u/Necessary_Engine125

I see this in many Indian communities. Indian families & relatives conveniently ask a rich girl family to agree to a normal guy family, saying what’s wrong, agree na? They expect the girl side family to handover her share of assets, dowry, to tc of her. Expects her not to work on purpose. Why? Isn’t this wrong?

Why is this normalised?

The moment you see a girl marrying into a rich family, she’s a gold digger but when the same thing guy does, he’s not. How???? 😵‍💫 I see this in Marwadis, Hyderabad guys, some Kannadigas too. Many more. Especially in Telugu speaking families, this is extremely normalised. Isn’t that so messed up & confusing to girls?

On top of it, giving so much assets, dowry, car gifts, expensive wedding, some men choose to cheat on her with her money. That’s so sick.

Edit: This is solely with respect to NW bracket where girl is not working as she has income from her assets, rentals, dads biz, etc. Not to only salary bracket. In Salary bracket, yes I see girls looking for higher salary men.

If you look at it, it feels like a playbook they run on us to see if we qualify to be abused for life or for few months. They only have intentions to abuse us. Mentally, physically, sexually, monetarily. That’s it. Each time they do that, they get an ego boost & feel good about themselves. They’re reallyyyyy messed up. I have never seen anything this messed up.

Therefore, only solution is to go no contact. Anything you tell them, they will twist it in any way possible they want, which serves them. You are hooked trying to justify yourself, in that too they’ll twist it again. Twist upon twist until you’re a mess. They get the last laugh. This is exactly what one needs to avoid.

Only way out is no reply, no contact. Nothing with them. Only if you say something to them, they can twist your reality. If you don’t say anything to them, they can’t. It also makes the narc go through a narcissistic collapse when we go no contact. It’s what I love to see 😍 there is absolutely nothing more satisfying than watching that demonic soul, who put me through so much, public embarrassment, made me look dumb for giving him a chance, for loving him, go through narcissistic collapse 😍🥰🤍🙌🏻 Absolutely satisfying Yall.

Nex started with small hoovers, now sending huge paragraphs after paragraphs. Being married to someone else. I don’t give a shit. Infact I love it every time he craves for my attention so bad & he gets nothing from me 😂 Very satisfying. He’s lost 20+ kgs & looks dead. There is absolutely nothing more satisfying than watching this narcissistic collapse 🤣😍😍 I love it. He just unlocked Dark Empath in me, which I had no idea about, only just for him 😎

Don’t let these dimwits play you 💪🏻
Give it time.
No contact.
At least 2-3 months, you’ll see them for who they really are.

After falling out of love with a narc & I see things for what they really are. We tend to beat ourselves up like how did we not see the red flags, why didn’t we do anything, why are we so dumb or naive?

In my case there were no red flags, he didn’t even come off strong, nex discarded me because I was not falling for his games. It’s a huge blessing to be discarded by narcs. It’ll not feel like that in the beginning but give it 3 months of absolute no contact.

Narcs target naive ones, who don’t have much boundaries. I remember when I was dating Nex, he loved that I’m so nice and so kind, after 2 months of extreme love bombing, he was only testing me continuously to see how much boundaries I would keep. If I’ll allow him to distort my reality. When he realised I’m not easy, he ran for the hills.

So all I want to say to people here is to actually keep good boundaries. Not too much, not too less. What’s not okay to you, is not okay. We can say it in a nice way, “that’s not okay”. Please don’t beat yourself up thinking you are dumb to even fall for their tactics. It feels like that when we first realise. But narcs are certified scamsters in every areas. They only know to scam people. Lie, deceive & fake their whole personality on a whole other level. No one would really assume anyone could be this fake right, because why would anyone be in the right mind. They fake their whole personality on a whole other level. So I just want to tell, be kind to yourself. Someone faking their whole personality on this level does not even come in our wildest dream.

I believe even Liz Wizard on yt is also dealing with a narc. She was saying how her marriage is non-consensual because the version he showed in the beginning is not who he is now. He faked everything about himself. He has a kind face but is a serial cheater & torturing her everyday with their baby & through law.

We get into relationships being ourselves, wanting to have fun genuinely, but narcs are continuously testing you from the beginning, analysing you & everyone in any room they enter. It’s a mental illness. They’re built that way. Only solution is to leave them. Nex lied about his life, past, likes, dislikes, finances, himself, everything, major future faking even when his passport was confiscated by cops, he was telling me we should do 2 honeymoons, is into multiple legal cases, borrowed money from a lot of people, owe hundreds of people millions including someone I went to college with lol. They’re absolutely insane. Who would we even assume people could be like this!!?? So let’s all be kinder to ourselves more than to others 😊🙌🏻

This can truly happen to anybody they target.
They only have plans to abuse you mentally, physically, sexually & financially. They got no love, they see no love, they want no love. Just supplies - attention, validation, money, sex. To get that, they’ll manipulate the shit outta you.

I met a guy who’s from such a good family. We know each other, I really like him, he went through this, he got married late, got divorced by getting married to someone due to his dad’s pressure and age, very quickly but later they got divorced. He seems such a strong good guy. So what might be the reason he doesn’t want to look for marriage again? He’s not even hooking up with others. He’s also successful. I would like to know what might be the reason behind it?

I am dealing with my parents not doing basic background checks on the guys I get. My dad has always been quite sadhu type & mom is good, which leaves all the burden on me and my mom. When mom enquires about details of their families it sometimes come across wrong, as dads should be the one enquiring about their family background or even validate their claims. But because my dad isn’t doing, even after asking several times, me and mom need to do which is kinda making me and mom look like gold diggers which were not. We just don’t want to get scammed.

Dad is always like why will they lie, I’m like why won’t they lie 😳 why can’t we verify? We met a family who lied about everything, since then we got more careful. They genuinely believe everyone else is like them. My dad has a good position in the society but he’s too carefree and doesn’t even realise if he’s even getting scammed sometimes, it’s so weird. Sometimes I am grateful to god that we’re at least in this position by gods grace by how careless and carefree he is. He loves going to temples. It’s so awkward for us to tell some families he’s again off to a temple because trust me if a guy had told me this about his dad all the time, I would assume he has another family somewhere but dad genuinely loves going to temples and stays at his sisters place there, he even sends us photos videos of nature places he goes to. He’s just restless and can’t stay at home all day.

Any time I mention tiny red flags I noticed in the family, my parents say I’m overthinking. Turns out a month later I was right. They’re just sooooo naive to understand anything at this point & I end up screaming like why do I have to make you both understand basic of basic things? Why can’t you connect dots like a normal human person? This isn’t even that hard! Something so basic also they can’t connect the dots and idk why, because of this I’m scared if some families think wrong of me. I see every other family, parents giving gyan to kids here it’s opposite & I don’t like it & they don’t even believe my analysis on those families, they say I’m overthinking when I’m the only person thinking correctly. I want them to do due diligence and give my gyan what’s good for me.

A broker not only scammed my parents but also told it on their face how he scammed them and they didn’t even realise, even till date they haven’t realised that man played them. I have purposely not explained to dad how he scammed you to see if they’ll even realise. They haven’t. Even when I mentioned how that man scammed you, they tell me to leave it to god & let god tc of it.

To which I say, god has sent us here not to get scammed, god wants us to use our brains, he’s not going to reward us more for being naive and get scammed. What’s the problem in being extra careful in such serious matters idk. To which they say “It’s okay”!!!!!!!!!!!! They don’t understand, they don’t get enraged, I make them understand, they can’t take it, as it feels to them like I’m parenting them. Anything I say they can’t take it. They gaslight me into my voice is loud when I’m not. It’s just so weird, me and my family have no red flags, only red flags I see is my parents are wayyyyyy too naive, which was so convenient to 1-2 families to scam us.

They’ve been like this from the beginning, even about my education they didn’t bother. If a girls family doesn’t do enough background checks it’ll look like girl is not proper. Idk why my parents trust people so much. They cannot be even 1% diplomatic. Basic diplomacy!!! They believe in being true soooooo much in this world. They leave everything on god so much. God has helped us so much no doubt. But I just want them to tc of responsibilities enough like normal parents about this matter at least. Rest I’ll manage. It’s looking like they just ain’t scared of being scammed, it’s so scary. They’re uber super naive & I’m realising nowwwwww after all these years.

Is anyone else facing this? How to deal with this strategically?

I don’t get my Nmother bring up topics of my ex at least once a week, when I caught her texting random guys thrice & she almost had an affair by telling me she needed attention. My dad loves to give her attention but she doesn’t want his attention. It’s so weird. Has anyone ever faced this where Narc mother brings up your ex at least once a week from years???? How do I deal with this?

I have told her calmly repeatedly why she does that, she deflects. I bring up how she did messed up things she gets baffled how I could ask such things 🙄 I was like ain’t it common sense if you come for me, I’ll come for you back? Inspite of that she repeatedly brings up my ex 😳
& this ex is an ex for more than 6 years!!!

I really want to know your experience with them, how it’s like to live with them. 6 months, 1 year later, 2 years later, 5 years later, 10 years later timeline please?

I was two weeks away from marrying my ex-fiancé when everything changed. I was extremely love bombed. A couple of weeks before the wedding, he repeatedly tried to get me alone on a trip or to a private villa outside our city. Since I come from a traditional family and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, I kept declining. We used to book hotels to make out and all except have sex. Soon after, he began asking my opinion on open marriage multiple times. He eventually admitted he couldn’t stay with one woman for long, fantasized about watching me with other men, and even said seeing menstrual blood excited him, also wanted to have sex when I’m on periods. I was completely shocked. He always portrayed to me all this while he’s a traditional man wanting a good marriage.

The next day, he tried to postpone our wedding by a week while insisting we would still get married. Looking back, I believe he may have been trying to have sex with me first, hoping I wouldn’t leave after revealing what he wanted from the marriage.

Shortly after we ended things, he married another woman within about 20 days. Later, several people known to his family contacted my parents with disturbing allegations about him and his father. They owe a lot of people millions, including my neighbour, they scammed a lot of people, their main source of income also happens to be supplying women as in they were pimps. I was extremely extremely shocked. They also pimped their mother. Now I’m beginning to feel he was trying to target a naive girl into marriage for society sake, but also pimp her out by saying he has fantasies of watching her with other men. I wanted to throw up after getting to know about these things.

Most of my friends were shocked and supportive. However, one of my closest friends changed after hearing rumors from someone who knew his wife. She started suggesting they may have found “party pictures” of me or known things about my past, even though none of that matches my experience and she herself knows I’ve never been taken to parties by him. Me & guy never even spoke of party FFS. Whenever I addressed one rumor, she came up with another possible explanation instead of acknowledging what I’d shared.

What hurts isn’t that she considered another perspective—it’s that she consistently seemed more willing to believe rumors from strangers than the person she’s known for decades. Meanwhile, my other friends found his behavior deeply concerning.

1. Supposedly bestie conveniently dodged all red flags of guy & girl he married. All the red flags I mentioned about guy. Trying to trap me into marriage but wanted open marriage.

2. Supposedly bestie dodging red flags of the new girl marrying him in 20 days when me and the guy were together for 6+ months being publicly engaged too. My other friends believe girls family is cooking up rumours about me to justify getting their daughter married in 20 days. Which is also another red flag bestie is dodging. She knows now she got married knowing him for 20 days and doesn’t find it strange. Howwww? She is talking like I did something to make the guy go away from me & marry a girl in 20 days 😳🤣

4. In their honeymoon pictures to a safari, guy is sitting in front leaving behind girl sitting alone in the safari jeep behind. Typical narc. To which bestie is like safari jeep must be crowded. But it clearly wasn’t. Girl posted sitting both sides of the jeep. Again very obvious. Bestie playing the devils advocate for whattt???

6. She even sent me a tarot reading of my dob (which she never doesssss) claiming he had already lost interest in me and was with another woman while we were together, which was not true at all because guy was continuously trying to fix things with me by postponing by few days, which everyone knew. When we parted ways is when he fixed marriage with someone else asap. I even shared screenshots of our conversation. That felt incredibly insensitive given everything I had just gone through.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve stopped trying to convince people. If someone wants to believe rumors over my lived experience, I can’t control that. But it has been painful to feel unsupported while recovering from something that was already incredibly traumatic.

I know this has less to do with narcissistic spouse but has anyone felt this way with friends? Maybe she’s not understanding the depth of narcissism? I did send videos of narcs which is exactly what I went through but how is she conveniently dodging all the MAJORRRR red flag of others & trying to blame me. This has never happened. But also to give a small backstory, from a year we saw her a shift in her slightly as she voiced to other mutual friends how she’s kinda salty that some of us are financially slightly better than her. But this was incredibly traumatising. She didn’t even check up on me post this nor asked me to hang out. Not once she checked up on me asking how I am. It’s so weird. How do I deal with this? We are best friends from a decade.

I was two weeks away from marrying my ex-fiancé when everything changed. I was extremely love bombed. A couple of weeks before the wedding, he repeatedly tried to get me alone on a trip or to a private villa outside our city. Since I come from a traditional family and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, I kept declining. We used to book hotels to make out and all except have sex. Soon after, he began asking my opinion on open marriage multiple times. He eventually admitted he couldn’t stay with one woman for long, fantasized about watching me with other men, and even said seeing menstrual blood excited him, also wanted to have sex when I’m on periods. I was completely shocked. He always portrayed to me all this while he’s a traditional man wanting a good marriage.

The next day, he tried to postpone our wedding by a week while insisting we would still get married. Looking back, I believe he may have been trying to have sex with me first, hoping I wouldn’t leave after revealing what he wanted from the marriage.

Shortly after we ended things, he married another woman within about 20 days. Later, several people known to his family contacted my parents with disturbing allegations about him and his father. They owe a lot of people millions, including my neighbour, they scammed a lot of people, their main source of income also happens to be supplying women as in they were pimps. I was extremely extremely shocked. They also pimped their mother. Now I’m beginning to feel he was trying to target a naive girl into marriage for society sake, but also pimp her out by saying he has fantasies of watching her with other men. I wanted to throw up after getting to know about these things.

Most of my friends were shocked and supportive. However, one of my closest friends changed after hearing rumors from someone who knew his wife. She started suggesting they may have found “party pictures” of me or known things about my past, even though none of that matches my experience and she herself knows I’ve never been taken to parties by him. Me & guy never even spoke of party FFS. Whenever I addressed one rumor, she came up with another possible explanation instead of acknowledging what I’d shared.

What hurts isn’t that she considered another perspective—it’s that she consistently seemed more willing to believe rumors from strangers than the person she’s known for decades. Meanwhile, my other friends found his behavior deeply concerning.

1. Supposedly bestie conveniently dodged all red flags of guy & girl he married. All the red flags I mentioned about guy. Trying to trap me into marriage but wanted open marriage.

2. Bestie doesn’t find girl to be a red flag who married him in 20 days of knowing each other. One cannot even do wedding preparations in 20 days.

3. In their honeymoon pictures to a safari, guy is sitting in front leaving behind girl sitting alone in the safari jeep behind. Typical narc. To which bestie is like safari jeep must be crowded. But it clearly wasn’t. Girl posted sitting both sides of the jeep.

Clearly fully vacant.

1. Again very obvious. Bestie playing the devils advocate for whattt???
2. She even sent me a tarot reading of my dob (which she never doesssss) claiming he had already lost interest in me and was with another woman while we were together, which was not true at all because guy was continuously trying to fix things with me by postponing by few days, which everyone knew.

When we parted ways is when he fixed marriage with someone else asap.

1. I even shared screenshots of our conversation. That felt incredibly insensitive given everything I had just gone through.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve stopped trying to convince people. If someone wants to believe rumors over my lived experience, I can’t control that. But it has been painful to feel unsupported while recovering from something that was already incredibly traumatic.

I know this has less to do with narcissistic spouse but has anyone felt this way with friends? Maybe she’s not understanding the depth of narcissism? I did send videos of narcs which is exactly what I went through but how is she conveniently dodging all the MAJORRRR red flag of others & trying to blame me. This has never happened. But also to give a small backstory, from a year we saw her a shift in her slightly as she voiced to other mutual friends how she’s kinda salty that some of us are financially slightly better than her. But this was incredibly traumatising. She didn’t even check up on me post this nor asked me to hang out. Not once she checked up on me asking how I am. It’s so weird. How do I deal with this? We are best friends from a decade.

I was always very content with myself. I love my own space. But after I started dating a narc for 5 months. Post parting ways, I feel the need to talk to someone all the time. I feel this happened because narc was always finding ways to talk to me, get to know me, to play me later and sell a version of himself that was perfect for me. He would talk to me all day & night & hang out with me all day.

Now when we suddenly parted ways, it’s like I needed to vent for all the right reasons but I have come out of it. Still I am constantly looking for Reddit notifications to just talk, to see if anyone even commented on my comments. It’s weird. I had never felt this way ever before. Nex got me hooked to be a constant supply to him that when we parted ways suddenly I feel like I still want to give that supply to people not a lot but a little. As in I just need attention, some reaction, you know what I mean? I also find myself looking at stories of narcs a lot, trying to see how worse they are. Idk bottom line is I feel happy when someone validates my feelings & I constantly check notifications to see if I got someone to talk to. Maybe because people around me truly don’t understand narcissists at all. They are not interested to know either.

In narcissism discussions, a person would often be considered very high-value supply because they provide multiple forms of ego reinforcement at once:

Physical attractiveness (“Look who wants me.”)
Social status or desirability (“I attracted someone others would want.”)
Financial success or prestige.
Being fun, exciting, or interesting to be around.
Validation from someone perceived as “above” the narcissist in some way.

However, an interesting twist is when she doesn’t fall for his games.
For some narcissistic personalities, that can actually make the person even more psychologically significant. Not because they’re providing easy supply, but because they’re:
Hard to control.
Hard to impress.
Hard to replace emotionally in the narcissist’s mind.

A challenge to the narcissist’s ego.

In that situation, the narcissist may become preoccupied with getting a reaction, approval, admiration, or attention from that person. The value isn’t just the attention itself—it’s the fact that it’s coming from someone whose validation feels difficult to obtain.

That doesn’t mean the narcissist necessarily wants a healthy relationship with her. Sometimes the fixation is more about:
Winning.
Proving desirability.
Restoring wounded pride.
Demonstrating influence over someone who seems independent.

She becomes “premium” or “top-tier” source of validation—not because she gives endless attention, but because her attention is rare, valuable, and meaningful to the person’s ego. In some cases, the fact that she withholds that validation can make the person think about her more, not less.

I was discarded by Nex, because I questioned things he tried to fool me about, I have completely moved on & I had been wondering why this manchild is still chasing me for attention. They love chaos 🙄 the more I’m removing access to me from him & his flying monkeys, the more he wants to be visible to me 🙄

Finally he’s no longer in my mental space 😊 He’s still hoovering on me but I just don’t care anymore. 5 months relationship with narc & I needed 2.5 months to come out of it fully. Wow. First one month of no contact was playing 3D chess with them 🙄 why are they so messed up?