u/New_Durian_768

Hey everyone!

I’m moving to the Eugene/Springfield area soon and wanted to get some advice on where to settle.

I posted the other day on this forum and I drove through a couple of days ago, and while I love the trees, I also felt kind of claustrophobic and sadly a little discouraged. I felt like the places where I looked were really rundown and they were up to like 1750. I’m trying to live somewhat near a shopping center—not right at the doorstep, but close—so there’s more foot traffic and activity.

My budget is ideally around $1,750 or $1,800, but I can stretch up to $2,000 if needed. I don’t necessarily need a two-bedroom, but I do want a space that’s bigger than a tiny 500 sq. ft. unit. I was thinking about areas like South or Southwest Eugene, or maybe the north end of Springfield.

I’d really appreciate any tips on newer townhomes or apartments in that range near shopping hubs like Valley River Center, Oakway Center, or The Shoppes at Gateway. I’m heading back to Eugene on Tuesday to tour some places, so any advice would be super helpful! Thanks so much!

I just graduated PA school and accepted a job at one of the local hospitals. I’ve been single for almost two years since starting PA school, and I’d like to live somewhere with more people around my age.

Dating at 35 is a little different than it was in my 20s. I’m hoping to find an area with a good mix of professionals, grad students, and people in their late 20s to late 30s.

For those familiar with Eugene/Springfield, what neighborhoods or apartment/townhome communities would you recommend? I’d like to be around people my age and have opportunities to meet new people, make friends, and hopefully date.

Any suggestions are appreciated!

I’ll try to keep this short.

My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago, and honestly, it wasn’t my finest moment. I was hurt, emotional, and spent a few weeks trying way too hard to fix things. I blew up her phone, cried a lot, and definitely embarrassed myself. There was never any aggression, threats, stalking, or anything like that—just a guy struggling to accept the end of a relationship.
Since then, a lot of rumors have been circulating. Some are true, some definitely aren’t. We live in a medium-sized city with a lot of overlapping friend groups, and it feels like everywhere I go people have heard something. I’ve also lost around 20 mutual friends who no longer speak to me, which has been tough. I know having a few close friends left is what really matters, but losing most of the people I thought were my friend group still hurts.

One thing that makes this harder is that I recently accepted a job in a field where opportunities are limited, and because of a scholarship obligation, I need to stay in the area for at least two years. Moving away and starting over isn’t really an option.
I think the biggest thing I’m struggling with is the embarrassment. It’s been almost two months, but the conversations and gossip seem to keep going.

So I guess my question is: has anyone else completely made a fool of themselves after a breakup? If so, how did you recover from it? For context, I’m in my mid-30s

My ex and I were in and out of a relationship for about four years. The first year and a half was a real, committed relationship. The next 2.5 years were an absolute sh*t show of breakups, reconnecting, and getting pulled back into the same cycle over and over again. Looking back, I know it was never going to work, but for whatever reason I couldn’t let go.

About seven months ago she reached out again and started doing the same stuff she always does every few months. I got pulled back in, and this time she was already talking to another guy. Somehow I found the courage to tell her, “I can’t do this anymore.” The problem is there wasn’t much substance behind it because I still loved her. Right after that conversation she blocked me. I blocked her back, and that was about two months ago.

Now she’s with another guy. I know because she lives down the road from me and his truck is there all the time. What I can’t get out of my head is that she’s literally sharing her life with this dude every day. Everything we used to do together, they’re doing now. Maybe more. I know I shouldn’t think about it, but I do.

I genuinely don’t know if what I’m feeling is love, a trauma bond, childhood wounds, attachment issues, or some combination of all of it. What I do know is that I had very strong feelings and chemistry with this girl, and I can’t seem to move past it.

I did try dating and had a few short-lived intimate relationships about 8-10 months ago while trying to get over her, but I honestly hated it. Every time I was with another woman, I felt sick to my stomach because all I could think about was my ex. I haven’t dated or been intimate with anyone since.

Another difficult part is that after about our third breakup, I lost pretty much all of my friends. The mutual friends we had were really more her friends than mine. Some of them probably heard true things about me, some probably heard complete BS, but either way they’re gone. At this point I legitimately don’t have a close friend. I might be able to call somebody and have a conversation, but I don’t have anyone I’d consider real support.

What’s confusing to me is how people become genuinely happy for their ex and move on. I don’t understand how to get to that point. I’m not sitting here wishing bad things on her, but I also can’t seem to accept that she’s building a life with someone else.

As far as the rest of my life goes, things are actually okay. I just graduated from a medical program, I have a job lined up, and I’m working out regularly. But none of that seems to touch this wound.

To be completely honest, this relationship has affected my mental health more than anything else in my life. I’ve had two periods where I seriously considered ending my life because of the pain. One was about two years ago during one of our breakups, and the second was just a month ago. The second time got bad enough that I was thinking about who would have to clean up the mess and even started writing letters. I’m not in immediate danger right now, but that’s how much this has impacted me.

I’ve done therapy. I’ve tried medications and my doses have basically been maxed out. I exercise. I focus on school and career goals. Yet I still wake up carrying this sadness every day, and honestly I’m confused as hell about why I can’t move on.

I’m a guy in my mid-30s, and at this point I feel like I’m standing on stilts with zero community and zero support system. When I say zero community, I literally mean zero.

I’m honestly at a loss. The fact that I’m coming to Reddit for advice should tell you how stuck I feel. If anyone has been through something similar and actually found a way out, what helped? Not generic advice, but real, tangible things that worked when nothing else seemed to.

Hey everyone, I am not really sure how to ask this or what I’m really looking for but I’m a 29-year-old male and I have struggled with depression often and on since my late teens early 20s. I haven’t had any major mental health events except for two times in the last two years where I have been very close to the edge figuratively speaking. like right on the edge…. My best friend passed away three years ago in a car accident and my mother has also passed away. I don’t have any siblings and I feel extremely alone.

I think the most difficult part is my father doesn’t really wanna hear about it anymore. He doesn’t explicitly say that, but I can tell that he is really tired of hearing about it for me. The only reason why I’m writing is because I’m at a really bad place mentally and I live in Montana and I don’t have any real friends around and I just don’t like how I feel and I’m somewhat afraid. Not like afraid in the next 24 hours, but just I don’t have a good Outlook on the next few weeks months of my life and sometimes I’m actually afraid of myself if you know what I mean. I just don’t know what to do and I do apologize for reaching out on here. I know everyone’s just random, but I am a real person and I’m dealing with this. I just don’t know how to. By the way, I’ve tried therapy and it just does not work for me.

I am really having a hard time since my ex and I separated a month ago she is with a new guy and she stays the night at his house. The only reason why I know is because the town is quite small and we both live on the same road on the opposite end. It just makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing that when she gets off work, she goes to his house has dinner does whatever else sleeps in the same bed wakes up and does it all over again.

Right now I’m just struggling on like how do you guys honestly get through that because I legitimately feel sick in my stomach

I feel ashamed because I let my ex break up and come back literally 3 times over the last 2 years. This break up (4) was by me only because I knew she was already talking to a new guy and wouldnt talk to me all day long… I really loved this girl with all my heart and I would have given her the world but she kept coming back after something did irk out and stayed around for a month or so and then said “ Oh sorry I should have never reached out” I have spent the last two year crying myself to sleep for a month then slowly getting back to decent just to have her come back after a few months to do it again. And she knows I love her….

Why is she coming back and I’m never enough… I’m just so hurt right now and feel like the biggest idiot for letting her come back.