u/Nerd_Flanders94

I'm attending my first SAA meeting on Monday. I'm nervous but I know it's the right step.

Does anyone have any tips, advice or words worth noting?

Thanks

I relapsed again — another moment where the pull was stronger than my resolve.

I wasn’t on some long winning streak, but I’d had a good day. Then, because I couldn’t uninstall an app, a message came through from an online acquaintance with a few provocative images of a well‑known celebrity. And just like that — like a fish tugged toward the surface — I took the bait. Two hours later, I was left feeling hollow and unfulfilled all over again.

Now I’m lying on the sofa, my mind too wired to rest, thoughts racing like a jet engine. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep beside my wife; the guilt felt too heavy. So I’m here instead, waiting for either sleep or sunrise to claim me. Another evening lost to the false comfort of pornography and a chat that means nothing and does me no good.

I even thought about going to a meeting tomorrow — a place for people dealing with this kind of thing. I’m terrified. I don’t know if I’ll manage it after the rush of the workday, but the idea is there, hovering.

All of this keeps my eyes open. I’m not entirely sure why I’m sharing it — maybe to ease the guilt a little, maybe so someone else might feel less alone. Either way, I’m awake.

I'm looking for decent books about the Battle of France during the Second World War.

Please leave your recommendations. Thank you.

I sincerely try but I'm unable to stop. It's only masturbation and online forums but I can't resist.

Did anyone else have a time like this?

It's odd. I am seeing a counselor. But I have no one else in the world I can talk to about this.

My counselor is keen for me to attend a SSA group - I've made inquiries but so far I've been too scared.

But I can't be alone in wanting someone to talk to.

When I was 10 years old, I suffered from intrusive thoughts. I would have endless, vivid images of cars - big, burly mechanical beasts - hurtling towards me. No matter what I tried, I could not escape them. They caused me to lose sleep, focus and feel nauseous.

I was hit by a car when I was 8 and saw a plane crash soon after.

Via therapy, I realised that, despite having minimal impact initially, this was the most likely cause.

Over the years my intrusive thoughts have come and gone and with differing intensity.

My thoughts transformed. It became about me being stuck in situations where I was going very fast - imagine being stuck on a rollercoaster ride that's wildly out of control.

These thoughts constantly fill my head. I try to do anything to help distract me.

After a long period of absence, for some reason, they're back. They're upsetting me but I can only sit it out and wait for them to pass. I'm losing sleep, unfortunately.

I'm just typing this in the hopes that others can relate.

When I was 10 years old, I suffered from intrusive thoughts. I would have endless, vivid images of cars - big, burly mechanical beasts - hurtling towards me. No matter what I tried, I could not escape them. They caused me to lose sleep, focus and feel nauseous.

I was hit by a car when I was 8 and saw a plane crash soon after.

Via therapy, I realised that, despite having minimal impact initially, this was the most likely cause.

Over the years my intrusive thoughts have come and gone and with differing intensity.

My thoughts transformed. It became about me being stuck in situations where I was going very fast - imagine being stuck on a rollercoaster ride that's wildly out of control.

These thoughts constantly fill my head. I try to do anything to help distract me.

After a long period of absence, for some reason, they're back. They're upsetting me but I can only sit it out and wait for them to pass. I'm losing sleep, unfortunately.

I'm just typing this in the hopes that others can relate.