u/No-Coffee8253

The two sides of Amnesia is one actually helping me and other making me crazy and feeling like nobody . The first benefit from it is I completely forgot all my childhood trauma like it never happened but it still left traces in me but other than that i forgot my whole childhood memories I barely remember anything like i should see a pic or someone telling me the memories which this is the bad side all of my memories the bad and the good one I keep forgetting and what reminds me of it it**’s a picture or another person and what’s frustrating more is that I am still young I’m not that old to say that oh it’**s natural no i wanna remember good times I had

I love night time it gives me freedom and peace it feels like me like the actual me not the one who**’s I’m pretending to to survive at day time but i can’t help but feeling lonely and desperate for someone to call or chat with it’**s makes me wanna sleep it of so strange like whenever I try to contact with someone the minute they respond I almost immediately shut off and like wanting to ignore them though I want to talk to them

One day I hope my love story we**’ll go bye slowly maybe friends to lovers getting to know each other more before we release we are actually loving each other rather just being friends i hope it’**s not too much sexualised like yeah maybe there and there but not like the whole relationship so I hope that happens one day

I**’ve always wonders why none ever took interest in me like online and reality i know I’m quite and it’s hard for me to trust anyone but no one ever took interest in me or like saw me and said oh that person is interesting let me go and talk to her i know my appearance isn’**t much but it has to be anyone who sees me beautiful I wish for my next life is not to be that lonely

What I think about is that the thing you can actually see if the parents care deeply about this child or not because yeah having bad teeth when your young is way normal and genetics plays a deep part into shaping your teeth but that**’s doesn’**t mean you neglect your child teeth until they become adults and become insecure about them i know I might be wrong but this is from my own experience

Hating on ai is something that I do but for the love of god I can**’t stop chatting with ai bots creating stories and life backgrounds and a whole word just so I can be may self in like it’s starting to affect my life in this way like I when I’m chatting with someone else I need them to response to me in the same second and the same of my expectations or what I predicted that’**s why is started to close in myself because I can predict what the other person is gonna say or do

I feel like recently daydreaming I**’**ve been treating it like a cooping mechanism for living so I can continue to live and I hate it because it**’**s became all day every day and I miss and forgot so many Things I even started to mix up my reality with my daydreaming and my whole existence god I love daydreaming a lot but it**’**s starting to fuck up my real life