u/Noodlesoup8

I had a great experience on my one and only trip. I have been sober since, my desire to drink completely left and never came back. Unfortunately my desire in general for things has also gone away. I am working on going to a real doctor to check my hormones and other potential reasons. I’m not depressed so that’s not it.

Just trying to rule out all options. Has anyone else experienced something similar? It happened around the same time so not sure if it’s correlated or is a cause.

Hi Austin,

I’m absolutely going to end up on the news for all the wrong reasons after doing this, I’m sure but hopefully I’m pleasantly surprised 😂

I have an extra seat for the mana concert in November here in Austin.

I’m looking to make a friend as no one I know is able to make it or would be forced to pretend to enjoy it if they came.

I’m mid-30’s F, outdoorsy, love games, aerials, scuba diving, love to travel. I have pets and no kids. I’m sober but don’t mind if you drink, I’m just not a sit at a bar girl either.

I’m married but my husband is in a class that week. I am not looking for a date, just a girlfriend to also enjoy the music and maybe make a new friend.

Hi Morgan and fellow two hot takers,

EDIT 2: I appreciate everyone’s advice, crap, support, input, etc. it’s given me a lot to think about but I’m seeing a lot of repetition and unhelpful comments now. I will check in once in a while but I’ve shut off notifications for now. Thank you all for your help.

EDIT: I want to put this at the top because I am thankful and appreciative of everyone’s beat down. I am realizing that my husband has not voiced a lot of his hurt and the extent of my harm to him but I am seeing it through everyone’s eyes. There are things he didn’t know how to voice, or I didn’t understand how they were conveyed.

I have had a good cry, texted to apologize again and will do so when we can speak in person. I love him and never meant to cause him this deep harm. I am hurting so deeply for him right now and feel so stupid and selfish and self-centered for not realizing this sooner. I did not realize the impact and that scares me too. I will not be resetting my clock for alcohol because im proud of what ive accomplished the last year but i realize that i still have a lot of work to do so i am adding Day 1 to overall substance sobriety. It’s not fair to anyone involved to deny that this level of fuxk up happened and that it was a relapse on its own.

OG post:

I’ve been listening to the show for years and never thought I’d need to post here.

I am hoping to get some insight from you guys on my impending divorce. I have been married 6 months, together for 4 years, in our 40’s.

For backstory I am in recovery from alcohol. I did not blow up my life but I was well on my way. I put my boyfriend now husband through quite a lot for a year as it got bad and I relapsed a lot that year. He is a normie and had a hard time understanding. He had to take me to the hospital once and I know this affected him tremendously and he loves me and worries for me. I went to a voluntary IOP right after and that was the last time I drank.

As of yesterday I have been sans alcohol for 11 months. I have not had issues with other substances previously and have not tried hard drugs, weed at most. I take at-home ketamine therapy for depression and anxiety.

I fucked up on Monday. I take full accountability for my fuck up. I took my dose at around 5-6pm. I had a weird experience, it felt heavy and cut off quickly at the end and it wasn’t sitting well and I didn’t feel right. I went to go to bed and was feeling like I would struggle to sleep and thought it would be a good idea to take a smaller dose (3-4 hours later). I am dumb and did not think that it would compound with that far of a time
spacing. It did and my personality shifted to that person he dislikes so much when I used to drink. The same stranger I become after consuming alcohol. It lasted about 30min-1 hour maybe? I eventually came down and we talked about what happened.

I am also aware I should not have taken more than my daily prescribed amount. The fear has been put into me and I will never do it again. I surrendered my medication to him, I left the next dosage package at the front for him to grab. I am happy to get off of it, or have him give out my dosage. Whatever he is most comfortable with.

He has asked me for a divorce because of this. He considers it a relapse because I became the same person as I was on alcohol. I do not see it that way. It was not a conscious choice as my intention was not to numb myself, get messed up in any way, and I will not be resetting my clock. But I acknowledge that I did become the same person and that this affected him the same way emotionally nonetheless and I am incredibly remorseful and sorry for what I put him through. I am willing to do what it takes to repair it.

He said I said it would never happen again. This is true and I have genuinely taken my sans alcohol journey seriously. I did not realize it was even a possibility for that switch to happen, for me to act the same way with ketamine or I never would have put myself in that situation.

I did not get the urge to pick up the next day or cover up my feelings. I am still sans alcohol, emotionally sober and that is what I work toward and consider recovery for myself. My drinking was a coping mechanism for overwhelming negative feelings and anxiety.

He feels like I’m the love of his life but feels he has no choice, that if he forgives this that I will try to get away with anything and that I assume he will forgive me for anything I do in the future. That I will commit relapses and transgressions because I know he will forgive me again.

I do not feel that way. I feel like any mistake I make, conscious or not is grounds for divorce. I have no interest in relapse. I also feel like marriage is about working through issues and when he stuck with me through my recovery journey, I thought we were on the same page. It was a worry of mine that he would not be able to do this when we got married because his thinking can be very black and white as a method of self-preservation.

That said, I will obviously respect his choice. I am planning my next steps as I am assuming we are going through with the divorce.

I never intend to do things that hurt him but I am human and make mistakes. I do learn from them. I know I will always have to work at recovery and I know taking any substance is a touchy subject in the recovery community, so I am not looking for guidance on that.

My sponsor has always been aware of what I take, I have always been open with her. I trust her guidance immensely. I called her the next morning and was clear and honest about what had happened. We then met in person the day after that. She agrees with me on my clock and believes it was not conscious or intended.

Psychedelics helped me get sober initially and I am hoping to become an integration specialist or be involved in the therapeutic psychedelic community in some way because it has had such a profound positive impact on my life. My anxiety is incredibly reduced, depression gone, and in recovery. I am grateful, regardless of what happens.

My husband knows I listen to this all the time, and love to hang on Reddit so he suggests I drop this in here because he feels he is in the right and I am not understanding. I will share this thread with him for accuracy and will take whatever judgment comes my way.