u/Nokkup

Everyone wants to talk about how loving the Lord is—and He is! But, man, is he terrifying haha!

And as of lately, I've become too afraid of Him! Unfortunately, my fear has become so much to the point I've gathered concern from others here and my friends. Today is my birthday and yet, I continue to spend it in fear because of how easily I spiral.

My family took me to see “Michael” for my birthday because it wasn't just family-oriented but, a movie from a beloved artist. As we were laughing joyously coming home, two had shared a testimony talking about how Michael Jackson was actually in Hell due to his lukewarm lifestyle as a Christian and his faith as a Jehovah Witness, instead of accepting Jesus as his savior.

Rodney Jenkins had actually spoken of Michael giving his life to Jesus two weeks before he died. And despite that, due to his lifestyle, he was still down there and begging for others not to listen to his music. Every time his music played, he would be tortured.

“You can accept Jesus as your savior but, you need to live like you do”, and to which, the lady proceeded to say we needed to live holy and righteous, no sin will enter into Heaven and thus, discard the world.

And that just leaves me utterly distraught.

Lately, I've been questioning everything I do.

I have such love for art, writing, overall a creative spirit; and now, I don't know what to do with it. How do I share my talents with the world if I cannot trust the world? How do I share it in honor of the Lord if I'm not to trust myself or my interests?

I'm literally in college for Design and Media Production! Do I stop that?

I'm scared of sinning! When I realized I sinned once while I was at school, I felt myself beginning to gag and was overcome with the urge to vomit.

A Christian OCD specialist came to me a while ago and said that I may have a peculiar case of Moral Scrupulosity. And perhaps I do! I'm just trying to contain myself and get myself right before the Lord!

I invested so much time in comics that are good role models—Nightwing, Spider-Man, Adam (Marvel), so many songs from The Spinners, New Edition, Coldplay, The Police, Outkast...

And now, what do I do with it?

Should I throw it all away? I will! I'll get rid of everything, it doesn't matter! I've deleted all my sinful/secular music from my playlists on Spotify, I've removed so much from my Pinterest, and so on! What else? What else is there?

I repented, I'm trying to stop cursing, I'm going to stop chasing after lust and I have become more disciplined— What else is there?! I talk with the Lord, I don't just talk TO Him, I remain honest, I tithe as much as I can to His ministries and/or those who need it more than I!

What else? WHAT ELSE?

God Wink/Clutch moments are basically confirmations, affirmations, care and/or love shown from God in impossible coincidences either in times of need, a sign of approval for obedience, or just in heartbreak.

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I've been experiencing them a lot more as I've grown closer with the Lord. One in particular FOR ME, was when I was ministering to my friend over the phone about the Lord regarding a topic I was scared to speak about while on campus.

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Despite the fact I was afraid of public judgment, I told the Lord I'm stepping out in faith and obedience moments before doing it. I was ministering and talking with my friend about it for about 2 ½ - 3 hours, all the way past lunch.

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I realized I left my card at home and currently don't have a car. I could have bought something from the cafeteria, but none took cash anymore.

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As I was talking with my friend, a DoorDash guy walked up to me carrying two big bags and asked—“You want some pizza?”

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He said that someone from the school had ordered about 24-36 boxes and for some reason, canceled the order at the last second. So, he's just been giving them out to people, faculty and students around the campus.

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I gave him my last $20 because he made a long trip for nothing lol but, he gave me back change and two large boxes of my choice—one cheese, the other sausage and pepperoni.

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Truly—God's favor is greater than any silver or any gold!

I'm working on myself to become more bold in Christ as we speak! Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in hearing or trying to feel God in extraordinary moments to the point we forget to think about the little things...

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He's with us, always. 💕

This post is a bit of organized chaos, but it's also a testimony and a reassurance to the mentally unwell Christians that don't speak much.

A lot of people when I look at my previous posts claim that I suffer from some sort of mental illness or perhaps, something unhealthy in the mind. And they're not wrong LOL

The problem is: I don't have the money to take a diagnostic or talk to a therapist.

I've explained to people that they were things in my past that led me to thinking the ways that I do and doubting what I think in general. And because I've struggled to trust my own mind a lot in the past, I've had to rely on discernment.

Unfortunately, a lot of people—when they hear me say this—automatically begin to doubt me. Naturally, they take my mental illness or mental health as a reason not to heed my words even if my words are reinforced by the Bible.

Tuesday was one of those days...

I speak with Jesus + Holy Spirit out loud in public, under my breath to keep Him with me at all times. I talk to Him about a lot of things when I'm out—confusions, concerns, frustrations, commenting on things the people do or the things they say that I don't understand. I explained to Him my struggles, why I feel like I've sinned, the fear that came with it and the future beyond.

Even if He doesn't answer, I don't care. I just needed to talk with Him.

Tuesday, I saw a Christian animation at work that completely and utterly broke my heart—the creation of Adam and the beauty that came with it. But in the background, were the many things that were going to come after as a result of his creation.. and then, there was hesitation.

The hesitation in reality of what man would be.

And to which, I felt a giant stone of guilt throb in my chest. Guilt is one of the many things I came to Jesus with, even now there's still some of it. Knowing I sinned some days makes me feel physically sick, because I know that's not what the Lord deserves.

And to be honest, that's how it usually starts—a spiral.

One thought (guilt of sin), leads to another (heartbreak), leads to another (shame), leads to another (undeserving), leads to another (hopeless), leads to another (despair) leads to another and another another. It's never the same thoughts, always different.

And the next thing I know, it lodges in my throat and I start losing it. At work, I started welling up in tears and choking back sobs because I knew I was spearheading straight into another breakdown that was based on “truth".

As I was failing to compose myself, a customer stepped up to me and gave me a book saying, “I thought I wanted this but, I don't think I do. I don't know who to give this to, so I'm just giving it to you.”

I turned around and looked at the book she gave.

And would you believe it?

The book she gave was: “Keep Calm and Trust God" by Jake & Keith Provance.

I stared at it for a long time before slowly putting it down on the counter. Only then for another lady to walk up 5 to 10 minutes afterwards, staring at it and then looking at me going—“Is this your affirmation book?"

Wow..

Blinking, “No. I don't think so.”

“So, what are you using it for?”

And the next thing I knew, I just came out with it. I spilled everything and I let some tears fall right there in front of her—anxiety, guilt, inadequacy, everything. The things that I got through that I doubt are even "real problems". I told her there are things wrong with me that I don't even know about.

And she just hugged me.

She hugged me and said, “He knows, that's why you're still here. I'm not going to sit here and say, ‘It's part of God's plan’ but you are a part of Him, vice versa. That's why we struggle, but that doesn't mean you're unloved."

It took me a minute for my mind to sober up and actually understand what she was saying. I realized that struggling doesn't mean that God is not with us nor are we loved any less for it—perfection isn't what Jesus nor the Father is looking for. Just consistency, faith and love.

Despite my breakdowns and spirals, I've been told that: “the fact you're continuously running to Christ for your mistakes, the fact you're wanting to keep a good relationship with Him means that you're in good faith.” It isn't so much as that is what's the problem or the baggage, but how I'm carrying it is the problem.

There have been nights I wept to my friends, feeling as if I don't do anything or everything right then God would not only leave me, but genuinely kill me as He did others in the Old Testament. It got to a point where I didn't even want to make it into Heaven because I wanted to—it was because I know God wanted ALL OF US in Heaven, to spare us from the burn of Hell and Hades.

But it's only out of our willingness and partake of that gift that we'll make it.

Oh, I wept and wept and wept, begging for Him not to leave me.

It was only then that I actually swallowed the realization that He never will. It was never Him leaving us but, us choosing to depart from Him.

When I told my friend/co-worker what happened (also Christian), he was thoroughly surprised, amazed and supportive—“That's a actually crazy testimony. You got a literal forehead kiss from God!"

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And I suppose I did.

When things like that happen, it all feels surreal.. perhaps because I'm not used to that type of love, not unconditional anyways.

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As a certain Redditor told me,

*“For [mentally ill] Christians, all because it happens in our head doesn't make it any less real.”*

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Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, God for the things I do not deserve.

EDIT: The rest of that day, my mind was quiet but, my mind exhausted; God gave me the relief and love I needed to remain at peace. I DID buy the book to keep it as a reminder of the Lord's assurance and I got the lady's number as well.

I literally had to explain this to somebody due to a lot of obvious discourse from my last post because apparently a lot of people do not understand the connection between worldly desires, flesh desires and the opposition it brings against the Spirit.

I am young, not even in my mid-twenties, and I have to explain this because a lot of people my age and older do not understand!

I'm just going to copy and paste my comment to help better give you guys clarification:

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It is true that in the Bible, it's confirmed that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” On the other hand, it is frequently commanded and encouraged for believers of Christ to “put to death” the deeds and passions of the flesh.

This is exactly why I specified the books of the Bible that I read (Acts-Romans) that helped give me clarification on this matter. Here are some scriptures to help shed some light on the Flesh vs. Spirit dilemma:

Romans 8:13, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

Romans 13:14, “But put on the Lord Jesus christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

In fact, there was literally an entire scene where Paul proceeded to lament about how he struggles to do good despite wanting to, even going so far as to condemn himself! But, it is by the Holy Spirit, that he is corrected and convicted *not* to condemn himself and continue to focus on Jesus and the righteousness of the Lord in spite of his struggles and cavings.

In case you're wondering why exactly the Lord allowed us to exist in flesh despite its constant rebellion of God's goodness, it's simply because flesh and bone are a fallen spiritual disposition inherited from the Fall of Man (aka, when Adam & Eve consumed the apple).

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This does not mean that our bodies are inherently evil, however. It all depends on what we do with our physical form as much as our spirit that helps dictate our direction. If we choose to surrender our desires to our flesh constantly, it represents humanity operating in complete dissonance from God by essentially "sinning". Sinning, by equivalent, are acts that separate you from God and His son.

This is exactly why when people grow closer to God, they give up a fraction of their desires that used to please them prior. Although they can never be entirely clean PHYSICALLY, their Spirit is operating in closer alignment towards what God wants for them—betterment and peace.

Galatians 5:17, “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other.”

I hate to break it to you but one of the biggest messages of the Bible is to **RESIST YOUR FLESH** because your flesh **STRAYS YOU FURTHER FROM GOD.** Hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, pride, lust and other selfish ambitions, are a contrast to God's love and His doctrine.

That is also why Jesus HAD to die on the cross for our sins because there was no redemption otherwise. That is why Christians continuously refer to Jesus as our sole salvation because He died for all the sins we were going to commit because He knew we would have never resisted it on our own willpower and selfishness alone.

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But, assurance of sin ≠ permission to sin.

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You cannot be perfect lol but, that does not give you an excuse to be disobedient either.

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The pride that you feel to disobey God simply because "I don't believe God would do that" or "I don't feel like God would do that" **IS NOT THE SAME AS THE GOD THAT IS!!**

YOUR version of God is not the same as the one that exists in the Bible! All because Jesus died on the cross for our sins does not mean that this is not the same God that was literally taking people out left and right in the Old Testament.

God would NOT change because if He did, then He WOULD NOT BE PERFECT! If He changed his mind, then He WOULD NOT BE OMNISCIENT!!!

The ONLY reason why God isn't taking our lives immediately is because OF Jesus! Without Jesus, we would be COOOOOOOOKED.

Why do I have to explain this?

Because a lot of people are still prioritizing their beliefs over God's will and His word yet proceeding to claim themselves to be “Christians”. This doesn't mean that when it's your time to go, you are going to be "clean".

You probably might have said something or did something the previous day that you weren't even supposed to do—and that is okay as long as you do not glorify sin and/or actively encourage it! That's why I cannot post this onto other subreddits because we are stuck in a modern age that normalizes fornication, idolatry, lust, wrath, etc!

Do NOT spread false messages of the Bible all because YOU want to continue doing something that goes against God's word.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME❗❗❗

It is a sin, guys.

I'm not some old pastor telling you this. I'm a 20-22 F, who has been steadily growing closer to God albeit slightly unconventionally lol

And to be fair, I'm not part of the LGBTQ+ community. I'm heterosexual lol but, I supported an abundance of my friends and even took part with the artists and fan-art that they drew. I read their works, encouraged their habits and supported them to the best of my ability. I had done this for years, more than half a decade now.

But one day, at work, something kept nagging at me as I did it. Like an itch, underneath the skin.

The debate of whether homosexuality was a sin is one of the most controversial debates amongst Christians, so I already knew it stemmed from that. I asked fellow Christians around my workplace on their take and one said something that stood out to me:

“If you support sin, you might as well be doing it yourself.”

As I sat down in my room, talked with the Lord that same day, I spoke to Him about confused I was. Then, upon realizing the only way for me to know is to get an answer from Him personally, I asked him to give me a sign this was wrong.

Not a sign through Tiktok, not a Instagram reel, not a YouTube short—give me a sign I can physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually feel.

AND WHEN I TELL YOU HE DID HAHA

The next day, I woke up with a feeling I could not explain.

My body barely showed signs except for slight tremors, but they were brief. That didn't concern me, it was the feeling I felt on the INSIDE.

I even went to the doctor that same day to make sure this wasn't an "impending sense of doom" that most talk about before succumbing to death but, the longer I sat still, I realized this was not fear for the flesh, it was something deeper—it was fear for the SOUL.

It was not the discipline of man, but the discipline of God.

Everyone looked at me, said that I was normal even my heart rate was regular! My "body" was normal but inside, deeper beyond flesh... I was awakened to the feeling of the soul for the first time.

I had never been so spiritually sensitive before. Certain music from certain artists, foul-mouthed people, everything that I came into contact with that wasn't of God, I felt

Every. Single. Thing.

The same way someone talks about their "fight or flight" response was the same way I felt on the inside out. I could barely hold it and the Holy Spirit took the wheel from my body. I COULD NOT play any video games, I COULD NOT be on my phone, I was being led and controlled by something that was genuinely more powerful than me.

And it led me through the day all the way back to the Bible. I open Acts and read to Romans, and the more I read, the more I got my answers and the more the feeling slowly simmered.

To be forcibly taken a backseat in your own body, denied distractions and barely have food...

I was being corrected so harshly because I advocated in it for so long. I cried to the Lord, and asked Him to forgive me.

The next day, I woke up and physically could not go back to supporting it. I literally could not. I don't know what the Lord did spiritually or what the Holy Spirit had done, but I cannot do it anymore. I physically and mentally cannot.

I can interact with those that support it, but I am literally, wholeheartedly UNABLE to return to the way I once was. I cannot give them commission money for that art, I could not keep the "Pride" tags on my person or my account pages.

I do not hate those that do it nor I hate those that support it.

I just can't do what you do.

We are stuck in cages of sin, we are never going to be perfect. But this is one sin that cannot be condoned with by any means necessary.

TLDR: Do not think you are not acceptable because of the flesh that cages you. Deny your desires, not your struggles. You are free to go to church, but you just cannot compromise with sin. You can tolerate those who believe otherwise, but you cannot support what they do. You cannot do what they do.

Love thy neighbor, always—but you cannot become thy neighbor. Do not be the neighbor that dishonors God based on a "I feel" or "I don't believe".

Man changes but the Lord's law and His truth does not. Love to all!

I know it says in the Bible, "He is slow to anger" but, it genuinely does not feel that way some/most times. You guys know that quote from Black Panther,

"Every breath you take is mercy from me"?

It feels exactly like that.

And dont think this is pushing me away from the Lord, it's actually drawing me closer in a weird way. I'm talking with Him more, actively changing my ways, swearing considerably less and exercising patience.

But, I tell Him every time as much as I can that I feel tense because of Him. I feel afraid of His judgment, His power and genuinely just how He feels towards me in general. The fear of being disobedient, sinning too much and His rejection and wrath feels too much to bear at times.

I do approach Him with anxiety at times, yes I do lol I'm being very lighthearted about it through posts sometimes, but the truth is: whenever I enjoy myself even the slightest bit? I feel wrong. I dont drink, I don't smoke, I'm celibate, never did fornication, never idolized, none of those things.

I cut down my playlist, stopped watching certain films and movies and everything continues to feel wrong. Im still learning how to be "free" in Christ and frankly, everything I do just doesn't feel like enough or anything I like isn't acceptable.

Like when I first started peeking at the Old Testament when I was younger, I genuinely thought He would kill me and I just sat back, cried and waited for it to happen. The crazy part is—I couldn't even be mad at it because of how wicked man is.

I'm not the worst person to ever live, but man, some days I sure feel like it.

60% of it is Fear and the 40% is Love if I'm being so real rn.

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed this but, around 4 weeks ago, the MomoCon app was stacked with a variety of panels, meetups, voice actors and everything else.

I was trying to focus primarily on Frieren/Chainsaw Man/Genshin this year for cosplay and stuff. And I actually signed up for several photo shoots for them!

Tell me why, I checked back on the app ..

ALL OF IT WAS GONE??

NOT EVEN JUST THAT, the panels revolving around Cosplay make-up got decreased, discussion panels and activities talking about black culture and influence, all of that is gone??

What on earth happened?

And you're not going to believe it, it was..

WEARING A MASK and.. EATING SOLUABLE FIBERS !!

HAHAHAHAHA, as someone who works in retail and deals with a bunch of dusty boxes, shipments and probably unclean air vents, I genuinely did not realize that these were all telltale signs that might worsen LPR.

NO, I do not have asthma or any previous lung conditions. This was just something I started doing out of paranoia of the Hantavirus and the fact two to three infected have been allowed to make contact with the public in my state.

It wasn't until halfway through the day that I noticed I wasn't coughing nor did I suffer from any burning in the back of the throat. Either that, or it was steadily decreasing.

Quickly jumping on the opportunity, I decided to eat very strictly and have a meal with no triggers + eating fibers and foods that absorb stomach acid such as oats and wheat.

Don't get me wrong, I was already doing that but I decided to go the extra mile and pick up some things like Bobo's Oat and Wheat Bites and Nature's Valley stuff. Kid you not.. I literally went to bed with little to no LPR symptoms!

My biggest guess here is that lingering constipation might be affecting me. I'll keep experimenting and finding out!

Update you guys in another post ❗❗

As someone who has been dealing with GERD and acid reflux for the following 14 to 15 weeks, my job is thankfully and unfortunately worked me tirelessly to save up money for medication.

I am taking pantoprazole but, this is thankfully a PPI that doesn't prevent you from taking other things. To all of you who aren't taking it and need some relief, here's what I recommend and why (as someone who's had to wait 5+ weeks before finally seeing a doctor lol):

GERD:

Pepcid H² Blockers + WHY?

Pepcid is a supplement that coats your esophagus for 6-9 hours + reduces acid production. Eat it preferably 30 minutes before eating.

ADDITIONAL STUFF: HOWEVER IT IS NOT ADVISED TO CONSISTENTLY TAKE PEPCID FOR MORE THAN 2 WEEKS WITHOUT LETTING A DOCTOR KNOW.

Mylanta + WHY?

★ Mylanta is a liquid made with the intent of stopping acid and coating your esophagus immediately. Think of it like a fire extinguisher for stomach acid (works for 1-3 hours)! This is personally my favorite as you can take it usually at any time + big improvements in small dosage.

Rolaids + WHY?

Rolaids are practically instantaneous as they immediately shut down the acid or discomfort in the sternum. Depending on the severity of your reflux well depends the duration of how long they work. My second favorite really!

TUMS (Chewy Berry, 750 Strength) + WHY?

Tums have a more silent effect than Rolaids. You won't feel them immediately but you will feel, gradual TEMPORARY relief. They're really something to take the edge off.

LPR:

★ Gaviscon Advance + WHY?

I'm ngl.. this is one of the few over the counter medications that are meant specifically for LPR and silent reflux. It handles most symptoms of LPR rather than just getting rid of acid.

• Works 3-4 or 5 hours after meals

• WAY more effective if you're about to sleep or lie down because LPR usually worsens around that time.

Famotidine + WHY?

Lasts much longer then some other H2 blockers, and I didn't experience any complications despite taking Pantoprazole. I didn't really get any reactions from Gaviscon either, but I was a little skeptical about this one. Thankfully nothing happened and it lasted for about 8 hours, stopped a lot of night time symptoms.

Luden Sugar Free Cherry Cough Drops + WHY?

YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT OR CHEW ANYTHING WITH MINT OR MENTHOL IN IT! I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. Luden's cough drops still have a sweetness to them without the crystallized gelatin sugar that potentially flares reflux for some people. If you want to give your throat something soothing, this will help!

PLEASE NOTE THAT I'M NOT TELLING ANYONE TO TAKE THESE THINGS AND THAT YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY SPEAK WITH A DOCTOR IF IT GETS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. Everyone's body is different, please respect its differences!

Hello, everyone! Over these past two and a half weeks, I've been scrambling up a handful of creative meals that's been not only filling but, creates generalized relief from reflux!

Granted, I have been taking pantoprazole for about 13 days, but I stopped yesterday and tried three of my meals to make sure it was working as intended. It was! No reflux, no throbbing stomach, only a thin tingling sensation at the back of the throat. And even then, everything else that I had been dealing with had decreased in inflammation because of these meals.

For starters, let's focus on what I got:

PROTEIN

• Bumblebee White Canned Chicken Chunks

• Crab Bites

• Salmon Packets

• Ground Turkey

• Boiled Eggs (whites, preferably. No yolk, too much fat may trigger)

• Tuna

• Almond Butter

• Apple Butter

STARCH

• Brown Rice

• Quinoa

• White Rice

• Uncle Ben's Coconut Jasmine Rice

• Uncle Ben's Basmati Rice

• Sweet Potatoes

• Russet Potatoes

VEGGIES

• Asparagus

• Broccoli

• Cauliflower

• Spinach

• Lettuce

• Cabbage

• Avocado

• Carrots

• Ginger

• Cucumber

FRUITS

• Cantaloupe

• Honeydew

• Blueberries

• Watermelon

• PINK Apples (better for digestion, less possibility for reflux)

• Grapes

• Dragonfruit

• Mango

• Pears

• Unsweetened Applesauce

"DAIRY"

• Almondmilk Yogurt

• Coconut Milk Yogurt

• Almond Milk

• Coconut Milk (in a can or carton)

BEVERAGES

• Traditional Medicinals, "Throat Coat" (supporting a soothing esophagus and healing from inflammation)

• Traditional Medicinals, "Elderberry Zoom"

• Lavender Chamomile Tea

• Eternal or SmartWater Alkaline Water

• Jasmine Tea (NO CAFFEINE)

Please note that the dairy alternatives can be exchanged with things such as Oat Milk, Cashew Milk (in moderation).

Also, a few of these really depend on the personal triggers of the person [blueberries, avocado more specifically]!

Here are the meals that I used + seasonings for generalized digestion, circulation, and overall less possibility for reflux :

Chicken Lettuce Wraps -

~ Scramble some eggs

~ Boil White Rice (or Basmati)/Warm Up Uncle Ben's White Rice

~ Warm Up Canned Chicken Chunks

~ Layer the lettuce wrap with rice, eggs, then chicken + sprinkle sage, thyme, oregano

Quinoa Health Bowl -

~ Cook Quinoa

~ Steam Asparagus or Broccoli (cut evenly or cut stems)

~ Mince Ginger

~ Add Canned Chicken or Salmon

~ Mix!

Crab Tortilla Wraps -

~ MISSION™ Yellow Corn Tortilla Wraps, Extra Thin, Soft

~ Layer w/ Mashed Avocado or Thin Avocado Spread

~ Add Spinach

~ Add Shredded Lettuce

~ Add Crab Bites

Sweet Potato Whites -

~ Microwave or Bake Sweet Potato + Chunck Out Pieces

~ Chopped Egg Whites

~ Add Spinach

~ Light Ginger

Coconut Rice

~ Warm up Uncle Ben's Coconut Jasmine Rice

~ Steam or Warm Up Broccoli

~ CHOICE OF PROTEIN

~ Add Parsley flakes, light black pepper

~ Mix and Serve!

Salmon/Tuna & Egg Noodles -

~ Boil Noodles

~ Warm Crab Bites gently

~ Add Shredded or Sliced Carrots

~ Add Shredded or Sliced Cabbage

~ Add Minced Ginger(+ Coconut Milk for light creaminess)

~ Add Scrambled Eggs or Egg Whites

~ OPTIONAL: Add Pepitas

Almond + Coconut Yogurt -

~ Coconut Yogurt of your choice

~ Cut chunks of cantaloupe, honeydew or watermelon + put them in

~ Too watery? Add Almond milk or Unsweetened Applesauce

~ Add Honey

Banana Cream Mash -

~ Mash 1-2 Bananas (until mashed)

~ Add Spoonful of Coconut or Almond Yogurt

~ Add 1 Tablespoon of Almond Butter

~ Add Light sprinkle of Almonds, Walnuts, Granola or Pepitas

I have so much more! Please let me know if you have any questions or need any personally!

I'm sure we all feel like this, genuinely. But this is just me talking about it - I'm not perfect, no Christian is. We're gonna mess up, swear, even most pastors are either downright deplorable or hypocritical.

So, on a legitimate note, even after talking with God, and praying and tithing when I can, sharing testimonies how he's helped me? I don't think anything I've done is enough to get into Heaven or convince the Lord I'm worthy of it.

I feel bad for the sins I commit, and I'm struggling to separate myself from the world while ALSO living in it. There's so much to do from college, my career and aspirations, my job, my passions...

I listen to Biblical motivations, things as that. I know I'm not supposed to be perfect and yet it feels like I MUST be in order to save myself.

Venting is a sin, Worrying is a sin, Masterbation is a sin, all with good reason. But trying to align myself has felt like walking on a tight rope coated in needles. :/

That doesn't stop me from walking but, man does it hurt

I'll be alright, it's just one of those days.