u/Odd_Distribution5235

Hi! I don’t know if these type of posts are allowed in this community. But I’m looking for prayer and advice from my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. My apologies for such a long post!

3 months ago my fiancé (he is 23 yrs old and I am 24) and partner of 4 years broke off our engagement to pursue Roman Catholicism the day before Valentine’ Day. He did so unexpectedly after lying multiple times about his addiction with porn and whenever I found out he’d lied multiple times & asked if we could postpone the wedding to rebuild trust. I always tried my best to be supportive and forgiving with the Lord’s love and grace. I even told him that the dishonesty bothered me more than the porn (though that was hurtful too). Our wedding was planned for this June. The week of the breakup, more and more lies kept surfacing and it scared me that he had lied for so long and even told me that week that he’d made things right with God and had been sending me scripture and then a few days later I found out he’d lied again. He said he didn’t want to wait to get married. He said we weren’t postponing. He told me I never acted like i wanted to be with him regardless of denomination, like I didn’t love him unconditionally and had given him stipulations. We have been conservative protestants our whole lives. He had been in college when I’d met him and studied theology during all that time and went back and forth between Catholics, Reformed Baptist, Orthodox, Anglican, Presbyterian…it always bothered me and I asked him to please settle his beliefs before we were married because I wanted us to be spiritually aligned in our beliefs and didn’t want to start out in marriage or raising a family with any type of division. I wasn’t totally against switching denominations, but wanted to be in agreement and make sure it was God guiding us into whatever we did. I prayed about it for years. He even admitted he knew he had been unstable and apologized multiple times. I struggle with OCD/scrupulosity. All this theology tension made my fears worse and caused me to have doubts about our relationship. Now I’m afraid maybe it is one of the factors of why he left. But he told me that my OCD never bothered him and to call him anytime and that I could always talk to him. Eventually, he told me he had resolved his beliefs and felt uneasy about Catholicism and the Orthodox Church and believe the papacy to be a circular argument (he was always arguing from a logical perspective). There are many beautiful things I love about both of their traditions. But I cannot reconcile a lot of their dogmas and beliefs, especially about Marian dogmas and the papacy (among other things).

We were engaged Thanksgiving, 2025. He and I had been inseparable since we had met years ago and were absolute best friends. We had a house his father had built for us, I just bought a wedding dress a week before he ended things and he even asked to put me on his phone plan…we had a whole future we had dreamed of and planned for years. Dreams of being married and having a home and family together. We both wanted a traditional marriage and life and had so many similar goals, desires and beliefs. So the day of the breakup, out of nowhere (whenever I was asking him to be honest about anything once I found out he was lying) he said he still couldn’t stop thinking about the Catholics. I was shocked and told him he knew how I felt about them, but that he was free to do whatever he wanted, and I didn’t want him to think I was trying to hold him back, but that I was confused because he had told me recently he had decided against it. So then he spoke up and said if I couldn’t go down that road with him, we couldn’t be together. He acted so strangely and cold the whole time while I was upset and kept telling me to calm down. I’ve found out now he has had a falling out with his father over the Catholic beliefs, too. I’m so concerned for him. I just don’t understand—if he says he is following his conscience and God in this, then how can he have lied to me and broken all his promises and commitments so coldly and made such a big decision in an instant? I don’t understand. I believe I’m where God wants me to be and I trust Him with all my heart. But I have been struggling and questioning whether I did the right thing or not. I still miss him so much and love him. But in the end, he treated me terrible. He even told me later on that I had showed a lack of commitment when I had asked to postpone and that it freaked him out. I was just trying to be wise and didn’t want to start out our marriage that way. He said he is looking for a different approach to marriage and whenever I asked what type of approach, he said ”I guess just more commitment“. I am not perfect and I fail every day. But I have stood by him for 4 yrs while he was in college, through every test, through looking for a job and all his studies. He had asked me to wait for him and promised to marry him and led me to believe he would. He said he couldn’t imagine life without me, that I was the love of his life, etc.

He has now told me to move on and that the future is bright for me. I even found out he is also convinced a couple of his cousins to start attending church with him. Neither of the cousins have been faithful to church attendance for years. I just don’t understand how someone can change on a dime like this and abandon someone so coldly. He has treated me like an absolute stranger since it happened. We’re now in no contact and haven’t talked for a month now, since that’s what he said he wants. He told me he was sorry “if” he hurt me or my family and that was never his intention that he has to “follow the path he has to follow”. When I told him of course I forgive him and was also so sorry for anything I had done, he said “thank you for forgiveness“ and that he forgave me too….but he‘s not even acting like the man I knew for so long. 😞❤️ again, I’m sorry for the long post.

Any advice and encouragent would be much appreciated.

My apologies as this is a long post. My ex fiancé ended our relationship almost 3 months ago. It was very unexpected and a shock to both of our families. I’m now 24, he’s 23. We had been together for 4 years, and had loved each other so much. We‘d had trouble off and on again because of his theological studies which were all over the place—one month he decided to remain where we were, which is conservative Baptists. Then months later he would tell me he was studying orthodoxy or Catholicism. Anglicans, reformed baptists…the list goes on. The one he always seemed most focused on was Roman Catholics. I made it clear from the beginning of our relationship that I did not agree with their doctrine and asked him to become settled and that he was free to do what he wanted but that I didn’t want to start out in marriage divided in any beliefs. We had a million conversations over it all. I have OCD and scrupulosity. So i was always struggling with doubts about being in God’s will and doubtful of being in this relationship. I feel so terrible now because I am sure it hurt him, but he was always so patient with me and told me I could talk to him any time and said it didn’t bother him one bit. Especially with a lot of the instability his studies and questions and switching back and forth only added to my fears. But I did study and learn more about Catholics and realized I was wrong on some things about them. I tried to be supportive to him and prayed for him and his studies. But I ultimately could not reconcile some doctrines of theirs that I couldn’t agree with and also I had zero peace. He later told me he felt the same and that he’d finally become settled on it & had felt uneasy about it himself and that we wouldn’t become Catholic.

He proposed to me in November, graduated college in December. We had a house and everything. We set the wedding for June this year and we already had a venue, a photographer, invitations, a lot of furniture and he even went and put me on his phone plan (his own idea) and also bought me a new phone. We were committed in just about every way. We constantly talked about the day we would finally be together and how we couldn’t wait. We both shared the same dreams and goals and wanted a big family and a traditional marriage and both respected and loved each other and the biblical roles of husbands and wives. We had waited years to get married. We were so excited and were each other‘s best friends and first loves. Then in February, I found out he’d been dishonest with me over pornography. Almost 2 yrs before he had confessed an addiction to it and I had forgiven him and he promised he was through with it and had repented and that God had freed him from it. He even made me an accountability partner on an app. I know this is a very common struggle for Christians, especially men. I gave him support and tried to help him be accountable and was always checking on him and he always told me he was doing fine. But fast forward to this year and he confessed he had still struggled with it the whole time. even while we were engaged. Lie after lie kept coming up. I kept finding out more details he’d kept hidden from me. It really scared and hurt me, but I forgave him again and asked him to not lie anymore. To me, the lying was the real issue, not the porn (although that did hurt me). But I asked him if we could postpone and he said no. He didn’t want to. So even though I was uncomfortable about it, I agreed to go forward. But I found out in only a matter of days later that he’d lied again. So I said for sure that we were postponing this time. This scared him and he asked me if I was going to be able to marry him? I told him I loved him and never wanted to leave him, but that we needed to work on rebuilding trust.. But that i was just having a hard time. Then out of the blue whenever I asked him if there was anything else he wasn’t being honest about, he says he’d never stopped thinking about the Catholics. Which I was not expecting. I was so stressed out. I told him he knew how I felt about them, but that if he felt like I was holding him back that he was free to go. So while driving me home, he takes my hand and suddenly says “We can’t be together. It‘s not because of you. You’re a beautiful person. It’s just if you can’t go down that road with me, we can’t be together.” And like that he broke up with me.

I was shocked and he was so emotionless and cold. He kept telling me to calm down as I sobbed. I had even gotten my wedding dress 1 week before. He kept calmly saying it was going to be okay. My parents tried talking to him and he was mostly silent the whole time and just kept saying he couldn’t stop thinking about the Catholics with a strange look in his eyes. He left and whenever I texted and asked for closure, he said he didn’t want to talk about it. Then a month ago he texts me and tells me I can take my phone to a different carrier. He tells me he’s moving forward with Catholicism and also that whenever I asked him to postpone that I was showing a lack of commitment and cold feet. And he also said was looking for a different approach to marriage—one with more commitment. I have been with him and stood by his side for 4 years. All through his years in college. Through all his tests, in finding a job. He had asked me to wait for him. Then he finally proposed and dumps me 2 months later after being dishonest with me. I also texted him a letter in which I poured my heart out and told him to be sure he was seeking the Lord and how he wasn’t acting like the man I had known for the past few years. I even said I’m not trying to get you to change your mind, but it scares me that you can treat me like this after all we’ve been through and to make sure He sought the Lord and that I loved and missed him. The only response I got was “I hope you find the man you’re looking for”.

How can someone be so cold after telling me days before I was his one and only? He just told me he just has to follow his conscience and that I and my family will see he is right in time. He explained that the reason he’d been cold during the breakup was because he thought one of us had to be strong and that he’s sorry if he hurt me.

He said that the future is bright for me and to just move onto other things…but I am so heartbroken and devastated. I lost so much. I lost my best friend, the future we planned for years and my future in laws whom I was so close to. I miss him so much and i keep asking God to help me. I try to keep trusting Him and I pray His will be done even if it isn’t what I want. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move on from this and I’m struggling with depression. He‘s the love of my life, even though i know he treated me wrongly in the end. I just love him so much still and it hurts me to know he could break all his promises to me and abandon me and none of it has seemed to even phase him. i also blame myself because of my OCD. I believe I’m where God wants me. But it still hurts so much and i keep finding myself wanting to text him or hear from him, even though we’ve been in no contact for a month already. Please pray for me and for him. Any advice is appreciated!

TLDR: My Protestant fiancé of 4 years left me to become a Catholic after I found out he was being dishonest with me and has treated me like a stranger since the breakup. Any encouragement and advice appreciated 🩷