u/NotJESSEER

I have a really hard time making thumbnails, and not sure when I need to jump off them to a new one? I have videos that range from 10% to as low as 2%.

I made a new video based off a game I had played recently. Feel free to check it out if you're into gaming and please give me any feedback!

I just made this video after playing Subliminal, with a ton of criticism and praise for the game. I want to get more in the Video Essay sphere since I have a blast making longer-form content trying to convey my thoughts/thesis on a game. Take a look if you're into gaming and please any feedback you have with the video.

So I have a channel that has been all over the map. Gaming content with friends, CoD montages, to Rust tutorials, a ton of video-essay style content, and like 2 IRL videos (just making fun of set-up videos that were popular a while back). Now recently I started uploading videos again, but previously what was really successful were the Tutorial videos and one long-form on World of Tanks... Recently to kick-start the channel again I made a video nearly 4 years later about what they did to improve over time. It's been doing really well and already is in the top 5 for my videos all time which begs the question: Can a gaming channel succeed making a few forms of content? I'm not making tutorials anymore, but I enjoy making funny edits for coop games, long-form video essays, etc. A previous creator that exploded recently dmed me that he has different 'series' in which viewers can binge their content if they like a specific variation. I don't want to get into a hole of a specific game, rather I want people to enjoy my long-form content on a flurry of different games OR my shorter form funny edits/lets play type-deal.

Is this trying to split the attention up too much? Should I make a separate channel for the other content? I feel as if I'm at a crossroads with content and want to capitalize on recent increase in viewership. Also current pipeline for me is I have a 'lets play' style video done, and working on a long-form video that mirrors the popular one & unsure which one to release right now.

I just spent a fair amount of time editing a gaming video (8-10 hours). Not asking to watch the whole thing or subscribe. Just take a look at it and let me know if there's anything glaringly wrong with the editing or something I might be missing (bad hook, storytelling, etc). ESPECIALLY if you're in the gaming niche too, I'd love constructive criticism.

Here's the first part that happened Friday night (5.29)

Update:

She called, pretty friendly and up-beat tone regarding how my day is going. I was not happy, and told her about how she hurt me and what she said. She says "I know, but I have a long drive back (company car from that morning work event I mentioned earlier) and wanted to hear about your day". I quickly mentioned what she said and let her know I'm still thinking about how I want to tackle this.

So we ended up meeting and talking at her place (her car battery had died and needed to be repaired) and it was extremely hard to pry out what we wanted to do. At first she was saying 'I was being a poop' which is what she says whenever shes being cold/mean and hugged me. But wanting to breakup with me not 20 hrs ago and now hugging me like we disagreed about something insignificant didn't sit right with me.

I told her I loved her for who she was, and I'm not here to be her babysitter. I told her the same options as the night before, that she can continue doing what she did before we started dating, or make changes and meet each other in the middle. Take life a little more seriously, be better with timing, get better sleep when possible, and have goals.

Brief pauses and then she said "You are worth it. I guess I just like sabotaging my own relationships because I like to feel bad about myself. Then I feel bad afterwards since I know I'm hurting someone. But thank you, I know I need to take life seriously and life is too short". She also mentioned she didn't like missing out on talking to her bike friends more since I told her about the dinner reservation (which she could've said 'I wanted to talk with my bike friends after the ride' but she didnt and held it over me). She went on to say her community outreach programs she has been apart of are the only reasons she didn't commit self-harm or worse was because of groups like the one shes in (which she also never told me about before then).

I reminded her it is a two-way street. I need to be more available to go out, but I asked if she could compromise and instead of being out until 3 am, to instead be out till 12 or 1 am so I can at least keep a similar sleep schedule with my earlier work hours. She at first was upset, being like "what if I went to the gym 2 days a week with you and you stayed out with me super late once a week". I told her that I am trying to meet you halfway here, that I didn't expect her to go to the gym 5 days a week like me, nor do I want to be out till 3 am on a sat. I felt ok with talking about this, but she never full spoke with vindication and I ended up doing most of the talking about what both of us could do. I finally mentioned that I will not go out every time with her, and I needed her to know that she's going to have to accept it and not resent me for it. If not, then that's ok but this relationship probably won't work out. Very little feedback from her but she seemed happy thinking about things she needed to do for the future.

I first felt relieved that she is willing to make that change, but then something she said made me feel uncomfortable.

'I guess I just like sabotaging my own relationships because I like to feel bad about myself. Then I feel bad afterwards since I know I'm hurting someone.'

Meaning she has done this before, and now I can't help but feel she'll do it again.

I know making changes is an up-hill battle. It took me ghosting my friend group, long car rides to work listening to self-help books, money management pods, going to the gym and running for exercise and not for an escape, and I still feel like I barely scratched the surface for what it is to get my priorities straight. I'm having a hard time seeing her change and I fear the pressure will get to her, even with all my cheerleading, to get her there.

More over, she later said "If you could be more rough with me in bed, call be *insert derogatory word*, and violate me, I feel I won't sabotage as much".

Isn't this manipulation? Am I being a manipulator by trying to change some of her habits? Usually when you have one of these talks after a serious arguement warranting a breakup, both parties should talk, see if they're willing to make changes or if they should seperate. As much as either option could hurt or feel better, I always felt some kind of closure, either way, with previous arguments.

This one I felt more uncertain about since it took her so long to say what she wanted to say or rather what maybe she thought I wanted to hear.

I don't know what to do, but I do love this woman. Shes nice, funny, super pretty, makes me feel wanted (like 99% of the time), and I feel very connected to her. And she seems to love me, because despite everything that had happened above, and our lifestyle differences, she still comes over to me to hang out and go to bed early, cheers for me when something happens at work, makes me feel wanted.

But also I've only had 4 real gfs my whole life, and ranging from 4 months to over a year. Am I settling? Is she settling for someone shes comfy with?

So quick backstory to get to know myself first, I feel as if I am bit more mature or introverted as I never really cared to go to big events, do a ton of extracurriculars, and being independent has big part in my life. However, I don't like how I turn in circles having the same schedule of work, gym, rec sport, gaming, repeat & thought a partner would help me get out of my shell. I've noticed with the 3 total gfs in my life I've had, have all taught me things about myself or what I want which I'm absolutely grateful for.

Fast-forward to now, where I'm dating someone who likes to do other hobbies than I do. Biking, going to house music events, staying out late, etc. I enjoy her wanting to bring me out, and I told her were my boundaries were with staying out (as I wake up early for work). She is a very dependent type so she usually wants someone out with her or with her to do things at her place: chores, exercise, etc. She often is late to things, doesn't get good sleep, doesn't see a ton of long-term goals in her future, and is very playful. I, on the other hand, have 5-year plans, track my diet, make sure to get good sleep, be responsible with money, etc. So we're opposite with that side of our lifestyles, but we do have similiar ideas of a traditional couple, both want kids, both have similar ideas of what success is, and want to cherish each other. All-in-all, we're definitely not the same person, but we love each other and care deeply about one another. We've been dating for over 3 months, and both interested in something long-term as well.

So let's get to the event that transpired last night which triggered me to write this today.

Earlier this week, gf told me she wanted to go to a big bike event since she hadn't been to one in a while. I, who enjoys biking but never the social aspect of it, agreed and was excited to meet some of her other friends. GF then messaged a day before our bike ride that she wanted to see a house music rooftop party after our ride, a little bit later in the night. She had also mentioned she wanted to try a new restaurant so I wanted to surprise her after the ride with a table reservation (but I did tell her earlier in the week that I planned a dinner reservation and told her dress code, just a surprise on where it was).

Biking:

She got there late yesterday, so we biked just the two of us and met up with the big group near the end so she could say hi. She seemed a little bummed out about being late but I mentioned we'll see them at the end and we can bike just the two of us. Skipping to meeting up with the group, she was introducing me to a few of the ppl she knew and talking to her boss of a non-profit she works part-time for and all positive things. At the end of the ride, her boss offered to go get a drink but I mentioned I had a dinner reservation and we could ride another time. She seemed visibly upset but started pedaling back anyways.

Dinner:

Dinner was good, we had some good convos about work, how her week was, talked a bit about childhood shows since the place had Avatar the Last Airbender playing on a TV. We shared a mixed drink that was like a pitcher, and she seemed to perk up a bit. The only read flag was the end, I made the reservation but she immediately pulled out her card and paid. Now we're a 80% I pay 20% she pays kind of relationship (which I don't mind treating my S/O) and especially since I made the plan. So I became a little anxious but in my brain I'm like "Well this either means she's extremely upset at me or she felt bad about being late/happy I came with her to bike ride".

House Rooftop party:

We get there, and she mentions "we'll stay here for an hour, and then I want to go home because I have to be up early for a work event at 5 am" so I make note of this with the time. Pretty busy rooftop but enough space to gyrate your hips and do that half dance thing where you like the music but kind of suck at dancing so I was chill. Gf saw a couple of her house enjoyer friends that and introduced me. I'm not a terribly social guy but they all seemed really nice, made some small talk, and it was cool. However, my gf would walk around this event dancing, and talking, with everyone but me. In my mind, maybe she just wants to let loose and relax with her friends she doesn't see so I didn't have a huge worry with it. Plus I can talk to some of her other friends and listen to the music to enjoy my time there too. The hour passes, I remind her, and she looks back at me and says "I'm not too far from my car, I can go home separately, it's sleepy time for you". First off, we took my car, your car is still at the restaurant which is like a 30 min walk in a city & secondly I have off every Sat and Sun so I say back "you told me to remind you, I don't need to be up as early as you, don't be weird about it". Sleepy time is something she refers to any time past 11 since I told her during weekdays that's the latest I will stay up and tend to fall asleep at. Those words, triggered the same flag when we ate, And the more I was thinking about it and the longer we were out there and she was pretty much ignoring me, the more I was upset with how she was acting. She makes the decision to head out, doesn't wave to me but she left her bag so I grabbed it and came with her.

Drive Back:

Drive back was very quiet, but I let her know I liked the music and her friends were really nice. She was very minimal with her responses but 'maybe she was just tired' I thought.

I park next to her car, she looks at me, says thank you, and kisses me. I felt a weird vibe the whole night but I said "drive safe, and love you" (since we say love you to each other all the time). She didn't say anything and shut the door.

After about a min of driving she calls me and said she couldn't say it in person, but she wants to break up with me. She said she does truly love me and doesn't want to change me. Then I asked where this was coming from. She stated "You're funny, you have your life together, you're on-time to everything, you manage your money, you care about what you eat, you have a good job... And I don't know...I'm none of those things. I mean you're so smart you make me feel like a r*tard unintentionally. I know you've been looking to change parts of your life for me, but I don't want you to, because you are amazing".

I told her "I'm not perfect, I have made so many mistakes in my life and some can be forgiven and some can't. Don't put on a pedestal when we all go through different things. You're very observant, kind, you have a glow that I love. However in my opinion, relationships should be compromises both ways, and if two people truly love each other and want to make an effort without crossing boundaries, I don't see a reason why we can't. You know I have been making an effort, going to events more often, trying to plan more date nights with you. I'm doing these things because I want to be with you and want to do things together". "Do you think this relationship, and making an effort to be more on time, to get your money in order, to stay out till 1 am with me on a sat vs 3 am, to meet half way isn't worth it"?

She said "You are worth it, you've been an amazing guy for me, but I feel like you deserve more".

I responded "Where is this coming from? I never had mentioned anything like this to you, and I already told you I love you right now, not what I could potentially love if you make those changes".

A lot of this kind of talk ended up happening for 10 minutes, then I said "Listen, it's late, let's sleep on this. If you want to continue what you were doing before we met, and prefer a partner that wants to be out late, going to every event with you, and being spontaneous, then that's fine. If you want to make an effort, as I had been, to meet in the middle and keep this relationship, I'm willing to be here, as you bf and cheerleader".

A few more minutes later I was talking to her about how I broke up with my first gf, I was unhappy with myself and my brain thought cutting her off was a good idea and ended up regretting and I feared that may have been happening to her.

Then nothing but silence.......

She passed out on our phone call.

She has some mental things going on, Bipolar is the big one. Not medicated, mostly since she doesn't like how she feels while taking it.

I'm not sure what to make of this, I feel as if I remind her of the responsibilities she neglects and doesn't feel comfortable confronting them.

Sorry for grammar if there are errors, I'm trying to type while fresh in my mind and hopefully this isn't too horribly written.

Open to all comments, and has anyone else experienced this? and how did it turn out?