u/No-Departure2515

can anyone relate?

Like it's so hot and humid outside and I just want to throw on a tee and go out grocery shopping without anyone sexualising and staring at me. I think bras are suffocating in summer, even the t-shirt bras, especially now with my asthma and allergies acting up, and it just makes me so miserable. Same with the style I dress, the only flattering way for my body is to have some cleavage but it leads to unwanted attention, and the alternative (going braless) is even worse attention-wise. Especially this year, since I'm a few years out of depression and out of being a fatass, now I'm somewhat slim again and progesterone did me dirty (or not!) here.

Love the changes of course, but atm it makes me want to hide. Despite being 10+ years into transition and post-op, the current 'configuration' is just new to me and I'm way too shy for this. I just got home shoping, with just a shirt and shorts and I got crazy stares, it's honestly so bad.

Does anyone have any lifehacks I'm not aware of? Especially how you can survive in this heat and dressing accordingly? Am I supposed to just stay indoors all summer? Like, I live in a busy city and like to be outside for hours each day, it's not that I have a car or want one, walking is part of life here.

Obviously I like my breasts but I don't like how others make me feel with them present, existing, doing their thing... at home I'm only throwing on a oversize shirt and that's it. I do have a assortment of sport bras (and for running I have to use like 2-3 layers, which is fine for the 1-2 hours of working out outside of summer); the acceptable ones I tried so far are either way too light and don't give any kind of security, or they are so tight it's like a binder and in summer it's like wearing a hoodie. no thank you!

Gatekeepy opinion ahead, be aware.

Transition for me was hell. Over 15 years ago, when I started in my late teens, I pretty much lost everyone, I got abused, disowned by people that I spent my whole life looking after, I had bad experience on jobside after jobside cause my legal changes weren't done. I still haven't really come back from all the abuse, from the burnout, from the stress-induced illnesses (psychological and autoimmune) and I'd say I just very slowly am regaining the curious, bubbly and energetic personality I once had many years ago, due to this.

Wanna say: even though this all happened - and I kind of knew this would happen - I still transitioned. I honestly thought I'd get killed by my father and he almost did, thankfully it just ended with a minor injury. So, for me, being trans is not a decision that I could ever avoid, ever could push to a future point, I literally couldn't hide my being. I was bullied before for being feminine and flamboyant and whatever, even though I did everything to appear masculine, clothes, interests I hated, the whole shtick. You can dress a woman in a suit but it's pretty obvious it's still a woman, you understand what I mean?

So being trans, the whole path I walked, the whole process and the experiences I have, the foremothers who inspried me and gave me hope, my sisters who I lost many to murder, abuse and suicide - they all gave me a very precise and almost catholic definition of what being a transsexual woman entails. It's a lot to give up on, right on having families in most places, right on bodily autonomy - still, the dysphoric suffering is so great, it's literally life or death. Especially as a heterosexual one, if you get it you get it, we don't have a queer community in most countries really, we are supposed to integrate and move along while having, pretty evidently, the highest rates of murder, or violent attacks, rapes, sexual assaults and so on... we have very specific needs that almost are never accounted for, aren't represented anywhere - and the few representations we have are rich kids, rich influencers and actresses that couldn't be more distinct in their otherness, in their 'privilige' so to say.

For me it is therefore entirely not understandable how most of the trans community defines itself, acts, or sees being trans or transition entirely. And I see a very precise trend: the former bullied 'gay kids' who transitioned, who's transition was about living their true self and transition or not live at all, is very much different from the rest of the bunch. I wouldn't even say it's about sexuality itself, but the whole shtick around it, especially the invisible cage and restrains a, for example, more flamboyant person experiences pre-transition, during transition and after reaching their goals. This is something pre-transition ftm for example don't have, sorry to say it like that but you just don't. I'm not saying it's better of worse, it's just something very different. Bubbly, flamboyant or boyish pre-transition ftm aren't bullied as often and severe as their pre-transition mtf counterparts. They don't and didn't face the center of attention of every right-wing anti-gay campagin out there, of anti-gay laws worldwide, of anti-gay efforts in pretty much every school worldwide. The abuse by men and boys in school, pre-transition and whatever, is vastly different from the abuse others face, including non-straight pre-transition trans women. I'm generalising of course, this is my experience and the hundreds of ftm and mtf people I've talked to in my life, and the difference is very crass. I'm not saying this to put your individual traumatic experience down, it's clear non of us had it easy, but I'm mentioning this as a part of why my worldview got shaped like that, there is a clear divide rooted in patriarchy and misogyny. Which still presents itself everywhere as trans misogyny even if you had a successful transition as a trans woman.

So, to the point: I don't understand how, if you live in a country that's open to transition and allows you all kinds of changes, you still don't do it? And if you don't while you should, are you trans? It looks like almost all trans people have support wheels everywhere in comparision to what others had to go through 15-30 years ago, and they still don't? How can this essential topic that is about every fibre in your body not be as clearly cut-and-dry? How can people just use the trans label and then not transition or do anything, put in any effort or make effort in transtion? How is that not cultural appropriation of transsexuals? And how can't people see how most trans people and their 'opinions' are a slap in the face for others?

I see the argument about career choices, about money being tight, about this and that... it's nonsense for me. If your career in your, f.e., manly man field is more important as a trans woman, you might just need not do it. If you think diy HRT is expensive you might just avoid it cause it's dirt cheap, in almost every country out there. If you worry what your parents might think and you are 22 years old: grow the fuck up. Social transition and changing your looks is literally free, hrt is dirt cheap, friends who wouldnt accept you aren't friends... that's like 70% of it already.

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Sometimes, people are in fact not trans. I know one of my best friends died after SRS due to suicide, and honestly, she just wasn't trans and speedran that pathway within a year. I know a few (ftm) trans people that have ended up in families with lots of children and now feel like it's a embarrassing phase and they think we are the devil.... I'm not saying there aren't specific genders or trans people, but I'm saying some people are clearly not trans and need help in other ways, instead of transition. It's like a crutch in some life situation and while that might be rooted in despair and it's sad and all, it still doesn't make it right. For some it can end catastrophically - and it's not a right-wing myth - and for some it can be step in the wrong direction and they end up being the biggest issue for us, and very vocal about it, damaging us further.

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tl;dr: for people in most countries: transition already, it has never been easier.

edit: deleted a sentence

I order lots form german stores and my friends buy me makeup when in germany.

Is the price increase from Revlon normal? I'm almost paying 4 times what I paid last year for compressed powder in my shape (5.95 in 2025 to 21.95 this year) and even with vouchers it's insane.

Has anyone any idea about alternatives to Revlon colorstay pressed powder in 'light matt' shade? It's perfect and I like the mirror and puff it comes with, and it's formulation is just perfect for all my products and my daily makeup.

Including ukraine-russia, including palestine, including black lifes matter - it was all a mistake to have these topics included into the general LGBTQ movement and even change the flag. While it seems noble, it's incredible small-minded, it opens up every discussion about OUR topics to new angles that can be attacked, it diminishes integrity and removes any kind of delicacy of feeling these topics individually deserve.

Any credibility and seriousness can now be cracked by new weaknesses that will open up by definition with these new topics and conflicts, due to association that might open up with time passing. We should focus on our efforts and our efforts alone, we should be a seperate thing, just like other things and poltical movements are. Our needs are very much different from country to country and it's senseless to include every conflict and topic into ours, just because, and bring it into line. It's so tonedeaf, but as it's packaged with woke language you pretty much can be vilified instantly if you don't agree on dozends of topics at once, no matter what culture you stem from.

In essence, it's incredible lazy, tonedeaf and offensive. It's very much capitalist pig american, if you allow the joke. Any nuance gets lost, be it lgbtq*-issues and efforts, or whatever thing getting attached deserves. It creates so much more division it's almost offensively stupid. Like a streamlining effort of the post-2015 psyops, all packaged in friendly language.

Similar to about 10+ years ago when it was suddenly declared that 'queer' is now official speak and any criticism or opinion gets declared right-wing, as now suddenly major parties and companies worldwide culturally appropriated it and included it in their official releases and representation. Same shtick, same way of imposing, same forcefulness and silencing of anyone not liking it. Again, very obvious division, and everyone just goes along with it.

Anyone else heterosexual & bummed out over pride, especially this year?

Most groups have left our local pride events and it's almost exclusively gay, lesbian or queer* groups and organisations, and especially trans lesbian groups - we have like three of those locally. The political stage was full of gender talk I couldn't really do anything with, the 'family' board just bummed me out (I had to get sterilized at age 19 to have my name & gender changes) and they only talked about how great their gay, "AFAB NB" and lesbian couples got along in creating biological families... the drag shows and makeup artists are nice but it's pretty much only a few minutes per evening. It's noticable smaller than the years before and even outside the marches and big events, there was barely anything.

I just feel so left out and like everyone tossed us aside, and no one ever thinks there are even straight trans women. If there is trans topics it's pretty much implied they are lesbian/agender/nb etc. I wish I was kidding or it was just a misunderstanding, but it was really clear they don't think we exist. I got to talk with a lots of people, public speakers and exchanged opinions and such and no one ever thinks about people like us or how much we are under threat, how our group of people are over-represented in crime statistics as murder victims and victims of all kinds of horrific things. How we had to suffer during the last decades if we seeked sex changes, what laws we still have in place that affect straight trans women much more than lesbian couples. We had no groups that even mentioned the last assault against our sisters within our city, or the local one that got murdered, just complete silence. There were endless talks about fetish areas, petplay and whatever but none about, imo, important issues facing the trans community and actively threatening them.

Like I remember years (2014-2022) ago there wasn't a single year where we hadn't had at least a mentioning of us, be it famous straight transsexual actresses, models or the many historic presentations about queer history with lots of examples of straight transsexual women. This year with my city, we weren't even a side note and I know and met the organisiers, I'm well connected in our local scene, and they just hadn't had that in mind, besides pretty much agreeing on my stance that we got tossed aside. Not even a single museum or gallery, not during the main events, nothing.

While I understand that these events are very much rainbow capitalism, I don't know what alternatives there really are. Pride month in it's essence is still very important. It's still strong signals to have these events, they are mostly sponsored by our city, so all the drawbacks and cut fundings really is a sign that can't be explained away by just a few big companies (google etc) stopping their pride initiatives.

This year it's especially disheartening and honestly, I felt like shit after attending yesterdays main events. How is it in your city, was there anything that made you felt seen or welcome?

i don't know anyone in this city and all the apps are full of people i don't want to hang out with. I don't have a job atm and just sleep in and try to survive the heat, go to doctor's appointments and read. I'm honestly out of ideas on what to do, how to meet people or what is fun to do or not.

I'm not into gaming or electronic media, I'm broke, so many things are out of the question and I try to avoid crowds. It's a big city but I've seen it all already (born here) and I never thought I'd be too bored to even go out. My bike is broken too and I have been everywhere in nature too. It's a very sought-after city to live in but it's so incredible boring.

Any ideas? Like what do you do if you have all the time in the world but no money and no contacts, no one to hang out with?

cheers

I would love to hear your experience on this, it's been a few weeks but I can't get it out of my head.

Basically, I got vaccinated and within the same evening, developed a slight fever, shivers and the worst body pains. I managed to falls asleep for a few hours to what I'd describe as the worst nightmares of my life. It was, for my non-experienced personality, surely what psychedelics must feel like.

I can't describe it in words, it was something I'd describe as a whole-worldly, all-feeling and all-embracing, all-encompassing feeling of world pain, like I was connected to everyone on this planet and understood the system we lived in as something like a pattern of streams and feelings, like it got all broken down to a single derivate, a emotion, a single cryptic thing that I now was. Everytime I woke up, I felt like I had a big clarity on humanity's problems, how things, money and 'streams' of emotions influence each other and felt like every time I 'woke up' I had to use my brain like to calculate something through, it was hellish and felt like I was going back to drowning again, with a sobering feeling of understanding it all.

Then I would re-enter this space every single time when going back to sleep, and it was like the perfectly fine 'lines' of order and synchronity were suddenly scrambled again, and I was in deep pain, and had to drown and feel this world pain again; waking up was, again, doing calculations and feeling like I learned something new ever time. I was somewhat awake, saw my bed and walls and I couldn't keep still, like I had to toss myself around due to pain and suffering. This happened a few times (10+ times) and I even stood up once inbetween and went back to bed, all while I was doing "computing" operations in my head. I never had these kind of feelings before and I don't know what kind of place I was in. I wasn't really anywhere.

I didn't really see anything during the dream or when I woke up, I didn't see any figures or human-like things or anything, it was 99% feelings, realisations, observations and patterns, like you're trying to read a complicated jurisdictional text and have to do a few chess-moves in your head, something like that. I woke up absolutely exhausted, I felt like I needed to call a ambulance, I was deadly afraid of falling asleep again cause it was so horrid. Couldn't move for the rest of the day and it took me a while to eat and walk again.

I'm 32 female, I don't know my personality type but according to these tests its INFP or something like that, I'm taurus, into men. A bit lost in life for sure, single and jobless for ages, but overall I'm not depressed or anything, like 5-10+ years ago when I had a lot of issues and faced tremendous abuse.

It's been on my mind constantly since then and I just can't help but wonder what this dream was all about. I had fevers and I had dreams in my life obviously, but nothing was like this.

I might need a bit of a reality check regardiing this.

Is everyone here on the same denominator that we as straight trans women deserve a place just for our topics and issues? That we all are in accordance on how important that is? Do we all see how much ostracism straight trans women face in queer circles, be it due to their explicit heterosexuality and/or binary way of attraction? Do we all agree that this is a problem that only increased in the last few years, making it all the more important to have safe spaces like these?

Or did I miss something? Why is there so many lesbian trans women posting here and why is that even after pointing it out (talking generally, not me here, specifically) instead of reinforcing the importance of having this space just for us, in this place, the user gets attacked for creating a "split", division or any kind of resentment?

The thing is, I often hear the argument of creating division due to the sole mentioning of being straight and needing a safe space as nonsense as we are 'under attack' - but how does that make sense if you want to be in your safe space without anyone not fitting the safe space? You get what I mean??? Haven't we always been under attack?

Why is that, online or IRL, only ever used when straight trans women try to speak up? Is it simply trans misogyny and why don't other trans women notice it? Is it snotty people just trying to profle themselfs as especially conscious, while pushing us under the bus and not caring?

Cause it's, in my opinion, incredible selfish, misogynist and tonedeaf. It does not make sense, it's a form of silencing with reversing the blame on who deserves safe spaces and who deserves protection, or not, yet again. It derails the whole topic, it's silencing, it shifts the blame on the person speaking about the problem instead of adressing the problem - and it creates this false sense of unity while discriminating against us, yet again. Paradox of inclusion basically. The group most affected by violence, murder, assault can't have a safe space or, in that matter, talk about their topics in queer circles. I've made these experiences numeroustimes, pretty much all straight trans women I know personally have and avoid queer circles and looking online, it seems to be a widely prevalent phenomenon.

This whole topic is a sore spot for me and it breaks my heart that even here, it's a occurance. Am I missing something here? Or why does that happen so often and why is it answered with so many upvotes, or cheers, implying most of you agree with just not caring about having a own civil safe space?

Would love to hear your opinion here. I feel like this is a important topic, especially during pride month and regarding our issues. I can't really say I feel pride month, I just see straight trans women tossed aside, nowadays even more aggressive than ever.

unexpected changes after about 3 months of use, maybe some of you can relate:

- less anxiety, by a lot

- clear head, like I just had the perfect amount of sleep and a cup of coffee

- coffee makes me moreso tired, so I stopped drinking coffee before midday

- I can look someone in the eyes without any problems and start conversations with strangers

- less or almost no shame-attacks, shame-based anxiety

- less rumination, less ocd-related anxiety, less ptsd-related thoughts

- less avoidance in life, generally

- less anxiety regarding friendships, relationships, people in general

- better blood pressure, from high to normal

- feel like I got my personality from 10 years ago back, before it all went downhilll

- also feel a lot less intelligent but I can't really verify that besides slipping up dates sometimes or forgetting words while typing, it's a minor difference but I have to read my texts twice before anything

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diet changes: this medication kind of kickstarted my approach with my diet and I even got some professional assessments regarding some of my autoimmune issues. I don't crave food anymore but I still enjoy, and I cut most junk out of my diet. Biggest change is a switch to a more efficient and fibre-rich anti-inflammatory diet, so I don't wake up feeling like a truck drove over me, and I'm so much less-bloated, my face changed completely in shape, pronounced/hollow cheeks and jawline and all. Pretty sweet!

Maybe this is also a call for you to change your diet, it really made such a difference, I can't believe I've ever led it slide that long. While I don't eat vegan, I remember a time from a few years ago where i practically went vegan accidentally and it was the best my body ever felt. I still eat milk products atm and chicken breasts (no dark meats basically) but there really is something to a plant based diet rich in fibre and protein. Cabbages, curries, cold cooked potatoes, chickpeas and lentils of all kinds are my fav foods now; I also don't eat bread anymore and bupropion made that step specifically a lot more easy.

small reality check was when I recently ate a small bag of potatoe chips and felt really bad the next morning, bloated and irritated and everything - so I think I can only stomach small amounts of sweets but no fried foods and nothing too high in sodium.

Would love to hear your experiences.

I (early 30s) moved cities again, maybe this is why this recently got on my mind...

I'd consider my transition as a big success and have had all the milestones I dreamed of. But, despite all the positives and being happy about life (mostly lol) and myself in general, I can't help but feel like the toll of being trans on my life as sobering:

I have a hard time dating and seeking out a partner, and haven't hooked up in 2-3 years, and looking at the apps and what's active locally (I went out a few times aswell) is just so bad, like sooo so bad. I rather stay single, happy, slightly unfulfilled, looking at romances online and hugging my plushie than putting up with the men I've met so far. I think if I had friends this wouldn't be as taxing, but:

It's tough finding friends, not only due to growing more mature obviously, but mostly due to being trans I think. I live stealth or at least I try to (haven't been misgendered in my transition since like 2015) and meeting people is tough. Either they get too close and want more, they move away or they're just so occupied with family and career, so that any try on connecting dissolves over time. I also have a talent of attracting either very needy people I have to (regrettably) be a therapist for and burn out, having to discontinue the relationship, or they treat me like dirt. Or, which is the most common meme here, they are just superficial friends. I did the whole hobby and club thing and I know tons of people but I wouldn't consider them friends. I go out a few times a month and we do projects or paint something within a city wall, do costumes, but none of them wants connection and I'm not trying again and again if someone is clearly not interested. Friends I met during college and lived together either passed away or they dropped me completely while I came out in college.

Specifically seeking out 'queer' / trans friends didn't really work out for me either and I've been really trying. I'm too straight for the gays and too gay for the straights as they say, and I think I just don't have the looks to really hang out drag bars and such. I look like I teach ethics at a catholic school, I'm just plain. Also I think there isn't a queer community really, at least I haven't found it yet. It's most often (in my experience) a bunch of groups where people mourn their potential or how they'll never pass and whenever I tried to befriend others, they either get eaten up by jealousy, make me their therapist/coach or they get so unsufferable that I have to leave. Not to talk about experiences with lesbian trans women who want more, or get touchy (and I get pepperspray-y lol). For me, I'm just too established for trans groups as they are early in their transition + I just can't bear people there, so far. I think I had a few threads about trans communities in the past, I think you get what I mean. The whole topic of straight trans women in queer spaces is surely something you can relate to, being expelled and all - and I swear I'm not edgy or in any way doing a whole true-trans standup routine; I try and it just doesn't work out.

Career-wise it's been bad. Lots of bad things happening and I'm just kind of burned out from looking for a job. I don't want to work in a restaurant again, I don't want the high-stress environment of my past career choices and I don't want to completely start anew cause I already did 5 years ago. I just don't want to do anything and it'd be fine if I had someone to spend my time with.

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sorry for the ted-talk here but maybe some of you are at a similar point in life. Feeling kind of sobered up, kind of burned out, kind of fed up with trying and trying and trying and not succeeding in what they imagined their life would be. I just want a small-knit circle of cool friends I can vibe with, eat pasta with and drink wine on my balcony.

I wonder if that's just life - I mean, we have a lonely crisis, right? Economy is shit, no? Is everyone just staying home, have they given up? Or am I just that much different? Cause it feels like I'm a alien at times and no matter what I try and do, I always get expelled. I never understood people like me when I had friends, cause it's obviously so easy, right?

Share your views please, or if you are at a similar point.

Summer is coming up and maybe this is a VERY obvious thing for some, but I'm really flabbergasted how this small little change helped me feel so much in feeeling more comfy in my body! It even made me more attractive:

I've stopped wearing lots of makeup, meaning no more foundation or eyeliner or fancy colours, contouring, lip liner, lipstick, or rougé or anything. I do mascara, sometimes concealer for my undereye-bags and a lip balm - THAT's IT and I really improved my skincare.

It took like 2 weeks till my skin adapted and literally started glowing and I wake up without puffyness, my eyes look bigger, fine lines on my forehead are gone, eyebags vanished away, I don't need any kind of makeup-removing routine in the evening or additional washes in the morning (it's all water-soluble and doesn't leave residue), I just use a wipe in the evening around my eyes and that's it. My skin barrier improved, my skin tone improved (thanks to thiamidol too, I have to be honest here), my skin is less dry, sweat doesn't ruin my makeup anymore (super duper important for summertime) and it's so much quicker. It hurts a bit as I ove makeup and I'm sure I'll do something fancy on special occasions, but for everyday things, I won't.

I can just wash my hair and throw on a towel, do my moisturizer and I don't have to do multiple steps around my hairwashing to do my makeup afterwards, it's so much less to worry about. The stress and time saved? Immeasurable.

Cut my hair short too so now taking a shower in the morning including moisturizers, blowdrying hair and the bit of makeup takes like 25min altogether. Before that I needed at least one hour. Sometimes I was so fed up after a long night without sleep that the whole morning routine would make me cry cause it was so tiresome and I felt like I needed all these things to pass more safely and feel more safe and comfy in my body. Obviously I also feel prettier with makeup and do the whole doe-eyed thing, but it's just not what most women wear in everyday situations.

tl;dr I do look better with little to no makeup than I ever did with makeup. And, I wanna say, these small things added up quickly and the freedom I've gained - without any drawbacks, funnily enough - really helped me with feeling less down, less exhausted/tired or fed up with my routines in the morning. I do have some issues with chronic illness and fatigue, so this small step really improved my stress level.

Plus, I never had so many men flirt with me, it's so nice lol

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Maybe this could help you too, try it out if you haven't! Summertime is great for trying a switch as humidity helps a lot with avoiding your skin peeling and it helps to keep the barrier intact; it's a lot less stressful than in wintertime, believe me.

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products I use regularly:

Eucerin anti-pigment dual serum, afterwards a ultra-sensitive moisturizer (offbrand) in the morning

make-up remover wipes for sensitive skin in the evening, off-brand, the oil/glycerine based ones

Eucerin anti-pigment dual serum + Eucerin anti-pigment eyebag cream in the evening, then lots of either Mixa Panthenol comfort (has lots of Glycerin) moisturizer or Mixa Niacinamide bright

Retinol 0.5% in Squalaan like once or twice a week with sandwhich method, sometimes with longer breaks

Salicylic acid 7% peeling every 2-3 days on dry skin before evening routine

Beauty of Joseon aqua fresh SPF on very sunny days, only rarely as I avoid sun exposure

No matter if it's dating, body image, or friendships, pretty much everything interpersonal - I can't shake the feeling that most people are just low-effort and don't care enough, but still wonder why they're not successful. Especicially with friendships: I've recently entered my 30s and noticed how a lot of former friends are just getting in touch when they have issues, need something or need to load off some emotional ballast. When seeking friendships or partners, they don't put in the work and want a instant solution and rather complain than change, do any introspection or any kind of therapy.

Some more examples are

- wanting to learn a hobby but not doing any kind of effort towards it

- wanting a fit & attractive body but not doing any kind of workout or diet change

- wanting friends but being very low-effort with them or being very emotionally draining, never seeing their friends as own people with boundaries

- wanting a partner but never even showing a tiny bit of interest or asking a single question back, always making others carry the emotional labour

Maybe it's just now that I've noticed this within my environment or it has somehow gotten worse, but it really feels like most people that complain to me all day are largely to blame for their issues due to being low-effort and it's most noticable with their (lack of) relationships.

just checked my followers for the first times and like half of them are fetishists, crossdressers, sexually frustrated men or other deeply troubled weirdos.

either go to their profile ( u'-'/USERNAME with the '-' removed) or search their username, go to comments and sort by new. If reddit is chopping up the username, you have to change the url and remove the '+' symbols in accordance to their username; press enter and it should be fixed; look those weirdos up! Block accordingly. be safe out there.

Can anyone relate?

I'm jobless since about 2024 and I just can't be arsed to push myself to get another job. I do have some health issues and get limited means, which eats up my savings, but I have no intention of ever going to work again. I can barely do two appointments a week. Highly qualified, academic achievements, yada yada yada but no intention of joining that field ever again.

I also don't really do anything, like I don't go out on friday evenings cause I'm a loner and I don't try to make friends, or try to date or meet people. I just walk a lot, work out, drive around with my bicycle into nature, eat strawberries and browse the internet. No hobbies, no interests, just vibing. I haven't ever been on vacation cause I hate the stress of traveling and don't like heat, and I don't really want to go anywhere. I have a cute appartment, I have plants and books and neigbhours that let me pet their dog. Cats visit me on my balcony and I have a crow that feeds out of my hand, it's pretty neat.

I really do wonder if I'm that much different from others my age (31). Everyone seems to be so busy and conversations feel exhausting, it's like I'm surrounded by high-performers and while I used to have a high-paying job in like 2015 (lol I know) I have seen what that takes and I'm just not ready to give that much of my life away. I can't cope with stress so I just don't do anything, I also can't relate to others, like at all. I gave up seeking friends cause they move away or I can't keep up with their lifestyle, or it goes into nothing - or I feel like a alien. It feels like this age-bracket is the latest starting-point where meeting interesting or likeminded people is actually starting to get hard / impossible.

Either it's covid that has left that impression or I'm just at inner peace, for the first time ever, but I feel like things should be different but life was just too much. Like I don't care anymore but not in a depressed or anxious way, it's really hard to describe. It's also not what I'd describe as a midlife crisis, as I've suffered through a lot from age 11-27, with hospital stays over years at a time, so the thought of that feels ridicolous, I do have good and real comparisions to certain timeframes and this, at this very moment, is nothing like depression, or anxiety, (real) ptsd or burnout or whatever - I know what these feel like and this ain't it, thank god.

Can anyone relate?

Like, what do you do? Do you still date or look for friends and how do you do that? How would you start anew, from nothing, with no friends or family or living relatives? What do you do in your everyday life?