How do you deal with a coworker who mocks you behind your back but acts completely nice to your face? I don’t want to change my friendly nature because of him.
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I’m generally a very jolly, supportive, and friendly person at work. I like helping people, sharing whatever I know, and keeping the workplace environment positive. I get along well with almost everyone.
But there is one coworker whose behavior towards me is really starting to frustrate and confuse me.
He never directly says that he dislikes me. In fact, whenever he talks to me personally, he behaves completely normally and sometimes very nicely.
But when I’m not directly interacting with him, he seems to constantly make fun of me in front of other people.
For example, if I send some documents or work to my manager, he will apparently go around making jokes about it with others. Then later he’ll come to me and talk as if absolutely nothing happened.
Today I gave a demo to my manager. During/after the demo, this coworker was making faces, gesturing as if I should “add more sugar” / being overly sweet with the manager, and at one point even made an obscene gesture while mocking me.
That genuinely irritated me.
The confusing part is that I have never treated this person badly.
Quite the opposite.
I’ve always spoken respectfully to him. I’ve openly appreciated his knowledge and experience. I’ve even told him that whatever I know, I’m happy to share with him, and I’ve never tried to compete with him or make him feel inferior.
Sometimes I actually go out of my way to make him feel respected/superior because I don’t want unnecessary ego clashes at work.
And yet this behavior keeps happening.
I’m starting to wonder whether it’s insecurity, jealousy, dislike, competition, or whether he simply enjoys getting laughs by making someone else the target.
I also don’t want to become a cold, serious, guarded person at work just because one person behaves like this.
I genuinely like being cheerful, supportive, approachable, and helpful. I don’t want someone else’s behavior to change a part of my personality that I actually like.
At the same time, I don’t want being nice to be interpreted as “this guy won’t say anything, so we can keep making fun of him.”
So I’d genuinely like perspectives from different kinds of people — managers, senior professionals, people who have dealt with workplace politics, people who have been on either side of something like this, etc.
How would you handle this?
I’m especially interested in how to set boundaries without becoming bitter, aggressive, or changing my naturally friendly behavior with everyone else.
I don’t need this guy to like me. I just want basic professional respect and I want to know how to handle this maturely.