u/No_Marzipan_6529

I’m 38F, an only child, and I think my parents have stolen years of my life.

Every time I tried to move away and build my own life, something happened that pulled me back. Family business problems, my dad having a mistress and my mom threatening suicide, or some other crisis that somehow became my responsibility.

I’ve spent my entire life putting them first, acting like their personal butler and sacrificing my own plans. I also live in a very corrupt country where getting a job in your field often requires political connections, so my career has suffered while years passed in unstable jobs and low salaries.

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve only now managed to buy a house, partly because I inherited half of it and because I’m pregnant. Unfortunately, it’s right next to my parents. Until we renovate it, we’ll live upstairs at my partner’s parents’ house with our baby.

Recently, my controlling mother told me it was sad that we were our age and still hadn’t sorted out our lives, unlike people much younger than us. I finally snapped and told her she was a main reason why.

She also seems to assume she’ll organize a celebration for the baby and invite her own friends. When I told her my partner, the baby’s father, would organize it, she genuinely couldn’t understand why it should be him and not her. This is the same woman who laughed when I told her I was engaged, then spat at me and called me a peasant when I said we would be living at my partner’s parents’ house.

After 35 years of verbal and physical abuse and control, she has been acting like a better mother lately. But I can’t just forget everything because she occasionally behaves nicely.

I’m terrified of living next door to them. Yet I still feel responsible for them, guilty when I put myself first, and trapped in this dynamic. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

I’m about to become a mother myself, and I desperately want to break this cycle. Sometimes I think the easiest solution would be to find a good job abroad and move my little family there. I feel like I need actual physical distance from my parents to finally feel like my own person and live a life that belongs to me.

Has anyone else felt this way? Did moving far away actually help you break free?

Long rant, so thank you to anyone who reads this.

I (38F) am an only child and have always had a very difficult relationship with my mother. Looking back, I believe she was raised by a narcissistic mother, and the dysfunction has been passed down through generations.

Growing up, she controlled every aspect of my life and every move I made. I felt like I couldn't breathe without being judged or criticized. She regularly took her anger out on me. Even as an adult, she physically assaulted me if she saw I'd had an alcoholic drink. She also filled me with so many fears that, to this day, I'm terrified of driving on highways because she constantly told me I'd kill someone and have that on my conscience. Pretty soon after that I started having panic attacks on the road.

When I got engaged, she laughed in my face and called me a "peasant." When I told her I was moving in with my fiancé and will be living with his family, she called me a peasant again and spat on me. I was an adult.

Over the years I've realized my mother is the golden child of my narcissistic grandmother, because she does everything my grandmother says. My aunt, who still lives with my grandmother, is the scapegoat but has also developed many narcissistic traits herself. The three of them are incredibly enmeshed. Constant complaining, gossiping and talking awful things about cousins wifes and their families.

I have two cousins who grew up in that house, and everything always revolves around them. No matter what's happening in anyone else's life, somehow the conversation always ends up being about them.

Here's the confusing part. Over the last two years my mother has genuinely changed. We can actually have normal conversations now. She cares about me, worries about me, asks what I need, and is supportive in many ways. But the moment her mother or sister are involved, it's like a switch flips. She immediately becomes defensive, starts attacking me, and seems incapable of seeing anything objectively.

I'm currently pregnant after years of fertility problems, and everyone knew how unlikely this pregnancy was.

When I told my grandmother and aunt, we spent maybe one minute talking about my pregnancy. The next two hours were entirely about my cousins.

Later I told my mother I didn't really want to visit them anymore because it was obvious they simply didn't care about me. She immediately started yelling, insulting me, and telling me I was the problem.

Another time she pretended my grandmother was asking about me during a phone call, even though I'd literally heard my grandmother hang up before my mother continued talking. It was such a strange thing to lie about.

I think I've accepted that, because of her upbringing, my mother will probably always choose her family of origin over me and my father. It hurts, but I've made peace with that.

My dilemma is this: I inherited a house on the same property as my mother's. Financially, it makes perfect sense to live there instead of selling it and buying something else.

But now I'm about to become a mother myself.

Part of me worries that living so close means I'll never truly be free, and that my child will grow up exposed to the same unhealthy family dynamics. I'm still afraid of my mother, despite how much she's changed.

Has anyone stayed physically close to a narcissistic parent because it made financial sense? Did you regret it, or were strong boundaries enough?

I'm currently 5 months pregnant, and I've finally started feeling excited about the pregnancy. But I'm also scared.

My husband and I are both in our late 30s, and if I'm honest, I think part of the reason we decided to have a child was the fear of regretting not having one later in life.

We've always loved our child-free life. We both have hobbies, enjoy our independence, and I have a very ambitious academic career. I still dream of doing postdocs abroad, becoming a visiting professor, traveling, and continuing to grow professionally. I also enjoy going out with friends and having time for myself.

I'm afraid that once the baby arrives, my life will just... stop. That I'll lose the freedom I've always valued and end up stuck forever in the small town I've always wanted to leave.

I know we're incredibly lucky that both sets of grandparents live nearby and want to help, so realistically we'll have support and time for ourselves.

Still, I sometimes find myself feeling jealous of my child-free friends, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.

On the other hand, I'm an only child, and I've always hated growing up without siblings, so that makes the idea of being one-and-done emotionally complicated too.

For those of you who are one-and-done: do you still feel like yourselves? Do you still have your hobbies, careers, travel, and social life? Does life eventually feel like your own again?

​

I've been struggling with IBS-D for the past 6 years. I believe it was triggered by a period of very intense panic attacks and severe anxiety.

I've tried pretty much everything: over-the-counter medications, prescription medications, Imodium, countless probiotics... nothing has really helped. I've been tested twice for celiac disease, had both a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy, and everything came back normal.

I've also tried yoga, relaxation techniques, and psychotherapy, thinking stress and anxiety might be the root cause, but unfortunately nothing has helped.

I'm currently 4 months pregnant, and my IBS seems to be even worse. It's either horrible bloating or constant diarrhea (up to 7 times a day). Milk is a huge trigger, and I can't even take a single sip of sparkling water without getting diarrhea almost immediately. I'm honestly at a loss.

My doctor told me that pregnancy isn't the right time to start a low-FODMAP diet because I'm already vegetarian and she doesn't want me to restrict my diet further.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did anything help you manage IBS-D during pregnancy? I'd really appreciate any advice or experiences.

A few weeks ago, I posted here after losing my 2-year-old soul cat. He was hit by a speeding driver, and I was completely heartbroken. I cried every day for weeks.

One night, I asked him for a sign. I whispered, "If there's an afterlife, please let me know you're okay."

The very next morning, an old cat appeared at our front door.

We found her owner, who lives nearby. He told us she was almost 20 years old and had been declining despite vet visits and everything he could do for her. He was in tears talking about her.

The strange thing is that, although she lived so close, I had never seen her before.

From that day on, she refused to leave our yard. She slept here every night, followed us around, and gave us so much love. We also have a young male cat who's usually quite aggressive, but she wasn't afraid of him at all, and somehow everything was peaceful.

As the days passed, she became weaker.

Three days ago, my mom found blood and urine on the pillow where she always slept. Since then, neither we nor her owner have seen her again, despite searching everywhere.

I don't know if she's still alive. I don't know if she really was the sign I had asked my soul cat for. I don't know why she chose to spend what may have been the last weeks of her life with us instead of at home.

But I do know this: she helped heal a part of my heart that I thought would never heal.

So, my sweet old lady, I still hope with all my heart that you're out there and that one day you'll come back to our yard.

But if this was your goodbye, thank you for choosing us. Thank you for letting us love you. You made one grieving heart a little lighter, and I'll never forget you.

Maybe my boy sent you. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

Either way, I'll always be grateful that our paths crossed. ❤️

This is mostly just a rant because I really need to get this off my chest.

I think one of the hardest things about being an only child is that if you lose the people who feel like siblings, you lose the only family you really have. I have a lot of amazing friends, and I'm grateful for them, but it's just not the same. Friends still have their own siblings and family, and for me, my two cousins were the closest thing I ever had to a brother.

I grew up incredibly close to them, especially one cousin who's the same age as me. He was the closest thing I ever had to a sibling.

Last year I introduced one of my closest friends (we had been friends for over 10 years) to him because I genuinely thought I was doing something good. She had always complained about not being able to find a boyfriend, and I wanted her to be happy.

They started dating, and from that moment on, it feels like I disappeared.

Now my cousins spend more time with her family, and our extended family than with me. They all get together without me, and most of the time they don't even invite me or respond to my messages.

She also lies about me to our mutual friends, trying to humiliate me while making him look better. It feels like she's always trying to put me down just to elevate him. She even tells people that things are different now because I'm part of her family, instead of the other way around.

To make it even harder, I'm pregnant. Almost everyone in the family knows, except for this cousin. I haven't told him because I know she'll find out immediately, and I honestly don't trust her not to ruin this for me too. The fact that I don't even feel comfortable sharing one of the happiest moments of my life with someone who used to feel like a brother says everything.

I know my cousins are adults and can make their own choices. I'm not blaming them for that. What hurts is that I lost not only a friend of more than ten years, but also the only family that ever felt like siblings to me.

I regret the day I introduced them. She was obviously hanging out with us just because she didn't have a boyfriend. After finding my cousin, she stopped replying to our friend group chat or meeting with us. I genuinely cannot stand this person anymore. I can't believe someone I trusted for so long turned out to be this cruel. It honestly feels like I've lost the only family I ever had.

I saw a similar post here, and now the same thing has happened to me.

​

Three weeks ago my beautiful, gentle 2-year-old cat was killed by a car. I’ve been completely heartbroken.

​

The night before this happened, I was crying and asking him to send me a sign that he was okay.

​

The next morning, a 15-year-old neighborhood cat showed up at our front door crying. Her owner passed away 5 years ago and since then neighbors have been feeding her, but she doesn’t really belong to anyone. I have never seen her before.

​

Now she won’t leave my side. She stays in our yard, follows me everywhere, and acts like she has known me forever.

​

The strange thing is that our other cat is a big young male who chases every cat in the neighborhood — but he is afraid of this little old lady, even though she does absolutely nothing to him.

​

I know nobody could ever replace my boy, but the timing of her showing up right after I asked him for a sign is something I can’t stop thinking about. 💔

​

​

​

​

Hi everyone,

after finishing my PhD, I took a job at a small private college in my home country, but the environment became extremely toxic. I experienced constant mobbing/bullying, and my supervisor actively prevented me from doing research or progressing academically.

Around the same time, I found out I was pregnant, so I’ll now be on sick/maternity leave for the next year and a half. One thing is certain: I cannot return to that job.

Even before the pregnancy, I had been seriously considering postdocs abroad. I genuinely love research and want to keep building an academic career, but academia in my country feels deeply political, underfunded, and dependent on connections rather than merit. I’m honestly exhausted by the constant feeling that talent and hard work matter less than networks and internal politics.

What I want is not some glamorous academic fantasy — just the chance to work in a healthier environment, do good research, and live in a country where institutions function more normally and professionally.

The difficult part is my husband. He has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of his life, and only recently became truly stable and happy. He has a great job, a good salary, and a life he genuinely enjoys here. He is also the kindest person I know and would move for me without hesitation — which is exactly what scares me, especially now that we’ll also have a small child. I also know he is afraid of a completely new environment, a new language, and having to rebuild his life from scratch in another country.

So now I feel torn between wanting the future I’ve imagined for years and being afraid of disrupting the stability my family finally has.

Has anyone here faced something similar?

Thank you for reading.

EDIT: Maybe I didn’t explain it well in the post, but we would have two salaries, not just mine.

My whole life I’ve had the same pattern: I leave home for a few years to study or work abroad to escape my possessive, controlling mother… and somehow life always pulls me back.

Right now I’m on sick leave because of workplace mobbing/burnout, and during all of this I also got pregnant. My husband and I truly wanted this baby, but now I feel panic because it feels like I’m losing the freedom and escape route I always had.

Next to my parents’ house there’s another house. I inherited half, my husband bought the other half. It needs renovation, but financially it’s an incredible opportunity. Quiet town, good location, affordable life, family business income, and enough stability to still enjoy life instead of constantly struggling.

I’m an only child. My father is an enabler. And now that they’re getting older, living nearby would also mean I could take care of them.

But my mother spent 35 years raging at me, controlling me, screaming, humiliating me, physically abusing me, projecting all her fears onto me, monitoring every part of my life, and making me feel like I existed only to regulate her emotions. I grew up anxious and hypervigilant, constantly walking on eggshells around her moods.

My father enabled all of it while emotionally living a completely separate life next to ours, barely caring about my mother, and at one point almost ruining the entire family business because of a much younger gold digger. While other people were building their own lives in their twenties, I was emotionally parenting both of my parents and carrying responsibilities that were never supposed to be mine.

That’s why this is so confusing now.

Over the last few years, especially after my mother went through a serious illness, she became calm, kind, caring, even gentle. She’s genuinely wonderful with animals too. The rage and chaos mostly stopped.

But my body doesn’t forget.

And a week ago, my soul cat was killed in a hit-and-run right in front of that house. I can barely even look at that street now, let alone imagine spending the rest of my life there.

I resent both of them deeply for the youth they took from me, and I honestly don’t know if I can ever forgive them.

So now I feel trapped between two impossible choices:

Stay near them and have a financially stable, comfortable life while constantly triggered… or leave again and blow up the life my husband and I built because psychologically I still cannot handle being close to them.

Has anyone else dealt with abusive parents who genuinely seemed to change later in life, but the trauma in your body never did?

A few days ago, some maniac hit and killed my cat with a car.

He was only two years old. He was my baby. I keep replaying everything in my head and thinking I should have protected him better. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for failing him.

I took him in from the busiest street in the capital, only for him to die on a quiet street in a small family town.

The pain is unbearable. Honestly, I don’t even want to exist right now. Everything reminds me of him. I can barely even look at my other cat because he reminds me so much of him, and it breaks me all over again. I feel completely trapped in this grief.

What makes it even harder is that I’m pregnant, so I can’t even fall back on my usual coping mechanisms like alcohol or cigarettes. I feel stuck with this pain every second of the day.

And I hate so much that everyone keeps telling me to “stay calm” because the baby can feel my stress. I know they mean well, but I want to scream at them to stop being so fucking selfish. I lost the most important thing in my life. I loved him like family, like my child, and right now I do not care about acting calm or emotionally controlled for other people’s comfort.

Part of me just wants to run away somewhere far from here — do a postdoc abroad, disappear into a different life, anything to escape this feeling. But because of this pregnancy, I can’t. I feel trapped emotionally and physically.

I just want my life back. I want him back. I don’t know how to live with this pain.

​

Hi everyone,

I’m a social scientist primarily working with qualitative research methods. However, in my current and future research, I’d really like to incorporate NLP, network analysis, text cleaning, and text mining, so I’ve started learning Python.

I recently finished a basic Python course covering fundamentals like loops, if/else statements and functions.

Now I’m trying to continue through Udemy courses, but there are so many options that I’m getting overwhelmed and unsure where to go next or which course is actually worth the time.

My goal is to use Python mainly for social science research applications, not software engineering.

Does anyone have recommendations for:

* good courses for this path

* what I should learn next after Python basics

* a realistic learning roadmap for someone coming from qualitative research rather than computer science

Thanks a lot!

​

Yesterday, my cat was run over by a car, and I don’t know how to live with the guilt.

A year and a half ago, an animal rescue posted about a tiny kitten found in the capital city, terrified and shaking on one of the busiest streets in town. They said he was trembling with fear. I immediately adopted him and brought him to my small town, to one of the quietest streets I could give him.

For almost a year, he barely made a sound. The trauma he carried was so deep that it took months before he even started meowing or communicating normally. Slowly, he learned safety. He learned warmth, routine, love. We gave him a big house, a large yard, peace, and patience. He became my little shadow.

But recently our street changed. New apartment buildings were built, many new people moved in, and cars started speeding through the neighborhood like maniacs. I called city authorities, sent emails, begged for speed bumps and traffic restrictions. Nobody listened.

Yesterday, in a single second, he slipped through the fence chasing the sound of birds.

A speeding car hit him.

I was trying so hard to give him the exact opposite life from the one he started with — safety instead of fear, calm instead of chaos. And in the end, the world still took him from me violently.

Honey, I am so sorry. I just wanted you to have a safe home and a life filled with love. I will never forgive myself for not protecting you better.

I hope you knew how deeply you were loved.