u/Natural_Fondant_7544

Only thing ill ever post on here because the online community sucks but i cannot find anything on this

Heads up this sounds fucking insane:

I fear i have been misleading everyone (unintentionally) about our system, i dont feel like they are real i have some semblance of control over my switches (no trauma processing here lol) and i know almost too much about each alter being a year in without trauma processing.

But in every single DES and Mini MID i take i score high in dissociation. Even when I actively choose lower scores to see if i am malingering my symptoms.

So is it possible that perhaps i am making up a “fake” system thats easier for my brain to handle than actually seeing my real system? I do feel like i have extreme dissociation and i DEFINITELY have DPDR along with the “required” trauma.

Another thing is every time i see my inner space it switches from a clean environment to a fucking dirty ass environment. And it feels like the dirty space is hidden underneath a clean like hologram? Thats not the word but it is 3 am and we are exhausted

edit: my t believes “if i believe it its true” which doesnt work for me. She makes me feel like an endogenic. I have taken psych tests WITH a psych that say yes i have dissociation. Not asking for a diagnosis i am asking if it is possible to hide a system under a fake one.

Both myself and my partner are disabled as hell.
My partner has ME/CFS as well as several comobrids so they are mostly wheelchair / bed bound.
I personally have a rare form of EDS as well as severe structural issues and heart defects.

How the hell am i suppose to support my partner?? I cannot help them shower on my bad days, they cannot help me with anything at all due to ME being borderline severe. I am working a baby part time job trying to support us but its fucking impossible

Only my partner qualifies for disability and im so scared. I cant work forever, they probably will never go back to work. What do we do?

Ive been disabled since entering the relationship and they became disabled around November/December. Its a new adjustment and im just freaking tf out. We cant afford an in home caregiver?

And with this economy i cannot pay our rent with a part time job.

Are there any other disabled couples out there? How do you make it work when neither if you can help the other? I feel like im drowning