woman to lop off the arm holding it at the elbow! The Bismuth Warrior refuses to go down though, as she lowers her head and charges into Petunia knocking her down, even as blood pours out of her. The Bismuth Warrior pulls Petunia towards her before throwing her to the ground again, but Petunia merely uses the contact to stab the Bismuth Warrior in her exposed chest. The dwarven woman continues to stagger towards Petunia, but one last blow catches her right in the neck, not severing the head completely, but tearing out enough to take her out. With one last blow, Petunia finishes the job as the Bismuth Warrior’s head rolls free of her body. Congratulations to Petunia the Pouncer on your victory!
Petunia
Fight 1E: Bobby vs Sir Dungûk the Tall
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/PNsVwLKR
For our next fight we have Bobby the alligator man (managed by u/RegalRatKing). The hefty alligator man hoists his copper maul over his head as he enters to the roar of the crowd. To Bobby though, all he sees is a crowd of nails tattling in the benches…
Facing him is an opponent even burlier than he is, Sir Dungûk the Tall, a mighty talking troll accompanied by his goblin squire (managed by Doren I). This troll displays an unusual degree of intelligence, as he is able to talk, and wields a copper blade, fancying himself as a sort of knight. But with these two huge gladiators, it will be brutality and not elegance that settles this match!
Bobby is the first to strike, as Sir Dungûk displays a surprising degree of grace as he dodges to the side of one blow, but the next catches one of his horns twisting his head around. Sir Dungûk spins with the momentum of the blow, and plants his short sword firmly into Bobby’s tail, causing the alligator man to hiss in pain as he spins around. Sir Dungûk hastily gets his sword up in time to block Bobby’s blow, and his riposte catches Bobby in his right foot.
The dull copper blade acts more as a blunt instrument in Sir Dungûk’s hand as the blade breaks bone instead of skin, but the effect is the same as Bobby topples to the ground. The troll knight pursues his foe, stabbing and slashing. As he becomes more and more battered, Bobby appears to lose control, and lunges mouth first at Sir Dungûk’s head, catching it in his jaws.
In his feral state, the alligator man reverts to his base instincts, as he throws his body around in a death roll. With a sickening snap, Sir Dungûk goes still as his blade drops from his hands. Bobby releases the troll, but Sir Dungûk still appears to be alive! Bobby begins to rain blow after blow on Sir Dungûk, as the troll bravely struggles, but one final blow finally crushes his mighty skull. Congratulations on your hard fought victory Bobby!
Fight 1F: Sir Capybarian the Wise vs WASP
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/nh0NJs2R
Sir Capybarian (managed by Lord Capybara) strides into the arena. A relative of the original capybara man of this name, he seeks to regain the honor lost by his family when his kinsman fell in battle. Bearing the traditional arms of his house, a shield and spear, will he succeed?
He faces another of blood (or we should say ichor) that claims to be even more noble than his own. WASP (managed by Sir Dorfleburg) claims to be the last royal jumping spider man of a great nest called Divinelair. Only victory will let her return home.
WASP quickly bounds forward as the bell rings, turning it into a pouncing blow with her short sword. Sir Capybarian blocks the blow as it skitters off of his shield. The two gladiators begin to dance around one another’s blades, each showing an impressive amount of agility. But it is the capybara man who makes the first mistake, as WASP’s blade bites into his left thigh. Sir Capybara falls to the ground that quickly becomes soaked with his own blood.
WASP pursues the fallen capbara man, stabbing him in his left shin, right arm, and chest in quick succession. The blow to the arm costs the capybara man his spear, and several more blows send his right hand and left arm after it in quick succession. With a wordless and exhausted yell, WASP hacks off the bloodied and maimed Sir Capybara’s right leg. Looking down in apparent shock, the capybara man says “I have improved my fighting. That was satisfying” before he collapses into the pool of his own blood.
Congratulations on your victory WASP! I’m sure many fans will be happy about one less noble in the world.
Fight 1G: Marchae March vs The Phantom
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/7PJ7ju0n
Marchae March (managed by Eris235) soars into the arena to the oohs and ahhs of the crowd. The archaeoptryx man displays a brilliant plumage as he hefts his steel crossbow into the sun. Plucking at the strings attached to his crossbow, he belts out “Stupid knife-wielding goblin, my bolts are all you’ll have tonight for nobblin’”
The subject of his insults, a captured goblin called the Phantom by his captor manager, Phantom Manager, staggers into the arena, perhaps from a push. The angry goblin rushes back to the gates as they slam shut, hammering on them with his knife, but the ring of the bell quickly refocuses his attention on his opponent.
As he spins around, a pair of bolts hit his feet, pinning him to the ground as he topples over. Marchae March approaches the goblin for a clearer shot, but the phantom tears himself forward with the bolts embedded in his feet, landing a wicked slash on one of his foe’s wings. His aim thrown off, Marchae March’s bolt goes into the side of the Phantom’s belly, stumbling away from the goblin. Shooting again, the bolt glances off the side of the Phantom’s iron helm. The phantom pauses his pursuit as his ringing helm and punctured belly causes him to vomit into his helm, but his discomfort is quickly alleviated as a square shot from Marchae March punches through his helm and into his brain. Congratulations on your victory Marchae March!
Fight 1H: Vinny Viashino vs Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/ssbpGqNK
Vinny Viashino the utahraptor man (managed by u/ergotofwhy) moves with a silence that belies his speeds as he enters into the arena. The crowd shrieks in delight (and maybe a little fear) as he curls back his lips to reveal his sharp teeth and flexes his killing sickle claws. This new arrival has eagerly adopted a strange subculture of urban humans who dress in leather and smear greasy products in their hair, which Vinny has attempted to recreate by slicking back his head plumage. Only his opponent can judge whether this makes him more or less terrifying…
Slowly exiting the gate opposite Vinny is Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane, a snail man managed by Headless. The Cabbage Bane wields a wicked looking black bronze short sword, and seems quite eager to use it. Based on the groundhog leather he attires himself in, he appears to have at least some experience with it, no doubt in defense of his garden realm. His two other knightly brethren have already fallen in this round though. Will Sir Gregory Von Glenshire join them?
The two gladiators clash in the middle, where they weave and dodge around one another for quite some time, as fierce bites and sword strikes find only empty air. But Vinny is the one who scores first blood, with a swift bite tearing off one of Sir Gregory Von Glenshire’s feet! The Cabbage Bane is quick to avenge his injury though, as his short sword cuts deep into Vinny’s left bicep, causing the utahraptor man to yell in pain as blood spurts from his arm.
Vinny rains blows on Sir Gregory Von Glenshire, but the snail man puts up the formidable defense that his people are known for, as blade and shield block and push aside blow after blow. After one overenthusiastic strike by Vinny, the Cabbage Bane’s smashes the hand with his pommel, snapping bones to the cheers of the crowd as Vinny yelps in pain. His arms mangled, Vinny goes after the snail man with his teeth and claws.
Despite Vinny being the one to force the offensive as Sir Gregory Von Glenshire continues to block his blows, it is he who becomes more and more injured as he crashes against the battlements of the Cabbage Banes’s defenses. Finally, one blow to the foot causes the massive utahraptor man to collapse to the ground, and a quick stab to the chest sees him curl up in pain from the accumulated weight of his many injuries. After a sequence of stabs that more resembles a miner hacking at a stubborn vein of ore than any sword play, the bell finally rings to signal Vinny Viashino’s death, as grease, blood, and brains mingle on the stones around his head. Congratulations on being the last knight standing Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane!
Vinny
Fight 1I: Geshud vs Chester Cheetah
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/d3rddhfu
First out onto the sands is Chester Cheetah - a leather-clad cheetah man bearing a steel pick in one hand. Strangely, his pelt and leather armour carries a curious, dusty yellowish cast to it, sending thin clouds of the same drifting through the air as he warms up with a couple swings of his pick. Based on the amount of mumbling about cheese and violence, he might not be all there, but we’re hardly going to be picky about that!
Opposite him stands Geshud - a dwarf and relative to the gorlac Uvash from last year’s tournament, bent on winning what his… whatever the appropriate term would be could not! More to the point, it poses an opportunity to humiliate his life-long rival Dodok in the field of battle, and prove the latter’s incompetence with a blade. The copper-and-leather-clad dwarf pointedly raises his iron maul to point at the rival gladiator watching from the seating, before swinging it down in sync with the bell’s ring.
Geshud aims to land the first blow: a plain, straightforward swing of the maul aimed toward Chester’s right arm, seeking to break through the cheetah man’s defence through force and deprive him of his greatest advantage. Chester reacts in turn - turning his pick so that one end of the head snags the maul’s long handle against its curving inside, then yanking downward to harmlessly redirect the hammer’s head into the arena sands, producing nothing but a puff of stirred yellow-orange sand and a dull thunk of impact.
The sight seems to stir something in Chester. Moments later he reverses the pick’s direction, swinging its sharpened tip at Geshud’s left side. A deft movement by Geshud minimises the strike’s impact, however - tearing the skin, but drawing only a thin line of blood from the dwarf’s arm before a vicious thrust slams his iron maul’s head into Chester’s stomach. There’s a muffled grunt from the cheetah man as the blow nearly buckles him over, knocking the wind from his lungs and bruising a kidney; but a moment later he’s recovered, and takes advantage of the closeness to swing the steel pick at Geshud’s left thigh.
It connects, tearing through the muscle and drawing cheers from the crowd as the pick’s edge opens an artery. Geshud lets out a pained grunt of breath as his leg gives out, though it doesn’t stop him from powering through the flare of pain in his wounded leg to raise his maul again. A swing to the chest catches the charging cheetah man mid-movement and adds fresh bruises to those already rising.
Nonetheless, the strikes seem to infuriate the leather-clad cheetah man impressively. Closing against Geshud, he swings his pickaxe up and down in a fury; hammering the sharpened tip through the copper armour cladding Geshud’s left forearm and leg. A retaliatory strike from Geshud on the ground raises a further bruise on Chester’s arm, the awkward angle of the blow preventing it landing with as much force as it should. Chester, contrastingly, has no such compunctions - as aptly demonstrated by the way he strikes Geshud’s abdomen as one might a rock, piercing through muscle and briefly pinning it to the arena floor; leaning down to snarl at him as he does.
With Chester’s pick lodged firmly in his flesh and temporarily immobilising him, Geshud opts for the only other option he has: an upward thrust of the maul’s head. The cheetahman manages to jerk his head back to evade the worst of the blow, though it doesn’t save him entirely - one of his pronounced eye teeth goes flying amid a cloud of spittle and blood as the iron head catches him in the jaw. Chester staggers back at the blow, pulling his pick free. His cry of pain at the injury swiftly transitions to one of rage as he closes with Geshud again.
With Geshud on the ground and bleeding heavily from the inflicted wounds, the scent of blood seems to energise Chester Cheetah. Quick as his namesake, he raises his steel pickaxe and buries it deep in Geshud’s right thigh - tearing muscle, opening an artery, then dragging him backward to prevent him running. The dwarf’s retaliatory strikes are turned aside with deft parries, Chester knocking the maul into the arena sand or simply forcing it out of the way where he simply doesn’t jump aside.
Disarmed, bleeding from a dozen wounds, and his vision hazed with pain, Geshud drags himself away from the murderous cheetah man. With his foe rendered near-helpless Chester Cheetahman is free to indulge his desire for ultraviolence, and he does so gleefully. Hammering the steel pick’s point down through Geshud’s chest to snag a rib, Chester drags the wounded dwarf back into close range one final time. Ripping the pickaxe free and pinning Geshud to the ground with one clawed foot, Chester swings the pickaxe’s point underarm into Geshud’s head - through the lower jaw and up into the brain, cracking the skull as it goes.
Congratulations, Chester Cheetah! Your capacity for violence has seen you through the first round, and - good Armok! Stop, stop, he’s already dead! Someone get the animal handlers!
If you were wondering what exactly happened in the most recent chapter, this is the place for you. Let's get started!
2:50 As the P on the briefcase indicates, this is a pentex product. Specifically their Megaton subsidiary, which produces a variety of pharmaceuticals both legitimate and tainted. Some of their products are tainted just for the purpose of being tainted so that Garou murderhobos killing anything that pings their Wyrm senses rack up the collateral damage. The specific drug here is Delerex, which as stated, prevents Delirium, which is the supernatural reaction mortals have to werewolves in their warform, as we saw in the last chapter.
6:10 Yay, glabro Amanda! Werewolves have 5 forms, homid, glabro (large hairy human like a wookie), crinos, hispo (large wolf), and lupus. We actually see all 5 this episode, as Stig is in hispo when he's first seen attacking at 16:50, and we see the pack sleeping in lupus at 19:18. Very cute.
Glabro form is also why Amanda is speaking weird after demonstrating that she can talk just fine in homid, as it impedes with their ability to move their mouth properly. As you see when she's in crinos later, she doesn't speak at all, as that form is only capable of growling out a few words in human languages.
7:10 I have no idea about what spirit the large fish is (or the funny alfabusa rabbit), but it's likely the pack's totem spirit who they all collectively pay respects to, and earn a boon from as a result of this.
7:30 Where did Stig come from? If it isn't toon force, all garou can step between a specific region of the Umbra and the real world. This is made easier by being in wild areas or near reflective surfaces, where the barrier to the Umbra is weaker. However, Stig is a Silent Strider. Their tribe has a familiarity with the Umbra, so his rampant use of it may be a representation of this. Also thankfully it appears that this isn't the predicted Stigghalf Bonebreaker, who would probably be even more of a murderhobo.
18:42 Were-spiders called Ananasi exist. They are specialized for urban areas, as they find operating in them easier than the wolves do (For example, entering the umbra is easier for them). Unfortunately for would be shippers, they are noted as having deadened emotions after their change, killing any romantic potential. This is somewhat needed for them, as unlike Garou who use rage, Ananasi power their abilities with blood, which they drain from unfortunates. One of those abilities is their war form, called Lillian, which Susu shows us at the end.
19:50 Stigg uses actual in-game tactics when we first see him. Werewolves heal a health level a round, so cutting and running every time he gets hurt lets him come back fresh.
22:20 There is a gift called jam technology, so I assume the gnomes emptying the guns is a colorful interpretation of it.
24:20 The crusader LARPers appear to be using true faith. Generally true faith only has warding effects on vampires, and for werewolves reduces their ability to shapeshifter and spend rage. The rules are pretty scant on this interaction though, and the art here is really cool, so it's not a big deal. It may also be some hunter power I'm not aware of.
24:40 In response, Stig uses a gift similar to umbral sight to see what exactly is going on in the spirit world...
25:20 revealing a Wyrm corrupted Jesus. Between the extreme murderiness of the Leopoldites and the Delerex they just took, what would be an invocation of faith or hunter imbued abilities is instead tainted.
26:50 Stig has been harping about honor for a good while. In garou society, one climbs the ranks partially by gaining renown. For warrior garou, they focus on honor. Stig is likely looking to increase his honor here by accepting the 1v1 in homid against a human who seems resistant to the Delirium, and is actually brave to boot.
28:00 Until he gets hurt and his Rage makes him lose his shit. Garou have two major flaws, the first being that they're not very smart, being a race of warriors (see them thinking all hunters know where Black Shuck is). The second is that their supernatural Rage makes them seething powder kegs. As a storyteller deems appropriate, Garou have to roll the Rage they have at being wounded, taunted, or feeling strong emotions, and if they succeed, they flip out, with sometimes disastrous and embarrassing consequences, as Stig showed with his regret at snapping and using crinos against Grimal.
Welcome to all the ladies, gentlemen, and gentlebeings that have decided to watch or participate in the 11th annual Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament! We have had a lovely turnout of gladiators this year, but as we only have 32 spots, we must first thin the herd in order to make our bracket. As the first to stain the floor of our arena with their blood and begin to fill Armok’s goblet, 5 gladiators have been randomly selected to fight one another for the last spot.
Everyone, please welcome Buketiggal the jumping spider man (managed by pisskop), a dagger wielding hunter seeking to go down in legend! Next to him and holding a shining silver sword is Liquid the Ocelot man (managed by u/Cloud075), who has come to town in pursuit of his quarry, a snake man named “Big Boss”. Holding a steel battle axe and clothed in rattling chain mail is Mordrek the wolf man (managed by u/MammothCrab1132) who has come to seek death in the arena to atone for his failure to protect his lord. Towering over the competition is Punchosaur the Utahraptor man (managed by Wolfkey), one of the newest races to join after brave adventurers discovered a lost world of creatures formerly known only from their bones. And finally we have the goblin formally known as Morris (managed by u/DanVzare), a scarred mess of an already ugly race who has a strange distaste for crustaceans.
Without further ado, let the first bell ring for our first battle!
Fight log: https://pastebin.com/0TGaNNw8
The arena descends into anarchy! Buketiggal stabs Punchosaur deep in one of his meaty arms, leaving the utahraptor man roaring in pain, while Mordrek hacks at a goblin formally known as Morris’s left arm, leaving a long tear along his shoulder that spatters red blood on the thirsty stones. Liquid the Ocelot dashes into the fray, slashing at the inside of Punchosaur’s leg with his silver longsword, but leaves only a scratch on his tough hide.
146: An incoherent Mordrek is lashed to death by the goblin formally known as Morris, his platinum whip granting the wolf man the death he desired.
203: Buketiggal bleeds to death after too many of his limbs are turned into fountains of ichor by the goblin formally known as Morris.
250: Liquid the Ocelot is struck down by the whip of the goblin formally known as Morris, after collapsing to the ground in pain from a shattered shin.
270: Punchosaur is the last gladiator to fall as his mighty body is finally broken by the goblin formally known as Morris’s whip, after sustaining punishment from Buketiggal and Liquid the Ocelot the entire match.
Congratulations to the goblin formally known as Morris on his advancement to the bracket!
The 2025 Master document: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1yQi9z1F1PwobbNUxKAhBwX5dvfPGkoYfvwJPA496Cis/edit?usp=sharing
Inaugural Battle:
Round 1 Betting page:
Round 2 Betting page:
Round 3 Betting page:
Round 4 Betting page:
Round 5 Betting page:
Final Betting results:
Round 1 Results:
Round 2 Results:
Round 3 Results:
Round 4 Results:
Round 5 Results:
The Losers Battle Royale:
Finale Results:
Round 2 upgrade post:
Round 2 Upgrade post reveal:
Round 3 upgrade post:
Round 3 Upgrade post reveal:
Round 4 upgrade post:
Round 5 upgrade post:
Round 5 upgrade reveal post:
