u/Necessary_Tour_5222

I have worked in NYC, Singapore, Dubai and now London/UK. Have been in London/UK for 7 years now, and on my 3rd job. One job was in Brighton, two inc this one in London.

I have enjoyed working in NYC, Dubai and Singapore. Had great relationships with colleagues and managers. Of course not everyone was my ‘cup of tea’ however, there was always respect and civility and I’d even help them if they need. Even had a manager in NYC with an infamous temper however, they never singles anyone out and it was understood that was just how they were. And when calm they were quite nice and also hard-working.

Now onto my observation of UK workplaces ( I won’t write about each experience individually).

First, I have non-British colleagues that I really like and click with. I also have experienced maybe 2-4 British people in each place who were ok-ish and as a consequence of them not going along with the status quo, would also be pushed out and not promoted despite being the decent ones.

I AM SHOCKED at how lazy British people are in the workplace. They take shortcuts, do things halfway, will try and push responsibility to other colleagues or departments shamelessly. My job is mostly fixing other people’s mistakes and actually doing the paperwork correctly and following protocols and having to apologise to stakeholders. My 2nd job was the worst one for this. And even if something is done, it’s written badly or just ‘half-heartedly’, almost like a teenager but its a 20-45 year old doing it. I’ve been blamed for things I had nothing to do with. Crazy.

I’ve noticed management HATE people who actually work hard and have fresh ideas or who are good at problem-solving. And it’s the useless, lazy people who get promoted. There is no reward for hard-work or loyalty or good character.

And the worst aspect. The nastiness from the women in the workplace. WOW.

I’ve had a couple of sneaky women in NYC however, the office as a whole understood they were sneaky and knew they were stirring up trouble and so, they couldn’t cause too many issues in the overall harmony.

In the UK, the sneaky bitchy woman is the norm and is just accepted. I’ve had non-mean British women as colleagues as I stated above however, they get targeted and pushed out or leave due to the toxicity.

And the sneaky bitchy women are SO bad at the job. And gun for difderent women. And somehow are the ones protected by HR. Its insane. The things I’ve seen genuinely remind me of the description for female sociopaths. At one job I got pushed out after reporting a group of women for racism targeting black women- black women who were ACTUALLY working and food at their jobs and were really nice people. These black women have now all left.

The nasty looks, the faux compliments, the swings from being nasty to being performatively nice, the stealing of credit, the hatred towards intelligent women and black women, the sucking up to male colleagues, the spreadinf of rumors, the insinuation of bad things to affect someone’s reputation…… I’m just so shocked and disgusted.

After my first job here, I thought it was bad luck. But a Russian colleague told me that British people are like that and to keep my head down.

I’m so depressed at the moment because I cannot deal with the negativity and hostility. Both aimed at me and that I see aimed at others.

I miss the feeling of camaraderie in the workplace and being excited to work as a team to solve a problem etc.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw the headline for a piece by the Telegraph about how graduates and young people are trying to leave the UK. I didn’t read it. But I’m thinking that it didn’t mention that in the UK, positive traits get punished in many workplaces. Even in the NHS from what I’ve heard from a relative who is a nurse here, the workers who are kind and good at their jobs get bullied and pushed out. Its disgusting.

I’m now trying to find a role in Singapore or Dubai so I can get the hell off this island, which is great for me. However, I felt I had to write this and get it off my chest.

I guess I’m in disbelief and wanted to see if anyone else has had this experience here in UK?

Edit: after posting this, I typed in ‘British Workplace’ on reddit searchbar and it turns out this is a ‘thing’ and many others have noticed. I finally feel vindicated and not crazy. Didn’t stop me from crying all day. Hopefully I’ll be off this sick island in next 6 months 😭

As the heading says, I’m looking for a long lost relative who lived in Banjul back in the 90’s.

I desperately need to contact him. I have a name and address but I’m in EU.

Can anyone advise please?

Im open to people who are anywhere between 28-50 who are in EU.

Basically, I’ve decided I need to start reconnecting with people after 15 years of having an undiagnosed autoimmune disease. I sometimes take too long to start implementing something or make decisions so im hoping to make some virtual friends who are also rebuilding their lives.

I’m up for talking about different treatments if you also have autoimmune as maybe we can share useful and helpful information and resources.

I’m doing EMDR for trauma now and want to get into good habits that I used to have before I developed autoimmune diseases.

I used to LOVE reading so I’ve deleted my netflix and prime so if you’re someone looking to get off media too this might be a good fit.

We could also schedule walk n chat aka go to respective parks in our cities and chat on the phone while doing our 10000 steps.

I’m looking to regain study habits as I used to love studying and I’m also signed on to do a part time masters in CS.

I also want to restart learning French and this time push to get to C1 level. So if you’re learning another language maybe we could do discord dates where we keep eachother accountable by studying in silence or something?

I would prefer discord :)

We can chat over discord and celebrate and also complain from time to time 😅

I want to do a 60 day feast followed by doing one meal a day for some time.

I initally wrote this for the autoimmune sub but felt like this needed to go here also.

Some of this might seem self-aggrandising but it feels like I’m speaking highly of someone else not myself so please forgive me.

As a child, I was such a sweet, happy soul. I know most children are, but I was so precocious and extremely emotionally intelligent and also just generally intelligent, years ahead of my peers. Throughout my life, school was spent being told to wait for the other students to finish. I was offered scholarships to private schools which my mym stupidly rejected. I was obsessed with medical shows and veterinary shows and also space and marine animals and wanted to become either a doctor or physicist. Maths, music and languages came very easy to me.

At age 8, almost overnight, I developed breasts and was a 32C and got stretch marks on my hips. However I had a normal BMI of 21. I also was very tall for my age and after developing breasts especially, looked 13 at 8. My mum took me to the drs and they did blood tests and told my mum I was fine and didn’t even refer me to a pediatric endocrinologist.

I then started my period one week after turning 9. Again they didn’t think it was weird despite me having a normal BMI.

I then developed rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers. This time I was referred but after a year, it spontaneously disappeared and they didn’t look into it anymore.

By age 11, I was a 32F breast cup. As you can imagine this lead to very sexual attention. I had grown men lick their lips at me from age 10 and a lot of groping from male peers at school and also sexual abuse from other boys.

By age 15, I was happier as my body had stopped developing further. I hadn’t gained weight in 5 years and height remained the same. I was a straight A student with plans to do medicine at Oxford and was on numerous sports teams. Had high energy and an excellent memory. Had friends and loved socialising when in the mood though I never really clicked with peers.

At 15, almost overnight, I became a whole other person. Unfocused, sad, anxious, depressed, extremely tired, brain non functional. My grades slipped just before the most important year of my academic life (GCSE’s in UK) and I was asked to step off my sports teams due to not keeping up in offical matches causing us to lose. Hair falling out in clumps too which to a teenage girl was a huge deal.

I couldn’t understand what was happening. I went to my GP having done some reading and said I thought it was my thyroid as I had all the symptoms. Of course he dismissed me but said he would do tests. When results came back he told me I was fine and I stupidly believed him. He told me I just needed to exercise to feel happier and get skinnier (though I was extremely muscly and a UK size 10).

Every 18 months over the next 15 years I would go back with even worse symptoms. My mental health spun out of control as I couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. I tried to fix myself and while it felt momentarily good to be trying to do something and hoping it would work it made me more and more depressed when I didn’t get the results I hoped for. Of course I didn’t do medicine at Oxford but went to another ok university and did another stem subject. But my brain just couldn’t hold any info in my head and I had really bad ADHD like symptoms so I scraped by. I wasn’t cognizant and so wasn’t socially aware and let very bad people near me who took advantage of my ‘slowness’: therapists have called what happened abuse so I guess it was that. Which of course made a bad situation so much worse. Drs were telling me I was fine and meanwhile I spent years dissociated eventually having a mental breakdown after a 6 week period of no sleep (no exaggeration I would close my eyes at night but was awake and just waiting for the sun to come up). I finished my final year of uni by pushing through my fatigue, in that breakdown state.

I moved back home and basically stayed in bed for a few years. Had gained about 100lbs over 5 years. The drs at a new GP did blood test and told me I had extremely high cortisol. Apparently 2.5 times the normal level. Again they didn’t refer me to anyone. I was told to go for long slow walks in nature. Thats it.

I also lost my period for 6 years despite being obese and this being a symptom of anorexia.

I repeatedly was sick after I had my breakdown, having repeated chest infections which wouldn’t break without codeine.

I went to do blood tests twice a year from 2020-2023. Each time they told me I was fine. I trusted them.

I had a corporate job which offered private medical insurance. I decided to use it to see a private endocrinologist.

Within a month, she diagnosed me with autoimmune thyroiditis and put me on Levothyroxine and my brain started working for the first time in 15 years. However it took until pretty much this year for me to feel like I had ‘come home’ to myself.

Some of my blood tests results from 2020-2023 were available on the NHS app and last year I was curious and decided to check. Every single one showed that my thyroid antibodies were at 750 despite the upper limit being 5.

Last summer I was suicidal as I couldn’t believe that I had suffered so much not because I had a very niche disease or because of childhood trauma (childhood was fine tbh, my mum was a bit emotionally unstable but we were ok and there were happy memories too). But because the drs lied. For what I don’t understand. And at this point I don’t understand how long for exactly.

I bought a book called ‘Hypothyroidism: the Unexplained Illness’ last June and I had EVERY single symptom. Down to chronic anaemia, rheumatoid arthritis and repeated tonsilitis infections.

I have lost EVERTHING.

I’m 31 and I live with my mum. I was made redundant from the only job I’ve ever had- despite high performance they were suspicious of me being sick a few times a year even though they could hear me have a chronic cough or hardly be able to talk. Since starting Levothyroxine, the frequency that I get sick reduced over time and as of today I haven’t been sick for nearly a year for the first time since I was 15.

I’ve never dated due to my body insecurities and also I think phermones. Even though I’m objectively ugly now and was gorgeous from 15-20, I get more attention now, so I really think the Levothyroxine has done something to my phermones. I’m looked at now whereas before I was looked THROUGH.

I now have stretch marks EVERYWHERE. Before they were only a few on my breasts and the ones on my waist though the latter had mostly disappeared. Now? EVERYWHERE. I’m guessing due to not exercising due to fatigue and depression, and cortisol which drove weight gain, my skin was very thin. I would get stretch marks every month even with no weight gain. So now I basically stay indoors in summer and don’t ever wear anything sleeveless as the ones on my arm are grotesque.

I feel like the future I envisioned with husband and kids is gone.

I don’t think my brain will ever go back to normal so that I can study again. Due to trying so hard last time and pushing to the point I had a breakdown, I have an aversion to studying despite me loving to study and learn before. I’m trying EMDR now to see if I can remove the block but my hopes are low.

And when I hit the gym and got a personal trainer? Maybe due to my now having cortisol blunting, my body rejects any form of cortisol. By which I mean, when I go to the gym, I become enraged at home and last time it was like I reverted back to how I was when I had a breakdown and was throwing glass and plates around in the kitchen and my room, scaring my mum. I become so so angry and out of character at the slightest hint of cortisol. Also I went consistently for 5 months, while I felt progressively stronger, I didn’t lose weight and eventually I gave up.

I lost most of my friends as they were either exploiting that I was so vulnerable or they felt embarrassed being friends with someone in my state and at my weight. Though the only good thing to come out of this is learning who truly cares for you.

I also attracted exploitative people I guess because it was obvious I wasn’t ok.

My family are high achievers. Which is fine. But the way they treated me when I was sick is unforgivable. It was obvious I wasn’t ok and not a single person noticed or truly cared. Not really. Most of my aunts and uncles and cousins and community members seemed secretly happy that the gifted child of the family turned out to be a fat failure. Meanwhile, I had no idea there was any competition between me and their kids…. My dad has also cut me off due to my weight and lack of success. Though he tells people its because of my character aka I defend myself when he insults me and puts me down. No one has for a 2nd tried to understand what I’ve experienced but then they were never there for me ina ny meaningful way. Now, they talk to me like I’m an imbecile who is irresponsible and untrustworthy and its infuriating to be spoken down to despite me going through everything alone, things they couldn’t even imagine. They all have a support system that I’ve not had.

I went from having so many doors open and everything going for me, to now basically being a loser. I spent 15 years thinking it was my fault and pushing myself and trying out alternative medicines which never worked.

And now I don’t want to be alive because I cannot comprehend that humans would be so evil they would leave someone in that state KNOWINGLY. I will never have even a semblance of a life. I spent 15 years as a vegetable and now I’ve been condemned to a half life. I’ve even looked into euthanasia in europe but I don’t meet criteria.

The sickness showed me that I’ve never had a family, most friends were fake, and the world is a cruel place that unfairly targets the more decent people because what the hell did I ever do to anyone? Not saying I’m utterly perfect but compared to my peers who were/are obsessed with social climbing and competing with others and putting others down and exploiting. I can honestly say I’m not like that, I was only ever wanting to be my best self and wanted the same for others. And as whiny as it sounds…. Why?? I can’t get over this.

I will never EVER trust a dr for as long as I live and I genuinely hope every dr who fucked me overhas something bad happen to them.

If there’s any young black people here, don’t trust drs. EVER. Pay what you need, travel to wherever to get taken seriously and be treated. Don’t let drs steal your life away like they did mine.

Some of this might seem self-aggrandising but it feels like I’m speaking highly of someone else not myself so please forgive me.

As a child, I was such a sweet, happy soul. I know most children are, but I was so precocious and extremely emotionally intelligent and also just generally intelligent, years ahead of my peers. Throughout my life, school was spent being told to wait for the other students to finish. I was offered scholarships to private schools which my mym stupidly rejected. I was obsessed with medical shows and veterinary shows and also space and marine animals and wanted to become either a doctor or physicist. Maths, music and languages came very easy to me.

At age 8, almost overnight, I developed breasts and was a 32C and got stretch marks on my hips. However I had a normal BMI of 21. I also was very tall for my age and after developing breasts especially, looked 13 at 8. My mum took me to the drs and they did blood tests and told my mum I was fine and didn’t even refer me to a pediatric endocrinologist.

I then started my period one week after turning 9. Again they didn’t think it was weird despite me having a normal BMI.

I then developed rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers. This time I was referred but after a year, it spontaneously disappeared and they didn’t look into it anymore.

By age 11, I was a 32F breast cup. As you can imagine this lead to very sexual attention. I had grown men lick their lips at me from age 10 and a lot of groping from male peers at school and also sexual abuse from other boys.

By age 15, I was happier as my body had stopped developing further. I hadn’t gained weight in 5 years and height remained the same. I was a straight A student with plans to do medicine at Oxford and was on numerous sports teams. Had high energy and an excellent memory. Had friends and loved socialising when in the mood though I never really clicked with peers.

At 15, almost overnight, I became a whole other person. Unfocused, sad, anxious, depressed, extremely tired, brain non functional. My grades slipped just before the most important year of my academic life (GCSE’s in UK) and I was asked to step off my sports teams due to not keeping up in offical matches causing us to lose. Hair falling out in clumps too which to a teenage girl was a huge deal.

I couldn’t understand what was happening. I went to my GP having done some reading and said I thought it was my thyroid as I had all the symptoms. Of course he dismissed me but said he would do tests. When results came back he told me I was fine and I stupidly believed him. He told me I just needed to exercise to feel happier and get skinnier (though I was extremely muscly and a UK size 10).

Every 18 months over the next 15 years I would go back with even worse symptoms. My mental health spun out of control as I couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. I tried to fix myself and while it felt momentarily good to be trying to do something and hoping it would work it made me more and more depressed when I didn’t get the results I hoped for. Of course I didn’t do medicine at Oxford but went to another ok university and did another stem subject. But my brain just couldn’t hold any info in my head and I had really bad ADHD like symptoms so I scraped by. I wasn’t cognizant and so wasn’t socially aware and let very bad people near me who took advantage of my ‘slowness’: therapists have called what happened abuse so I guess it was that. Which of course made a bad situation so much worse. Drs were telling me I was fine and meanwhile I spent years dissociated eventually having a mental breakdown after a 6 week period of no sleep (no exaggeration I would close my eyes at night but was awake and just waiting for the sun to come up). I finished my final year of uni by pushing through my fatigue, in that breakdown state.

I moved back home and basically stayed in bed for a few years. Had gained about 100lbs over 5 years. The drs at a new GP did blood test and told me I had extremely high cortisol. Apparently 2.5 times the normal level. Again they didn’t refer me to anyone. I was told to go for long slow walks in nature. Thats it.

I also lost my period for 6 years despite being obese and this being a symptom of anorexia.

I repeatedly was sick after I had my breakdown, having repeated chest infections which wouldn’t break without codeine.

I went to do blood tests twice a year from 2020-2023. Each time they told me I was fine. I trusted them.

I had a corporate job which offered private medical insurance. I decided to use it to see a private endocrinologist.

Within a month, she diagnosed me with autoimmune thyroiditis and put me on Levothyroxine and my brain started working for the first time in 15 years. However it took until pretty much this year for me to feel like I had ‘come home’ to myself.

Some of my blood tests results from 2020-2023 were available on the NHS app and last year I was curious and decided to check. Every single one showed that my thyroid antibodies were at 750 despite the upper limit being 5.

Last summer I was suicidal as I couldn’t believe that I had suffered so much not because I had a very niche disease or because of childhood trauma (childhood was fine tbh, my mum was a bit emotionally unstable but we were ok and there were happy memories too). But because the drs lied. For what I don’t understand. And at this point I don’t understand how long for exactly.

I bought a book called ‘Hypothyroidism: the Unexplained Illness’ last June and I had EVERY single symptom. Down to chronic anaemia, rheumatoid arthritis and repeated tonsilitis infections.

I have lost EVERTHING.

I’m 31 and I live with my mum. I was made redundant from the only job I’ve ever had- despite high performance they were suspicious of me being sick a few times a year even though they could hear me have a chronic cough or hardly be able to talk. Since starting Levothyroxine, the frequency that I get sick reduced over time and as of today I haven’t been sick for nearly a year for the first time since I was 15.

I’ve never dated due to my body insecurities and also I think phermones. Even though I’m objectively ugly now and was gorgeous from 15-20, I get more attention now, so I really think the Levothyroxine has done something to my phermones. I’m looked at now whereas before I was looked THROUGH.

I now have stretch marks EVERYWHERE. Before they were only a few on my breasts and the ones on my waist though the latter had mostly disappeared. Now? EVERYWHERE. I’m guessing due to not exercising due to fatigue and depression, and cortisol which drove weight gain, my skin was very thin. I would get stretch marks every month even with no weight gain. So now I basically stay indoors in summer and don’t ever wear anything sleeveless as the ones on my arm are grotesque.

I feel like the future I envisioned with husband and kids is gone.

I don’t think my brain will ever go back to normal so that I can study again. Due to trying so hard last time and pushing to the point I had a breakdown, I have an aversion to studying despite me loving to study and learn before. I’m trying EMDR now to see if I can remove the block but my hopes are low.

And when I hit the gym and got a personal trainer? Maybe due to my now having cortisol blunting, my body rejects any form of cortisol. By which I mean, when I go to the gym, I become enraged at home and last time it was like I reverted back to how I was when I had a breakdown and was throwing glass and plates around in the kitchen and my room, scaring my mum. I become so so angry and out of character at the slightest hint of cortisol. Also I went consistently for 5 months, while I felt progressively stronger, I didn’t lose weight and eventually I gave up.

I lost most of my friends as they were either exploiting that I was so vulnerable or they felt embarrassed being friends with someone in my state and at my weight. Though the only good thing to come out of this is learning who truly cares for you.

I also attracted exploitative people I guess because it was obvious I wasn’t ok.

My family are high achievers. Which is fine. But the way they treated me when I was sick is unforgivable. It was obvious I wasn’t ok and not a single person noticed or truly cared. Not really. Most of my aunts and uncles and cousins and community members seemed secretly happy that the gifted child of the family turned out to be a fat failure. Meanwhile, I had no idea there was any competition between me and their kids…. My dad has also cut me off due to my weight and lack of success. Though he tells people its because of my character aka I defend myself when he insults me and puts me down. No one has for a 2nd tried to understand what I’ve experienced but then they were never there for me ina ny meaningful way. Now, they talk to me like I’m an imbecile who is irresponsible and untrustworthy and its infuriating to be spoken down to despite me going through everything alone, things they couldn’t even imagine. They all have a support system that I’ve not had.

I went from having so many doors open and everything going for me, to now basically being a loser. I spent 15 years thinking it was my fault and pushing myself and trying out alternative medicines which never worked.

And now I don’t want to be alive because I cannot comprehend that humans would be so evil they would leave someone in that state KNOWINGLY. I will never have even a semblance of a life. I spent 15 years as a vegetable and now I’ve been condemned to a half life. I’ve even looked into euthanasia in europe but I don’t meet criteria.

The sickness showed me that I’ve never had a family, most friends were fake, and the world is a cruel place that unfairly targets the more decent people because what the hell did I ever do to anyone? Not saying I’m utterly perfect but compared to my peers who were/are obsessed with social climbing and competing with others and putting others down and exploiting. I can honestly say I’m not like, I was only ever wanting to be my best self and wanted the same for others. And as whiny as it sounds…. Why?? I can’t get over this.

I will never EVER trust a dr for as long as I live and I genuinely hope every dr who fucked me overhas something bad happen to them.

If there’s any young black people here, don’t trust drs. EVER. Pay what you need, travel to wherever to get taken seriously and be treated. Don’t let drs steal your life away like they did mine.

I tried EMDR with an online therapist and I just couldn’t ‘get into it’… he’s quite new and maybe wasn’t explaining as clearly as possible…

What exactly am I supposed to expect when i’m envisioning a memory and watching the bilateral bar??

Looking for relatives and need advice on how to do this please!

I’m helping my cousin find her long lost relatives and desperately searching for them.

Their last name is Ali. And I know that my cousin’s father had at least one brother and two sisters. They were primarily based in the Al Tal area ofTripoli with addresses also in Nicosia Cyprus, Saudi and Tartous Syria.

I’m not sure if they were Christian or Muslim but I know one of the aunts married a man from Tartous Syria and I think settled there.

Does anyone have advice on how best to locate them?

I have a PO Box for Tartous and a list of names….

Edit: we’re based in London UK

Has anyone else seen the videos of Chinese people abusing Black children online? Not to mention the comments on Chinese social media which are so disgusting.

The come here and have exploited us. Why are we accepting this again?

When will Africans stand up for themselves??

The Chinese must be kicked out by the end of the year. Enough .

It was the same when I did a 40 day fast last October. I mostly stayed in bed, I was SO tired 24/7. But people talk about hitting ketosis and feeling energetic and I’ve never felt that. My body feels like its about to flop over to the side, limbs feel week, mentally fatigued….

I tried salt in water and it hardly helped.

Any advice or tips on what might be happening?