u/Nightvison2033

Why do some parents feel like it's okay to not respect our time? I set up a phone interview with a parent yesterday, I let her know I only had a 30 minute window and it would have to be at 2pm. She agreed and said she would call me at 2pm, I thought she changed her mind because by 2:20 I still hadn't heard back even though I sent her a message around 2:05pm to ask if we were still on for our phone call. She never replied or even looked at my message and at 2:30 she called me!!! When I didn't answer because I didn't have time to she sent me a message about it. I told her I no longer had time and if something had come up I'd appreciate her communication. She said she understood and didn't want to reschedule because she felt based on that we're not the right fit. I agree, I don't want to work for someone who can't respect me or my time. Smh, in my interviewing process I have encountered many parents like this, it's so frustrating, they expect us to always be on time or communicate tardiness, and we should be but I feel like they should also give us the same respect back!

Tldr; my boyfriend (M24) cheated on me (F23) and idk if I can move on from it. Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did you move on from it?

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I (23F) have been with my partner (24M) for almost to years. We had major issues getting it on during the beginning stages of our relationship due to his prn "addiction." I'm putting it in quotes because I don't think it was quite there yet but it was definitely getting bad. A few months into our relationship I told him he needed to stop watching or I couldn't continue our relationship as it was affecting our sex life and my self esteem. He agreed and I let him know I would consider it cheating from then on, I made it very clear I wouldn't tolerate it and my trust would be completely broken. Last night, I was on a tablet that we share to play games, I clicked on an ad and when I tried to close it I noticed some tabs open. * He is not watching it on the tablet, his Google account is the one connected to the tablet since he set it up.*

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He was in the shower while all of this was going on, I searched up the word "prn" in his search history and he was looking these girls up by name. Women who look absolutely nothing like me, I'm a WOC and he's white. He always talks trash about not liking or finding white women attractive but the only women he was looking at where white women. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and when he stepped out of the shower I immediately confronted him. He acted shocked and looked scared, he said he's been trying to stop and the only reason he didn't tell me was because he was afraid of my reaction because "I can get very angry." He's apologized and said he would stop, he said he's going to stay logged into his google account on the shared tablet so I can see his history whenever I want. He won't let me look through his phone and when I gave him the ultimatum to let me look through it or we'd be over he said "ok" and took his phone back. He states he has nothing to hide, he's just very "private" about that stuff and doesn't want me to look through his phone because it feels wrong.

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He's been apologizing to me all day long, I just don't know if I can move on from this. He says he's been back to watching it for months now, and lowkey I had a gut feeling about it. Just a few months ago I asked him and he laughed it off and said he was done with that stuff. I'm just so gutted, I love him, we're supposed to be moving 1,000 miles away from the state we're in at the end of September. We have two dogs and a whole life together, what am I supposed to do?

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I guess my question is, have any of you ever dealt with this? We're you able to move past it? If so what did you do? He's suggesting counseling but I'm not sure if I even want to continue with this relationship let alone do counseling together.

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I'm just so angry, I'm sad and I'm hurt. If he had come to me months ago and said "I'm struggling with those urges again." I would've understood, we're human, none of us are perfect and we could've worked on it together. He lied to my face over and over again. He broke my heart and I have no idea where to even begin picking up the pieces....

Dear C.S,

You know what hurts the most? Not being fired. It's realizing that either you were lying to me for months or you're lying to yourself now.

For years I listened to you tell me what a wonderful nanny I was. You thanked me for helping your child grow. You told me I did a fantastic job. When I asked for feedback, constructive criticism, and ways I could improve, you gave me nothing. Not because I wasn't asking, but because you never communicated any of the things you suddenly decided were major problems.

Then after one mistake, suddenly I'm immature, inconsistent, untrustworthy, on my phone too much, not educational enough, not doing enough dishes, and somehow responsible for your child not being where you want them to be developmentally.

Which is it?

Because both of those versions of me cannot be true.

I owned being late. I apologized. I understood why you were upset. What I did not expect was for you to unload months of complaints that you never had the courage or professionalism to discuss when they were actually happening.

You claim you value communication, but your version of communication seems to be smiling to someone's face, telling them they're doing great, and then saving every grievance until you've already decided to get rid of them.

The irony is that this is exactly how you talk about everyone else.

I spent years listening to you judge other parents, criticize their children, mock their decisions, and gossip about neighbors you happily invited into your home every weekend. You sat at tables with people, smiled in their faces, and then tore them apart the second they left. Nothing was ever good enough. Someone was too lazy, too poor, too stupid, too permissive, too whatever you decided they were that week.

I used to think maybe I was different.

Now I realize I was just the next person in line.

You spend so much time judging everyone around you that I genuinely don't think it occurs to you that you might not be the authority on everything. You look down on people while acting as though your family, your parenting, your choices, and your standards are somehow superior to everyone else's.

Meanwhile, your child wasn't raised by me. They are being raised by you. I was with them three days a week. I followed the rigid schedule you created. We did crafts, baking, reading, playtime, park trips, and activities. Yet somehow I get blamed because your YOUNG CHILD doesn't count to ten?

That's absurd.

You wanted constant updates, constant photos, written notes every day, dishes done, schedules followed, and every expectation met perfectly. Yet somehow you never managed the basic courtesy of honest feedback until the day you fired me.

And the part that makes me laugh is that after all of this, you still offered to be a positive reference.

Think about that.

You told me you didn't trust me. You implied I hadn't matured. You criticized my work. Then you turned around and said you'd recommend me to other families.

That tells me everything I need to know.

Either the things you said weren't actually serious enough to justify the way you delivered them, or you're willing to tell completely different stories depending on the audience.

At the end of the day, I can live with making a mistake. I can live with being late. I can learn from that.

What I refuse to carry is your opinion of me.

Because if there's one thing I've learned from watching you, it's that your opinions say just as much about you as they do about the people you're judging.

Edit to add: I AM NOT SENDING THIS LOL, just venting and what I wish I could say if I didn't care about my career. I hate that lady SM