u/No-Advice1345

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Why do some women still expect guys to do all the pursuing and put in all the effort when we are literally both on the app looking for dates?

I understand the traditional dynamic in real life. If a guy approaches a woman at a bar, asks for her number and asks her out, he’s clearly the one initiating.

But on a dating app, you both chose to be there, both swiped, and both matched. There’s already some indication of mutual interest.

Yet there can still be an expectation that the guy should come up with the opener, make her laugh, carry the conversation, ask her out, plan the date and basically prove himself.

I see things like “send me your best pickup line” or “tell me why I should hang out with you” and think… aren’t we both looking for someone?

I’m not saying everything has to be 50/50 from the first message, but if you’re interested in someone, why shouldn’t you show some interest and put in some effort too?

For me:

• Lots of travelling - nothing wrong with it, but I’m more of a save for a house and settle down kind of person.

• Profiles that only focus on what they want in someone, without sharing much about themselves.

• “Entertain me” / “make me laugh” — I love humour and having a good laugh together, but I prefer when it happens naturally rather than feeling like one person is expected to do all the entertaining.

What are yours?

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- “No drama” → Has 5 dramatic exes.

- "6'1" → "No body measures with barefoot"

- "Looking for something serious" → "So, my place or yours?"

- “Dog parent” → Family dog that lives with parents.

- “Deep conversations” → “Wyd”

- “Great communicator” → “Haha yeah.” 5 hrs later

- “Love travelling” → Went to Japan once in 2024.

- “Adventurous” → Orders something different from the usual.

- “Gym” → Has a gym membership, goes 4 times a year.

- “Foodie” → Likes burgers.

- “Love trying new restaurants” → Orders a burger everywhere.

- "Love hiking → "I know one trail"

- “I cook” → Owns an air fryer.

-"I don't drink → "Just really like pubs "

- “Entrepreneur” → has a side hustle that made $50 last year

- “Financially stable” → Has a job and a credit card.

- “Spontaneous” → “You free tonight?”

- “Better in person” → Can’t hold a conversation on apps

- “Good with my hands” → Owns a drill.

- “I don’t take myself seriously” → Takes 4 hours choosing a profile photo.

- “Looking for something serious” → Hasn’t deleted Tinder.

- “I’m emotionally mature” → “My ex was crazy.”

- “Looking for my person” → Also has 8 dating apps.

- “I’m loyal” → "I still follow my ex, but that means nothing"

- “I don’t care what people think” → Rewrites the bio 11 times.

- “I don’t take dating apps seriously” → Checks the apps every 7 minutes.

- “Act of service” → Will assemble IKEA furniture without being asked.

- “I have my life together” → Has 4 loads of laundry on the floor.

- “Minimalist” → Only owns 10 pairs of sneakers.

- “Healthy lifestyle” → Protein shake + family sized bag of chips.

- “I’m a nerd” → I am, in fact, a nerd.

- “Fluent in sarcasm” → Says something rude

- “I hate dating apps” → Has been on them for 5 years.

- “I’ll make you laugh” → Sends memes.

- “Easygoing” → Has strong opinions about how the dishwasher should be loaded.

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- “Not on this app often” - just not talking to you.

- “I’m bad at texting” - posts Instagram stories every hour.

- “Make me laugh” - contributes nothing to the conversation

- "must have sense of humor" - will judge your opening line

- "Just ask" - I'm too lazy to write bio

- "Act of service" - congrats, you have a second job

- “5'10” - 5'7" on a good day.

- "Casual relationship" - commitment not included

- "No hookups" - unless vibes are good

- "Taking things slow" - keep options open

- "Recently single" - looking for rebound

- "Don't have a type" - you are absolutely their type

- "I have trust issues" - someone before you fked up

- “Freelancer” or "self employed" - unemployed

- "Dog person" - likes dogs but does not want to own one

- “Sometimes gym” - owns a gym membership and occasionally walks to get coffee.

- “I hate drama” - absolutely going to be drama.

- “I’m over my ex” - mentions them on the first date.

- “I don’t care about looks” - only swipes on the hottest ones.

- “I’m not picky” - has 69 requirements but doesn't want to look demanding .

-"easygoing" - absolutely not easygoing

- "Deep conversations" - what's your biggest red flag?

- “Fluent in sarcasm” - says “lol” after every sentence.

- “I’m a homebody” - expects you to provide all the entertainment.

- “I hate games” - plays games.

- “Just seeing where things go” - has no idea what they want.

- "Looking for best friend" - partner + therapist, personal assistant + emotional support animal

Saw this woman on a dating app who was a consultant and previously worked on a project for me. We only had a couple of meetings, and I thought she was cute but never made a move. Then I came across her on a dating app.

Would you swipe right knowing there is a chance you might run into each other professionally again? Especially if she is not interested or things do not work out?

Would you swipe on someone you already know or have crossed paths with, like a friend of a friend, coworker from another team or department, someone you have worked with professionally, someone in the same industry, or someone you might realistically work with again in the future?

I’m 35M, pretty average guy, and I have been using Bumble and Hinge for about a month. I was pretty obsessed when I first started, but now I honestly just can’t give a fck anymore.

I have had so many matches that went nowhere. People who are attractive but there’s no chemistry, people who look compatible on paper but are completely different in person, conversations that die after a few days, matches that happen over and over but never actually turn into conversations, people who take a day to reply, tourists who are only here temporarily, people who have kids but don’t mention it, and people who look great but have very little personality. Then there are dates where everything seems fine but neither person follows up, or I realise there’s just no attraction.

I actually understand the other side a lot more now. When you have so many options and conversations going on, I can see how easy it is to get overwhelmed, lose interest, or just stop replying. I have even started feeling the same way myself, so I can’t really blame anyone anymore. It’s just frustrating.

I don't get a little t of matches, maybe 2 matches a day, but I’m just completely burned out. I don’t even feel like talking to anyone anymore, and sometimes I have zero motivation to reply even when I’m genuinely attracted to someone. I have basically lost the excitement I had for online dating.

I was banned from Tinder about 6 years ago. I tried Hinge 2 years ago but was automatically banned there too, presumably because they are owned by the same company.

I recently did a hard reset and managed to create a new Hinge account. I passed the biometric face scan, and it has been fine for about two weeks now.

My question is, would I be able to create a new Tinder account? I do not think biometric verification was a thing when I was banned 6 years ago. Would Tinder compare my current face geometry against the old photos or facial data from my previous account?

Or would I be fine assuming I had not done a biometric scan when I was banned? I probably only did a quick photo verification/face scan at the time, if anything.