How often do your in-laws stay with you?
Married ladies of this sub... is this normal?
I'm genuinely curious to know if this is common or if I'm just struggling to adjust.
Do your in-laws visit and stay with you for 7to10 days almost every month? If yes, how do you manage your personal space and routine?
In my case, during their stay, my MIL occupies the kitchen around 75% of the time and does things entirely her way. Every night she'll ask me what I want for the next day's menu, but the choices are usually limited to the options she has already decided. If I suggest something different, there's almost always a reason why it can't be made "that combination won't taste good," "this vegetable will spoil," etc. Eventually I end up choosing from her list rather than cooking what I actually feel like eating.
She has also insisted that I bring certain utensils from my MIL to our newly shifted home that I don't really want, saying things like, "Try cooking in this, you'll definitely like it." Individually these may seem like small things, but when they happen repeatedly, they start feeling exhausting.
Other than this, she's actually a sweet person & sometimes considers abt my feelings.but My FIL, however, is a completely different story. The entire household seems to function according to his preferences. My MIL willingly avoids cooking, eating, or even doing things that he doesn't like. His opinion almost always becomes the final decision.
What bothers me is the difference in boundaries. When I visit their house, I never try to change how things are done because I believe it's their home and their rules. Even if I don't like something, I adjust. But when they come to our home, I don't feel the same respect is given to me. The kitchen especially doesn't feel like my space anymore. My preferences, sentiments, and even certain religious practices don't seem to matter much during their stay.
I'm currently pregnant, and these things affect me emotionally much more than they used to. I get irritated so easily these days, and I keep worrying whether being stressed or sad during pregnancy could negatively affect my baby's mental well-being or personality. I know stress isn't ideal, but I don't know how much of it actually impacts the baby.
My husband is a single chikd & does talk to my MIL occasionally abt these whenever he notices I'm uncomfortable, but there are many things I stop him from bringing up because I don't want to hurt my in-laws or make them feel unwelcome.
For context, ours is a love marriage between two different communities from two completely different cities, so our food habits, traditions, and cultural expectations are very different.
Looking back, I also feel like many major decisions around our wedding and married life happened according to my FIL's wishes like our wedding menu, guest count, food items, rituals, wedding outfits, and even decisions related to setting up our new home. He's the kind of person who won't easily accept someone else's opinion. If he wants something, he'll keep repeating the same point over and over until everyone gives in. On the other hand, I get mentally exhausted after explaining myself a few times and eventually agree just to avoid conflict.
Recently, my MIL has probably sensed that I don't enjoy her cooking style, so she lets me cook a few dishes occasionally. But interestingly, those dishes are usually eaten only by me, while my in-laws avoid them. At the same time, whenever she cooks something, she expects me to taste it and encourages me to eat it, even if I'm not in the mood. Again, it's a small thing by itself, but when it keeps happening repeatedly, it starts feeling emotionally draining.
Am I overreacting because of pregnancy hormones, or is this genuinely difficult to deal with? I'd really like to hear how others maintain boundaries with frequent in-law visits while still keeping the relationship respectful.