u/Mobile-Branch-1275

I saw this reply on a list of things that means someone might have been neglected as a kid . It reminds me of my mom, who I think projected onto me subconsciously and now I feel like i’m secretly a covert narcissist. I never wanted to live like this. It’s my worst fear and instead I isolate because I know who I am. But If I do make relationships I think I expect that emotional capacity my mom never had , and other people won’t have for strangers. it hurts and I see no way out of this but thru , alone. I don’t want to be alone. Why. why did our parents si this to us

these words echo like nothing else. I can never say I was abused or went through trauma. My own single parent doesn’t think so, must I be crazy? please someone help me. Is every child in survival mode then continues it into adulthood? why does this have to be normal

I feel like everyone that is attracted to me is toxic even though I’m extremely aware of it and isolate myself so that I don’t attract it. Wymhy does this happen? I haven’t gone out of my way to be toxic exactly. I think a lot of people accept the love they think they deserve, and I cannot love and maybe people can see that

I see everyone’s inner child . i knew and was told the illusion of adults as a kid so im not suprised but, I hate observing. . Or their soul. I think I know strangers, in the sense of what they’re thinking and how they feel. this must be hyper vigilance, but specifically seeing everyone , how childish everyone is. But i’m a hypocrite. the human experience is hypocrisy. This is so unbearable

please how the fuck do i cope with realizing my mom abused me. i cut her off its been 6 months since she kicked me out. being out of that house is weird. i still feel stuck there. she gaslit everyone around her as well, so my “support system” was never my support system.my identity was her. my childhood friend has been refreshing my memories and she said my mom creates chaos because to live without it, a stable 9-5 and being with her kids at home would mean inner work….. to me this was just survival mode, which I now inherit. She has degrees, a great resume , I never really wondered why did she work nights at a restaurant when she has 3 kids at home. Youtube raised us. i’m trying not to go off the deep end. not every family is biological right? I doubt myself now because of this, i was gaslit about being gaslit. then In puberty I became suicidal, self injurious, violent and got committed to inpatient a few times. im so grateful residential had a wait list.. but Then what happened? “shes is crazy, shes out of control, she wants to kill herself” and it’s the baseline for how I treat myself yet I know it’s not me. I’m terrified of myself, i feel like a child without guidance . I’m afraid of being in arrested development like her

how am i supposed to parent myself when I don’t know what that looks like

is this common or just a symptom of growing up? I mean, i’ve been feeling very much only my soul past lately. not my body , as i’ve always been. ive only been 19 for a bit. I’m not sure what other adults are like. Is everyone hyper aware but just good at appearing calm. I mean what can the average person do? I’m so aware of my body i feel trapped in this life or whatever this existence is

pain I had over my child years …Im not talking to my mom i’m . Im too aware of my soul and detached. And isolated. but not to say i miss A mom. maybe not her. How can you build a relationship when you are both just…trauma. just souls of trauma. i’m 19 i feel like i never got her and i still need her. I went NC because a friend who only understands me thought so. She has found it so resolute things, I don’t know what to do in my situation.

I don’t remember the last time I checked my screen time and maybe that’s why. I’m genuinely horrified. the average screen time is supposed to be 6 HOURS !!!!!!!! . rn it says 13.45……A 2 and half hour part of it is youtube ambience to sleep. I can’t remember a day I slept without background noise. So much time I can’t remeber probably because being alone w screens young. well i’m probably going to get dementia . Need meds to calm the damage of brainwashing that is society